Liminal Beings
by SarasaOfTheSteppe
Summary: We've all heard the story of Namikaze Minato, but what of his teammate's? In an effort to heal the dissonance between mind, body, and spirit, a misplaced soul attempts to record the life of a shinobi -one which Konoha wanted to forget.
1. Mine

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 2, 2019.**

* * *

The light filtering through the canopy of cedars falls across my arms in such a way that each needle is projected onto the pale limbs. The stenciled pattern of shade and light, though appearing like ink on parchment, does not move with the canvas of my skin. I flip my arms over and then over again, mesmerized by the motifs playing across.

The sky between the disparate boughs is that bright shade of blue that can only be seen as summer fades and a cool wind stirs the chimes hanging from the eaves of our hermitage. Even this far into the woods I can hear them, so isolated are we. Leaves drift by, susurrating gently and joining the orchestra of the forest.

I take a deep breath.

Ikkyu was right. It does smell of autumn.

These are mine.

These moments stolen during brief spans of lucidity. They are not the muddied remembrances of a life I never actually lived; neither are they the flawed, patchwork impressions formed by my scrambling soul in competition with a mind alongside which it didn't grow.

These are mine.

Ikkyu is, too. I'm fairly certain. And our hermitage. I equally, if begrudgingly, treasure the tedious hours spent in meditation –though I would never admit as much to Ikkyu lest he gets it into his mind to have me do more.

The Cat, he is hers. And so are the calisthenics I do whenever I manage to rouse myself from my bedroll after another episode. Muscles slip over bones and limbs fall easily, gracefully, from one stretch to the next. It often feels more like a dance than an exercise; like knowing the lyrics to a song so well that you don't even have to think about what comes next.

All the while, the Cat watches with hooded eyes from the comfort of the porch –not quite lazily, but as if he has observed the routine for a long, long time. I know this to be the truth, not only because of the persistent shades of memory that coalesce each time I do them, but also in the flick of the Cat's tail and a narrowing of eyes whenever I miss a step or fail to transition seamlessly.

Pine needles poke into the soles of my feet and the sap which leaks between gaps in the rough bark leave a sticky residue on my palms.

The heavy beat of a bird in flight sounds overheard.

A crow's call, somewhere in the forest.

The wind blows again and the air is sweet and thick with scent.

The forest creaks.

Memories, unbidden, float to the surface. Red, red hair. A cave. Trees with leaves of glass. They attempt occlude this moment, take it from me.

No.

Wrists like wind chimes.

No.

I plant my feet, feel the chill in my toes. I scrape my fingers in the bark and watch the trees sway above. I breathe deep, like Ikkyu taught me.

These are mine.


	2. Into the Black

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 2, 2019.**

* * *

Darkness.

Two breaths.

The strike of a match.

A teardrop flame sparks into life in the space between us. It burns orange and red and yellow and blue and consumes that which gives it life, the thin wood withering to black.

Somehow Ikkyu appears younger in this light. The sum of his years, scored in the wrinkles upon his face, are swallowed by the darkness.

Two breaths.

"Are you ready?" His voice like river stones echoes around the cavern. It feels as if the whole world, just as dark and unknown as the cave, is asking me.

Are you ready?

"Yes." The word comes out reedy and nearly inaudible. Instead of echoing throughout the black, surrounding us as Ikkyu's voice did, my answer is smothered by it.

Ikkyu pays this no mind. He knows as well as I do that these moments of lucidity are limited and must be taken advantage of. Already, the ache is rising from that fathomless chasm which separates her and me.

The monk takes my hand, helps me step into the water. Somehow, it is warm. Orange candle light reflects off the ripples, in stark contrast to the inky black pool. The stone beneath my feet is not as slippery as I expected.

When I am submerged to my waist, I turn and catch Ikkyu's gaze. I hold it until he nods. With a quick pinch of his fingers, the old man snuffs out the light and we are in true, deep darkness. Should I lift my hand in front of my face, I would not see it.

"Lean back."

I do. Floating requires no effort. The water buoys me at the surface.

High salt content, my mind tells me.

No. I must focus.

I match my breath to Ikkyu's somewhere in the darkness. We have practiced this for weeks, he's told me. My mind, prone to wandering, must not get lost in the muddied waters of her memories.

I must focus.

Ikkyu waits, as still and patient as ever, until I nearly forget he is there. Until I nearly forget that I am floating in the bowels of a mountain. For a moment, a brief, wondrous moment, I am alone.

I am alone.

I have shed her fleshy cage and tumultuous memories. My soul is free to just be.

I am.

So, when Ikkyu finally speaks, I barely notice it. But my mind, having trained for this moment through hours of rigorous meditation, is pulled by the current of his voice, steady and sure.

I do not fight against the sensation of drifting away.

"Let us begin," with your very first moment in this world…


	3. Beginnings

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 2, 2019.**

* * *

"

Wrong.

I was wrong. Terribly and profoundly wrong.

Not in the sense of something I believed, nor was it because of something I did.

Me.

Like trying to place a square peg in a round hole or force a puzzle piece to fit where it didn't belong, there were spaces where my soul did not conform to my mind or to my skin.

This is what woke me. It was not the thrumming sound of waves or the warm red glow, but the wrongness of me.

I gasped with the shock of it.

My lungs filled with some indefinable substance and coughs immediately racked my body. I struggled to catch my breath, twisted and turned and writhed but there wasn't enough room for my body, like there wasn't enough room for my soul and nothing fit.

I don't know which was greater, the torturous crush of my body or the agony as my mind and soul warred.

Remotely, I was aware of my body being lifted, pulled, and maneuvered through a space that was just too small and there were voices that spoke with distant, garbled words, as unfamiliar to my soul as this body.

"

I surge from the water, coughing on air. The darkness is impossibly loud. It clamors with the sound of my hacking and wretched gasps.

It feels as if the cavern beats in time with my heart. Rapid. Squeezing.

"Child."

I hold my breath. Exhale with Ikkyu's. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Slowly, tortuously, my heart comes to a resting pace.

"…I'm sorry, Ikkyu."

"What has caused you to react so?"

I shake my head and then remember that Ikkyu cannot see it. Water drips down the sheath of my hair, into the water. "I don't know."

But I do have an idea. It is disorienting, being in this place. My ever-present headache –which is more like a soul-ache in that I can feel it from my head to my toes, in the blood that rushes through my veins, and even in that strange, tingling energy that flows beneath my skin– vines its way between the spaces of her and me.

It is poison.

And I feel as if I have failed.

All those days. All those hours.

"Wasted," I whisper. The word is consumed by the darkness.

"They were not." His words, stern in nature, are meant to be a comfort. Ikkyu believes this. "How do you feel?"

I close my eyes, though it is not necessary. There is no difference in the darkness. I imagine myself approaching the edge of my soul and peer down into the chasm where her memories swirl and undulate. It is nearly impossible to make sense of them, like looking at a watercolor painting that has had water spilled all over it. The sights and sounds and smells all blend together with only a few pieces left clear and untouched.

They are higher than they were before we began. Closer to spilling over.

"Not long."

But that is still something. And I know what Ikkyu will ask of me. I did not want to do this in the first place. I wanted to make memories of my own. All that belongs to me in this life is Ikkyu and our hermitage and the Cat. But even he belonged to her.

Ikkyu has told me it will not work. Pushing her out. I cannot override the memories of this body. He says I can sort through them, make sense of them. And only then can I move on.

I lay back anyway, feel my limbs rise to the surface with no effort at all.

It takes longer this time, to reach that place where only I am.

But the moment I reach it, Ikkyu knows it and like a river, he pulls me along.

"

What do you hear?

A thrumming, like waves or when you put your ear to a seashell… And voices. But they're muffled, as if I'm hearing them through water.

Are you?

Maybe. I'm floating and it's warm and the air or space or water… I don't know what it is, but it vibrates in time with the thrumming.

Do you recognize any of the voices?

Not really, no.

(Except one…)

How do you feel?

Warm. Nervous. Something is different.

(I fidget.)

What is different?

The thrumming is faster than normal and the… stuff I've been floating in is gone and it's so tight.

(And I'm being squeezed.)

How long does this last?

(Not long. Or forever.)

I'm not sure. But it's so bright. I can't see anything.

(It's loud and cold and I'm being pulled and it hurts.)

The stuff that feels so cold and so dry fills me and- I can't- can't-

Breathe, child. In through your nose –good, and out through your mouth. Again. In. Out. You are safe. It is just a memory. A memory of your birth.

Not my birth.

…Hers, then. Can you see anything?

No –maybe. Not well.

(There's just so much.)

Colors and shapes and they all sort of blend together. But… there is one thing. Eyes. They're dark and remind me of when I was safe and warm.

Your mother?

I- yes. I suppose. I remember them. From other memories-

(Eyes like night never really looking at me. Above or below. To the side. Sometimes, through. But never at me. It makes this memory feel special.)

We will come back to her, later. What do you feel as you look into the eyes?

My side is warm and she holds me tight, shades my eyes against the lights and colors and shapes. She whispers, as if she knows I'm hurting, and… I don't know. It feels like we both wish I were back in the space where it was dark and safe and warm…

"

When I come to, the orange candlelight is reflecting off the pool once more. I am crouched at the edge of the pool, a blanket across my shoulders.

I do not remember getting out.

Nothing between the woman who is this body's mother and now. She held me against her breast so long, shaded my eyes and whispered in my ear.

Stories. I know that was what she was telling me. I know.

I blink. Pinch the bridge of my nose and breathe. Like Ikkyu taught me when the tide of memories threatens to pull me under. We have to return to the hermitage first. I cannot have an episode in this place. Ikkyu, with skin like crepe paper and bones of twigs, would not be able to carry me.

The light of the ember reflected in Ikkyu's eyes draws my attention immediately.

"You did well, child… It is remarkable."

I force myself to focus on his words and stand. Ikkyu threads my hand into the crook of his arm. We begin to walk out of the cavern. "What is?"

"Not her memory, necessarily. But your recollection of it. Your first memory of this life and hers are quite similar."

My head pounds and body aches. I do not have the energy to understand what Ikkyu is saying. "Why is that remarkable?"

Ikkyu hums. "Indeed," though it is not an answer. "I suppose we will see, in time."

He is quiet.

Two breaths.

My eyes droop.

"You must be tired, child. Such journeys take quite a bit of energy."

I can only nod, the weight of exhaustion pulls my body down.

"Just a bit further, child. We are almost there."


	4. An Ending

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 2, 2019.**

* * *

Ikkyu stands over me.

This feels familiar.

His features are washed blue by the light of the moon. He smiles with his entire face –the wrinkles around his eyes and nose and mouth become deeper and even his ears wiggle a little.

He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me into a sitting position. Ikkyu is strong for someone so old. Though, I suppose, I do not know how old he is. It is difficult to tell sometimes.

I do not understand what is happening, most of my mind is still asleep. I am groggy and confused and can't recall the 'when' much less the 'why'. But Ikkyu is familiar. I will always remember him. Like the sun shining through the depths of the ocean, I can follow his light to the surface. Because of him I know which way is up.

"Child," he draws my attention. "Tell me of her last moments."

"Wha'?" My voice is slurred even to my own ears.

"Do not think of anything other than her last moments. Her final memory," he urges.

This is Ikkyu and though I am too tired to understand, I trust him. My gaze travels the span of the hut, not really noticing anything.

The Cat, awake, brushes against my arm. I look at him and he, back at me. His eyes flash in the moonlight…

"

His whiskers twitch.

The world paints itself around him; colors and shapes coalesce to form a picture. This world has been turned on its side. We are at eye level, the Cat and I. From this angle, it looks as if he is walking on the wall. He approaches me, licks my nose. Gives a little whine.

A noise. Behind me. I cannot see from where it comes. The Cat darts away. His paws are wet and red and it worries me. Is he hurt, too?

But no, it is mine. Triumph courses through what little blood I have left. I've succeeded. He can heal but not replenish and it is only a matter of minutes before my body begins to shut down.

Already, it has become difficult to breathe.

A touch on my shoulder. The hand is soft but not at all gentle. My heart pounds but my blood is sluggish beneath my skin. The hand is joined by another, lifting me into the air.

"What have you done?" He demands. Like the skin of his hands, his voice is smooth. Yet unkind. When I do not respond, the man shakes me. My limbs flop, out of my control, and my head lolls.

I can see him now. He is beautiful. Unnatural. I want to cry, just looking at him.

"Orochimaru-sama?" another voice inquires.

"Prepare a cask." The man does not even look at the other person. He sets me down, my arm flops listlessly from the edge.

A table.

Panic.

Old, drawn from my memories.

Not again. Never again.

But I am too far gone, I try to assure myself. There is not enough time for him to perform other experiments.

I can see the rest of the room now, the place where I'd lain on the floor. A pool of blood congeals on the floor. The Cat licks at my fingertips with his sandpaper tongue as they hang from the table. I hope he stays hidden. I do not know what this madman will do if he notices my companion.

Orochimaru, his name slithers through my mind, pulls a box from a cupboard, sets it on the counter by the table. He watches me watch him. How much practice has he had preparing for whatever it is he is planning?

He removes the gown I am wearing, so similar to the ones they provide at the hospital. My arm twitches, because old habits die hard and I do not want this man looking at my bare body.

But he does not even blink. Beneath his gaze, I am not a person. I am an experiment.

A means to an end.

Orochimaru begins injecting shots into the veins at my neck, attaches long tubes to my arms.

I am so close.

My breaths are gasping.

The edges of my vision fade to black.

What is he doing?

I want to scream.

His aide rolls a gurney into my field of vision and around to the other side of the table. My eyes follow him until he is out of sight. The tube on that gurney looks so familiar, like-

No!

 _No!_

I know what he is doing and I want to fight, scream, do something. But I have ruined my chance.

I should have cut deeper, sooner.

It would have only taken a few more minutes!

And it's like Orochimaru can read my thoughts because he smirks, a twisted, foul thing. "You know what comes next, so an explanation would be wasteful –I never waste what is valuable."

No, no, nonono! No!

I picture the other specimens, immobile, frozen in some substance I do not understand. They are not dead; neither do they live. They are subject to his every whim.

His aide lifts my limp body, places it in the cask. Though it looks so much like a coffin, I know it will only prolong this miserable existence.

If only…

My gasps turn to pants and Orochimaru reaches in. He traces a finger around my eyes. "Do not worry, my dear. The only thing to fear in life is death, and I am saving you from it. I am giving you a sort of immortality. You should be thanking me." His smile is not a smile.

The aide fiddles with the tubes. He closes the lid. I can hear their muffled voices and see their warped images through the glass.

They are monstrous.

There is a clicking by my head and the tube begins to fill. The liquid seeps between the spaces of my skin and the cask, up my sides, over my limbs.

And no, no, no!

Terror.

I glance to the side, see the Cat watching with unwavering eyes. And why isn't he doing something because I know he can and I'm drowning, the liquid fills my lungs and I can feel whatever Orochimaru has injected into my veins hardening and is my heart even beating anymore because I feel so still and NO!

I was so close!

No, no, nono _no_ -

"

My face stings.

Ikkyu kneels before me. His eyes are wide. "Peace, child. It is not real."

I'm gasping because I can't breathe and it feels like that liquid is still in my lungs. My vision turns black at the edges. Still, I cannot get enough air.

Ikkyu brings his hand to my face but I can only think of the man in this body's memories. Of his beautiful and terrible face.

I'm saving you, he'd said and caressed my face so tenderly it makes me want to vomit.

Before I can pull away from Ikkyu's gentle hands, he whispers, "Sleep, child."

My body seizes. Like lightning, my vision flashes white and then to black.


	5. The Space Between

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 2, 2019.**

* * *

When I wake, I feel much as I did before. Sleep has not helped right the wrongness between my body and soul. Weary and unmoving, I watch the slants of light as they shift through the gaps in the wood. I do not even have the energy to turn my head and see if Ikkyu is still asleep on the other futon.

The Cat sleeps nestled against the curve of my body.

Dust glitters in and out of sight, swirling with each exhale.

A beam of light falls across my fingers, warming them.

I imagine the sun has cast its ropes of light and tries to pull me into the world.

But it is not mine.

I do not fit. Not in this body nor its world.

The scars that run vertically up my forearms shine paler than the rest of my skin. Slowly, the events of the night return to me.

Stop.

No.

I will not go there.

Not again, she'd thought. Never again.

But he had –that man. And so will I.

My vision blurs, trembles. Colors and shapes distort –much like her memories. Can I live like this? With no past of my own and a present that is equally as hazy-

Ikkyu whips the blanket from my body. "Rise, child."

The Cat flinches awake. I do not move. But this is not Ikkyu's first time rousing me from the depths of my depressions. I think of the sun and its ropes of light once more.

Ikkyu pulls me to my feet, holds my arms until I am steady. He places his hands on my cheeks, rubs a spot. It aches like a bruise. "I am sorry for laying my hand against you."

I shake my head. I want to tell him not to worry, that I forgive him. But I can't summon the words. I am too tired.

Ikkyu smiles with his whole face, links my arm with his. "It is a nice morning, the air smells even more strongly of autumn. Shall we take our tea outside?" He does not wait for my answer, but gently leads me out the door to sit on the raised porch.

Ikkyu is right. It does smell like autumn. The leaves are beginning to turn; some maples have already transitioned to brilliant red.

A face, familiar to my mind but stranger to my soul, sharpens into focus from the haze of memories.

I blink, pinch the bridge of nose until the image fades once more. This is not my first time seeing her face and I doubt it will be the last; especially if Ikkyu truly intends to have me sift through all of this body's memories.

The sky is that bright shade of blue and a cool wind stirs the chimes hanging from the eaves. Leaves drift by, susurrating gently.

Mine.

I take a sip of tea that's taste can only be described as the color green and distantly wonder when Ikkyu gave it to me. I follow the path of the warmth as it travels down my throat and into my stomach.

Strange, the things we notice if we take the time…

I feel much more aware now and turn to Ikkyu. "Why did you do it?"

It is easier to think about it now, not as fresh. I can put it away and know that it is merely a memory. Despair lingers, though. And confusion, but that is my own emotion, not hers.

I know this.

I claim it, hold on to it as best as I can.

"I was testing a theory and was proven correct."

Sudden, righteous anger flares. I don't let it go. "I'm not theory to be proven." Or a subject to be tested.

I see that madman's face, pinch the bridge of my nose.

No. Not now.

Ikkyu's gaze is steady. His eyes are several shades lighter than the sky and just as vast. Part of me, my soul, finds it strange that he has no pupils –wonders how he can see without them.

Chakra, my mind tells me. A blood limit. It covers the pupils in a film that allows him to use certain jutsu. Common amongst the Hyuuga and Yamanaka clans, evidenced in numerous lines throughout the Elemental Nations. I wonder, to which line does Ikkyu belong…

"No," he finally cedes, "you are not."

We are quiet. I wait for him to answer my question in full. A leaf lands on the porch. I pick it up, run its serrated edges along my fingertips. It is mottled red and yellow and green.

Aspen, my mind supplies.

The Cat nudges his way onto my lap, covering my pants in fur.

"I must apologize, child." Ikkyu is frowning and he does that with his whole face, too. "It has been many years since I took my oaths but people, I have learned, do not change. We are like trees in this way; we can grow and prune our branches, shed our skins, grow new ones. Still, we are the same tree. But when climbing towards the light, we still bend and turn. We must always be vigilant, watch our path…" Ikkyu trails off and it feels like he is saying this to remind himself more than explain it to me.

"Regardless, I am sorry. I will try to be better."

A wind blows, ruffles my hair. I let go of the leaf, watch as it is carried away. My gaze lands on Ikkyu and I wonder if his head, bald as it is, gets cold. "What is your theory?"

My anger, like acid in my stomach, remains but mostly with his actions and not so much with him.

Ikkyu takes a sip of tea. "Some memories are easier to access when the mind is not occupied with thoughts of the present or the future, when it has gone into itself."

"Like when we dream?"

"Yes."

"Then how can you be sure it wasn't a dream?"

Ikkyu looks at me, pale brow raised. "Did it feel like one?"

His gaze is intent. I can't hold it, so I look back towards the trees not ten feet from where we sit. "No."

I run my hand along the Cat's spine. He blinks one eye open, closes it. The Cat purrs. "So it was a memory."

"Yes. Your mind's final memory of this world, before you came into it."

I remember the despair. The terror. The desire to not let him do it.

"You said his name was Orochimaru. Is it familiar?"

I shake my head. "Do you recognize it?"

Ikkyu maintains a neutral expression. "I do." He does not elaborate.

"Will you make me do it again?"

"That particular memory? No, I will not. Nor will I ever force you to do anything again. But if you follow me as we try to make clear the waters of her past, it will ultimately lead you to places that make you uncomfortable –afraid, even. Such is life." Ikkyu takes note of my expression. "Do not be afraid, child. You will experience other emotions as well –love, joy, wonder… Not all of life is terrifying."

"But." I breathe. Blink. Pinch my nose. "I want my own."

I have told Ikkyu this before. He has not wavered. Even now, I see it in his expression. The meditations, the cave, last night. Even though he has apologized for them, promised not to force me, he still believes that this is the only way.

The sun is a third of the way up the sky. Soon, I know, the soul-ache will be unbearable. "Is it worth it? Experiencing a lifetime's worth of someone else's memories? Will it make me, my soul…" I do not know what word to use. Work, right, belong? "…fit?"

Ikkyu places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I have told you before, child. You are unique. I have never come across someone with your condition, nor do I expect there is anyone else alive who has. The circumstances of your arrival are unique, and hopefully singular in nature."

He has yet to explain how my soul was put into this body, as well. "We are figuring this out as we go. However, you are not alone, and even if you never 'fit'… I will still be here."

I welcome the tears because they are new and belong to me. I take a shuddering breath. "What now?" I ask, because I know Ikkyu believes it important for us to continue where we left off.

Ikkyu takes a deep breath, skims his gaze across the expanse of the sky. He looks at me. "I fear much of your journey will be similar to your previous episodes. Your mind may be remembering but your soul is experiencing it for the very first time."

The Cat leans into my scratching hand. "There is good news. We now know where she begins and where she ends. All that there is left to do is figure out the space between the two."

Though Ikkyu is optimistic I cannot help but do the math. Shortly after I became lucid, Ikkyu informed me that this body appears to be in its early twenties. I level a flat look in his direction. "Ikkyu. Both of those memories are only a few minutes long. When compared to more than twenty years of memories, they're nothing."

Ikkyu laughs in the face of my reason. "They are something, child. A place to start and a place to end, at the very least." He pats my heads and pours himself another cup of tea. "It is good to be realistic, but do not let that realism smother your hope."

Ikkyu stands to his feet, extends his weathered hand to me. His fingers are covered in scars that almost blend in with the wrinkles. "Shall we take a walk? It is such a nice morning!"

I smile and accept his proffered hand. The Cat whines as he is forced from my lap. He follows Ikkyu and me to the trees. Ikkyu places my hand in the crook of his arm, covers it with his free one.

I am reminded of my grandfather. A grandfather… His face is blurry, unfocused but I remember that he was tall, taller than Ikkyu, with skin that was made leathery by the sun. I think of smoke and oil and gentle hands that used to hold mine so lovingly, as well. Thoughts of this man, as hard as they are to grasp, are more familiar to my soul than to my mind.

I tell Ikkyu. Maybe he can sort it out better than I. Ikkyu hums. "And this girl, whose face is so clear in your memories, she feels strange to you." I nod. "The soul does not hold onto memories, only the mind can do that. But the soul is what shapes the way in which you perceive these memories, in the end…"

He grows quiet, pondering.

I let him, hold onto the familiarity, whatever I can of this man who is made of patchwork sensations. The leaves rustle above and the air smells sweetly of fallen leaves. The Cat prances on ahead of us, steps silent on the leaf litter. Every now and then he looks back to make sure we are still following.

I love the way the light shines through the canopy…

"You will probably run into this sensation again. Your soul, to find its place, may take different memories and piece them together or change whole ones altogether." His hand squeezes mine.

My brows knit, but still I do not let go of this recollection. I continue to smell cigarettes and metal and shaving cream. "What does this mean for the true memories?"

"Maybe nothing. Or something. But we will continue on. A tree never stops growing, after all. You should remember things as best as you can. When you are better," I open my mouth to voice my doubt, but Ikkyu keeps going. "And I do believe you will arrive there, someday. Perhaps not whole, but better. When you get to that place, we will try to find some of those people from your memories. They can fill in the blanks, if that is what you want."

"I don't want to meet that… madman." Because even thinking his name sets my nerves on edge.

Ikkyu chuckles, only not with his usual humor. "No. I wouldn't want that, either."

"But…" I think of the eyes, dark and comforting and oh, so heartbreaking, that I saw upon my birth. Her birth. "Maybe the woman who gave birth to, well, this body." I pause, wonder. "Do you think she'd want to meet me, Ikkyu-sensei? Would anyone? I look like the person they know. Knew. I have her memories… But. I'm not her."

When Ikkyu shrugs, it moves my hand that is still nestled in his arm. "I do not know." He leaves it at that. "Speaking of your mother, you said her eyes, like the girl's face, are clear in many of your memories. Why don't we start there for today?"

I have not changed my mind. I want memories of my own. But these are so fresh, amongst the clearest I have. It is not hard to summon them, those eyes that watched this body grow out of the corner of them.

"They looked black, most of the time –her eyes. But they were really this dark, dark blue. Kind of like the spaces between stars…" I pause, her name is at the edge of memory. I think of forests and lonely spirits and the night sky.

"Her name was Yozora. Aokigahara Yozora."

I see Ikkyu nod from my periphery, but he says nothing. That's okay, though, because I repeat her name, over and over in my head and out loud. With each repetition comes a little more information about her. First her appearance and then just who she was, until I can picture her almost perfectly.

"Aokigahara Yozora, she had this pale skin and black hair that shined. I, this girl, was always jealous of Yozora's hair. She was quite small and didn't speak very often. But when she did, she had this quiet voice that you had to lean in close to hear and she told stories. She would whisper them in my –her," I correct, "her ear when she couldn't sleep."

I pause trying to collect all of these facts together, trying to understand this woman who raised her.

"I don't think… I don't think she really knew her all that well. Her mother was just so quiet, kind of like a star you can only see out of the corner of your eye." And it feels true because all the details I'm recalling are in no way personal, just facts. "Yozora worked at a library and read a lot of books. In many of her memories that's what she's doing. Reading."

I frown. It makes me sad and frustrated and angry but these feelings aren't really mine and suddenly I'm just so tired. The spaces where my soul and body don't fit feel gaping and empty.

I take a deep breath, go on as well as I can. "She wasn't especially intelligent, or anything like that, but she was just really knowledgeable. Like, she knew something about almost everything. And… and…"

It is lost. Swallowed by the chasm.

I blink; will the memories of Aokigahara Yozora back because Ikkyu was right. It does feel good, cathartic to speak them into clarity. "I don't know. It's all kind of gotten away from me. I remember the details, but I can't find the words."

Tears sting my eyes and Ikkyu squeezes my hand.

"That is alright, child. It is natural to feel frustration." My heart jerks with his words and I want to cry even more but I don't know why. So, I become even more frustrated.

All the while, we continue walking until suddenly I'm sitting again and we're back at the hermitage. Ikkyu doesn't say anything. He just lets me feel whatever I'm feeling, and allows me to lean my head on his bony shoulder.

It makes me think of my grandfather, a grandfather, and oil and smoke and little packages of cookies.


	6. A State of Liminality

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 4, 2019.**

* * *

Later that evening, after I've tried to sleep off the effects of the soul-ache, Ikkyu roused me for dinner. It's slow-going and as soon as I finish eating I'll probably go right back to sleep, but I need to consume some sort of nutrients. The rice tastes like putty in my mouth and the vegetable soup like mud.

I eat it mechanically. I don't think of anything in particular. The Cat sniffs at my food, and then settles into a crouch beside me.

A weight settles on the top of my head just as I am finishing the soup. I pivot my head up and to the side to see it. Ikkyu stands behind me, gray robes a little muddy at the hems. In his hand, he holds a book and he is smiling with his whole face. Ikkyu gestures for me to take the book from him.

I do.

I blink.

I inspect the brown leather cover and flip through its pages; they're blank. My mind tries to put writing and diagrams where it doesn't exist. I blink against the images and pinch my brow.

"What is it?"

Ikkyu, understanding my condition, fills in the spaces where my soul cannot keep up with my mind. "A journal."

Clearly. My voice is as flat as my gaze. "What is it for?"

Ikkyu's ears wiggle. "I am wondering if you are becoming so tired because you are trying to find words that you think I will understand. This journey is for you. To help you through this state of liminality. If you write them down, your memories, it might be easier than relaying them to me."

I run my nail along the edge of the pages, listen to the rustle of paper. "Thank you," I say because I know it's polite and maybe if I weren't so tired I would actually feel grateful, but all I can think about is sleeping and forgetting about the unbearable soul-ache for a time.

I think Ikkyu understands, though. He just nods his head, smile never once waning and makes more tea. The sun has set and when I look at the stars, I think of lost battles between gods in the sky and decide an acceptable amount of time has passed for me to sleep again.

The night is chilly as I burrow into my futon. The Cat perches on my side, a comforting weight even though he is hers.

I fall asleep looking at the spaces between stars and thinking of Aokigahara Yozora.

"

When I wake the next morning, the sun has not yet risen and neither has Ikkyu. The world has that predawn blue-grey tinge. The soul-ache is not so bad this morning and I have the urge to get up and do something.

I tiptoe past Ikkyu's slumbering form. The Cat follows closely at my heels.

Despite the chill, I step barefoot onto the dewy grass, wiggle my toes and breathe deep. Beside me, the Cat stretches and I copy him, raising my arms high above my head. I bring my fingertips to my toes and find that I can go further until my torso is held flat against the tops of my thighs. It feels so good, my muscles stretching after days of inactivity, that I hold the position.

How far can this body go?

I try again, but bend backwards this time. My back stretches and cracks in some places, but it is so satisfying and I know that I can keep going. I don't stop until the top of my head touches the backs of my thighs and hold for a several long moments, breathing deeply the entire time.

I return to a standing position, never once losing my balance.

Exhilaration. Feeling the blood rush back to my head, I smile at the Cat. "Let's see what we can do, yeah?"

This is how Ikkyu finds me an hour later, body contorted and muscles straining, but with a smile on my face. He pauses for only a moment before heading to the makeshift kitchen in the hermitage. Ikkyu watches, calmly sipping tea all the while, until I jump to my feet and begin running circles around the clearing.

"Good morning?" he says, though it's more of a question.

"It is!" I shout from the other side of the hermitage and I hear him chuckle. "I just have so much energy!"

I dart past him and the Cat. Their heads move to watch me pass.

"That is good news," I don't need to see him to know that Ikkyu is smiling that whole-faced smile of his. "Would you like breakfast?"

"I'm sure I will." Which is also good news because I normally don't have much of an appetite.

When I make it to the other side of the hermitage, Ikkyu is not there but I can hear him making a fire in the kitchen. By the time he is almost finished, I feel as if I can continue running for another hour and still not want to stop, but I do and plop down beside the Cat. He nudges his head under my hand and I laugh at the way his skin pulls back at the eyes.

I look at the red, red maples and the girl's face immediately comes to the forefront of my mind, as clear as Ikkyu's and Yozora's and though it makes me shudder, Orochimaru's.

I remember the journal that Ikkyu gave me yesterday.

I look at the Cat; he looks back at me. "Could you get the journal, please?" I ask him because for some reason I know that he'll understand. And he does. The Cat prances into the hermitage and comes out a moment later, the journal and a pencil in his mouth. He drops them on my lap and immediately sits on top, looking at me expectantly.

"Oh, I forgot about something to write with. Thanks," I scratch him on that slightly bald patch right in front of his ear. He purrs. Breakfast will be ready soon, but like the exercises I did this morning, I just have the urge to record all that I've managed to recall up to this point.

The Cat, as if sensing my intention, moves to sit next to me and I open the journal and tap the pencil on the first page.

Where to begin?

 _We now know where she begins and where she ends. All that there is left to do is figure out the space between the two._ Ikkyu had told me.

So, I write everything.

About her birth, last moments with the madman, Aokigahara Yozora, the man who feels like a grandfather, and the girl who comes to my mind at the most random of moments.


	7. Sixth Spring

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 4, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Sixth Spring~**

"Are you going do it?" Aokigahara Kokuchou fell into a backbend, walking her hands closer to her feet until the crown of her head rested against the backs of her thighs.

"Do that?" Her companion jerked his head in her direction and scoffed. "No way." He threw another kunai towards the target on the opposite side of the clearing. The boy cursed when it landed just outside the center.

Kokuchou watched as he threw yet another, holding her position all the while. "Not a backbend, Shou-nii," though she didn't understand why he wouldn't want to. Her flexibility had been useful in spars and when Hibari-sensei decided to take aim at the students during target practice. "Change your name," Kokuchou clarified. She'd heard other students at school talking about it.

"Oh. Yeah, probably," Shou muttered, distracted. Having used his entire supply of projectiles, he began the process of gathering them all. Most were scattered around the bases of the targets. Only a few had managed to stick within the lines.

Kokuchou executed a back walkover and returned to a standing position. "Why?" She brushed loose strands of hair from her eyes, annoyed. Nothing she ever did could keep them out of her face. No bun, or ponytail, or braid ever held them.

Shou muttered something from the other side of the clearing.

"Wha'?" she said around the hair tie held between her teeth.

"Aokigahara Shou just doesn't sound great, I guess."

Kokuchou thought about her own name and how strange it would feel to be called anything else. "What are you going to change it to?"

"I don't know," he said, loud enough for her to hear. "Something cool. Or maybe just drop my surname entirely. All the greatest shinobi are known by their first names."

"Like who?" Kokuchou hadn't paid that much attention during their history lessons. Shou insisted that was a mistake and often quizzed her during their walks to and from school.

Shou pushed his mass of curly locks from his eyes as he bent down to pick up a shuriken. He inspected it and frowned. Even from where she stood, Kokuchou could see the spots of rust and knew the weapon had to be incredibly dull.

Shou stuffed the weapon in the pouch at his hip. "Like Jiraiya. Or Orochimaru. Or Tsunade."

"That's only three people, Shou-nii. And Tsunade-sama has a last name." As a Senju, she was practically royalty.

"Fine, but they're some of the best shinobi Konoha has in its ranks." Shou threw over his shoulder. "Read a history book sometime and you'll see."

"I do read." Kokuchou hated it; felt it was a means of escape. Yet, every time her mother silently handed her a book in lieu of actual communication, she diligently read every word. Just to prove him wrong, she began listing all of the renowned shinobi who kept their full names. "Senju Hashirama and Tobirama. Sarutobi Hiruzen. Anyone from the Uchiha clan. Hatake Sakumo-"

"Onoki of Both Scales. Jiten. A."

"A, what?"

"My point exactly. The Raikage. They all take the name of 'A'. Don't be so selective about the things you retain. Anyway, all the people you named were clan-born and none of them are like us."

Kokuchou had no retort to that. She busied herself with gathering her own weapons, head down to hide her blush.

Finished, Shou came to stand beside her. "Ready?" he held out his hand. Kokuchou nodded, taking his bigger hand in her own. His skin was so pretty, dark brown like the earth and when compared to the stark paleness of hers, it only made her look sick. Kokuchou felt the muscles of her face begin to pull down into a pout, but caught herself and trained it back to a neutral expression.

Kokuchou barely paid attention to their surroundings as she and Shou made their way towards the Wakuraba district. She didn't need to look around to know that the buildings were slowly becoming less tall and more unkempt, or that the roads grew more pitted with holes and littered with garbage the further they got from the village center. Even the residents of the Wakuraba district were in a state of disrepair. Poor diets and bad working conditions led most people to look older, more worn down than they would have had their circumstances been different.

A year ago, Kokuchou wouldn't have understood what Shou meant when he'd said 'not like us'. But a lot had changed in the past year, but not with the world around her. As far as Kokuchou was concerned, Wakuraba and the village as a whole had always been the way it was. What had changed was not Kokuchou's world, but her perception of it.

"

Immediately following her fifth birthday, Kokuchou's father had enrolled her in the Academy and for the first time in her life, she left the bounds of the Wakuraba district. As shanty homes and streets so littered with broken glass and rusted metal that one couldn't go outside barefoot had slowly given way to brightly painted buildings and maintained walkways, Kokuchou suddenly became aware that there were people who had less and those who had more. If the glances of the townspeople, who were so clean and wore new-looking clothes were anything to go by, Kokuchou had reckoned that she was one of the people with less.

But she didn't feel like less was such a bad thing. Sure, she got a little hungry sometimes, but didn't everybody? And if she sat inside her home all day instead of playing outside with Shou and the other kids then she would be clean, too. Knowing this didn't change the fact that, as she'd looked around at the other children during the opening ceremony, Kokuchou compared herself to another person for the first time ever.

The Hokage, a man with a big, funny hat and a face like one of the monkeys in her mother's book, gave a speech that Kokuchou had only half-listened to. Part of her attention was on the other students.

She recognized a few faces in the crowd –all of them children from the Wakuraba district. Some were older and many of them she'd played with. The younger children who also hadn't been out of the district before eyed their surroundings with, Kokuchou imagined, as much confusion as she did.

The Hokage –at least, that's what another shinobi had introduced him as, finished speaking and most of the students wore similar expressions of pride, excitement, and adulation.

Everyone clapped. Kokuchou did, too but only half-heartedly. She did not know what made this man so special that many of the people looked up to him with wide, adoring eyes.

The rest of her attention was focused on the Academy. While not new, it was certainly a much nicer structure than any building in Wakuraba. There were trees in front of it and everything looked clean. She wondered if the windows were open or if the glass was just really clear… From her position near the edge of the crowd, Kokuchou could see into a large classroom with pictures and books and the word 'Welcome!' written on the board.

It wasn't until the crowd of students started moving her towards the Academy doors that Kokuchou began to pay attention. She went with the current, eyeing the clothes of a girl in front of her. The symbol was weird. Like a thick, red eyebrow above a crying eye. It was embroidered on the back, partially obscured by her long, black hair.

Kokuchou thought of her mother's hair.

Just as she was about to walk through the wide double-doors, a hand on her collar yanked her to the side. She hadn't managed to keep her eyes from widening in surprise and turned to look at the person who'd stopped her from entering.

"Wrong school." Kokuchou calmed. It was just Shou. He had been frowning, just a little, gaze lingering on the classroom through the window. He put an arm around Kokuchou's shoulders and she allowed him to steer her away from the building.

"This isn't where you go?"

"No. We learn all of the same stuff…" he trailed off. "Technically. But there are a lot of students and we can't all fit in this building. Our school is a few streets over." Shou pointed to the east. Looking around, Kokuchou noticed that a lot of children from Wakuraba were heading in the same direction.

"How many schools are there?"

"For the Shinobi Academy? Three. Regular civilian schools, I don't know... Are you nervous?" Shou had asked. Kokuchou looked up at him, he'd washed his body and hair really well and even his clothes were cleaner, though she'd seen him wear them before.

It must be for the opening ceremony, she'd thought. Kokuchou shrugged in answer to his question.

She hadn't really wanted to enter the Academy –her father had her told after the fact. She remembered her mother frowning and thinking it seemed so unnatural on her usually impassive face. When she told the other kids the next day, they'd been jealous. They told Kokuchou about the shinobi who'd visited the orphanage and recounted to them some of the missions they'd been on.

Kokuchou hadn't really understood their envy because didn't they remember that in the last year, three children had stopped coming home? They'd become genin and then one day their belongings were being used by other children.

Kokuchou had asked her mother the reason for their disappearance but she hadn't answered, just continued reading. The next day, though, she'd come home from work with a newspaper clipping for Kokuchou to read.

It was called an obituary. She'd read all of it, about shinobi of the village who had died on missions. It detailed their rank, accomplishments, and who they were survived by.

But the children's names –Jukai Ochiba, Aokigahara Kareha, and Aokigahara Hama– were only typed in small print at the bottom of the final column along with their rank.

Genin.

Nothing else was said.

Kokuchou hadn't been interested in being a shinobi before and she certainly didn't want to now. But she didn't have a choice. Despite her mother's apparent unhappiness with her father's decision, she had done nothing. She didn't even try to reason with him. She'd simply listened to the news, finished eating in silence, and stuck her nose in a book below the old beech tree.

It was her response to almost everything.

"Don't worry," Shou had mussed her hair as they'd continued towards their school building. "The longer you're here, the cooler stuff you learn." Kokuchou recalled how Shou had come home with a new game. It involved holding the fingers in strange positions and seeing who could go through sequences the fastest.

Shou peppered her with questions the rest of the way to their school. He had asked about what she'd read recently, what she knew about shinobi, if she had decided what kind of shinobi she wanted to be. Kokuchou had answered him to the best of her ability, which really only meant that she regurgitated what she'd read in books.

They'd parted ways at the door of her classroom. 1-C was painted at the top. Shou had pulled her into a tight bear hug and pointed to a door near the end of the hall. "That's my class, 4-B. Got it?"

Kokuchou had nodded and then he was gone.

She waited outside her door for a long moment, not wanting to go in. Sure, plenty of people in her class were from Wakuraba but, well, she didn't really know… She could only think about Kareha and Hama and Ochiba and how, shortly after they'd graduated, they'd stopped coming back altogether. Would that be her in five years?

Kokuchou could hear the sound of numerous conversations being held within the room. She peeked in. She spotted an empty seat near the bookshelf and sighed. She thought she might as well claim her seat.

As she made her way to the open desk, Kokuchou had noticed how different this building was compared to the first one. There were newer, more detailed posters on the walls and everything about the building had been just a little nicer. This school's tile was scuffed and cracked in places and the walls were thick with layers of paint. Still, when compared with any building in Wakuraba, this one was in far better condition.

Kokuchou looked to the bookshelf at her side. The pages of the tomes were yellowed and warped at the edges and there was thick layer of dust surrounding them. Kokuchou read the titles, her fingers traced the words 'Environmental Adaptation and Strategy'.

Is this a book Okaa-san would like? She considered taking it home with her.

But… no. None of the books looked touched. Maybe they weren't allowed to read them yet… And Kokuchou dreaded angering adults.

Then the teacher had walked into the room, introduced herself as Imaeda Hibari, and hopped right into the curriculum without any prelude.

"

When she'd first began her classes, Kokuchou had been shocked to learn that most of the children couldn't even read simplified script, much less write their names. Hibari-sensei hadn't taken the time to teach them, either.

The only thing a majority of students completed with any sort of competency was taijutsu training, but even that lagged. Kokuchou had watched her year-mates at the First School during their training one day about two months after school began.

She wondered what made such a difference.

"

A year had passed since Kokuchou first entered the Academy and other than a widened perspective, not much else had changed. Wakuraba and what she'd seen of the rest of the village in the past year hadn't changed at all.

At some point in her first year at the Academy, she'd fallen into a routine. Everyday, she and Shou and the other children from the neighborhood walked to school together, had classes together, ate lunch (sometimes) together, played after school –also together. They rarely interacted with the students in the First and Second Schools and when they did, it was never positive.

Trashy, they called them.

A blight on the village.

Cannon fodder. That one had made Shou angry. Angrier than she'd ever seen him. It was even worse than that one time she'd shown up with a bruise on her cheek.

He'd told her to ignore them. That it wasn't true. And Kokuchou believed him. She didn't feel the way the other children called her. She didn't see those in Wakuraba as being any different… Not really.

The only thing she and Shou did apart from the other children was train. He usually tried to rope other students into joining them, and they did. Sometimes. But more often than not Kokuchou and Shou were left to train just between the two of them. She could tell that it worried him. Kokuchou wondered if he thought of Hama and Kareha, as well. They'd been from the same orphanage, after all.

She and he would warm up with the basic Academy stretches, though Kokuchou always altered them to fit her own extreme flexibility. Contortion, Shou called it, because try as he might he could never stretch his body as far as she could.

Some people are born with it, he'd said. Kokuchou didn't know if she believed that.

Then they moved on to endurance training –that took up most of their time until they began agility exercises and target practice. Separately, the two would practice whatever it was they learned in class that day with Shou usually jumping in to help Kokuchou if she was having trouble.

Kokuchou thought there were other things they should be learning, like strategy or even teamwork. The other schools did. She'd watched them during some of their practices. And her class had been told they'd be placed into teams following graduation. However, the practical lessons were focused entirely on individual capabilities –not how to make them work with a team.

She often ventured to the first building's library, it was more up to date and had a wider selection than her school's. Kokuchou would read whatever sounded helpful. She wasn't allowed to take them out of the library and without a teacher to explain some of the things detailed in the books, the material went over her head.

Sometimes, Kokuchou would try asking Shou but he rarely understood, either.

"Whatcha' thinkin' about, Kokuchou?" Shou gave her arm a little tug. If her balance was worse she would've stumbled. He was getting so strong. Looking around, Kokuchou realized they were well within the bounds of Wakuraba.

Kokuchou leveled a neutral stare at him, the same one she'd copied from her mother. "Nothing."

Shou shook his head, curls bouncing wildly about his head. She wondered, not for the first time, how he sparred with so much hair in the way. "I don't believe that for a second. There's always something going on in that head of yours."

But these were thoughts she'd voiced in the past and he hadn't had an answer then. She doubted he had them now. So, instead, Kokuchou said, "You should really work on your flexibility, Shou-nii. You're stiffer than a tree."

Shou snorted and shoved her shoulder. "You don't need to be flexible if you're fast!"

Then he was off, weaving around piles of broken glass and leaping over potholes. Kokuchou chased him through the streets. She cursed her short legs. Even compared to her classmates, she was small. Shou's legs carried him farther and farther from her, he yelled over his shoulder, "Where's your flexibility now, chicklet?!"

"Chicklets come from chickens! Not swans!" Kokuchou shouted back. She grinned wide, passivity forgotten as she chased Shou through the district. He was the only one who ever made her forget.

Shou tagged the wall of the orphanage first, body nearly slamming into the wood. He was picking splinters from his palms by the time she arrived.

"I'll beat you one day, Shou-nii." Kokuchou said between breaths.

He laughed, dimples punctuating his smile. "The only way you'll be able to do that is if you grow wings. Your legs are as long as they were when you were three."

"Not true," Kokuchou grumbled. She shook them out as if that would make them longer.

"Shou!" A voice screeched from inside and they both cringed. It wasn't that the matron was angry, she just had that kind of voice. "You're late!"

"Gotta go, chicklet. I'll see you tomorrow." Shou wrapped her in a bear hug like he did every day, and walked up the stairs into the orphanage. She'd only been inside a few times because most of her friends who lived there preferred to play outside. She was always curious to see more.

She knew now, after having spent a year going between Wakuraba and the village center, that the Aokigahara Orphanage was not an ideal building to exist, much less provide shelter for orphaned children.

But it was what it was. That's what her dad always slurred before taking another swig from yet another bottle.

He'd grown up there, her father. And Kokuchou was old enough, then, to understand that his childhood played a huge part in molding him into the person she knew. She tried not to compare her father and Shou because it made her either really angry with her father for not trying harder or worried that Shou would end up just like him, someday.

The sky faded to grey and the crickets began to sound their trumpets for the coming of the night –like in the story her mother had read to her, once.

Kokuchou turned her back on the orphanage and the sounds of children inside. She thought of her own home and how the silence could be so heavy that she felt it pressing in on her ears.


	8. Sixth Summer: Part I

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 4, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Sixth Summer: Part I~**

If it weren't for Shou, Kokuchou thought, I wouldn't be here.

She leveled her flattest, most accusing stare at him from across the training ground. It wasn't hard to spot his stupidly beautiful, bushy curls and contrastingly dark skin amongst the crowd. He was also one of the tallest students who formed a ring around the clearing.

Kokuchou thought it might have just been the hair.

The Academy reserved the largest training field once every year to hold a tournament between all three schools. Each class –A, B, and C– within a grade held taijutsu competitions amongst their respective schools. The winner of those grades then qualified to participate in the tournament as a representative for their school. When it had been the Third School's turn to decide who would advance for each year, only a few students from the other schools had bothered to watch.

To the students at the First and Second Schools, the Third School fights were boring and by the book. They didn't have any big-name clans and no interesting techniques. Also, they were going to lose when they came up against a member of another school.

What was the point?

Either Shou didn't see the ire in her gaze or he didn't care, because he only smiled at Kokuchou and gave her two thumbs up, arms raised high in the air. A few students, particularly the ones who didn't know him, shot the boy weird looks.

Kokuchou slid her gaze away from him to face her opponent, ignoring his encouragements. She heard Shou's laughter at her dismissal over the restless din of the crowd.

It was his fault she'd come this far. If he hadn't dragged her to training every day after school, hadn't forced her to make a habit of it, she wouldn't have had to compete. Kokuchou had beaten the students from classes A and B in her year and now had to represent her school against the Second School's year two competitor.

Her opponent stood across from her looking relaxed, if not a little bored. The first-year participant from her school, Jukai Matsuba, had lost his match swiftly. Kokuchou's appearance didn't inspire much hope for the Third School to pass this round, either. A year and half into the Academy and she hadn't grown a bit. Her opponent stood at least half a head taller than her.

"Aokigahara Kokuchou," the mediator announced and Kokuchou stood to attention. She didn't recognize him. "Tsunematsu Ueki," the boy straightened, as well.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes!" they said in unison.

The mediator held his hand aloft, "Begin." He let his hand fall and jumped by means of chakra to the outer edge of the makeshift ring.

Ueki obviously hadn't watched her other matches, because he advanced on Kokuchou head-on and without any preamble. The boy darted forward, aiming a punch directly at her diaphragm. Kokuchou fell into a backbend just before his fist made contact; unable to halt his momentum, Ueki slipped forward.

Had Kokuchou been a little bigger, a little stronger, she would have wrapped her legs around his torso and used the momentum from her backbend to flip her opponent. As it was, she simply brought her legs up and over to spring away as he fell. She didn't try to clip his chin with her foot, though she could have.

The Third School students cheered when the boy face-planted and Kokuchou flipped away. Hands braced on the ground, Ueki tilted his neck to look at her. Kokuchou did not like fighting, she did not have the mind for it. To anticipate, plan, implement. But, she was more than a little vindicated by the surprise on his face. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why.

Not a moment later, Ueki moved.

Kicking his feet against the ground, the boy brought his legs between his arms, aiming to kick her feet from under her. Kokuchou flipped forward, landing behind her opponent. Undeterred, he lifted his right arm and twisted his legs to the side and around, going after her footing once more. Kokuchou simply cartwheeled over the swinging appendages.

Ueki landed in a crouch just as Kokuchou made the decision to backtrack away from him. He leapt forward, not letting her go more than a few steps. Kokuchou twirled away from his reaching arms.

"Stop dancing!" Someone yelled from the crowd. The students jeered.

Ueki didn't make the same mistake twice. He settled into a ready stance, taking the opportunity to observe her. Kokuchou's classmates cheered on while Ueki's shouted at him to not lose against 'Wakuraba rot'. Seeing that he was in process of making a decision about how to strike next, Kokuchou turned on her heel and darted away.

"Hey!" Ueki shouted and pursued her. Kokuchou's short legs carried her to the edge of the ring as she kept an eye on her shadow. In the late morning sun, it stretched in front of her. She saw the moment Ueki launched himself at her once more. Kokuchou ducked into a crouch, Ueki flying over her head and into the crowd of students.

Some students just barely managed to jump out of the way as he crashed into them headfirst. Laughter and shouts filled the clearing. Kokuchou hopped to her feet and began running the circumference of the ring.

"Aokigahara," she heard.

"Just a Third Schooler," someone yelled.

"Coward." Was she?

But the sound of Shou's cheers as they rose above the clamor spurring her on. "Yeah, Kokuchou! You got this!"

By the time Ueki gained his bearings and reentered the field, Kokuchou was already on the opposite side. She froze and held his gaze. Ueki sprinted for her, expression furious. Kokuchou's stomach dropped as if she'd swallowed a rock.

This was why she hated it so much. Fighting. She couldn't bear for others to look at her in such a way. Large, brown eyes –the eyes of Aokigahara Kouzai, imposed themselves onto Ueki's.

Based on the taunts coming from the other students and the flush that had risen to Ueki's ears, she could assume that he did not appreciate the humiliation. He hadn't managed to touch her. Not once.

Kokuchou began to sprint once more, following the edge of the ring. She ran as she could never actually run from her father. Ueki chased her. Every time he was about to lay his hands on her, Kokuchou would just twist away. Judging by the expressions of the teachers she spotted as she ran, they were not impressed.

Hibari-sensei's voice rose above the rest, "Don't just run, runt! This is taijutsu!"

Kokuchou had a decision to make. She could either let Ueki win, assuming there was anything she could do to actually beat him, and ensure that he not hate her for humiliating him. Further than she already had, at least.

However, that would then mean her entire school was angry with her for losing. Or she could try to win, gain the praise of her schoolmates. On the other hand, she would have to bear the knowledge that Tsunematsu Ueki scowled every time he thought of her.

In Kokuchou's mind, there was no outcome that ended in an entirely positive manner. But one option was slightly more bearable than the other.

She pumped her legs a bit harder, adding distance between her and Ueki. Kokuchou then pivoted on her heel and in the same motion, brought her leg to her opponent's kidney.

What she lacked in strength was made up for in force as Ueki stumbled sideways into the crowd. The students backed away as Kokuchou jumped on top of him, knee pressing with the entirety of her weight into his sternum. Kokuchou brought her arm high, hand clenched and ready to punch the spot at his temple that, according to a book she'd read, would knock him out.

She caught his gaze.

Kokuchou hadn't noticed before, but Ueki's eyes were a shade of hazel that couldn't decide whether they leaned more towards green or brown. And they stared up at her in fear.

She hesitated for a moment too long.

Ueki brought his arms up –to guard his face, she thought. But his true intentions became known the moment the heels of his palms made contact with her ears. What happened next would later become a blur to Kokuchou's memories.

She barely heard the roar of the crowd through the ringing of her ears. Suddenly Ueki was the one top. He did not hesitate to bring his fist down on her face.

"

When she blinked away the black at the edges of her vision, students were still staring down at her. None of them were familiar until Hibari-sensei's face popped into view.

"Come on, runt," her voice seemed to travel slowly, as if through water. "Stand up. You're okay." The chunin grabbed Kokuchou by both arms and hauled her to her feet. "That's what you get for hesitating."

Hibari-sensei let go of Kokuchou's arms and she swayed a bit on her feet, balance thrown off by the impact to her ears. None of the other students reached out to help. Just as she was about stumble backwards a pair of hands caught her shoulders.

"I've got you, duckling," Shou said close to her ear. She felt the tickle of his hair against her cheek. "Let's watch the rest of the matches from here."

Kokuchou's only reply was to lean against him ever so slightly. She was still a little dizzy and had to shake her head a few times in an attempt to make the world stop spinning. As her equilibrium slowly returned, Kokuchou focused on her surroundings.

They weren't standing with their classmates from the Third School, but in the crowd of First School students. They mostly ignored her and Shou, but a few watched them. Through the gaps in their bodies, she saw Ueki standing in the center of the ring, awaiting his next match.

Kokuchou was not relieved. She hadn't planned on losing against Ueki, preferring to bear his wrath rather than her entire school's, and by extension Wakuraba –considering so many of the students were from their district. She didn't want to stand amongst their disappointment just yet.

Ueki's classmates cheered him on as the second-year competitor from the First School entered the ring. The mediator brought his hand down to begin the match. He wasn't standing quite straight, though, and Kokuchou wondered how hard she'd kicked his kidney.

She'd chosen the kidney after reading about knockout spots in their textbook. It was, in theory, a part of their curriculum, but her class was way behind –mostly due to the fact that they were still working on basic taijutsu forms. Hibari-sensei, in an effort to catch up, had assigned that particular section of reading as homework, but none of her classmates could read very well.

The match did not last long.

Though Ueki was good, the student from the First School was better –something Kokuchou had learned to be a universal truth. Like the Earth revolved around the sun, or how water always flowed towards the ocean, students from the First School would almost always best the others. This, Kokuchou thought, was based on the differences in education, or maybe because most of the children came from shinobi families.

Either way, Ueki put up a valiant, if brief, fight. His opponent, a girl named Aburame Semiko, won within four moves. The winning move was a harsh flip to the ground that made Ueki's head bounce. His school let out a collective sigh of disappointment. The First School students cheered for the girl, welcoming her back to the huddle.

Kokuchou watched as Aburame Semiko passed, keeping her expression neutral, though all she could think about was how the girl hadn't checked to see if Ueki was okay. A man, who Kokuchou supposed was Ueki's teacher, tapped him on the face a few times until the boy roused. He clutched at the back of his head.

"Feelin' better, duckling?" Shou asked her, voice low.

"Baby swans are not called ducklings," Kokuchou deadpanned.

Shou laughed loudly and a few of the nearby students glanced over. "I'll take that as a yes, then."

Kokuchou moved to stand beside Shou instead of before him. She glanced at him and then away. They were summoning the third-year students from each school. Her school's competitor, Wakabayashi Otoha, would face against the Second School to begin the round.

Kokuchou wanted to ask Shou how he thought she'd done, but couldn't find the words. She watched him cheer for Otoha, shouting his encouragement obnoxiously. The match did not last long and Otoha limped back to their classmates with a frown.

Shou caught Kokuchou staring and he put his arm around her, jostling her by the shoulders. "You're wonderin' how ya did, huh?" Though it wasn't really a question. Kokuchou had forgotten to train her expression into its usual neutral tone. Shou looked down at her and away again as the First and Second Schools' competitors began their match.

His smile lost a bit of its brightness, she noticed.

"I'm not surprised, if that's what you're worried about." Kokuchou had to force her brows not to knit together. "Don't do that, now. I know you hate disappointin' people, but you're talkin' to me. And your 'tou-san's not here." Shou paused, attention on the match as the First School student cuffed the other boy in the face. "If you can barely stand to hit me during training, why would you be able to fight someone else?"

"Isn't it because I know you that I can't hit you?"

"Nah," Shou shook his head. "It's because you worry too much about what others think of you. I blame your 'tou-san for that. You're worried you'll hit me too hard and I'll get mad. The same goes for strangers. Maybe especially so; you know what your friends think of ya, but the impression a stranger has is limited. So, you want it to be good."

Kokuchou couldn't help but frown. A cheer erupted amongst the students. The First School boy had won, unsurprisingly. "How do I stop caring, then?"

Shou shrugged, grimacing a little. "I don't know. You just stop, I guess. I've been trying to help you with that for a while, but nothing's really worked."

 _What has he done?_ Kokuchou wondered.

She didn't ask him any other questions as the tournament came to a close. The First School swept the competition, winning every round except the fourth-year –a girl from the Second School had won that one.

As the mediator awarded the metals, she'd beamed with pride and her classmates roared in approval.

The Third School didn't place at all.


	9. Sixth Summer: Part II

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 4, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Sixth Summer: Part II~**

Shou had extra classes, leaving Kokuchou to train by herself. Two weeks following the tournament and Shou's admission hadn't changed the fact that Kokuchou still couldn't bring herself to fight someone seriously. They continued to spar during lessons at the Academy and she found that her classmates were beginning to take everything more seriously, be a bit more brutal –especially towards her.

They looked at her like her father looked at her.

It didn't help that she was able to train with Shou less and less. He was busy almost every afternoon with extra mandatory classes in preparation for his graduation. When she'd asked, Shou had said that they were learning the Replacement Jutsu.

Students learned meditation and chakra theory during their first two years at the Academy. Their third and fourth years were spent learning to mold chakra and enhance their control of it, leaving their fifth year to learn the Replacement Jutsu. Competency in that technique and the basic Academy taijutsu and kenjutsu was all that was required of them to become a genin.

Since entering his fifth year, Shou had become more serious and even stressed at times -not because what they were learning was difficult, but because he said it wasn't enough.

He'd muttered something about Hama and Kareha the one time she'd asked.

Kokuchou turned off the path to follow a shortcut through a training ground. There was no path to this training ground and Kokuchou had a feeling it was because the people who used it usually took to the trees. It wasn't uncommon to find evidence of intense spars and random weapons in the field and surrounding forest.

Kokuchou exited the tree line and immediately stopped in her tracks. A man stood in the center of the field with a large box under one arm. He was big and burly and didn't look all that much like a shinobi. His clothes were covered in black soot. He stared at her and though she couldn't see his mouth from beneath his bushy mustache, Kokuchou knew he was frowning.

The man had been in the process of picking up a kunai from the ground. Kokuchou felt like a rabbit frozen under the weight of his gaze. When neither of them did anything for a long moment, the man righted himself, throwing the kunai in the box. Kokuchou heard a clanking sound as it impacted.

"What're you looking at?" the man demanded.

"Excuse me," Kokuchou, finally able to move her muscles, bowed to the man and made for the other side of the clearing. She was terrible at talking with people, especially strangers.

"No," he said though it sounded more like an order. Kokuchou halted once more. "What're you doing here?"

"Nothing, sir," she replied evenly despite the trembling of her insides.

"Students aren't allowed near this training ground." That was the first time Kokuchou had ever heard of such a thing, but if the scorch marks and fallen trees were anything to go by she assumed it was for safety reasons. It wouldn't do for someone to get caught up in spar.

"I apologize, sir," Kokuchou tried to appease the man. "I'll be on my way."

He spoke before she could take a step. "You didn't answer my question."

Unsettled by the weight of his stare even from across the clearing Kokuchou brought her hands behind her back. "I was heading to a different training ground. This is just a shortcut."

"Then take another shortcut. Students aren't allowed here," he repeated.

"Yes, sir," Kokuchou bowed low.

"What's your name?"

Kokuchou straightened. The man hadn't moved since he began talking. "Aokigahara Kokuchou."

He didn't say anything for a long moment. "You an orphan?"

"No, sir."

"Which school do you attend?"

"The Third School…" And as if that was all he needed to know, the man nodded. "…Are you going to report me?"

The man took a moment to reply. His eyes flickered over her and he scowled even more. "No." Kokuchou didn't relax, though. There was a caveat in his tone. "Because you'll help me collect all of the weapons from this field and then you'll use another shortcut from now on."

The man strode towards the center of the field and dropped the box. Metal clanged against metal. "Get to work."

Kokuchou understood an order when she heard one and although she'd come to hate being told what to do, she knew that disobeying –especially in the realm of shinobi, was a fast way to make enemies.

Without a word, she immediately set about picking up every weapon she could find. She stuffed shuriken into the pockets of her pants until they were nearly bursting and hooked her fingers through the rings of kunai. Every now and again, she would head to the box and dump her loot only to start again. Without having to say the words, they'd both agreed to take one half of the field. It was large and the recent spar must have been a big one if the amount of weapons she was collecting was any indication.

When the box was full, Kokuchou paused and looked to the man for more instructions. She did not want get a reprimand, even if she hadn't been aware of the rule about this training ground.

"You're not done," the man said, dropping his own stash on the ground beside the box.

"…It's full," Kokuchou nearly cringed at his look. "Sir."

"Your pockets aren't. Neither is that bag," he nodded his head at the straps around her shoulders.

In lieu of a response, Kokuchou simply removed the bag from her shoulders and placed it open beside the box of scavenged weapons. They cleared the rest of the field in silence. By the time they were finished, Kokuchou could have been halfway through with her endurance training.

The man hauled the box into his arms and Kokuchou was surprised when nothing fell out. "Let's go." He didn't even bother to see if she was following as he strode towards the forest.

"Sir," Kokuchou bound after him. She had to hold her hands in front of her pockets to keep the weapons from spilling. She felt their sharpened points digging into her legs. The bag on her back was heavy and made noise every time she moved. Kokuchou worried that a blade would cut a hole in it. "Where are we going?"

"My shop."

"What kind of shop?"

"Blacksmith," he said curtly from several paces ahead of her.

Kokuchou had to stop and pick up a shuriken she'd dropped but hurried on as the man continued to weave through the trees. "What's your name, sir?"

"None of your business," the man threw over his shoulder.

Her stomach clenched, a familiar feeling. Even at her most polite, false as it was, this man didn't seem to like her. Kokuchou mentally scowled at his back though her expression retained its placidity –she hadn't asked him anything that he hadn't asked her.

The man glanced back at her. He stopped and turned, blue eyes icy. "You got something to say?"

"No, sir," Kokuchou murmured.

A breeze rustled the canopy of leaves, but from so deep in the forest she couldn't feel it. "Say it."

Though her expression remained calm, not without a bit of effort, all she wanted to do was run away. She tried to come up with an excuse that wouldn't make the man angry. Shou had been right, she did care too much.

Kokuchou must have been taking too long, because after the man's eyes roved her face, he turned on his heel and continued walking. "Kitaeru."

She scurried after him but didn't ask if that was his first or last name. Kokuchou was silent the rest of the way to the man's shop. It wasn't especially far, but Kokuchou was fairly certain that she'd never been to that part of the village before.

They exited the tree line and the sun shone bright in her eyes. She squinted against the light. Across the small field, Kokuchou saw an alleyway that the man, Kitaeru, was heading straight towards. A kunai poked uncomfortably into her shin. Kokuchou hoped it wouldn't be much further.

Her hope was not in vain; instead of continuing on through the alley, Kitaeru stopped. He shoved the box into her arms. "Hold this." Kokuchou nearly buckled with the weight of it. He'd made it look so easy, too.

For all her flexibility, the ease with which she bent her body like a noodle, her arms were as weak as them.

While he was digging in his pockets, Kokuchou observed the door. It was red surrounded by a constellate of ivy that grew up the brick. A kunai symbol had been carved into the wood, but other than that there were no signs to indicate to customers what the name of the shop was. She wondered how anyone ever found it.

Kitaeru produced a key and after jiggling the knob a few times, the door opened. A bell above it rang out. The man entered, Kokuchou's only welcome being the door he left ajar for her. She followed him in after a moment.

"The door," he reminded her from somewhere in the shop and Kokuchou almost spilled the weapons in her haste. Backtracking, she used her foot to nudge the door shut. When it wouldn't close all the way, she resorted to pushing her backside against it an attempt to force it closed.

Just as Kokuchou bent to place the heavy box on the ground the man shouted, "Not there!" Kokuchou straightened immediately, arms shaking a little. How had he known?

"Where would you like me to put it, Kitaeru-san?" Kokuchou tried to be as polite as possible and made her way towards his voice.

"In the forge!"

"Where, sir?"

"The forge!" he shouted. "With the leather flap!"

Kokuchou held in a groan, adjusted her grip, and turned to trudge towards the door he'd indicated. She had to edge around a counter and nudge the flap to the side with her shoulder.

The forge was dark inside and Kokuchou blinked as her eyes adjusted. The only sources of light were the dying embers from a fire on the opposite wall and a small, high window that she figured was more for ventilation than light. The room smelled of metal and smoke and grease.

Eyes adjusted, Kokuchou looked around for a place to set the box down. To her right she spied a worktable and made a beeline for it. Kokuchou heaved the box onto the table with a grunt. After she'd emptied the contents of her pockets and bag, Kokuchou tentatively roved her gaze across the room. She wasn't sure if the man would think her nosy for looking around.

Unfinished projects littered nearly every surface and Kokuchou thought there were more than a few safety hazards in the place. An apron swung dangerously close to a vat that she could feel heat radiating off of even across the room.

Did he leave this place unattended while he was gone?

Just as Kokuchou made a move towards the nearest fire hazard, the leather flap swung open, light flooding the room. "Stop," Kitaeru ordered. "Do you get a kick out of traipsing through dangerous places?"

Kokuchou looked at him from the side of her eye. "No, sir."

"Then what do you think you're doing?"

She faced Kitaeru, hands behind her back. "The apron is really close to the fire."

Kitaeru crossed his arms over his barrel-shaped chest. Even in the dim light she could see how hairy his arms were. "You got a problem with how I keep my shop?"

"No, si-"

He cut her off, "Because if you do, then why don't you do something about it?"

So, Kitaeru didn't want her walking about his shop, but he was challenging her to 'do something about it'? "That's what I was about to do… Sir," she added.

"I didn't mean that. The apron's fine –made from fireproof material."

"Oh." Kokuchou still didn't understand. "What do you mean, sir?"

Kitaeru frowned and made to walk past Kokuchou. "Why don't you work here?" The way he said it made it sound like more of a challenge.

Kokuchou was floored. She watched the man tie a white cap over his hair and begin piddling about the room. Despite the practiced movements, she thought he looked uncomfortable.

Where did that come from?

"I can't work here, sir. I'm a student. At the Academy."

"I know that," he said, adding wood to what she thought might be a stove. "As an apprentice."

"…But I don't know anything blacksmithery-"

"It's called blacksmithing, and if you knew anything about it I wouldn't have asked. You can come everyday after school and on the weekends."

It sounded as if he'd made the decision for her and that irked some part of her –reminding her of her fifth birthday and her father and the Academy. But she only said, "I have to train, sir."

"And you will. You think you'll only be cleaning and helping around the forge?"

Kokuchou nodded hesitantly. Was Kitaeru a shinobi?

"That's only payment –how you'll work off what you owe me for overseeing your training."

What had made this man decide to take her on in the first place? "But-"

Kitaeru shoveled chunks of something into a pot, "I don't know why you're fighting this so hard." He dropped the pail with a clamor. Kokuchou only flinched a little. "Listen. I'm offering to train you in taijutsu, kenjutsu, even some ninjutsu, if you're up to it. All you have to do in return is help with the shop."

"Why-"

"Do I need a reason?" he grumbled. "I just feel like it." Kitaeru could see the indecision on her face, apparently, because he went on. "I know that what they teach in the Third School is crap. Tell me, do you know how to discern when an opponent is going to feint left or right?"

"I don't-"

"What about the various speeds at which kunai can be thrown depending on a person's height and weight?"

"…No."

"Or how to not telegraphy your moves to an opponent?"

She hadn't even known that was possible. Kitaeru accepted her silence for what it was.

"Need I continue?" He picked the pail up once more and turned to shovel what looked like ash into it. The material plumed in the air as he shifted it. "You don't need to decide now. If you come back, I'll take that as your answer."

Kokuchou knew a dismissal when she heard one and made to leave the forge. When she glimpsed the collected weapons on the worktable she asked, "What do you do with them?"

Kitaeru shifted his gaze from her, to the worktable, and back to whatever chore he was working on. She thought he might be ignoring her.

"Do you melt them down?"

"Of course not. That would be wasteful."

Kokuchou waited for him to elaborate, but when it became clear that he was waiting for her to ask again, she repeated. "What do you do with them?"

"Clean 'em. Sharpen 'em."

"And then you sell them?" She knew how expensive kunai and shuriken could be, selling them all could add up to a pretty sum.

"No."

"So you keep them?"

"Come back and you might figure it out." Then Kitaeru went back to ignoring her. She'd clearly gotten all that she would out of him –unless she agreed to be his apprentice.

"

By the time Kokuchou arrived back in the Wakuraba district, the sun had already set. It had taken her a very long time to figure out where she was and then even longer to make her way through the maze of streets back to Wakuraba.

Those who had jobs in the main parts of Konoha, as street cleaners, construction workers and other such occupations, meandered along with her. A few nodded to her in greeting, but most just shuffled tiredly. People hung outside of their homes. Some people drank. Others, many of them unemployed, just watched them go by.

Shou was sitting on the steps of the Aokigahara Orphanage when she walked past it on her way to her house. He hopped up and trotted over, curls bouncing.

"Where were you?!" Shou grabbed her shoulders and shook them. "I looked everywhere!"

Kokuchou lifted his hands by single finger each and let them drop. She didn't really know how to explain the strangeness of her afternoon. "I met someone."

"What? Who? Did they hurt you?" Shou began searching her body and clothes for signs of a fight. At one point, he even checked to make sure she had all of her teeth by pulling her lips at the corners.

Kokuchou swatted his fingers away, annoyed. She wondered when Shou had become so obnoxious. He'd always been a mother-hen sort of figure in her life, but had only become outrageous when she was four. "No, Shou-nii. He didn't."

Shou leaned away from her, wiggling his eyebrows. "Ohhh. He? A boyfr-"

"Nope. And don't make that face," Kokuchou struggled to remain deadpan though she was pretty sure her flush was visible even in the dimming light.

Shou laughed and put his arm around her shoulders. He began to walk them in the direction of her house.

"So," he encouraged her. "Tell your big brother Shou everything."

Kokuchou did, though she shortened the story for the sake of time. She didn't live far from the orphanage. "Then he asked me to be his apprentice."

Shou's eyes brows rose high on his forehead. "What?! Like to be a blacksmith?"

Kokuchou shook her head, "No. At least, that's only part of it. He said he'd take over my training –that the Third School is… inadequate."

Shou looked away from her, nodding. She wondered if he agreed with Kitaeru-san. His thoughts seemed so far away- "Will you accept?" he asked, suddenly.

Kokuchou shrugged.

Shou halted, put his hands on her shoulders, and bent a little until they were eye to eye. His bushy hair tickled her forehead. "You should. Really."

"But then you and I can't-"

"I'm busy with class, anyway. And in six months I'll be on a team. Do it. I'm serious."

Kokuchou picked at her nail –it was her way of frowning. Shou was the second person that day to tell her what decision she should make. She began walking once again. "I like to train alone."

"Don't be an idiot," Shou snapped, easily keeping pace with her short strides. Kokuchou nearly stumbled in her surprise. She couldn't remember the last time Shou had snapped at her. "How many of us get the opportunity to be personally trained? None. But all those kids at the First School get help outside of school."

"Why are you getting so worked up over thi-"

Shou threw his hands into the air. "Because you're not thinking! You know what happens to us! To those kids, Kareha and Hama and that Jukai boy!"

"I might fail the graduation test," Kokuchou reasoned. "Or become a paperwork shino-"

"You won't! They won't let you. You may not be the best, but you're certainly not the worst, either. And in war they don't need quality. They just want quantity. One day you'll be on a mission or on the front of some war and all you'll have to save yourself is the bottom-tier education you got at the Third School!"

The people walking by paid them no mind, though everyone had obviously listened. A few people sat on their stoops or leaned out of their windows to watch the scene. Someone poured a bucket of something from their window. Kokuchou and Shou stepped aside to avoid being splashed. It could be from any number of things –none of which they wanted touching their bodies.

Shou took a deep breath, pushed his hair from his face. "Unless you become his apprentice. Then you'll have a chance."

Kokuchou didn't know what face to give Shou. She tried to keep her expression composed, serene like her mother and the moon, but failed. Her eyes tightened and her mouth pulled down at the corners a bit.

Kokuchou didn't say a word.

"You didn't have a choice in becoming a shinobi, your father made that for you," Shou went on. "But you do have a choice in what you do to keep yourself from dying."

He put his arm around her shoulder. "Just think about."

Kokuchou nodded, trained her face, and let him lead her home.

"

The next day, once school had let out, Kokuchou wandered the streets until she found the alley. She hadn't made a decision so much as she had been considering it and suddenly found herself there, at that red door with a kunai engraved on it and ivy covering the wall.

Thus far, Kokuchou had been doing what she'd believed was enough. Shou obviously didn't agree and after the tournament two weeks ago, she was beginning to see where he was coming from. She'd always known, at least since she first began at the Academy, that others were given an unfair advantage, while not much was done for those who came from less.

This was her chance, like Shou had said, to do something about it. In her own little way.

Kokuchou grabbed the handle and opened the door.


	10. Those Eyes

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-editor, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 4, 2019.**

* * *

Ikkyu shoves a cup of tea into my vision, "It is time for you to take a break." He doesn't move his hand until I accept it.

I don't close the journal.

Ikkyu eyes it. "May I?"

I nod and sip my tea. Ikkyu slides the journal from my lap, opens it to the first page, and begins reading. The Cat immediately curls up in the vacant space.

The three of us sit quietly.

The sound of Ikkyu turning the pages reminds me of falling leaves.

The Cat purrs softly from my lap.

The sounds of my sips join them.

"This tastes horrible," I grimace.

Ikkyu doesn't look up from the pages when he says, "Yes, it does."

He is distracted and so I wait. I can ask him why he never learned to make good tea later.

When Ikkyu reads the last page that I managed to write, he closes the journal and sets it between us. "You have filled many pages."

I nod.

"Is it helpful?"

I take a moment; I have to think about it. The soul-ache continues to occur, but it is not as severe. The Cat peeks open his eyes, slants them at me. He is waiting for my answer, too.

I tell them. "I'm beginning to understand Kokuchou more. And with every new thing I learn, the rest of her memories become a little clearer. Like the hours and hours she spent training –which also explains my flexibility…"

Ikkyu smiles and his ears move. "That is wonderful news, child."

I can only agree with him. For the first time since I woke up in this body, in this world, I feel hope. If the soul-ache can lessen, then it can also disappear entirely. After that, though, I do not know.

"Do you believe these pages to be accurate?"

I move to cross my legs. The Cat hops off of my lap and meows. He eyes me, irritated, before prancing away.

"Not entirely…" I tuck my hands beneath my thighs to ward off the chill. "When I read what I've written, my mind tells me where I got it wrong. But I don't know how it's wrong."

Ikkyu nods, sips his own tea. "This is likely the doing of your soul. It is molding your memories so that it can create places to fit. There is not much to be done about that. I suppose the only people who could tell you otherwise would be those who were there…" Ikkyu pauses. "You have not made much mention of your father."

I've realized this. For some reason, every time I tried to write about him, I couldn't find the words.

Ikkyu seems to understand my problem. "Perhaps it would be best to begin small –with details or facts. Simple memories. A clearer picture of him may come to the surface. If nothing else, it will give you something off of which to build." He hands me the journal with a smile. "At this rate, I will have to track down another one for you."

He is not wrong. Already, I have managed to fill a quarter of the pages.

"Do not fret, child. Worry only for making yourself whole," Ikkyu pats my knee and stands. "I will start dinner now."

"Thank you," I say as he retreats and open to the first blank page.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to remember her father.

"

His breath smells of stale beer and peanuts. She wonders if that is all that he has consumed today.

"

His limbs are skinny and she can see his collarbone peeking out of the collar of his shirt. But his belly is swollen and round and his eyes have this hungry look in them.

"

He brings his face close to hers. His eyes are a pretty shade of brown, but they are made ugly by the expression in them. "Where did you hide it?" he asks and not for the first time, she is afraid of him.

"

"Don't look at me like that!" he screams. She wants to turn her back on him so he doesn't have to see her face. Instead, she looks at her okaa-san, whose face is calm, unaffected. It reminds her of the moon. She tries to mimic her.

"

She hates the way he says her name. "Kokuchou," he motions towards the seat across from. The table is littered with various bottles. "You like stories, don't you?" He means the books her okaa-san reads to her, but they aren't always stories. He makes her listen to his slurred, half-remembered and embellished tales until he passes out on the table.

"

He picks her up, twirls her around. Her otou-san is having one of his good days. He even gives her a piece of candy and she feels like crying –not because she is happy, but because she knows it won't last.

"

Her expression slips, ever so slightly, and he loses it. "How many times do I have to say it?!" His shout rings throughout the house and he throws a bottle against the wall. It shatters. The air smells astringent, like alcohol. "Don't look at me with those eyes!"

"

"I'm sorry for what I said," he rubs at his eyes. He is hung over and she doubts he means it. "It's just," he struggles with his words, "they're just so big and so blue and every expression you make is just... a lot." He is not wrong. Even the other children –she wouldn't call them friends; only Shou is her friend– have said the same thing. That night, she examines her expressions in their small, tarnished mirror. Her deep set eyes and the heavy brows above them make even the tiniest of smiles and frowns much more intense. Kokuchou then practices making her face like the her mother's, peaceful and still.

"

"So many of them," he slurs, "they all think changing their names will change everything. Because when people hear 'Aokigahara' they think of Wakuraba and," he snaps his fingers, "it's like they know us. But they don't! And they never will! Because while we're all over here living like trash with nowhere to go, they're just breezing on through life. To them, we're just a blight on this village. But changing your name won't do no good 'cause we're still stuck here!" He is crying now, "So I kept it when I could've changed it –to remind 'em that we're not going anywhere. Aokigahara Kouzai," he says his name like it's a curse. "A great, big 'fuck you!' to the village that is ashamed of us but doesn't give enough damn's to do something about it!" She listens, expression neutral.

"

"Kokuchou," he says as they eat dinner. "I have some news." She thinks it will be that he's found a new job. It isn't. "I've enrolled you in the Shinobi Academy. You start in January." He doesn't explain why. Kokuchou thinks about the children from the orphanages and how they haven't come home in weeks. She looks to her okaa-san and is shocked to see the frown pulling the corners of her mouth downward. But her okaa-san does not say a word. She finishes eating and goes outside with a book –all in silence. Her otou-san opens another bottle.


	11. Seventh Winter

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 5, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Seventh Winter~**

Kokuchou was exhausted –mind, body, and soul. But it was the good kind of exhaustion. For the first time since entering the Academy, Kokuchou felt as if she had a chance. She was learning and becoming and feeling more.

Shou was right –being an apprentice to Kitaeru-sensei had been the right decision.

Although she'd known her education at the Third School was lacking, Kokuchou hadn't realized just how inadequate it was until she began working with Kitaeru-sensei. The first few weeks had been grueling. He'd praised, in his own way, her flexibility and agility but didn't hesitate to point out that her stamina and strength were seriously lacking.

Kitaeru-sensei had her running laps until she vomited, all the while instructing her to carry objects twice her weight and once it became slightly more bearable, he would up the difficulty. She had to dodge whatever he threw at her and try to take him out in the process. He taught Kokuchou to enhance her muscles with chakra to increase her speed and strength, though he didn't allow her to use it unless they were sparring.

It was during these trainings that Kokuchou realized she wasn't meant to be a shinobi. Even though her training became less difficult as she grew stronger, she hated it and not even the endorphins coursing through her blood could change that. It was tedious and boring and didn't engage her mind in the least.

Her hope was that, like Kitaeru-sensei, she could one day leave active duty to join the reserves. Then she would be able to pursue her true interests –whatever they were. Kokuchou was too busy learning how to not die to take up any hobbies.

Everyday after training, the two would leave their makeshift training field behind the shop and work in the forge. At first Kokuchou had been lost; she didn't know the differences between weapons or the types of metals they were made of, much less how to use anything other than kunai and shuriken.

But then her okaa-san had come home with an armful of books after work. They'd been about forging processes, both historical and modern, the physics behind moving objects, geology, and even the types of weapons and the best techniques for using them. It had taken some time between school and lessons with Kitaeru-sensei, but Kokuchou had read them all.

After she'd learned all that she could from the books, Kokuchou had hoped to impress her mentor with her knowledge. Kitaeru-sensei was in the middle of explaining shita-kitae when she'd interrupted, "Then the carbon will be distributed evenly enough that additional times are not necessary for the strength of the steel."

Kitaeru-sensei had looked up from the metal bar on the anvil. "So you understand, then?"

Kokuchou, who had been waxing with pride, waned. She hesitated. It felt like a trap. "…Yes, sir. I already know all of this from my books."

Her mentor glowered beneath his heavy mustache. "Knowing isn't the same as understanding, kid."

"What's the difference?"

"You can know a thing from your books or be taught it by your teachers, but until you've experienced it, until you've lived through it, you won't understand it. Not really." Kitaeru-sensei placed the folded metal block into the fire. He'd let the idea sink in as they repeated the process of heating, pounding, and folding the steel an additional nineteen times.

Kitaeru-sensei also taught her about strategy, all different kinds –offensive, defensive, and evasive, which worked best for different terrains, and the techniques you could expect from a person based on the strategy they used. Only, he didn't assign her a book to read or give her a lecture on those things; that always came later.

Konoha had surprisingly varied training grounds in regards to terrain and if there was a they type didn't have, like snow or desert, he would cast a genjutsu to make them feel as if they were actually training in those spaces.

Using clones for his 'soldiers', Kitaeru-sensei would utilize different stratagems and attack Kokuchou. She had to react in a way that would neutralize her opponent. Later, she'd analyze his tactics and identify the strategy he'd used. If she lost, she'd have figure out the reason and then do the exercise all over again until she won.

Kokuchou learned the most from those sessions.

But her favorite time spent with Kitaeru-sensei was in the forge. Not because she especially enjoyed the heat or the smell, or the amount of time it took to create weapons, but because it allowed her to forget that she was training to become a shinobi.

Her entire life had begun to revolve around training, but in the forge she could lose herself in the work. To Kitaeru-sensei, the forge was a sacred space where if one had to talk, it was to be about what they were doing. Nothing else. Anything about shinobi was not allowed despite the fact that the weapons they were forging were for shinobi. It always confused Kokuchou how easily she forgot this, but she wasn't about to overthink it.

Any reprieve came as a blessing.

In the six months since she'd become Kitaeru-sensei's apprentice, Kokuchou had learned a lot, and although she would never be the best, she was curious to see how well she would stand up against the students who had, historically, held the advantage.

I'll just have to wait until the next tournament, Kokuchou thought as she walked up the steps to her house. Distantly, she wondered when she'd stopped thinking of it as her home.

The house was quiet and still when she walked through the door, though that didn't necessarily mean that no one was home. She didn't see any bottles lying around, so either her otou-san wasn't in or he was having one of his good days –the former being the more likely scenario.

Kokuchou didn't bother to call out for her okaa-san. Instead, she headed straight through the hallway to the backdoor.

Despite the chill of the winter air and the dimming light of the sun, Aokigahara Yozora sat beneath the desiccated beech tree behind their house. Kokuchou frowned. Her mother wasn't wearing much to keep warm, but with her nose in the book and eyes roving across the pages, she doubted that the woman even noticed.

Kokuchou grabbed her mother's heavy blanket from the closet and made her way outside, kicking the door open with her foot. The woman didn't look up from her book, even when Kokuchou set the blanket on her legs.

"Hungry?" her okaa-san flipped to the next page. Kokuchou read the title; 'The Evolution of Animals in Extreme Environments.'

What her mother could possibly use that information for, Kokuchou had no idea. While not the most intelligent, Yozora was certainly the most knowledgeable person she knew. It wasn't until recently that Kokuchou realized knowing wasn't as important as understanding, though.

She wondered how much of what her mother read in her books was really understood. Not a lot, if Kitaeru-sensei was correct. Her okaa-san had never been to any of the places she read about, nor could she do those very same things if she never stopped reading.

"I ate," Kokuchou replied. Since becoming Kitaeru-sensei's apprentice, she'd taken to eating with him in the apartment above his shop every evening and although her mother knew this, she never failed to ask if Kokuchou was hungry.

Her okaa-san was rarely ever present, both mentally and emotionally, but Kokuchou knew she cared in her own, small ways.

"I'm going to bed."

Yozora's reply was to turn the page.

When Kokuchou woke, it wasn't to birds signaling the coming dawn or grey light streaming through her window, but yelling.

She startled awake, eyes popping open, but otherwise did not move. She knew from experience that it was always best to stay still until she could figure out the severity of the situation. Kokuchou waited and listened, trying to gain her bearings. She saw the stars shining through her window and could tell by the darkness of the sky that the moon had set.

"Where did you hide it?!" her father shouted. The walls had little insulation, making it easier to understand. "Tell me!"

Yozora's words were much softer, though not from fright. "There is more beer in the cellar, dear." Her mother always kept a stock of alcohol below their house because her father, when on a rampage and unable to find more, usually jumped to the conclusion that they'd hidden it from him.

"Not that! The money! Where'd you hide the money?!" His words were slurred and thick.

"I gave you all the money from my jo-"

A slam shook the walls and Kokuchou leapt to her feet. In his alcohol-fueled rages, her otou-san had only laid a hand on them a few times, but Kokuchou preferred to be certain that he hadn't touched her mother.

Her parents were in the room just outside her door and would notice if she opened it, so Kokuchou crept quietly to the window and slid it open. A gust of cold air entered the room. She stopped when it began to creak and, after a quick once-over, she decided it was large enough for her to squeeze through. Their house had only one floor, therefore shimmying out the window was no problem.

She could hear her father demanding the money over and over and her mother calmly replying that she didn't have any. The world could be burning and Aokigahara Yozora wouldn't bat an eye.

Kokuchou channeled chakra to her feet, silencing her steps like Kitaeru-sensei had taught her, and walked slowly up the rickety to porch. She crouched below the window and peered into the room. Yozora stood in the center of the room, as serene as the moon, while Kouzai paced.

He looked so unhealthy and Kokuchou wondered how his belly could be so bloated when then rest of his body was so thin.

"You're trying to kill me! That's what you're doing." When Yozora said nothing, he went on. "Just give me the money. I know you have it."

"I gave it all to you, dear," her okaa-san repeated, eyes following Kouzai around the room.

"Not yours. Hers," he pointed madly at the door to her room, arm trembling. "Kokuchou's!"

What? Kokuchou thought. She had no money.

Yozora blinked and when Kouzai's back turned, her mouth drew down, ever so slightly. Her face became tranquil once more as he looked to her. "That, too."

Kokuchou's brows pulled together. What are they talking about?

"Then I'll just ask her."

Kokuchou panicked when she realized her father was heading straight to her room. Kokuchou didn't bother with the steps; she simply leapt from her spot below the window to the ground before their porch. Silencing her footsteps, she squeezed through the window and closed it behind her.

The air in the room hadn't even settled from her swift entrance by the time Kouzai opened the door. Kokuchou sent a silent prayer of thanks to whoever was listening that her father had been on the opposite side of the living room –it had given her just enough time.

"Kokuchou!" he shouted, and she pretended to startle awake.

Kokuchou kept her face as neutral as possible.

"Where's the money?!"

"What mone-"

"You know what money! Your money! You're hiding it, I know you are!"

At the same time, Yozora hurried into the room. She grabbed her husband's arm. "She doesn't have the money, Kouzai." Her voice held more urgency than Kokuchou had ever heard it with. "Really, she doesn't."

Her father shook Yozora off. "You're lying!" He slammed his hand against the wall. "You're lying, you're lying, you're lying! You, both of you! You're trying to kill me! I know it!"

Kokuchou could only stare wide-eyed. She'd seen her father on a rampage before, but this wasn't normal. He seemed so desperate. Her otou-san caught her gaze and flinched back so violently he nearly tripped. "Don't look at me like that!"

He stumbled from the room, footsteps echoing throughout the house. Kouzai ripped the front door open, not bothering to shut it behind him. He lurched down the street. Kokuchou had no idea to where.

The silence in the house following Kouzai's departure was more deafening than his shouts had been.

"Okaa-san?"

Yozora stood, staring out the window. "Don't worry about it, Kokuchou." Although, she didn't clarify whether she shouldn't be worrying about her father or his words.

Kokuchou didn't try to pry further. Yozora would say nothing. Her okaa-san made her way out of the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

Kokuchou laid in her futon but couldn't calm her mind enough to sleep. She remained awake the few hours until dawn, watching as the sky lightened from the deep black-blue of night, like her mother's eyes.


	12. Seventh Spring

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 5, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Seventh Spring~**

Itame-sensei is officially the coolest, Kokuchou thought in awe as she watched her mentor move around the center of the training field, the shriek of metal reverberating throughout the air.

She'd noticed his belt before, but hadn't thought anything of it until she noticed it catch the light. "What's that, Itame-sensei?" Kokuchou had asked. Although he'd refused to reveal his given name to her, she'd discovered it on her own when a customer had come in asking for him.

He was still sore about it, too.

Itame-sensei had looked at her and smiled, actually smiled –and was that a giggle? "I was wondering when you were going to ask about it."

Kokuchou had only followed her mentor, her surprise manifesting itself in the tapping of her fingers against her thigh. He led a thoroughly weirded out Kokuchou to the training ground behind the shop.

Her fingers had tapped even faster when he unfurled his belt and revealed it to be a weapon of some sort. Made of three metal strands, each about two meters long, the weapon appeared to be a cross between a sword and a whip.

"It's called an urumi," Itame-sensei had said, holding out the weapon for her to inspect. She took it gingerly in her hands. The metal blades were thin, flexible, and razor sharp. "I was a little older than you when I made it."

Kokuchou brought the blades closer to her face in an attempt to identify the type of metal but Itame-sensei stopped her with a hand on her wrist. "Careful," he cautioned and bent so that she could see the tip of his right ear. It was missing. "This is what happens when you're careless with an urumi. Or any weapon, for that matter."

Kokuchou had the urge to pick at her nails, but couldn't with the urumi in her hands. She should have known better, honestly. Had more than ten months into being a blacksmith's apprentice really taught her nothing?

Kokuchou handed the whip-like blades back to her mentor. "Will you show me how they work?"

Itame-sensei was rarely anything but gruff. Kokuchou didn't think she'd ever seen her mentor so delighted; his smile had been big enough to make his mustache move. Itame-sensei had walked to the center of the field, ordering Kokuchou to watch from the edge, and began his demonstration without even warming up. She thought he almost looked alike to a child excited about showing off his favorite toy –an unsettling persona for her forty-year-old, bear of a mentor.

Ten minutes later and her mentor was still going. He whipped the blades about, moving his body in a way that she hadn't thought possible as he created a verifiable barrier between himself and his imaginary opponents. Itame-sensei moved closer to one of the stumps they used as a target, urumi slicing through the air in a shriek of metal all the while.

Kokuchou had been sitting with her knees drawn to her chest, but when the blades sheared the log into four separate chunks, she couldn't help but leap to her feet.

She wasn't able to contain her surprise and Kokuchou's large eyes grew slightly larger. She'd known the blades were sharp, but enough to cut through logs like they were butter? She waited as Itame-sensei wound down and once he'd stopped completely, she ran over to him.

"How'd you do that, sensei?!" Although her face maintained its placidity, Kokuchou's voice belied her true eagerness.

"Practice. Lots of it." The urumi was relaxed in his grip, bending towards the ground.

"But you cut right through those logs! What kind of metal can do that?"

Itame-sensei looked at the weapon in his hand, gave it a little swing, and suddenly the blades went rigid. They extended an entire two meters out. "It's chakra conductive metal. When forged correctly, the weapon can cut through many kinds of materials, as I just demonstrated. They can also take on the wielder's chakra nature; mine is earth, so the blades become rigid when I channel chakra into them."

He took a step back from her and angled to the side. Not a moment later, all three blades grew to twice their previous length. "Or they can change size without the metal losing its integrity."

The urumi relaxed again to rest on the ground. "If the wielder's chakra control is good enough, they can even manipulate the blades individually." The blades then began to move of their own accord, it seemed, because like snakes they wound about in different directions.

"That is," Kokuchou began slowly, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from grinning like a fool, "the coolest thing I have ever seen!" She crowded her mentor's space and he wound the weapon around his waist. "And you said you made it?"

"Yes," Itame-sensei replied and it seemed as if his good mood hadn't faded in the wake of his demonstration, because he was being far chattier than was usual. "As my apprentice, I'll teach you to forge a weapon of your own when you're ready-"

"Really?!" She had the urge to glomp the man. Shou had rubbed off on her and while Kokuchou wasn't as much of a weapons nerd as her sensei, she knew awesomeness when she saw it. "When? Can I make an urumi, too?"

Her mentor backed away. "I told you. When you're ready. And you'll have to research the different types of weapons a little more in-depth. You need to find a weapon that works for your body type and skill set and then design the weapon on paper."

A little disappointed, but not that surprised, Kokuchou let her excitement wane a bit. "And the metal?" She hadn't seen any of that in their stores.

"It's called Takama-no-Kinzoku. The process of refining it is more intensive compared to most other metals and the Land of Fire doesn't have a large quantity, but the Kitaeru clan owns a plot of land with a fair amount. Once I approve of your designs, we'll mine the metal."

She was nearly halfway through with her third year at the Academy. In another two and a half, she'd be graduating. At the rate she was going with Itame-sensei, would that be enough time?

Kokuchou asked as much.

Itame-sensei didn't reply right away, instead turning back towards the shop. It was the kind of spring day where the air felt like summer in the sun but winter in the shade. Wildflowers had begun to sprout up in the field and the ivy along the alley wall was looking greener.

"You'll have enough time, kid," Itame-sensei finally said as he entered the shop. "Let's get back to work on that order."

"

Kokuchou couldn't blame her classmates for their restlessness. As spring gave way to the summer and the weather became nicer, it was only natural for them to want to spend all of their time outdoors. However, that particular day had started out deceivingly fair and they'd all had to watch as the storm clouds rolled in and washed away their hopes of playing outside after school.

Itame-sensei would still make her train, she knew -and probably not even in the forest. It was a favorite drill of his to have her run around an empty field practicing with long, metal weapons in the midst of thunderstorms. But Kokuchou didn't mind, she even liked the rain. Sure, she ran the risk of being struck by lightning but it hadn't happened so far. If there was any real danger, she trusted Itame-sensei to help her where she couldn't help herself.

That was another thing she'd learned from her sensei: how to trust others to have her back. He'd recently taken to creating teams of clones, joining hers, and running scenarios in which she was the team leader. He followed her orders and occasionally offered up advice, but left the choice up to her judgment.

Regardless of whether or not it had been the correct one, they debriefed together to figure out what worked and what didn't. Itame-sensei sometimes tried to trip her up by making subtly poor suggestions or changing his personality. Kokuchou, while not a born leader, was learning to cooperate, delegate, and improvise with others fairly well. Itame-sensei had even praised her a few times.

Well, not so much praised as looked on approvingly –though it had taken her a long time to notice those tells of his.

After his demonstration with his urumi, Itame-sensei began teaching her how to use more of the weapons in his shop. Usually, he dulled the blades beforehand and wouldn't sharpen it until he deemed her ready. Kokuchou, nearly a year into her apprenticeship, could wield most knives, staffs, swords, hook swords, and spears with a modicum of competency. At the very least, she wouldn't maim herself, though she definitely preferred shorter swords due to her height.

Recently, she'd moved on to chain weapons and those were quickly becoming her favorites –anything to put as much distance between herself and her opponents. However, any sort of mastery of a weapon would take her years upon years of practice, like Itame-sensei with his urumi.

It was for this reason that she was reading a book on long-range weapons during class rather than pay attention to the lecture. It wasn't as if any of the other students were listening to Hibari-sensei, either, and she'd learned about natural camouflage techniques from her mentor over the winter.

Just thinking about his relentless pursuit of her until she blended perfectly with her surroundings made Kokuchou shudder. He'd probably make her do it again…

Thunder rumbled in the sky and the lights within the classroom flickered on and off. Kokuchou turned the page and continued reading.

Hmm… Interesting. Kokuchou traced her finger around the circular diagram. A chakram? The book said it was a ring, typically between twelve and thirty centimeters in diameter. A bar with which to grip it sometimes ran through the center, but usually came without. The wielder of the chakram would spin the weapon around their finger and launch it at the enemy. If thrown correctly, the chakram could slice the muscle and bone.

Kokuchou thought of the urumi and all the ways that Itame-sensei could manipulate it. Ideas swirled throughout her head.

I'll have to mention it to Itame-sensei toda-

Someone obnoxiously knocked on the door to the classroom until Hibari-sensei shouted, "What?!"

It slid open and Kokuchou immediately perked up. Shou!

She'd seen him around Wakuraba, of course, and he made a point of seeking her out whenever he had free time but since becoming a genin this past winter, she'd seen less and less of him.

After the constancy of his presence for, well, her entire life, she'd felt his absence acutely. Kokuchou would've never opted to become a shinobi if she'd had any choice in the matter, but now that she'd lost Shou's company she was glad to have all of her time occupied with her apprenticeship.

"Hibari-sensei, I'm here on a mission for Takagi-sensei." The students in the classroom made a sound admiration. "He needs Aokigahara Kokuchou for-"

"Just take her," Hibari-sensei scowled, "and stop interrupting my class."

Shou's gaze found her immediately and he waved Kokuchou over. The school day was almost over so she packed her bag and exited the room.

As soon as the door shut behind her, Shou wrapped her in an enormous hug.

"Ugh, Shou-nii," Kokuchou wheezed. Shou let her down and motioned for her to keep quiet, eyes darting towards the door. Kokuchou could hear Hibari-sensei yelling at the students to quiet down and pay attention.

Shou led the way out of the school, breaking into a run the second he stepped outside. Kokuchou followed behind him, taking the opportunity to observe her best friend.

He'd grown in the five months since accepting his hitai-ate; his height, his strength, his hair –and at only eleven he towered over most of his peers. Shou kept his curls away from his face with the hitai-ate utilized as a headband.

Kokuchou knew he was heading towards the small park a few streets over without even having to ask. It had been a favorite lunch spot of theirs, or if they didn't have anything to eat that day, which had been often, they would sit there while Shou tried to get Kokuchou to react to things.

They reached the gazebo just as the first drops of rain began to fall. The drops landed on the cement walkway, evaporating almost immediately. Shou pulled her into another hug.

This time, he didn't hesitate to shout, "My little gosling! How I've missed you!"

Kokuchou sighed through her nose, exasperated. "Also not what a baby swan is called. You'll get there someday."

Shou pulled away but kept his hands on her shoulders. "Let me look at you! How long has it been? Are you eating well? You don't look any taller," Shou brought his hand up to measure his height against hers.

Kokuchou closed her eyes so he couldn't see her roll them. "It's been ten days. Yes, I have. And screw you, man," she listed off entirely deadpan.

Shou guffawed all the way from his belly. Kokuchou watched his curls bounce. "I'm just teasing, ducky," he brought his hand to rest on top of her head. "But that apprenticeship sure has changed something. Take a gander at that attitude." Shou whistled and moved her head from side to side.

She ducked away. "There was no mission, was there?"

"I did have a D-rank, but my team finished early and I thought I'd come see you before you went to the shop."

Kokuchou nodded in understanding. She'd expected as much. "How is your team?"

Shou leaned against the railing of the gazebo, stuck his hand out to feel the rain. "They're fine. Wakaba is working on her chakra control and Wakaki is still cleaning up his Academy style."

Kokuchou thought of the Jukai twins and nodded. They were also from Wakuraba, though they'd grown up in the Jukai Orphanage. She remembered that Shou hadn't been unhappy with his team placement, but neither had he been excited. The three had been in the same class since beginning the Academy and he knew exactly of what they were capable. Or, more precisely, all of the things they weren't.

Kokuchou recalled all the times the twins had denied Shou's offers of joining them for training. Shou couldn't compare with a First School student, either, but he at least tried his best with what he was given.

"And Jimei-taichou?"

"The guy's a hoot and a half," Shou chuckled. "But not meant to be a teacher."

Kokuchou frowned and looked at her feet, which barely touched the ground. These seats were just made high, she convinced herself.

"What makes someone a good teacher?"

Shou shrugged. "I don't really know, either." Neither of them needed to state that it was probably because he hadn't had one before. "He's very honest about what we do wrong, but doesn't give any feedback on how to fix the problems. He just kinda leaves it up to us to figure out."

Kokuchou swung her feet back and forth, heels knocking against the wood. "You could always come to some of my trainings."

Shou wiped the water from his hand using his shirt and crossed his arms. "Thanks, but I don't think Kitaeru-san would appreciate another student."

He wasn't wrong about that. Kitaeru Itame was infamous for being unsociable and existed in a perpetual state of irascibility. When she'd first started making deliveries for him or interacting with customers, they were always surprised that the grouch had taken an apprentice.

Lightning flashed, a herald of the thunder that followed.

"How's your 'tou-san?"

It was Kokuchou's turn to shrug. She thought of his distended belly and the way his skin sometimes looked yellow. "I think he's sick."

Shou hummed. "Did you ever figure out what he meant by the money?"

"No, but he was drunk so…" she trailed off.

There was another flare of lightning and a roar of the clouds.

"I love thunderstorms." Kokuchou rested her chin on the railing and looked out at the park.

"I know," Shou said.

The two listened to the rain pour and thunder echo through the mountains. Neither of them needed to say anything more.


	13. Seventh Summer: Part I

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 5, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Seventh Summer: Part I~**

"Aokigahara Kokuchou," the mediator stood between her and her opponent. The sun hung high in the sky and the breeze blew cool against the back of her neck. The tournament was being held later that year, closer to September. "Moriyama Ryokuin."

The boy was nearly a head taller than her and appeared as if he ate regularly. And well.

These things, when coupled with the fact that he attended the First School, didn't bode well for her. Kokuchou didn't consider her win against the girl from the Second School to be a fluke; she'd researched the three possible participants from her year at the Second School, watched them during their matches, and prepared herself accordingly. Unfortunately, she hadn't had time to observe her year-mates from the First School.

Now she stood before this eight-year-old boy who could easily pass for someone three years older and with no prior knowledge of his skill. She'd been optimistic before, but as Ryokuin's figure loomed over hers, Kokuchou wished she'd never tried to get this far.

All her efforts had been exerted in the hopes of impressing Itame-sensei enough that she could start on her chakrams. The designs were just waiting for her mentor's approval.

Her schoolmates cheered from the ring behind her and Kokuchou tried her hardest not to grimace. They were going to be so disappointed.

"Are you ready?" The mediator asked and they responded in the affirmative. He let his hand fall. "Begin."

Kokuchou dropped into her ready stance, legs bent at the knee and ready to leap away at a moments notice. Her opponent didn't move. Ryokuin smirked at her and turned his head towards the crowd without breaking eye contact.

"I almost feel bad about how unfair it is!" he shouted to them, eying her diminutive form all the while. She maybe, maybe reached his collarbone.

I'm not that short. He's just tall. It was something she'd been telling herself about everyone.

The crowd snickered.

Kokuchou didn't budge –she could tell he was trying to rile her into making the first move. She simply held eye contact until a very long minute later the students began to grow bored.

"Just make a move, already! You're gonna win anyway!" someone shouted. Ryokuin frowned.

The boy didn't even move into his own ready position before he aimed a strike at her. His long arm easily crossed the distance between them and his fist was heading straight for her face.

Kokuchou leaned to the side and grabbed his arm. The next few moments of grappling were the fastest of her life and ended with Kokuchou holding the larger boy in chokehold on the ground –though she couldn't exactly recall how they'd gotten there. Somehow, she'd managed to get on Ryokuin's shoulders and tip him over. Her legs locked his arms behind his back, knees bending his spine in a way that would make it difficult to rise. Her arms wrapped around his neck.

She didn't hold him hard enough to block his airways, but just enough that he couldn't make a move against her. The mediator appeared above them and counted to ten. Ryokuin struggled against her the entire time and while she wasn't strong enough to hold off an opponent his size for much longer, she'd positioned herself well.

"Match, over," the mediator announced. "Aokigahara Kokuchou is the winner."

Kokuchou immediately released her hold on the boy and he rolled off of her, coughing. Her schoolmates erupted in a cheer loud enough to make up for the fact the other students were much quieter. Rising to her feet, Kokuchou saw that most of them were murmuring amongst themselves, eyebrows raised. They didn't look upset so much as surprised.

No Third Schooler had won in- well, she wasn't sure the last time a student from her school had won for their year. But she felt it was almost an empty victory. She wouldn't have been able to hold Ryokuin much longer. That and he'd underestimated her size, not remembering how flexible she was from the previous year's tournament.

She didn't let herself look at Moriyama Ryokuin as she joined her classmates around the ring, stomach sinking at the thought of what expression he might have been making at her.

My chakrams are more important, she tried to convince herself. He's just one boy.

They jostled Kokuchou about and smacked her shoulders in praise. When Kokuchou turned to watch the next round of fourth year students compete, she saw the teachers from all three schools were huddled together.

Hibari-sensei was angry.

"That doesn't make any sense!" she shouted loud enough for the students to hear.

The hushed debate continued until Hibari-sensei pivoted on her heel and stomped towards them, face flushed. She didn't look at Kokuchou as she made to stand amongst their school.

The mediator made his way to the center of the ring and the students fell silent, waiting. "Aokigahara Kokuchou is disqualified-"

"What?!" an older student shouted next to her and the crowd echoed his confusion.

"-for deviating from the Academy's taijutsu style."

Everyone was looking at her and Kokuchou held down her flush by telling herself that she didn't care. It was true, after all. She had used a style that Itame-sensei had taught her. It suited her build much better.

"It's such bullshit," she heard Hibari-sensei sneer from somewhere behind her. Kokuchou agreed, though she would never say as much. If her style was the problem, why not redo the match? It hadn't lasted long and neither of them were too tired.

"The winner of the year-three round, by default, is Moriyama Ryokuin."

You don't win missions by 'default', she wanted to say but plastered on her peaceful mask.

Kokuchou's schoolmates tried to console her, their pats on the shoulder were pitying whereas before they'd been celebratory. That's what they thought she needed.

However, more than anger or outrage, Kokuchou just didn't understand why.

"

"I heard about your match," Itame-sensei said through a mouthful of fish.

Kokuchou looked up at her mentor. She was not in the greatest of moods and while her expression didn't change, she let it show in her snark. Itame-sensei appreciated snark. "How? You don't leave the shop."

"A customer, smartass…" he took a sip of his water. Either the man didn't drink or he didn't do it around her, because she'd never seen him with so much as a beer. She supposed he had some hidden somewhere, though. Every adult in Wakuraba drank. She assumed that's just what they did. "It's not often that a kid from Wakuraba beats a First Schooler."

"I didn't beat him."

"Maybe not according to them. I heard you took the kid down in five moves."

Kokuchou shrugged and ate a green bean. She wasn't a huge fan of green foods and neither was Itame-sensei, apparently. But every time she ate dinner with him, there were vegetables on their plates without fail. It didn't escape her notice that he never touched them. However, Kokuchou was in no position to turn down free, nutritious food –no matter how bad it tasted.

"You wouldn't have been able to hold the boy long enough to suffocate him," her mentor said.

"Yeah," Kokuchou agreed. Ryokuin had been about to break her hold on him when the count had finished.

Itame-sensei ate another bite of fish. "What would you have done next?"

"I don't know. I kind of operated on instinct."

The man blinked once and looked to his right. Approval. "A good shinobi trusts his instincts," Itame-sensei held up a finger, counting. "A good shinobi plans. But a great shinobi-"

"Does both," Kokuchou finished for him, crossing her two fingers. At his look she went on. "It wasn't hard to see where you were going with that."

Itame-sensei huffed, causing his mustache to billow out. "So?"

Kokuchou occupied herself with finishing her green beans while she thought about the answer. The match played in her mind like a film. "I would have incapacitated his legs." It may have been ruthless, but Kokuchou didn't see much of a difference.

In a spar or on missions, both comrades and enemies were aiming to injure her in some way. It was best to debilitate her opponent as quickly as possible. When the man didn't say anything in the way of approval or dismissal, she elaborated. "A spinning kick from the ground to dislocate his kneecaps and then an uppercut to the chin for the knockout."

"That is, supposin' he let's you do all this."

"I guess that's where the intuition part comes in."

One blink and a glance to the right. Itame-sensei stood, chair screeching against the wooden floor. "Wash the dishes and I'll dry 'em later. I got somethin' to do."

Twenty minutes later, her mentor stomped up the stairs back to the apartment and dropped a pile of papers on the table. Kokuchou dried her hands on a rag and picked them up. Her eyes scanned the document.

"A travel permit? Are you going somewhere?"

"There are two. We're goin'."

"Huh?"

Itame-sensei dropped another stack before her. It was the finalized copy of her chakram design. "It's time we got this into the forge."

"

It hadn't taken any convincing on Kokuchou's part to get her mother's permission to leave the village for the weekend. She'd shown Yozora the papers and her mother had signed them after reading the 'reason for travel' section. Kokuchou had had to forge her father's signature, but the shinobi who filed the paperwork wouldn't bother to check otherwise.

The night before she'd left, Kokuchou had waited outside the Aokigahara Orphanage for Shou.

He never came home.

The matron had eventually stood behind Kokuchou on the steps and said curtly, "He's out on a mission."

"Oh," Kokuchou stood, wiping the seat of her pants. The steps to the orphanage were peeling paint and she wondered if they'd ever get around to redoing them.

Unlikely.

"When," Kokuchou didn't allow herself to even think the word 'if' though Ochiba and Kareha and Hama ran through her thoughts, "When he comes back, could you please tell him that I'll be out of the village for a few days?"

The matron nodded, arms crossed over her chest. Her words belied her tone when she said, "Stay safe out there."

Kokuchou bowed. "Thank you, ma'am."

"

She and Itame-sensei would be gone for four days. Kokuchou would have to miss a bit of school, but that didn't really matter. She arrived at his apartment before the sun rose Friday morning, not even bothering to knock. Itame-sensei sat at the table sipping from a coffee mug.

Kokuchou set her smaller, less bulging bag beside his at the door. Strange, Itame-sensei hadn't struck her as such a heavy packer… Thorough, certainly, but that was a lot of stuff and he'd made sure she knew what was necessary on mission and what was not.

Itame-sensei pushed the coffee pot closer to her side of the table and Kokuchou grabbed a mug from the cupboard before sitting across from her mentor. Itame-sensei hadn't said so much as a 'good morning' but she hadn't really expected him to –he wasn't a morning person.

They finished their coffee in silence, a habit she'd taken up when she had to start waking up at four every morning to complete her solo workouts. She washed the mugs and Kokuchou followed her mentor's lead when he shouldered his bag. The two made their way out of the apartment and through the shop, locking everything behind them.

The village was quiet so early in the morning; the sun just barely peeked over the mountains. Itame-sensei appeared to be waking up, if even only a little. He whistled as they wove through the streets on their way towards the gates.

As the walls of Konoha loomed closer and closer, Kokuchou found her palms sweating and she felt the urge to walk as slow as possible. She had never left the village before –heck, she'd never even been this close to the entrance. Kokuchou had no idea what to expect.

Of course, she'd read books and poured over maps but like Itame-sensei had said, knowing wasn't the same as understanding. And Kokuchou did not yet understand the world outside of those walls.

When they arrived at the guard station just within the gates, Itame-sensei handed the papers over to a tired looking chunin. "Here," he also shoved something into Kokuchou's face. "Look over this before we go."

While the guard reviewed the papers carefully and asked Itame-sensei a few questions, Kokuchou unfolded the item in her hand. It was a topographical map with a destination marked in red ink. The Kitaeru clan's plot of land was located two mountains to the north, in a small valley. Other than Konoha, there were no settlements within klicks of the plot.

The two men finished their conversation and the chunin recorded something in a logbook. "You're good to go."

Itame-sensei grunted and accepted the proffered paperwork before stuffing it in his bag. Kokuchou waited, looking at her mentor expectantly.

He stared right back.

"Lead the way." He motioned to the open gates with a sweep of his arm. Kokuchou's eyebrows shot nearly to her hairline. She glanced between the forest beyond and her mentor.

He really expected her to navigate? Kokuchou wanted to sigh, but she only opened the map once more in an attempt to orient herself. It took a few minutes and Kokuchou had to ignore the stares of both her mentor and the bored chunin but she eventually had a tentative route in mind.

Kokuchou folded the map but didn't put it away. "Well, what are you waiting for?" She asked Itame-sensei with as much confidence as she could muster. She hoped it was enough. He only raised a single eyebrow in the way that always made her jealous.

This was her first time leaving the walls of her village, but it wasn't the first time her mentor had challenged her –neither would it be the last. Itame-sensei would continue to push Kokuchou, prepare her, though she still hadn't managed to figure out why he'd chosen her to be his apprentice in the first place.

Kokuchou took a deep breath. The smell of the air could only be described as green. Beyond the gates, branches wove together in a thick canopy of leaves.

"Let's go."


	14. Seventh Summer: Part II

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 5, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Seventh Summer: Part II~**

She'd made a mistake.

Itame-sensei shoved another branch out of the way. It swished through the air when he let it go. "I told you so."

"You did not! All you said was 'lead the way'," Kokuchou imitated her mentor's gruff way of speaking. It didn't quite match the calm expression on her face. She picked at her nails in frustration.

"I did tell you, but I can see now that you weren't payin' attention to my lesson."

"You mean the one that you made me sit through after I'd been running around the village all day?" Kokuchou felt tired just thinking about that particular exercise. Itame-sensei had her running routes through the village from dawn until dusk with only a single, ten-minute rest, and immediately required her to complete a navigation lesson afterwards.

"That's the one." He hadn't cared about how tired she was then and she knew he didn't care now. Her mentor had lectured Kokuchou time and again on the fact that shinobi had to be able to power through exhaustion, but that didn't change the fact that Kokuchou hated running.

Hated.

She took in their surroundings. "We're on the right mountain, at least."

Maybe. It looked correct.

He grunted and adjusted the straps of his bag.

Kokuchou muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Itame-sensei challenged her.

"I said, if you would only let us use our chakra, then we could be going by the trees and not having to bushwhack our way through this crap." Kokuchou shoved a rhododendron branch out of her way. It bounced back without breaking, wholly unsatisfying.

His glare was icy blue. "If you'd really paid attention, you would've known not to take this route."

She scowled at him from over her shoulder but continued to trudge down the steep mountainside pushing away shrubs as she went. And to think she'd been so sure! It was a straight shot, after all. All she should've had to do was keep north and hike over the mountain, then their destination would be on the opposite side of the valley.

Looking between the sun which hung high in the sky and the sea of low-lying shrubs below, Kokuchou figured it would be hours more before they arrived at their destination.

Kokuchou pictured the map in her head. Where did I go wrong?

"

"You're late." A woman, diminutive in form but massive in presence, stood on the steps of a small cabin with her arms crossed over her chest. "I expected you by lunch time."

And the sun had just set behind the mountains.

Kokuchou looked back and forth between her mentor and his sister to distract herself from her irritation and the blush that threatened to rise. She'd known the man had siblings, but she hadn't expected to be meeting one of them on this trip. Itame-sensei was the most private man she knew and the only reason she'd discovered the number of people in his family was because she'd read over his shoulder as he filled out the village census.

The siblings were almost exact opposites of each other in appearance. Where Itame-sensei was burly, blue-eyed, with dark hair and tan skin, Kitaeru Kera was delicate to the point of being almost bird-like with short, thin limbs, blonde hair, pale skin, and dark eyes. The only things remotely similar about the two were their churlish dispositions.

Overall, Kokuchou had a hard time believing they were related.

Itame-sensei grunted, his choice response, and Kokuchou tried not to grimace. It had been her fault that they'd arrived so late.

The woman's attention shifted to her. Kera's eyes took in Kokuchou's form. "Huh."

Without another word, the woman entered the cabin.

What is that supposed to mean? Kokuchou frowned but followed her mentor and his sister inside.

They left their shoes and bags by the door. Dinner, a meat stew of some sort, was already set out by the time Kokuchou sat at the table. She was used to eating with Itame-sensei in silence, so an extra person didn't bother her.

It wasn't until Kokuchou was washing the dishes and the two adults were sipping coffee that a conversation ensued.

"You won't be able to go in tonight," Kera said, though she thought it was more for her benefit than anything. The woman, like her brother, did not strike Kokuchou as the type to say things that were unnecessary. Considering the fact that she was the only person in the room who knew nothing of mining, it was a pretty safe assumption. "The electricity's been used up for the day and you can't have a flame down there. You'll blow the mountain up."

"We'll go in the mornin', then, once everything's charged up." Itame-sensei's mustache fluttered with his every word. "Go on to bed, kid. Tomorrow's gonna be a long one."

Kokuchou didn't need any more urging than that. If Itame-sensei said it would be a long day, she believed him. Kokuchou would gladly take as much sleep as she could get.

She grabbed her bag from the entryway and went to the small bedroom the woman indicated. Laying on the thin futon, Kokuchou fell asleep to the sound of the siblings' murmured conversation.

"

Kokuchou woke to the sound of metal clanging in the kitchen. She'd slept in her clothes from the day before, so she only had to fold her bedding before heading to the other room. She tied her hair back as she went, still picking leaves out of the strands from their hike the day before.

"Morning," Kera said as she poured a cup of coffee for Kokuchou. Itame-sensei ignored her as was typical for the man. It was clear which of the siblings was more of a morning person.

Kokuchou eyed the woman from over the lip of her mug. "Are you in the reserves, as well, Kitaeru-san?" She'd been curious about that since first discovering that her mentor had siblings. Itame-sensei had explained that he left active duty for the reserves before she'd even been born.

"No, I was never interested in being a shinobi. Left that field of work up to my brothers." So Itame-sensei's brother was a shinobi, also? "And call me 'onee-chan'."

It felt strange, referring to the gruff older woman with such a term of endearment. Uncomfortable but unwilling to let it show, Kokuchou moved on. "When will we head to the mines, Onee-chan?"

"We won't be going there. I have other work to take care of. You and Itame will go there on your own as soon as you finish your coffee."

Kokuchou quickly downed the lukewarm liquid and slammed her mug on the table. She looked at her mentor expectantly. Itame-sensei only glared at her and continued to sip his coffee, in no hurry at all.

The sky hadn't yet lightened to grey but Kokuchou was anxious to get started. She asked Kera what she could expect from a day's work in the mine. "I assume you read up on Takama-no-Kinzoku before coming."

Kokuchou nodded. She had. The Land of Stone was the richest of all the Elemental Nations in terms of the chakra conducting metal followed by the Land of Lightning, while all of the remaining nations were estimated to have very low reserves of the material.

Takama-no-Kinzoku was the result of a number of conditions occurring simultaneously. The naturally occurring metallic element tungsten had to form in its purest, most crystalline shape along a natural energy ley line below the earth. The natural energy would change to an as of yet unknown property of the tungsten and imbue it with the ability to conduct chakra.

"Good," Kera said, voice echoing in her cup as she took a sip. "You and Itame will have to find a vein of it in the granite." She indicated a map with her head. "I've marked all of the veins we've mined so far and Itame knows where to go from there. You'll be going pretty far down into the mountain and you'll have to dig quite a bit, but I definitely believe you'll find enough to make your weapon before you leave."

"How much do we need to mine in order to make my chakrams?"

"Well, your plans indicated that you're aiming to create nine that can be worn as rings, two for your wrists, and two for the upper arms. Shrunk to those sizes, you'll need about seven kilograms."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Kokuchou felt the coffee perking up both her body and her mood. She thought of the five kilogram bags of rice her mother bought from the market.

Kera smiled, just a little. "You've gotta find some first, girl. Then you'll have to take on the task of actually getting it out of the mountain."

Itame-sensei's chair pushed away from the table. "She'll figure it out for herself, Kera. Time to go, kid."

"Your lunch is by the door," Kera called after them as Kokuchou and Itame-sensei shouldered their bags. Kokuchou followed her mentor to the base of the mountainside wondering how difficult it could be to mine just seven kilograms of the metal.

"

Very difficult, it turned out.

They'd been in the caves for almost the entire day and still hadn't managed to find a single vein of Takama-no-Kinzoku though they'd chiseled into the cave walls on at least six separate occasions before moving deeper into the mountain.

She and Itame-sensei had long since left the area of the mine lit by electrical lights and had to rely on their helmets to light the way. The pickaxe was heavy to Kokuchou's exhausted arms. Her legs had grown tired of wading through the, at times, knee-deep water.

I really should learn to water-walk.

She now understood why Kera had said it wouldn't be easy.

Kokuchou kept her eyes peeled for deposits of quartz along the walls, as Itame-sensei had instructed her. He'd said that the tungsten veins would likely be between sheets of quartz and could vary in width.

"There's some," she pointed to the cave wall on their right. Kokuchou had briefly considered not saying anything. Her arms ached worse than they ever had after one of Itame-sensei's training and she suspected it was because she was using other muscles to beat the pickaxe against stone. But her desire to obtain the rare metal trumped her exhaustion.

Itame-sensei paused before the quartz deposit and ran his hand along the stone. "This will be the last attempt of the day and then we'll have to head back up to the surface."

The thought of fresh air and light and space excited Kokuchou to the point of invigoration. Without a word, the two began pounding at the stone. It chipped away in chunks, clipping her protective goggles. Kokuchou was glad, not for the first time that day, to have her skin covered.

"Wait," her mentor ordered just as Kokuchou was about to strike again. Her arms were burning from the strain. Itame-sensei leaned closer the stone using both his helmet and an additional flashlight to get a closer look. He'd done this nearly every time they'd dug so Kokuchou didn't let her hopes up. Setting the head of the axe on the ground and leaning her body against the handle, Kokuchou waited.

"There's a vein," Itame-sensei announced and Kokuchou stood to attention.

"What?!" Her voice bounced off the walls and carried down the network of passages. "Are you sure?"

He turned his head to look at Kokuchou, nearly blinding her with his helmet in the process. "Of course I'm sure," he jerked his head towards the wall. "Come see."

Kokuchou did, getting as close as Itame-sensei had been. Sure enough, a vein about two fingers in width wove through the quartz. She couldn't see how long it was, though. "Is it enough?"

Itame-sensei used a chisel to scratch at the edge of vein. He grunted and Kokuchou recognized it as his way of saying yes. Over the years, she'd learned to differentiate between the various sounds her mentor made in lieu of speaking.

"Finally," Kokuchou's head fell back in relief. She picked up her axe and prepared to work again. She was eager to have her Takama-no-Kinzoku and also be done with her time in the caves.

Itame-sensei grabbed it at the handle. "Not yet, kid. It's late. We'll come back tomorrow." He let go and pulled the map out of his pocket, marking the location of the vein. On the wall, he drew a large 'x' as well.

Kokuchou nearly wilted in disappointment. She did not want to spend another day in the mines. "Can't we just sleep down here?"

He grunted in the negative.

"Why not?"

"Air. Food. Lights." Her mentor held up a finger as he listed all of the reasons why they would be spending the night in the caves. "But we can leave our tools here."

There was no need to carry them all the way back just to do the same thing in the morning. Kokuchou was grateful for that, at least. She set her pickaxe and tool belt against the wall. Even though the belt was meant for a smaller person, they'd still had to find a way for it to stay up on her hips.

Itame-sensei did the same.  
"Here," he handed her a bar of something from his pocket. "Draw arrows along the wall every twenty paces or so –just so long as you don't have to go too far from one arrow to the next." Kokuchou experimented with the bar, it left a white mark that stood starkly against the stone and glittered just a bit in the light. "Let's get goin'."

The pair made their way back up to the surface through the winding passageways, Kokuchou leaving arrows behind as instructed. It took about an hour, Kokuchou thought, to reach the entrance of the cave system but she couldn't be too sure.

Time passed slowly in there.

The moment she breached the cave entrance, she took several deep breaths. The air had never smelled so good! Like pinesap and good soil.

Kokuchou thought about the mines as they walked up the slope to the cabin, muscles aching. "Isn't it dangerous to mess with such a high concentration of natural energy?" If the Takama-no-Kinzoku they found was located on a ley line, she worried about upsetting it.

She watched her mentor's head bob up and down from several paces ahead of her. "Yeah, and that's why the Land of Stone prohibits mining along them. This mine was on a ley line, but when the crusts buckled to form these mountains, the ley line rerouted, probably."

"Oh." Neither said anything more for the rest of trip back and throughout dinner. Immediately after eating, they went to sleep on Kera's orders.

Extracting the metal will be just as difficult as finding it, Kokuchou thought.

"

Itame-sensei made her carry the Takama-no-Kinzoku chunks in her backpack on the return trip to Konoha. He'd also made her lead the way home, though she chose a different route between the valleys of the mountains instead of over them. As it turned out, that had been the correct route all along –they were making much better time than they had before.

Itame-sensei explained that although it was less of a straight shot to the village, the valleys were far easier to make their way through by foot. He also reiterated the fact that on missions, they wouldn't always be able to travel at a shinobi's pace and she would, therefore, have to be able to navigate accordingly.

The metal was heavy, totaling to about ten kilograms on her back. They'd been able to mine a little more than they'd originally planned. Whatever they didn't use on her chakrams, Itame-sensei would use on a separate weapon. He knew a few shinobi who might be interested in buying one made of the material.

Without a mountain to block her view of the land outside of Konoha, Kokuchou couldn't help but marvel at the vastness of it all. They walked for hours without seeing another settlement, much less a person. The mountains stretched along either side of their path, a sea of green.

Every now and again, Itame-sensei would pause to have her identify a plant or challenge her observational skills. It was fun and for the first time in her life, Kokuchou saw something positive about the path her father had put her on. She doubted she would have been able to leave the village under different circumstances.

They eventually made it to the major roadway that caravans took to Konoha. They passed a few travelers and merchant carts both coming from or going to Konoha.

The two trekked along it for another hour before, suddenly, Itame-sensei tensed. He didn't pause though, only tilted his head to this side and listened. Kokuchou did the same, but she couldn't hear anything. His hand rested on the handle of his urumi wound about his waist.

She heard it, then. A rustling to the right. It sounded as if the person wasn't even trying to be quiet. Kokuchou flinched when a voice shouted from the trees, "My little cygnet!"

Shou appeared from the trees, arms spread wide, and made for Kokuchou. Itame-sensei positioned himself in front of her, but he didn't pull the weapon from where it rested. Shou's hitai-ate glinted in the noon sun; Itame-sensei must have noticed it.

Shou halted right before Itame-sensei, smile waning just a little. His hands fell to his sides. "Hello, Kitaeru-san. How are you?"

Kokuchou couldn't see it, but she knew her mentor's eyes were narrowing at the boy before him. "You know this boy, kid?"

She thought about saying no, just to see what would happen. More than anything she couldn't believe Itame-sensei didn't remember Shou. "Sensei," she deadpanned. "You've met Shou-nii, like, four times. At least."

"It's seven, actually."

"Don't recall," Itame-sensei replied curtly.

"Are you face-blind?" Kokuchou deadpanned.

That would explain a lot… she had some suspicions.

Her mentor glared at her from over his shoulder, but stepped aside. Shou took the opportunity to glomp her. "What are you doing out here, cygnet?"

"You finally got it right," she wheezed. Over his shoulder, she saw his two teammates and sensei exit the tree line.

"You can't just go running off like that, Shou," Wakaki snapped.

"We thought something big had happened," Wakaba added, stuffing a kunai back into her pocket.

Other than their names, the twins shared no similarities –though that was probably due to the fact that they weren't actually twins. They'd arrived at the Jukai Orphanage on the same day and had appeared to be the same age, so the caretakers and all of the other children began to refer to them as such. They weren't even the same race. Wakaba, like Shou, had nut-brown skin and hazel eyes whereas Wakaki was all pale skinned and freckled with a shock of orange hair.

Jimei-taichou –why he insisted upon being called taichou and not sensei, the man had never explained, spoke up. "You have met with two of our comrades."

Shou set her down and fluffed his curls. His skin had gotten darker since she last saw him. He must have had to spend a lot of time in the sun for his most recent mission. "Yeah, Jimei-taichou. Sorry," he said and did look sorry, before turning back to her. "You didn't answer my question."

"I went to Itame-sensei's land. It's back that-" she turned to point.

"Mmmm," her mentor slapped her hand down.

Kokuchou looked at him. What the hell?

"Is it around here?"

"Yeah, about fifteen kil-"

Itame-sensei coughed loudly. Everyone gave him a strange look. "That's no one's business."

Shou raised an eyebrow. "O-Okay… What were you doing."

"Getting…" she hesitated. Kokuchou figured that if he didn't want her revealing the location, he probably also wouldn't want her to reveal what they'd retrieved. It was a limited resource in their country, after all. "…materials. We're going to forge my weapons now."

Shou looked nearly as excited as she felt. He'd helped her with the math part of the designs. "Really?! It's about time! They're gonna be so cool!"

"Your bag is heavy," Jimei-taichou stated.

Kokuchou blinked. "Yes... it is."

"There is metal in it."

"Yeah…" On the few occasions in which she'd met the man, she hadn't yet figured out how to respond to his obvious statements.

"Shou, you've talked to her. Now let's go," Wakaki ordered impatiently.

Shou frowned a bit. Kokuchou had noticed him doing that a lot more, recently. He brightened, "Why don't we walk with them-"

"That'll take forever!" Wakaba complained.

"We're only an hour from the village at this pace."

"But we've been gone for over a week!"

"It's fine, Shou-nii. I'll catch up with you in the village." Shou hesitated. He obviously wanted to stay with Kokuchou but was uncomfortable leaving his team while still technically on a mission. He fidgeted with his kunai. It was dull and discolored. "And if you give me your weapons, I'll fix them up for you."

"You heard her, Shou. It's fine." Wakaba and Wakaki were already heading away from them, leaping into the trees.

"We are leaving now," Jimei-taichou stated before joining his other two students.

"Okay, okay." Shou removed his weapons pouch and shoved it in Kokuchou's arms. "I'll see you back at the village, cygnet." And then he was gone.

Kokuchou looked to her mentor. He was frowning in the direction the team had gone. Itame-sensei made his unimpressed noise.

She could interpret what he wasn't impressed by. "They're still working on their teamwork."

Itame-sensei's huffed and his mustache billowed.


	15. Seventh Autumn

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 5, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Seventh Autumn~**

An entire season passed before they actually got started on her chakrams.

Well, four days. But it felt like an entire season. They'd gone at the very end of summer, just as the season transitioned to autumn.

They still hadn't begun working on the chakrams. Kokuchou had been ready to start on them right away, the heavy weight of the Takama-no-Kinzoku on her back not weighing her spirits down in the least.

But her mentor knocked her down a few pegs when he said, "We won't be working on them anytime soon."

"What?" she dropped her bag on the floor of his apartment with a thud. The precious metal would be safer there than in the shop.

He didn't bother to look at her. "Takama-no-Kinzoku has the highest melting point of any other metal. My forge can't get that hot."

"Then what are we going to do?" Kokuchou picked at her nails. She tried her best to keep her tone respectful, but she had a feeling that she'd failed.

Itame-sensei eyed her, a single brow raised. "My family made a deal a while back, but it'll be a few days until they send someone to the shop."

"A deal with whom?"

"You'll see," her mentor had said.

It was Friday and still whoever had made a deal with Itame-sensei had not shown up. She was sweeping the floor of the shop when the bell above the door rang.

"Welcome," Kokuchou called from a few aisles over. She wove through the shelves of blunted weapons towards the counter.

An Uchiha stood, posture perfectly straight, waiting for her to approach.

"Who are you?" she asked in the way that Uchiha usually did. Kokuchou didn't interact with Uchiha at all but had overheard a few of them speak. Their speech was slightly different from the rest of the village –like the Hyuuga or those other large, old clans. She knew that some people disliked them for this reason, they felt it to be uppity, but she also understood that it was just the way all Uchiha spoke.

"I'm Kokuchou, Kitaeru Itame's apprentice."

The Uchiha, a girl closer to Shou's age, gazed at her steadily. Her hitai-ate was tied across her forehead and the girl's long black hair shined even in the dim light of the shop. It reminded her of her first day at the Academy and her mother's hair. "Where is your master?"

"He is in the forge, Uchiha-san," Kokuchou stood a little straighter and spoke properly –even going so far as to drop her Wakuraba accent. She figured the girl would respond better to the formality. "Shall I tell him you are asking after him?"

"Please do," the girl responded.

"What name should I give my master, Uchiha-san?"

"Marika."

Kokuchou bowed to the taller girl and deposited her broom behind the counter. Normally, she would have just yelled, but she wouldn't do that around her.

"Itame-sensei," her mentor didn't look up from where he hammered away at the blade of what would become a punch-knife. It glowed red in the dark room. Kokuchou had to speak loudly to be heard over the sound of pounding metal. "Uchiha Marika is asking for you."

He nodded but didn't stop right away. Kokuchou waited for him to finish rather than wait awkwardly with the poised older girl. Itame-sensei set the project on a table to cool.

"Wait here," he ordered and disappeared to the other side of the flap. Kokuchou did as she was told, straightening the mess of the forge as best as she could. About five minutes later her mentor, followed by Uchiha Marika, entered the forge.

Itame-sensei carried the bag of mined Takama-no-Kinzoku in his hand. Feeling protective of the material she'd worked so hard to obtain, Kokuchou asked, "What will you do with those, sensei?"

"We're working on your chakrams now."

Kokuchou bit in the inside of her cheek. She hadn't been expecting that! She smiled and said, "Certainly, sensei."

Itame-sensei gave her a funny look. "Just get the mold and tools we'll need." Kokuchou began to move with familiarity throughout the forge, collecting the necessary supplies. She set them up on the table while Itame-sensei explained what they would do more for the Uchiha's sake than her own. "So we'll be working with a metal called Takama-no-Kinzoku today. Heard of it?"

Uchiha Marika nodded and put on the bandana, fireproof apron, and gloves that the man offered her.

"Good. So you know it has an extremely high melting point. No one's invented a forge that can get that hot yet, so when we make weapons using this material, katon-no-jutsu users are brought in to help. That's how you come in. Your father told you all about our deal, I'm assuming. You'll be channeling a steady stream of your fire into this particular forge here," Itame-sensei indicated with his hand, "and we'll melt the metal down."

Itame-sensei went on to explain the safety procedures in the forge and what to do in case of an emergency. "You'll be coming back here everyday for a week, or until we've completed them," her mentor finished.

The girl nodded in understanding, "Yes, sir."

She moved to stand by the forge they'd be using and watched as the two finished their preparations. Itame-sensei placed the Takama-no-Kinzoku, all ten kilograms of it, in a specially made container that wouldn't melt along with the metal in the extreme heat of the forge.

They made sure all their flammable clothing, hair, and skin was protected. "Alright, let's begin."

Kokuchou watched the Uchiha go through her hand signs and then channel the fire from her jutsu into the opening of then forge. Kokuchou leaned away from the heat of it. She hadn't been expecting such a small flame to be so hot.

Kokuchou peered inside. The metal was slowly but surely turning to its red-hot liquid stage. It took a while but Kokuchou noticed the strain of holding the jutsu become evident in the grimace on the other girl's face. She supposed this was also a valuable training exercise for the Uchiha who came to Itame-sensei's forge.

When all of the Takama-no-Kinzoku was melted, Itame-sensei handed her the tongs.

"Channel your chakra through these as you retrieve the container. Hold it like that for a few minutes, channeling the entire time. I'll let you know when you can pour it into the casts. Everyone else, stand back," he said, although there was only one other person in the room.

Marika looked relieved, if only slightly tired and cut off the jutsu. She watched quietly as Kokuchou followed Itame-sensei's instructions. The metal was incredibly hot and the heat of it burned her face. Kokuchou was thankful that she had practice working with other molten metals, though they'd never been that high of a temperature. Itame-sensei had also been sure to teach her, as one of her first chakra control exercises, how to disperse heat throughout her body using chakra. She'd saved herself from some major burns with it.

Kokuchou set the container on the counter, then concentrated on channeling her chakra through the tongs and into the metal. It was difficult, but ever since Itame-sensei had proposed she make a weapon of her own, they'd been working on her chakra control. Kokuchou would need it once she began using her finished weapons anyway.

"Now," he said, watching from over Kokuchou's shoulder as she poured the metal into the mold. "Place the tongs on the mold and continue channeling into each cavity until it's cooled to a solid. Uchiha," he turned to the girl, "you're good to go. Come back in the morning."

"

The thirteen days that followed were much the same, with the only difference being what processes the weapons were put through. Uchiha Marika would arrive immediately after Kokuchou's school ended, offer a polite greeting, and begin to heat the chakram they were working on that day.

It was slow, but not nearly as difficult as Kokuchou had thought it would be. Though the Takama-no-Kinzoku was incredibly dense it also had high ductility and tensile strength, allowing it to stretch and bend without losing any of its integrity. It would be able to do the same once finished.

Everyday, the Uchiha girl would heat each ring and Kokuchou would pound them into the desired shape and size. She didn't learn anything about Uchiha Marika during those two weeks. Itame-sensei was the only person who spoke on those long days spent in the forge, instructing both girls on what to do and when to do it.

"That's the last one," Itame-sensei placed the metal ring on the table by the other twelve chakrams. "Your family will receive compensation in just a few days," he said in lieu of a 'thank you'. Kokuchou wondered what the compensation was and what led to the deal between the Kitaeru and Uchiha clans.

"It has been a most educational two weeks, Kitaeru-san." Marika bowed. "Good luck with your weapons, Kokuchou-san. I should like to spar with you and them someday." The only reason Marika did not call Kokuchou by her surname was because she hadn't told her. "Farewell."

And then she was gone. Kokuchou let herself relax, just a little. She was surprised that the Uchiha had deigned to voice a desire to spar.

"You're not done yet," her mentor said. "You've still gotta polish and shine 'em all."

"Not sharpen?" Kokuchou sat before the polishing wheel, one of the smaller chakrams in hand. At its full size, the chakram was about ten centimeters in diameter and when shrunk, would be worn as a ring. The four larger chakrams were twenty centimeters wide and cast to allow the rings to both shrink and expand.

"No. You'll have to figure out how to do that with your chakra."

Kokuchou nodded and set about polishing nearly finished weapons. That made sense; she had to be able to wear the things without cutting herself.

 **~Eighth Winter~**

By the end of her third year at the Academy, Kokuchou had expanding and shrinking her chakrams down. She was slow but becoming faster –the goal was to be able the shrink and expand them at a moment's notice. She had even made a habit of channeling chakra into her rings and bracelets in times of idleness for practice.

At the same time, Kokuchou was learning to sharpen and call them back to her waiting hand using only chakra, though that was taking more time than she'd hoped. Itame-sensei also encouraged her to practice utilizing her new weapons whenever she used taijutsu, though she never sharpened them in spars.

She had found them useful in constricting an opponent's mobility. Kokuchou had been delighted upon discovering this during a spar with Shou. She could expand the chakrams to fit over a person's torso and legs and then shrink them back down.

As she learned to wield her handmade chakrams more and more each day, Kokuchou realized she'd made the right decision. They were small and versatile, not too heavy and suited her body and fighting style well. The fact that they allowed her to fight long range was an added bonus.

Anything to keep a distance between herself and death.


	16. Eighth Spring: Part I

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

I do not know what month it is, but autumn has transitioned to winter abruptly. The first snowfall of the year drapes over the ground like a burial shroud, wiping clean all evidence of the life that was once there.

I stare out the window, sipping Ikkyu's awful tea. At least it is warm.

Ikkyu closes the journal. I have almost finished it, though I have only sorted through a fraction her memories. "How are you today, child?"

The Cat curls in my lap for warmth. "I'm tired, but the soul-ache isn't so bad today."

Ikkyu hums. "I see much of her early years revolved around Kitaeru Itame and his training. Did she make any friends other than Shou?"

I think of her, then. Her image is sharp despite not yet having come across her in Kokuchou's memories. "One, I think. The girl whose face I see so often."

"How old is she?"

I shrug, readjusting the blanket on my shoulders when it slips off. "I don't know. Different ages…" I close my eyes, picturing her. "The earliest is when she about eight or nine, I think."

"Imagine the first day you met her," Ikkyu instructs. "How did you feel?"

 **~Eighth Spring: Part I~**

Aokigahara Kokuchou wondered about life –at least, what her short eight years knew of it, best while working in the forge. The heat so heavy, so comforting, it reminded Kokuchou of when she was younger and her mother held her in her arms.

The forge was safe.

The forge was home –so different from the chill of the house several districts away.

In the consoling embrace of the small, dark room that reminded her of the dark spaces between the stars and her mother's eyes, Kokuchou created her own suns. Rhythmically, she beat molten metals, enhancing her muscles with chakra as Itame-sensei had taught her, watching them spark and glow with a light of their own. She reshaped them into something useful, so like the Academy had done to her.

In the consoling embrace of the small, dark room that reminded her of the dark spaces between stars and of her mother's eyes, Kokuchou cried. Or in some manner, at least. She'd seen so many others do it, mostly children around the village. But sometimes grown-ups, too.

Kokuchou tried not to stare. It made her uncomfortable.

No, Kokuchou cried not with her eyes, but with her entire being. In the arms of the forge, her tears escaped through the pores in her skin and her wails rang out as metal pounding against metal.

On that day, she cried for her father.

Aokigahara Kouzai, whose surname came not from family but after the orphanage where he'd been raised. Professional drunkard. Deceased.

That's what his obituary would say. If he had one.

Her father, whose skin had slowly turned yellow and stomach swelled grotesquely, had left the world in a manner that did not quite match how he'd lived in it. Unconscious and unmoving on their splintered porch, with a quiet breath that smelled of rot, he'd gone.

A man who'd lived as thunder had disappeared like mist.

Okaa-san had cried, silent as ever, but Kokuchou didn't (couldn't) watch. And so, as her mother had dug a shallow grave beneath the skeletal beech tree that she'd never once seen bear leaves, Kokuchou went into the cellar.

'Liver failure,' Okaa-san had whispered to her one night, towards the end, as they waited out the storm that was Aokigahara Kouzai on a drunken rampage. Okaa-san had probably read about it in one of her books. Ever since then, the woman had taken to storing the glass bottles that smelled of stale alcohol in the space beneath their house –not home, because Kokuchou's home was in the forge.

It took a long time to carry every bottle from the cellar onto the back porch, with Kokuchou careful not to break any of them, and then set about tying lengths of ninja wire around their necks.

She'd looked up a few times. At her okaa-san shoveling dirt into the shallow grave.

At a finished mound but no woman in sight.

At the moon.

By the time the sun began to battle the moon over dominion of the sky –like the stories Okaa-san had read to her, and the world turned gray, Kokuchou had finished tying ninja wire around the necks of dozens of bottles and hung them from the bone-dry branches of the beech tree. Though from that day onward, she would think of it as the monument to his life.

She was surprised, in a distant way, that the branches buckled but did not break under the combined weight of the evidence of her father's greatest and final vice.

When the birds began to sing, her mother had appeared from wherever she'd gone and sat next to Kokuchou. Together, they waited –silent and still, because old habits die hard and Aokigahara Kouzai was angry at anything that moved.

Eventually the day won the battle against the night, and in a blaze of red, it splashed across the horizon and its bright leader began his slow parade over forest and hill and across the sky. For one short minute, the sun hung behind the tree that was petrified after life (or by or from or of) and suddenly, it didn't look so dead.

Each and every bottle had bloomed with light, casting colors across the plot her house occupied. Green and yellow and brown and blue glowing strokes of color painted across their yard, like one of the abstract paintings she'd seen in the library.

Okaa-san had squeezed her hand and even though it hurt because her fingers were stiff and sore and cut from tying the ninja wire, Kokuchou gripped her hand back.

Kokuchou couldn't usually understand her mother, as distant as she was. But in that moment, as she looked at the aurora flowing across her pale face, reflected in black hair and dark eyes that reminded her so much of the space between stars and the comforting darkness of the forge, Kokuchou thought she might, one day. When she, too, was a grown up.

Kokuchou hadn't looked away from her mother until, with a sigh that was released throughout her entire body and by the world, a gentle breeze caused the bottles to sway and clink together, an enormous wind chime. For the first time, Kokuchou looked at the space around her house and it was filled with color and sound.

Okaa-san, whose voice she'd never heard higher than a whisper, had susurrated the words that were still chiming as gently as the bottles in the tree through her mind.

 _'Everyone should leave something beautiful behind.'_

Kokuchou wondered as she pounded suns into stars what she would leave behind and if it would be beautiful. She supposed the weapons she forged under the tutelage of her withholding mentor were beautiful –though he'd never said as much. But they were weapons and weapons were instruments of death and death, she understood, was not beautiful.

"If you're not going to focus," Itame-sensei's voice rang out behind her, "then leave and don't come back until you can." Kokuchou didn't look away from the shuriken she was fashioning on the anvil. Her only answer was to continue her rhythmic hammering –that wonderful, reverberating wail of metal against metal.

"Come back tomorrow."

Kokuchou spoke between pounds. "I apologize, Itame-sensei. I'll pay attention."

"You won't. Go home."

Kokuchou moved in a practiced manner from anvil to quenching tub and dunked the glowing metal into it. The water flash-boiled from the sheer heat of it. She took a moment to collect her thoughts, knowing it would be difficult to hear her voice over the sound of the intense steam.

"I've got nothing else to do and you said you hadn't finished the shuriken from that order." Kokuchou pulled the metal from the tub and set it back into the coals, glancing briefly at her mentor before looking away. He looked irritated, with his arms crossed and bushy brows drawn low over his eyes.

"It's finished now." Out of her peripheral vision, Kokuchou could see Itame-sensei nod towards the large pile of shaped shuriken that were just waiting to be sharpened.

"I've got nothing else to do, Itame-sensei." She repeated. She could just imagine the frown on his face, almost hidden behind his heavy mustache. Itame-sensei glowered at her for a long moment, neither of them speaking and Kokuchou's attention drifted back to the metal heating in the furnace.

"He died." It wasn't a question.

Kokuchou chanced a glance at her mentor. The deep lines that bracketed his mouth, evidence of laughter and smiles he'd long since lost, always became deeper when he was feeling uncomfortable. She shrugged.

Quite honestly, she was a little surprised he'd even said anything. Kitaeru Itame was infamous for never engaging in any form of rapport. The stoic man preferred to keep personal business out of any and every social interaction -avoiding even those when he could.

Itame-sensei worried the edge of his apron by his ribs and Kokuchou wondered if he realized that he fiddled when he felt a situation was out of his control. "Go home."

"I am home," she shot back, hoping the sentiment would make him uncomfortable enough to drop it.

"Go train."

"This is training."

"You know what I mean."

Kokuchou went quiet. She hadn't ever thought of an After Him and although he was gone, she still felt as if he were the motivation behind everything she did. Would she return to the Academy? Did she have to? Did she even want to?

No, her mind supplied. She didn't want to go back. But she'd come so far under Itame-sensei's watchful eye and doubted the Academy would just let her go –not when she only had a little over a year left in her education.

"When," if –she could read between the lines, "you become a genin, I'll have to find another apprentice to do everything I say. Pain in my ass. Having to train someone else…" Itame-sensei trailed off, muttering to himself with a tight voice. Kokuchou gazed at him from below her lashes.

Was he offering her a job if she didn't continue with the Academy?

Itame-sensei came to her side and grabbed the tongs from her hand. "Man the front. I'll finish back here."

A wry smile twitched Kokuchou's lips, but she made sure to keep her head down so that Itame-sensei wouldn't see. He was probably just tired of socializing after their interaction, having very obviously reached his limit.

Kokuchou did as she was told and removed her coal-stained apron and placed the thick, too-large gloves on a worktable by the door. She took off the bandana holding her hair back, wiping her face. Aside from putting her hair into a bun at the back of her head, Kokuchou didn't bother to do much else about her appearance, even though she'd be dealing with customers. Itame-sensei was of the belief that customers entered his shop to look at weapons, not people. If they had a problem with looking at sweat and dirt, then they had no business being a shinobi anyway.

Kokuchou puttered around the shop like she had so many times before, straightening, shining, and sharpening weapons that looked anything other than pristine. Itame-sensei may not care much for the appearance of people, but he made sure the weapons he made and sold were perfect. It never escaped Kokuchou just how lucky she was to have landed a mentor, much less one in the infamously crotchety Kitaeru Itame.

It was as she was re-wrapping the leather around the handle of a kama that the bell above the door rang. She stayed where she was, knowing from experience that if the customer needed help they'd find her. Plus, the shop wasn't large so it wasn't like it would take long for them to notice her. When Kokuchou finished wrapping the handle and secured the leather, she continued wandering the aisles, making sure everything was in good condition.

She could hear the customer in the next aisle over, by the kunai. They walked lightly as if to prevent noise, but that was hard to do because the wooden floors were old and creaky and she hadn't swept in a few days. Hearing her own obvious movements, the customer stopped walking. Were they really surprised that there would be an attendant when the store was obviously open?

Curious, Kokuchou hastened to the end of the aisle, not bothering to be quiet and popped her head around the corner. The girl startled and pivoted on her heel as if to leave.

"Can I help you?" Kokuchou asked quickly, voice coming out louder than she'd intended. It worked, because the girl paused in her retreat and glanced over her shoulder, eyes no longer startled, but assessing.

She recognized the girl –it would've been hard not to. She was by far the loudest student in their year both in appearance and demeanor. She'd seen her for the first time during the summer taijutsu tournament, though the girl hadn't competed for the First School. She'd only cheered. Loudly. Her hair was as brilliant a red as the horizon had been that morning and appeared just as long.

Her year-mate gazed at her for a decisive moment before replying. She pivoted her body towards Kokuchou but looked at the shelf of kunai by her side. "I need some kunai to practice with." The girl's accent was strange, similar to that of the Land of Waves.

At the very least, her kunoichi classes were paying off.

"Checked the training fields yet?" Shinobi didn't usually leave any of their weapons behind, but sometimes they trained too hard to remember where they'd thrown them all. Like the first time she'd met Itame-sensei, what? Two years ago?

The girl glanced at her quickly, surprised, before looking away again. She nodded and scratched her nose.

"Couldn't find any?"

"No."

"Sorry. That's probably because of me. Itame-sensei sends me out to the training fields to collect forgotten weapons. We polish and sharpen them and they're practically good as new… They're cheaper than those you're looking at but just as good."

"Oh. Can I see 'em?" Kokuchou's only reply was to walk away, expecting the redhead to follow. They stored the scavenged kunai in a box behind the checkout counter. Itame-sensei liked to donate them, anonymously of course, to the orphans who attended the Academy. It had taken her forever to figure that out despite seeing the man nearly every day.

Kokuchou made her way to the other side of the counter and crouched, not using her chakra to lift the heavy box. At this point in her training, it didn't even feel that heavy. She set it on the high counter, which was made for someone taller than her nine years had managed to grow, with a heave and the contents sang their metallic tune as they knocked against one another.

The girl was standing before her, as she'd expected her to, waiting –maybe for a trick, if her suspicious gaze was anything to go by. Kokuchou had to stand on her tiptoes to see inside and pull out a kunai, careful not to cut herself on a blade. She beckoned the redhead over with a tilt of her head and she approached tentatively.

"See? Practically new." She handed the kunai over handle first. Kokuchou saw the blood under her nails and wondered whom she'd been fighting. Every time she saw the redhead it was in the midst of any number of negative interactions.

"Hey, you're right!" She was slowly becoming more comfortable around Kokuchou. "How much do these cost?"

"Ten ryo each."

"What?! That's so cheap!" Her surprise quickly morphed into skepticism. She tested the water with her words. "...Are they really only ten?"

Kokuchou nodded, looking away from her at the stool by the entrance. "Yeah. I told you. We gather them from the training fields. Clean them up."

Kokuchou didn't give the redhead a chance to reply and grabbed the stool she'd been eyeing. She couldn't wait to hit her growth spurt. "How many do you want?"

She received no reply at first, only the sound of wood against wood as she set the stool in front of the counter filled the silence. Careful of the wobbly leg, Kokuchou stood atop the stool and peered into the box, searching for the best kunai. "I've got one hundred twenty-six ryo…"

She did the math. "So thirteen, then?" But she was already picking them from box and setting them on the counter.

The girl took a little longer to come to the same conclusion. "No, twelve."

"Thirteen," Kokuchou argued. "I don't have anything to make change with."

False. She had no idea why she was giving the First Schooler these weapons.

Surely, she could afford to buy new ones. However, something made her feel that this wasn't the case.

"Oh, okay. Then, yeah… thirteen." The redhead watched her set every single kunai on the counter.

"Eleven, twelve, thirteen," Kokuchou finished and hopped down. The stool wobbled at her dismount.

Kokuchou had her head down and was focused on the task of packing the kunai in thick parchment when the redhead stuck her face directly into her line of sight. Kokuchou jerked back and barely avoided cutting herself on the kunai.

The girl was so close to her that she could see every freckle on her cheeks. She was squinting at her and Kokuchou could only stare back with wide eyes, not knowing what else to do. "Say…" she began. "Ya look real familiar. Do I know ya?"

She shrugged. "We haven't met."

"Have I seen ya 'round?"

"Maybe. The village isn't huge… And I'm in the Academy-"

"The Academy?! Really?!" The girl slammed her hands on the desk and lifted herself forward, invading Kokuchou's space even further. Kokuchou flinched back in surprise. The sound of Itame-sensei sharpening shuriken in the forge halted and the redhead looked slightly chagrined.

"Sorry, I got a little excited..." the redhead lowered herself back to the ground. "What year?"

"My fourth."

"REALLY-" She covered her mouth before trying again. "Really? Me too! You're so tiny –I thought you were in second year or somethin'. I've never seen ya in class…"

Kokuchou tied the package with twine, the coarse fibers poked into her sore fingertips. She ignored the comment on her size. She'd looked up the average heights of children and discovered, much to her dismay, that she was in the twenty-fifth percentile for her age group. Another book had told her that children her size usually didn't catch up to their peers even after puberty. When looking at her petite mother, Kokuchou knew her hopes for becoming tall one day were nonexistent.

"I'm at the Third School."

The redhead hummed and propped her chin on the edge of the counter. "I'm at the First…" she watched as Kokuchou wrote her receipt. "Say…"

Kokuchou looked up when her year-mate didn't continue. Her lips were pulled tight. Kokuchou raised her brows –she could never do just the one like Itame-sensei– encouraging the other girl to go on.

"Nothin'," the redhead let her head loll, not really looking at anything. Kokuchou could only watch. She had no idea what to do and it made her distinctly uncomfortable. She prayed the girl wasn't about to cry in the middle of the shop. Kokuchou fiddled with her rings. Suddenly, like with everything else the girl did, she jerked back and smacked her cheeks. "My name's Uzumaki Kushina! But you can just call me Kushina!"

The redhead dug around in her pockets for the ryo she owed and slammed them on the counter with more force than was necessary. "Thanks for the kunai!"

"Come again." Kokuchou recited out of habit. She had to reach to slide the coins from the counter, accidently knocking the package off in the process. "Oh, sorry." Kokuchou quickly picked up the kunai and handed it to the redhead.

"No worries." The girl turned around, package of new kunai held in her arms. The dirt on the floor crunched under her sandals as she made to walk out the door. Kokuchou watched Kushina go. The redhead paused, door held ajar and bell ringing above her.

"What's your name?"

"Aokigahara Kokuchou."

Surprise. "You're from that orphanage?"

"No. My father was."

Kushina ah-ed in understanding. There were a lot of people with the surname of Aokigahara in the village. Some changed it when they became adults. Some didn't. Many people, when they first heard her name, assumed she was an orphan.

"Well, see ya 'round."

Kokuchou only nodded and busied herself with perusing the shelves once more. The door shut behind her with a ring of the bell. She could feel a waft of the humid air that had entered at the girl's exit.

Hoping to busy herself, Kokuchou wandered the shop once more. She found a nagamaki that had seen better days and set herself to the task of fixing it up. The blade looked a little dull around the middle. Kokuchou grabbed a sharpening stone from her pocket and began rubbing the whetstone against the blade in long, smooth motions.

She thought of the blood on Kushina's hand, either from a fight or from training. Both were likely. Everything about her caught the eye and not always for the right reasons.

The leather on the handle had come undone so Kokuchou set about the task of re-wrapping it, same as she had with the kama earlier.

"Kokuchou." Itame-sensei called. She got up and carefully carried the nagamaki to the front counter, mindful of its height. When he saw the task she'd set for herself, he blinked once and glanced to the right.

"Why's the box out?" He asked gruffly. His brown hair was messy and there was charcoal on his cheeks that was only spread more when he wiped the sweat from his brow.

"I sold some."

"To whom?"

Kokuchou shrugged. "A girl from school."

"You took her money?"

"Then slipped it back in the package."

Itame-sensei hummed. She watched him blink and look to the right.

"You sure you shouldn't be with your ma tonight?"

Kokuchou frowned and looked away, shoulders slumping forward. "She'll be fine," she murmured.

A considering silence. "If you say so. Fish for dinner. We'll practice after."

"

And so, both mentor and apprentice set about finishing their duties around the forge and the shop in silence that late afternoon. Kokuchou swept the floor that she'd been neglecting.

Itame-sensei cooked the fish, as he did every day. Kokuchou cooked vegetables, as she did every time she stayed. The two spent their dinner together as they usually did: in silence, and cleaned up afterwards in the same manner.

Kokuchou followed Itame-sensei closely as he led her down the stairs, through the forge and out the front door of the shop. Her mentor walked briskly in the lingering heat of the day. Kokuchou had never seen anyone else training at the small, little-known training field that bordered the shop but the ground and trees and targets were all pitted by puncture marks –her and Itame-sensei's doing

Itame-sensei watched in silence as she completed her modified warm ups and then ran her through the typical gauntlet that was her training regimen. She never complained, though. Every drop of sweat, each sore muscle marked how many more seconds she might live in the field.

"Show me your chakrams," he ordered.

Kokuchou bit the inside of her cheek. This was her favorite part. She pumped chakra into the bracelets on her wrists until they grew warm and expanded to nearly fifteen centimeters in diameter.

"Sharpen them." Kokuchou tried, molding her chakra around the edges and compressing it to a point, but before she could test their sharpness Itame-sensei held out his hand. She gave them over. He ran his finger along the edges. "Sharp, but not as sharp as they could be."

Kokuchou picked at her nails, mentally frowning. She'd been working with her chakrams for nearly a year and still hadn't managed to bring them to their peak sharpness. "Keep practicing with the sharpness," Itame-sensei handed them back to her. "Now, throw them."

She did so and the spinning rings soared through the air, cutting cleanly through one of their logs. They were always having to get more training logs. Recently, Itame-sensei had taken to finding scrap metal and having her cut through those targets.

Kokuchou called the chakrams back with a pull of chakra, like a magnet. She cushioned the catch with chakra to keep from cutting off her fingers. They'd cut her thick gloves on several occasions. Itame-sensei nodded for her to keep going.

The mentor and his apprentice continued to train until the night retaliated against the day, puncturing the sky with stars and drowning the sun in that cloudy river that glowed with a light of its own.

Kokuchou ended up staying the night at Itame-sensei's, which wasn't all that unusual on weekends. She worried for her mother, a bit, but knew her presence in that house wouldn't change anything. Okaa-san had probably lost herself in a book, anyway.

It was nice to keep her routine, for the most part.

Normal.

And if she didn't count the training session, she could almost pretend that she wasn't preparing to become a shinobi. Just her and Itame-sensei, working in the forge and avoiding all the complications other people brought with them.

The only unusual thing to happen that weekend was that fact that the girl came back the next day.

Kushina.

But Kokuchou had been in the forge working on a custom order for a regular. The weekend was almost over and she would deliver the order to the customer's home on her way back to her own. Although her father wouldn't be waiting for her, she found she was still dreading the return.

"The girl you sold the kunai to, did she have red hair?"

"Yeah." She was bent over the grindstone and even Kokuchou had trouble hearing her own voice over the sharpening of the metal. "Yes," she repeated louder that time.

"She left something for you out front."

According to Itame-sensei, Kushina had placed a box on the counter with Kokuchou's name written on it, sloppily and misspelled, before making a hasty retreat.

She opened it in front of Itame-sensei before they went to his apartment for lunch. It was filled with scavenged kunai and the one hundred twenty-six ryo she'd snuck back into the package.

Itame-sensei grunted. Kokuchou didn't know what that particular sound meant. "Next week. You're gonna be fixing those up."


	17. Eighth Spring: Part II

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Eighth Spring: Part II~**

A shadow fell over Kokuchou as she sat in an empty park near her school.

"Why'd you do it?"

She'd long since finished her lunch and had moved onto sizing the chakrams around her wrists and fingers, not thinking about anything in particular. She idly watched a father play with his two children by the jungle gym.

Kokuchou squinted at the body towering over her. Though her face was shadowed, the girl's hair glowed a brilliant red from the sunlight. "Hello, Uzumaki-san."

The girl dropped into a squat before Kokuchou and leaned forward, a frown on her face. "I told ya; Kushina's fine. Why'd ya do it?"

"Do what?" Kokuchou's gaze began to drift back towards the family but a hand on top of her head forced her to look back at her interrogator. This girl had a future in T&I if her tenacity was anything to go by. Most people would've just accepted it and let it go.

"Why'd ya give it back?" Determination was painted over every feature of Kushina's face.

Kokuchou kept her gaze neutral despite the irritation she felt. "They must have fallen in when I dropped your package." Kokuchou had a feeling that excuse wouldn't satisfy the girl so she quickly added. "Thank you, by the way."

Kushina's nose wrinkled and her head tilted to the side. "For what?"

"For bringing another box."

The girl removed her hand from Kokuchou's head to scratch her nose. Kushina sat cross-legged before Kokuchou. Without the shade that her body had provided, she could feel herself begin to sweat in the late-spring sun.

"Oh. That. Don't worry 'bout it. Some shinobi were trainin' out by fifteen and I grabbed the ones they threw."

She hadn't worried about it. The girl could make her own decisions. What she was still confused about was the reason behind her gifting the kunai to the redheaded girl in the first place.

That last part surprised Kokuchou. "They didn't look for them?"

"They did. But I got to 'em first." This, Kokuchou did not doubt –Kushina had a reputation, after all. How she managed such a feat in her short six months since starting at the Academy, Kokuchou had no idea. "And I know ya give the ones ya fix up to the orphaned students. Figured ya could use 'em."

How did she know that?

"We can," Kokuchou said, instead. "Thank you."

Kushina looked away, ears red. An awkward silence stretched between them, neither knowing quite what to talk about. Kokuchou fiddled with her chakrams once more and they both watched the family play.

It was unseasonably hot for spring and the muggy air was thick in Kokuchou's lungs –she had to keep wiping sweat from her brow. Her chakram, now the size of a grapefruit, caught the light.

Kushina's head whipped to look at the glinting metal. "What's that?"

Kokuchou had the urge to hide her chakram behind her back. "I made it."

"That doesn't answer my question." The girl's hand, still held aloft and pointing at the weapon in Kokuchou's, opened. "Can I see?"

Kokuchou handed it over reluctantly. Kushina flipped the chakram through her fingers, brought it close to her face to inspect. She glanced at Kokuchou from the corner of her eye. "Well?"

"It's a chakram."

"What does it do?"

"You throw it and it cuts things."

"This?!" Kushina waved the ring in the space between them. Kokuchou was glad no one from the Academy was around to listen to their conversation. She hadn't shown anyone her weapons yet –they just assumed she'd started wearing jewelry. "It can't cut anything."

"I haven't sharpened it yet," Kokuchou struggled against her flush and held her hand out for the weapon.

"What d'ya mean?" Kushina gave it back, eyes never leaving Kokuchou's face.

Part of her wanted Kushina to leave, wanted this conversation to be over. What was it about this girl that brought out such emotions in her, which Kokuchou for all her practice at appearing calm, struggled to conceal?

"It's easier if I just show you," she mumbled.

"Huh?"

Instead of repeating herself, Kokuchou brought the chakram to eye level between them. Kushina's gaze focused on the metal ring. The chakram grew warm in her grip and she imagined chakra licking at her skin like flames. It expanded to the size of a watermelon and at Kushina's wide-eyed gaze Kokuchou shrank it back down to fit over her wrist.

"Whoa!" Kushina grabbed Kokuchou's wrists and brought them up, eyes flickering between her bracelets. "Whoa! Do they all do that?!"

"Yeah."

"How?!"

Kokuchou had to pull harder than she'd anticipated in order to free her arms. She turned the metal at her wrists. "It's chakra conductive metal." To illustrate once more, Kokuchou pumped her chakra into both bracelets and made them large enough to slip from her wrists.

Wary of bystanders' attention, Kokuchou angled her body so that, hopefully, only Kushina would be able to see. "And this particular variety of metal is known for its ability to stretch and shrink without losing any of its integrity." Kokuchou shrank each to the size of rings. "I made the edges dull to keep from harming myself when I wear them, but I can use my chakra to flatten the edges to blades."

Kushina didn't say anything and Kokuchou, feeling a little self-conscious, continued explaining. "When imbued with my chakra, even as dull as they are now, they can do pretty heavy damage."

"That," Kushina took both of Kokuchou's hands once more. "Is so COOL!" Each word was punctuated by slight pull forward until she had to cross her eyes to keep eye contact with the redhead. Kushina bound to her feet, yanking Kokuchou up with her. Kokuchou squeaked, just a little, in surprise. "Show me!"

"I can't…" she looked around the park. More people, a few adults accompanied by young children and even some students from the Academy had arrived at some point during their conversation.

"Why not?"

"Not here." A brown haired boy watched closely from the gazebo. The redhead looked around, as if noticing where they were for the first time.

"Right. Right." Kushina grabbed her for the fourth time that day and Kokuchou had trouble swallowing her irritation. "Let's go to a training ground!"

"Lunch is almost over." Kushina didn't even falter as Kokuchou dug her heels into the ground; she merely continued to drag Kokuchou behind her.

"Then we should hurry! What're you bein' so slow for?" Kushina gave her arm an extra hard yank. Kokuchou knew, from both her observations and two conversations with the girl, that she was a bit of steamroller. It wasn't because she thought herself better than others, but just in her nature.

Regardless, Kokuchou was more annoyed than she had been in a long time. "Stop!" she yanked her arm back and immediately regretted it. Kokuchou didn't care for the girl, but neither did she want her to think poorly of her.

The redhead gazed at her appraisingly. "Ya wanna fight or somethin'?"

Kokuchou hadn't expected that. She tapped her fingers against her thigh. "What?"

"I know ya heard me. Well, come on. Let's fight!" Kushina's hands planted themselves defiantly on her hips.

"I don't want to fight you…" Kokuchou trailed off. She slid her foot back, ready to take off at a moment's notice.

"Then why'd ya do that?"

"Do what?"

"Yell."

Kokuchou resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "You're always yelling. Does that mean you always want to fight?"

Kushina's brows knit together. "No…" she scratched her head. "But I am always ready for one! I'll show ya!"

She hopped back as the girl took a step towards her. "No, no," Kokuchou held her hands up. "I already told you, I don't want to fi-"

"But it'll be fun!" The redhead took another step towards Kokuchou.

"I don't like to fight," she said hurriedly and that was probably first time she'd ever said it out loud.

"You're gonna be a shinobi," Kushina looked at her as if she was the crazy one. "Why don't ya like to-"

The bell rang from all three school buildings, echoing throughout the streets of Konoha. It was their five-minute warning. Lunch was over.

"Time to go." Kokuchou pivoted on her heel and hastened towards her school.

Kushina ran past her and she flinched away, expecting an attack. "This isn't over!"

Kokuchou sighed through her nose. If a ten-minute conversation with Uzumaki Kushina left her this exhausted, she would have to make a point of avoiding the excitable redhead in the future.

"

It didn't work.

Kushina trailed behind Kokuchou. Every time she would look over her shoulder at the girl, the redhead would stop and examine something along the path.

"Are you following me?" Though it was obvious that she was.

"Oh, hey there Kokuchin! What're ya doin' out here?"

Kokuchou winced internally at the honorific, but outwardly deadpanned, "That's not my name. I'm heading to my apprenticeship, Uzumaki-san."

"I told ya to call me Kushina... Just for that, let's fight!"

Kokuchou scurried away, weaving through alleyways and going in circles until she lost the other girl.

She breathed in relief and headed to work. Kushina wouldn't follow her there.

"

Kokuchou had been wrong. Apparently not even one's place of work was off limits to the redhead.

"Fight me."

Kokuchou felt her eye twitch. She placed the kunai she was polishing on the counter. "No."

"What about when ya finish? How 'bout then?"

"I have training after this."

Kushina slammed her hands on the counter, making the kunai clatter against it. "Perfect! Ya can fight me for trainin'!"

Kokuchou wanted to slam her head against the wall. Instead she looked to her mentor as he exited the forge. "Sensei! I'm too busy to spar, aren't I?"

He'd obviously been listening from the backroom. "Don't drag me into this."

Kushina cheered. That wall was looking better and better. If she was unconscious, she wouldn't have to fight…

"

A few days later at lunch, Kushina sat next to Kokuchou shoveling food into her mouth.

Kokuchou could only stare.

How did she fit so much food in there?

Kushina gave her the side eye, slowly grinning around her mouthful of rice. "You're lookin' at me like ya wanna fight."

"This is just my face," Kokuchou deadpanned.

The redhead blew a raspberry at her, spraying bits of food in Kokuchou's face. "How 'bout now, Kokuchin?"

"No," Kokuchou said tightly. "It's fine."

Kushina threw bits of rice at her for the rest of lunch.

"

The day was nice and cool with not a cloud in the sky. Kokuchou hadn't seen the redhead all day and for the first time in a week, she felt as if she could relax. Itame-sensei was busy filling out some type of paperwork or another for the shop and had ordered her to train outside on her own.

In the middle of her stretching routine, a shadow appeared above Kokuchou –the only warning she had before the attack.

Kokuchou flipped backwards, landing in a crouch. Chunks of dirt and turf flew through the air. Pulse racing wildly and utterly thrown off, Kokuchou stared wide-eyed at the space she'd just occupied.

Kushina kneeled there, fist resting in the small crater she'd created.

"What-" Kokuchou began in a whisper, but with each word her voice grew louder until she was practically yelling at the other girl, "-is wrong with you?!"

Kushina's head shot up, a delighted grin plastered on her face. She withdrew her fist and shook it out. "Nothin'. Say, you're faster than I expected."

The redhead leapt for Kokuchou, fist raised for another punch. Kokuchou somersaulted between her legs.

"Why do you want to fight me so badly?!" She shouted while simultaneously dodging the taller girl's assault.

Kushina didn't pause, nor did she sound the least bit out of breath. "I just kinda feel like it."

"That's not a good enough reason!" Kokuchou twirled behind the redhead whose response was to aim a spinning back kick at her. Kokuchou ducked under the leg and then immediately flipped over the next one as it came for her.

"It is for me!" For what felt like forever, Kushina chased after Kokuchou as she continued to dodge. The redhead was becoming bored –she could see it in the way her attacks were becoming less and less enthusiastic. Finally, Kushina paused, taking a deep breath. She gazed at Kokuchou through narrowed eyes. "Since you're not gonna take me seriously, I'm just gonna have to make ya!"

Kushina's attacks renewed with a vengeance and Kokuchou found it difficult to keep up. At one point, the redhead opened her kunai pouch and began to toss them at Kokuchou. Whenever she would avoid a hit or a kick, the redhead would aim a weapon in the direction of Kokuchou's dodge, forcing her to backtrack.

"You aren't mad at me?" Kokuchou bent backwards.

Kushina threw a kunai straight for her head and she had to twist her torso mid-bend to avoid it. "No. Why would I be?"

"I don't know," Kokuchou ran for the forest. She would have better coverage there and maybe she'd even be able to hide…

"Me neither…" Kushina pursued her, tossing kunai at her feet. Kokuchou danced around them. "Why don't ya like fighting? You a pacifist or somethin'?"

Kokuchou leapt to the nearest branch of the towering Hashirama tree. It didn't even budge under her weight. "Not really…"

"Ya 'fraid of gettin' hit?" the redhead herded Kokuchou to the ground with her kunai. How did she have so many?

"No," she panted, avoiding a flipping front kick. The irony of her response was not lost on her. But it was true, Itame-sensei had forcefully cured her of that particular fear.

"Then try and hit me!" Kushina yelled.

Kokuchou was growing tired of this game. No matter what Kushina did or said, Kokuchou simply didn't want to fight the girl. It was time to end the impromptu spar.

Kokuchou pumped chakra into her chakrams and let them slide into her waiting hands. She didn't sharpen them, though. Hidden behind her back, Kushina couldn't see the weapons and so, when Kokuchou finally retaliated, she wasn't prepared.

Kokuchou dodged to the left, slipping the ring around Kushina's right wrist. In the same move, she placed the other ring on the redhead's left arm and shrank them both with a pulse of chakra before the girl could react.

"Huh?" Kushina look taken aback, her face puffed a bit at the cheeks. "What'd ya-"

Another pulse of chakra and the rings, like magnets, pulled together behind Kushina's back. She tensed her arms, trying to separate them but couldn't.

"I don't need my arms to beat ya!" she yelled.

Kushina jumped into the air, kicking out at Kokuchou. Kokuchou simply released the chakram around her bicep and slipped the ring over her feet before shrinking it down as well.

So the redhead wouldn't break her hands, Kokuchou pivoted the girl midair and let her fall to her stomach. Kushina landed on the ground with an 'umph'.

For safe measure, Kokuchou pulsed her chakra one last time. The ring around Kushina's legs attached to the ones at her wrists, effectively hogtying the girl. Kokuchou took several deep breaths, waiting until the redhead stopped struggling.

"Fine," Kushina finally admitted after trying and failing to free her limbs. "You win this time, Kokuchin."

Kokuchou knelt on the ground in front of Kushina. "There won't be another time," she said. "You're going to leave me alone from now on."

"I won't," the redhead insisted, wiggling on the ground. "I'm gonna keep comin' after ya until I win! And after that happens, I'll still keep comin'!"

"You can't keep interrupting my life like this!" Kokuchou couldn't remember the last time she'd lost her cool.

"I'm not interruptin' anything! I'm helpin' ya!"

"How is this helpful?"

"You're trainin' to be a shinobi but ya say ya don't like fightin'! That's a contradiction!" Kokuchou could only frown. She wasn't wrong. When Kokuchou didn't say anything, Kushina went on, "You're gonna come across someone one day and ya won't be able to dodge them forever. Your teammates won't be around to help ya either. What're ya gonna do then?"

Kokuchou was saved from answering when footsteps approached from behind Kushina. She looked up and made eye contact with her mentor. Itame-sensei raised an eyebrow and the scene before him, dropping an armful of Kushina's kunai on the ground beside her.

"Who is it? Lemme go and we'll fight 'im together. C'mon! We can take 'im!" the redhead attempted to look at the man, writhing against the ground. It would have been funny had Kokuchou not been so tired. As it was, she merely pulsed her chakra and expanded the rings, grabbing them from around the redhead's arms and legs.

Kushina's limbs plopped onto the ground and the girl didn't hesitate to hop to her feet the moment she realized she was free. Her arms were raised and legs spread apart, a ready stance.

Kokuchou calmly placed her chakrams back on and greeted her mentor. "Itame-sensei."

The man didn't say anything, only looking between her and the redhead. "I like her," he said, finally and Kokuchou forgot herself, brows shooting to her hairline. The only thing Itame-sensei had ever admitted liking was his urumi and even that hadn't been said so much as inferred by her.

"Huh?" Both girls echoed.

"You may repeat this exercise in the future."

Kokuchou's eyes widened. No!

"Itame-sensei!" she pleaded but her mentor had already turned on his heel and began weaving through the forest.

"Sweet!" Kushina pumped her fist into the air. "Sparring buddies!" The redhead raised her hand for a high-five. Kokuchou only looked from Kushina's hand to the delighted expression on her face.

Kokuchou turned on her heel, leaving Kushina hanging. She chased after the man.

"Itame-sensei!"

Her pleas for him to reconsider fell on deaf ears.


	18. Eighth Summer

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Eighth Summer~**

At first, Kokuchou didn't notice the pain –it was the fact that she hadn't caught the chakram that surprised her.

But I even felt it…

Itame-sensei grabbed her left wrist and wrapped his bandana around the tops of her fingers.

"What are you-" her mentor cinched the wrap tight and she gasped, a shock of pain winding up her entire arm. It was concentrated the most in her middle finger, though.

Blood seeped bright and red through the white fabric.

Itame-sensei bent down and picked something off the ground. He quickly hid it from her sight so that she couldn't see.

She was lightheaded. "Is that…?"

Her mentor remained calm. "Follow me."

She could follow directions. Kokuchou concentrated on the bulk of the man's back as he led her through the village.

Is this what shock feels like? She wondered.

By the time the two arrived at the hospital, Kokuchou felt faint. She hadn't lost that much blood, but every time she looked at her mentor's closed hand and felt the wet blood seeping into the bandana, Kokuchou thought of what it meant.

Itame-sensei told her to wait by the door while he held a hushed conversation with the receptionist. She reached beneath her desk and held out a small plastic cup. Itame-sensei dropped whatever was in his hand into the cup and when the receptionist noticed Kokuchou's gaze, she hid it from sight once more.

"Room 112," she said to her mentor and the man grasped Kokuchou's shoulder, pushing her in the direction of the room.

Kokuchou didn't know how long she stared at the blank white wall, ignoring her mentor's steady gaze, but eventually a man pushed open the door.

"What'd you do now, 'nii-san?"

Kokuchou observed the man who called her mentor 'nii-san'. He wore a doctor's white robe and cap and the nametag pinned to the robe read 'Kitaeru Mokume'. Blonde hair, similar in shade to Kera's, slipped from beneath his cap and his brown eyes were large. Like his sister, the man was smaller than Itame-sensei.

She wondered how her mentor had gotten so big…

"-regardless," Mokume dismissed whatever conversation he and his brother had been having. "Let's have a look at her."

The doctor approached her, rolling a stool to sit before her on the examining table. He smiled and Kokuchou, not for the first time, had trouble believing this man was related to her sensei. "Your name is Kokuchou, right?"

She nodded, watching as he placed his hand over the soaked bandana. His palm glowed green and tingled through to her skin. "What's your surname?"

"Aokigahara," Kokuchou rasped through her dry throat. "What are you doing?"

"Aokigahara…" he glanced at Itame-sensei who stood behind her. The doctor hummed. "I'm just performing a diagnostic jutsu to understand the damage. All done. I've even numbed your finger a bit." He had. Kokuchou couldn't feel a single twinge of pain. He lifted his hand from hers. "I'm going to take a look at it now, okay?"

"Okay," she responded softly. Her stomach, despite the lack of pain, rolled. She hadn't even seen it yet! "What can I call you, doctor?"

"Mokume-sensei is just fine, Kokuchou-chan," he said and gently began to unwrap the bandana from her hand. He glanced up at her. "You might want to look away."

She was about to do as he said when Itame-sensei's hand directed her head back. "No. She should watch."

Mokume-sensei glared at his brother. His tone was professional but his words were argumentative. "There's no need for that."

"My apprentice. My rules."

Mokume-sensei scowled but returned his attention to Kokuchou's hand. She kept her gaze trained on the limb, though her nausea continued. When the makeshift bandage had been completely removed, the blood drained from her face at what she saw.

Or didn't see.

The tip of her middle finger, from the top knuckle on up, was missing. The cut was perfectly straight, through muscle and bone, and Kokuchou was surprised at how red it all was. She'd done a good job of making her chakrams if the cleanness of the cut was anything to go by. If it hadn't been for Itame-sensei's hand on her head, she would have swayed.

Her vision swam.  
Mokume-sensei must have noticed because he kept her talking. "How long have you been training with my brother, now?"

"Three years."

"What have you learned from him so far?"

Kokuchou told him. From scouting to camouflage to strategy, she'd learned a lot. Mokume staunched the bleeding with chakra and cleaned the blood away so he could see what he was doing. He nodded along as she continued to list. "But I've spent most of my time on tai- and kenjutsu."

"Not a lot of ninjutsu or genjutsu, then?"

"Her chakra reserves aren't large enough yet." Itame-sensei inserted himself into the conversation.

Mokume-sensei didn't look at his brother. "There are other jutsu she could learn that wouldn't use up a lot of chakra." To Kokuchou he said, "Please lie down."

"Are you going to reattach it?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not, Kokuchou-chan. Due to the location of the amputation, just above the interphalangeal joint, I'm going to have to remove the remaining piece of your distal phalanx and then we'll close the wound using the excess muscle and skin."

Kokuchou didn't understand the words he used, but they made it sound like he knew what he was talking about and she could respect that. She lay down on the examining table, the paper crinkling beneath her as she moved.

Mokume-sensei arranged her arm and began the process of sterilizing the wound. A nurse entered the room, though Kokuchou hadn't noticed her being beckoned. The woman began setting up a tray of tools as if it were something she did often.

While Mokume-sensei spoke softly to the nurse, Kokuchou watched Itame-sensei observe the operation. She was glad the doctor had numbed her hand and wondered if he'd numbed the rest of her as well because shouldn't she be reacting more?

It took about an hour, with the doctor alternating between using tools and his chakra to complete the amputation.

Amputation. Weird.

"All finished, Kokuchou-chan." He stepped away and tossed his bloody gloves into the bin. "How do you feel?"

Kokuchou sat up and gazed at her left hand. Her middle finger was wrapped tightly in bandages.

"Kokuchou-chan?"

"Oh," she blinked at him. She noticed the nurse was gone. When had she left? "Sorry. I don't really feel anything."

Mokume-sensei nodded and placed a bag of supplies on the bed next to her. "That'll be the numbing jutsu. You will begin to feel pain in about an hour or so. When that happens, you can take half of one of these," he shook a small bottle of pills. "But no more than that with your size. It'll last for about four hours and then you can take the other half. You'll need to change your dressings at least two to three times a day, depending on how well the wound is healing up."

He handed the bag to Itame-sensei. "No training until I give the go-ahead." Her mentor grunted. "And you can come back in three days. We'll do a little more work on it, then. Okay?"

Kokuchou began to nod, but stopped.

Aren't hospitals expensive? That's why her father hadn't received care for his liver failure. She had no money and her mother had very little to spare as well. She paled.

"Sensei," Kokuchou began slowly, more afraid than she had been in while. "I can't pay you."

"What?"

She looked up at him, blinking away the sting in her eyes. Kokuchou forced herself to take a deep breath. She had to calm down. "I don't have any money."

"You don't need to."

It was her turn to be confused. "What?"

"Both shinobi and Academy students have full medical coverage. It's one of the benefits given to the protectors of the village."

She paused and thought about what he'd said. "One of the benefits," Kokuchou echoed.

Mokume-sensei nodded. "You know graduated shinobi receive a paycheck, of course." When Kokuchou nodded, he went on. "Students of the Academy also receive money each year for gear and such."

Kokuchou's eyes slipped closed. She forced herself to breathe.

In through her nose. Out through her mouth.

Was that the money her father had been talking about? She'd never been able to figure it out. And if so, did that mean he enrolled her in the Academy to receive that money in the first place? She'd never known him to be able to hold down a job and she knew for a fact that she'd never received any supplies for her schooling…

"Are you feeling alright?" The doctor laid his hand on her shoulder.

Kokuchou nodded out of habit more than honesty.

Itame-sensei helped her hop from the table. "Let's get you home, kid."

"

Itame-sensei didn't so much as blink when walking through the streets of Wakuraba, nor did his expression change once seeing her house for the first time. But Kokuchou hadn't really been paying much attention to her mentor, her thoughts were distant and trying to recall that night nearly two winters before.

"It's unlocked," she said and the man opened the door, allowing her to go through first. She immediately sat at the kitchen table.

"Your mom home, kid?"

"Probably."

"Where?" He set the bag on the table in front of her.

"Out back, maybe." She heard her sensei exit through the back porch. The bottle tree, which had become her father's memorial only a few weeks prior, chimed in the breeze. Kokuchou heard Itame-sensei and her mother speaking in low voices but couldn't make out the words.

A few minutes later, her okaa-san entered the kitchen and began to pull out the ingredients she needed for cooking. She didn't say a word to Kokuchou.  
"I'm gonna head on out, kid. I told your 'kaa-san what Mokume said. She knows what to do."

"Okay."

Itame-sensei was quiet for a long moment and she could feel the weight of his stare on her. "It's only a small thing, kid. You're gonna be fine. You'll be back to training before you know it."

Kokuchou knew that, but it wasn't just the injury that had thrown her system into shock. She nodded calmly at her sensei. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Take the day off, kid."

Kokuchou shook her head. "I've got nothing else to do."

The man didn't try to argue with her. His gaze flickered about. Rested on her mother.

"Fine." Then he was gone, the screen door creaking as he left.

Okaa-san still hadn't said anything and she continued on in this manner the entire time she cooked. A bowl was set in front of Kokuchou, but she barely tasted the contents.

The weight of the silence pressed in on Kokuchou's ears until, finally, she gathered the courage to ask. She didn't know if she was more afraid of the answer or if her mother would remain silent.

"O-kaa-san," her voice broke a little and she started over. "Okaa-san. The doctor told me that I didn't have to pay."

Her mother nodded into her soup and Kokuchou felt like screaming.

Just say something for once! Anything!

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears and her finger throbbed painfully. She forced her voice to remain steady as she pushed onward. "He said that students are covered for any injuries they receive during training."

Yozora sipped her soup, face serene. Did anything ever touch her?

Kokuchou's next words, so full of pent up anger, caused her okaa-san to finally look at her. "He also said that Academy students are given a stipend –for school supplies, gear, meals... Is that true?"

Her mother placed the spoon in her bowl and calmly looked at her daughter. "It is."

Kokuchou took a shallow breath. "What happened to mine?"

They both knew she hadn't seen a ryo of it. Yozora only looked at her. Kokuchou thought of the moon and distant stars and all of the things she couldn't touch in this life –her own mother being one of them.

She slammed her fist on the table. The dishes clattered. "Say something!" Kokuchou felt out of control.

Her okaa-san's face did not change, but she clasped her hands in front of her and said, "Your father used it, dear."

Kokuchou shoved hard against the table, rising to her feet on wobbly legs. Her breaths were coming in short, sharp pants and her vision went a little black at the edges. She distantly heard the clatter of dishes when she'd really been listening for her mother's voice. For comfort –for anything, really.

Her mother didn't need to clarify what he'd used it for because she already knew. It was hanging from the branches of the dead tree behind their house. The way Yozora said the words had been just the same as how she'd spoken to her father and no!

No! I'm not anything like him!

A man who drank and raged and enrolled his only child into an Academy that prepared her to kill and be killed all for a village that hated where she came from! And her finger throbbed and she couldn't get enough air no matter how hard she tried. She wasn't like him and all she wanted was for Okaa-san to hold her like when she was little. No-

"

 _No!_

My vision swims. I cannot breathe.

Ikkyu's face is before mine but I don't really see him. "Child, breathe." His hands are warm on my face. I try my best but my finger hurts and why didn't she try-

"In through your nose," Ikkyu brings my attention back to him. "Out through your mouth. Good. Again."

He breathes with me until I can do it on my own, but my tears do not stop.

"Can you tell me what is the matter, child?" Ikkyu holds me in his arms and pats my hair and I think of Okaa- Yozora, and all of the times she held Kokuchou and all of the times she didn't.

I hold my left hand up in the yellow lamplight of the hermitage. So that's how it happened. I examine the shortened middle finger, run the fingers of my right hand along its smooth edge. I think of the scars that run vertically up my wrists and recall Kokuchou's final moments before I came around and wonder if all of the scars I have on this body left such traumatic imprints.

Ikkyu waits.

I tell him what I have remembered.

"Would you like to take a break from writing, this evening?" he asks.

I shake my head, even though it hurts from crying. But the soul-ache has not become unbearable just yet and I know that I can go on. There is more to this memory and I want to follow it for as long as I can.

"Very well. But do not push yourself, child. There is no need for that."

"

When she woke the next morning, she was tucked beneath the blankets of her futon. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten there.

Her finger throbbed. She could remember that.

Kokuchou held it up. The dressings had been changed and her pills had been placed at her bedside. She remembered, tired in body and mind, the conversation she'd had with her okaa-san –or lack thereof. And despite how she'd acted, her mother had still taken care of her.

Kokuchou grabbed the pill bottle and took half of one as she'd been instructed. Her head felt fuzzy from the shock of it all and probably the painkillers, too. She didn't remember getting ready or even her walk to school. Four hours into her lessons, Kokuchou took the other half of the pill and went on floating throughout her day.

It wasn't until school had let out that Kokuchou snapped out of her daze. A hand slapped her shoulder, jostling her. Kushina peeked around. "That's what ya get for not payin' attention. A shinobi's always gotta be on- Whoa! What's up with your eyes? Your pupils are huge!" Kushina motioned with her fingers in front of her eyes.

Kokuchou held up her left hand. The gauze was looking a little yellow. She should probably change it…

Kushina held her wrist in a surprisingly gentle grasp. "What happened?"

"Training accident," Kokuchou responded. Her tongue felt too big for her mouth.

"Is it serious?" the redhead asked. It probably looked much worse than it was because of the bandages and Kokuchou's distant responses but her head was just so fuzzy- "Kokuchin?"

"It'll be fine. It was just to the knuckle."

"What was?"

"The amputation."

Kushina's face puffed out in a way that made Kokuchou laugh. When the redhead's brows rose, undoubtedly shocked at Kokuchou's good humor, she could only laugh more.

"Okay, you're obviously fine," Kushina dropped her hand with a roll of the eyes. Kokuchou's arm flopped to her side and she sputtered. It looked like a fish, flopping around like that. Kokuchou wiggled her arms. Her muscles felt so-o-oo-o good and loose and-

The redhead grabbed her arm to keep her from falling. "Geez, what kind of painkillers did they give you?"

Kokuchou only continued to giggle.

Kushina, she observed in the most distant of ways, was worried for her. "You should go home, Kokuchin. I'll walk ya-"

"No!" Kokuchou ripped her arm from the girl's grip. Or tried to, at least. In addition to making her relaxed, the painkillers also made her weak.

"Okay, okay. How 'bout the shop, then?"

"Tha's fine," Kokuchou slurred and allowed the redhead to lead her to Itame-sensei's shop.

"

The moment Kokuchou walked into the shop, led by an uncharacteristically solemn Kushina, Itame-sensei took one look at her and ordered the Uzumaki to take her to his apartment. Kushina set up the futon according to Itame-sensei's instructions and helped Kokuchou into it.

She didn't remember passing out.

When Kokuchou woke, dazed and confused for the second time that day, her mentor was cooking dinner in the kitchen. Kokuchou slowly rose from the bed and made her way to the table. She set her forehead on the cool wood and breathed deeply.

"The girl was worried about you."

Kokuchou grunted. She remembered that much.

"So was the boy."

She let her head rise from the table, brows knitting together. "Who?"

"The one with the hair." Her mentor set a plate of food before her. Was it the pills or did the meal look heftier than usual?

"Shou-nii?"

"Maybe."

"Genin? You met him on the road back to Konoha. And, like, a dozen other times."

"Could be."

"Curly hair?"

"That's the one."

Kokuchou pushed the food around on her plate. She wasn't hungry and no matter how much water she drank, her mouth remained dry. "Why did he come?"

Itame-sensei took a large bite of fish. "Heard about your accident. Wanted to check on you."

She wished she'd been awake. It had been so long since she'd last seen Shou.

"Eat," her mentor ordered. "You can't take anymore painkillers 'til you do." Kokuchou began to eat her potato because it looked the easiest and its smell didn't make her stomach roll. "I sent word along to your mother. You're gonna stay here tonight."

Kokuchou nodded, grateful. The more she ate, the more lucid her mind began to feel. She started in on the beans.

"Why do you like Uzumaki-san more than Shou-nii?" It had always confused her that Itame-sensei encouraged a friendship between them. Or, at least, didn't protest against it.

"You need more friends."

What? Kokuchou was incredulous. This coming from the most unsociable man she knew. "I have friends."

"One. And he's more like a brother than a friend."

"Isn't that even better?"

"Sometimes."

"You don't have any friends."

Itame-sensei grunted. Annoyed. "I don't need 'em."

"Then, why do I?"

Itame-sensei didn't answer her question. "Mokume said no taijutsu or kenjutsu 'til that's all healed up."

Fine. If he wanted to change the subject, she'd let him. For now. "I can still do drills and endu-"

"No," her mentor interrupted. "It's time you got to working on your ninjutsu and genjutsu."

They'd covered that a bit in their trainings, but Kokuchou had always assumed she'd get more instruction in that area once becoming a genin. "What are you going to teach me, sensei?"

"I won't be teaching you anything."

Kokuchou rested her head in her hands. She was too tired to be playing twenty questions with the man. Her finger throbbed and all she wanted him to do was tell her what she'd be doing for the foreseeable future so that she could take her painkillers and go back to sleep.

"Who will, then?"

"I've got people in mind. A couple of people on the force owe me some favors."

Kokuchou didn't try to pry any further. They finished the rest of the meal in silence, but it wasn't oppressive like her house in Wakuraba.

She wondered what made the difference.

"

"It's healing up nicely, Kokuchou-chan," Mokume-sensei looked closely at the appendage. "I see you've been applying the healing cream."

She had been under Itame-sensei's watchful eye. The first time she'd seen the finger, shorter than both her ring and pointer fingers and clearly in the process of healing, she'd nearly thrown up.

However, several days and changes of dressings later, she'd grown used to the sight. She was itching to get back on her normal schedule, not because she loved it, but because it had become routine over the years and breaking from it felt unnatural. That, and Kokuchou could only man the front counter of the shop for so long before growing bored.

Itame-sensei hadn't even begun her alternative trainings as he'd promised he would.

Mokume-sensei's hand glowed green. He brought it closer to her finger. It tingled and she watched, mouth agape, as the scar tissue began to heal more smoothly. "Don't get too excited, I can only speed up the healing process a little bit. The Kitaeru clan comes from a civilian background, not a shinobi one. So our bloodline doesn't have as high of a chakra capacity as other clans."

Kokuchou nodded in understanding. Mokume-sensei glanced at her. "'Nii-san told me about your chakrams. Your chakra control must be good."

"It's decent," she said.

"And your other studies? Has Itame started you on nin- or genjutsu yet?" She shook her head in the negative and the doctor was silent for a long moment. "Have you ever considered studying medical ninjutsu?"

"I didn't know I could," Kokuchou looked at the man, tapping her thigh with the fingers of her good hand.

He chuckled. "Anyone with any sort of chakra control is allowed to learn the basics. After the War, there was a need for more shinobi who knew medical jutsu and so they created a first responder course to the curriculum. It's basic stuff like numbing and diagnostics and how to apply first aid until an actual medic-nin can treat the patient, but some people are able pick up Mystical Palm along the way."

"Mystical Palm?"

Mokume-sensei motioned to his hand with a jerk of his head. "This is Mystical Palm. Like I said, its basic stuff. It takes years and years of study to treat the major injuries, but less to be able to treat this sort of thing."

"And you're offering to teach me?" What was it with this family and taking her under their wings?

"I am." The doctor withdrew his hand and applied more ointment, beginning to wrap the stub once more.

"Why?"

"It could save your life out there. Or someone else's."

"Do medic-nin's still go into the field?"

Mokume-sensei nodded. "They do. I did, too. During the War. But Tsunade-hime is changing that."

One of the three students of the Hokage. She'd heard of her, of course. Everyone had.

"How?"

"Like I said, medical ninjutsu is difficult stuff to learn and those who learn it are a big boon to the village. Tsunade-hime believes if we're going to spend so much time and effort training our medic-nin, we shouldn't send them straight to the front lines to be killed. They're more useful hanging back on a mission or at home."

Well. Kokuchou hadn't known that.

"So? How about it?"

She considered it. "I also have to work on my other stuff."

The man nodded. "How long until you graduate?"

"Next winter." Kokuchou flexed her newly bandaged finger.

The doctor stood and handed her a book that he'd brought with him. She read the title; 'A Shinobi's Introduction to Field First Aid and Emergency Response'. "A year and a half is enough time to learn the diagnostic jutsu and how to numb pain using chakra. If you work at it enough, you might even get to Mystical Palm."

Kokuchou was hesitant to say yes, though she didn't know why. "I should ask Itame-sensei…"

"Of course. Come back in three days for the next treatment," Mokume-sensei smiled at her as she hopped from the examination table.

She had a lot to think about.


	19. Ninth Winter

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Ninth Winter~**

In the end, she'd decided to take Mokume-sensei up on his offer to study basic medical ninjutsu. Itame-sensei had given her an ultimatum: studying nin- and genjutsu or medical ninjutsu. All paths were time consuming in addition to her apprenticeship and Academy studies.

It had been a difficult choice.

Itame-sensei didn't coerce, per se. But he had suggested that she could learn of her chakra nature and different types of jutsu with this unnamed associate. He'd also made sure Kokuchou remembered of the things his urumi could do one training session when it took on his chakra nature, earth.

'Your chakrams have the same capability,' he'd said.

And Kokuchou understood the necessity of being well rounded, Itame-sensei had made certain of that over the years. She'd learned so much from him; basic survival skills and tracking. He'd taught her kenjutsu, helped her make her chakrams, and even aided her in the creation of a fighting style that fit her body and flexibility. But, even with all of this, she didn't have any sort of nin- or genjutsu abilities.

Itame-sensei had started her on the basics of molding chakra in preparation for the Replacement jutsu, but with everything else, they'd not gotten far.

'You can't rely so heavily on your chakrams,' the man reminded her one night as she wrapped her finger lightly in gauze. It was almost healed. 'Any good shinobi will realize this weakness and exploit it.'

That thought had caused her to panic. Just a little. Internally. The only evidence of her distress visible in the way she spun her rings around her fingers. Truly, Kokuchou did not know how she could fight without them. Nearly every spar with Kushina ended with the redhead incapacitated by her chakrams. They allowed her to keep her distance from an opponent and she could manipulate three at a distance.

However, when weighed against the knowledge that she would be able to heal herself if wounded during battle, even only a little, medical ninjutsu won in the end. Itame-sensei hadn't asked for her reasoning, though she suppose the man suspected.

Kokuchou had informed Mokume-sensei of her decision to study with him during her next checkup, as well as recited all that she'd learned from the book he'd given her. She hadn't had anything else to do while working in the shop and there was only so many times a person could sweep a floor. Itame-sensei wouldn't let her touch any of the weapons until she had full use of her hands once more.

That had been five months ago, and in that time she'd only managed to master the diagnostic jutsu for two of the ten body systems. Her left middle finger had healed entirely but the chakra pathways had had to reroute in lieu of the loss of the distal phalanx –she'd had to learn all parts of the body for her medical training, as well. Overall, Kokuchou had adjusted to the loss and, months later, it felt entirely normal.

At least, Kokuchou thought as she circulated her chakra through a frog's respiratory system, I have the numbing jutsu down.

In addition to her medical ninjutsu training, Kokuchou was continuing to practice with her chakrams. Following her injury, Itame-sensei had gifted her with specially made gloves. They were similar to the standard-issue gloves many shinobi wore, only they had plates of the extra Takama-no-Kinzoku sewn into the palms and fingers. Because they'd been made using the same metal as the chakrams, they wouldn't be able to cut through the plates, thus protecting her hands while still allowing for ease of movement.

They made her hands look strangely large, though.

"Diagnosis?" Mokume-sensei asked from where he was filling in some charts.

"It appears some kind of fungus has sprouted in the frog's-"

"Patient's," the man corrected her.

"The patient's lungs."

"Good," he was much more open with his praise than Itame-sensei. "Get a feel for the fungus and what it's doing to the patient. You'll need to figure it out for homework."

"Yes, sensei." Kokuchou placed the frog in a carrier to take home. She gathered her belongings from the dressing room and left her hospital smock in her locker.

She was tired and hungry and ready to sleep but the moment Kokuchou exited the hospital, she was immediately pulled into an enormous hug.  
"My little cygnet!" Shou shouted. The patients who were spending time outside watched the commotion. "I'm so proud of how you're spreading your wings and learning to fly!"

Kokuchou wiggled from out of his arms. She had to crane her neck back to look at the older boy. At just twelve, he could pass for an older teenager. When had he gotten so tall and at what point would he finally stop? It seemed like every time she saw him, she thought about how much taller he'd gotten.

Stupid height. It's just his hair, she told herself.

"I've been at it since summer, Shou. This is nothing new."

"But I haven't seen you in ages!" He spread his arms wide to illustrate.

"It was only three weeks."

"Like I said, ages." Shou brushed his curls back before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Despite what she said and how she acted, Kokuchou always missed his affectionate touches. Her mother was, of course, distant and her mentor, withholding. While she spent a decent amount of her free time with Kushina, the girl's way of expressing affection was in punches to the arm.

"What's that?" Shou crouched to eye level with the small carrier. The frog remained unconscious inside.

"A frog," she answered away from the careful ears of Mokume-sensei. When they'd first started, he made sure she never referred to the training specimens as anything but actual patients. "How was the mission?"

"It was fine," he said gazing at their surroundings as they began the walk back to Wakuraba. It was a nice day, unseasonably warm for winter and a lot of people were outside, soaking it in while they could. "We're working together a little better. And Jimei-taichou is teaching us some jutsu."

"Like what?"

Shou shrugged. "Okay, well not really teaching. But he helped us find out our chakra nature. Mine's earth!"

Kokuchou smiled, just a little. It was the smile that only Shou could pull out of her. "That's cool. Have you found any jutsu to try yet?"

According to Shou, Jimei-taichou's method of teaching usually involved giving them a scroll detailing a technique. He would then show them the hand signs and call it a day. As if the rest were obvious.

It wasn't. And Shou usually came to her with concerns about his team's performance.

Shou wilted a little. "Not yet. The scrolls aren't very detailed…" he glanced at her. "Actually, I was hoping you could help me with that."

"I'm not any good with ninjutsu." She also knew for a fact that Shou had concentrated on that more than her in the Academy –on the practice of calling and molding chakra for different techniques.

"Yeah, but you've read more about it than I have. You understand the theory behind it and your chakra control is good. I was hoping you could help me with the instructions."

"I can try…" But Itame-sensei would have been a better resource. Apparently, he and Shou shared the same chakra nature. Unfortunately, Kokuchou highly doubted the man would agree to help her friend.

"Oh, thank you, my little cygnet!" Shou picked her up and twirled her around. It wasn't hard.

"When are you going to start calling me a swan?"

"You'll see," the boy set her back down and walked on.

Kokuchou followed close behind. Her tone was rather snotty and matter-of-fact. "But I won't see. You can't see sounds."

Shou ignored her and kept walking. "Hey," he said suddenly.

"What?"

He turned to her, face serious. Shou bent to her level and held her gaze. Kokuchou tried not to flush. Prolonged eye contact always did that to her. "Shou-nii?"

He gave her a small smile and poked her nose. "You're it!"

Kokuchou chased him the rest of the way to Wakuraba.

"

As soon as Kokuchou passed the threshold of her house, she slammed the door behind her. When it bounced back, she kicked it until it stayed shut. It was the middle of the day and her okaa-san wasn't home from work yet.

Kokuchou made a beeline for her room and yanked open the drawers, immediately tossing the contents to the floor. She knelt beside the small pile and began to sort through her meager supply of clothing. The shirts, she put to the side –they had been deemed fine. But her shorts were a different story.

While she was still quite short for her eight years, she'd become quite muscular under Itame-sensei's tutelage. Kokuchou's fighting style required a lot of flexibility in body as well as clothing, so most of what she wore was tight and made of pliable material. The fabric also allowed for her to grow without needing to buy new clothes every time she hit a growth spurt –she and her mother couldn't afford that.

It wasn't until this year that anyone had said anything about it, though.

During the taijutsu portion of their lesson, a group of boys had started whispering amongst themselves. Hibari-sensei had tried to break them up a few times but it hadn't worked.

Eventually Hibari-sensei stopped her fight. "Go home," she'd demanded.

"Why, sensei?"

"Your clothing is distracting to the other students."

Kokuchou had looked down at her body. She didn't understand what was wrong with it. She'd worn a variation of it for years. A few of the boys were still laughing from the sidelines.

Hibari-sensei went on. "Your shorts are too tight and ride up when you fight."

"I can't help-"

"You can help it. You will go home and once you've changed into something more appropriate, you may return to school."

Kokuchou had left the building to a chorus of snickers.

Why was she the one in trouble, the one who had to leave school and interrupt her studies –even if she was ahead of most of them– in order to change her clothing? What had happened to the boys? Had they gotten in trouble as well?

These thoughts rolled through Kokuchou's mind again and again in the wake of her humiliating dismissal. That was how her mother found her upon returning home for lunch –sitting on the floor and examining the hems of her shorts to see if they could be let out at all.

It was hopeless. She tossed the pair in her hands to the floor. "I need new clothes."

"Your current ones haven't worn out yet," her okaa-san reasoned over a sip of tea.

Shame, though she didn't understand what it was from, welled in her. "I got sent home." Kokuchou gave a brief recount of the events of the morning. "What about the money we receive from the Academy? It's for this kind of stuff."

She thought she might have seen Yozora frown, but the teacup hid her mouth from view. "He left a lot of debts," she said.

Kokuchou didn't speak for a long moment, both reining in her frustration and trying to figure out what to do. How could her otou-san still be taking her money even after his death? When she couldn't come up with a solution, Kokuchou said, "Hibari-sensei said I couldn't go back until I've 'covered up'."

Her mother sipped her tea while Kokuchou waited for her response. She was used to her okaa-san's silences and this one, she knew, was a 'thinking' silence. The woman hesitated for just a moment and then set her cup on the table. She stood and motioned for Kokuchou to follow.

Yozora led Kokuchou to her room and she watched with slight jealousy as her mother's long curtain of black hair shifted like silk. Kokuchou had never been able to get hers to stay smooth.

Yozora knelt at what seemed to be a random spot on the floor. Her mother wiggled a bobby pin into the space between two boards and Kokuchou watched in interest as it was pried up with a loud creak. She helped her mother remove the board the rest of the way and set it off to the side.

Yozora stuck her arm into the space beneath the floorboards, reaching for something. The serene look never left her face. Her mother had to use both hands to pull the box out. It was large and apparently heavy, though the petite woman wasn't all that strong to begin with.

Yozora opened the box and laid several yukata carefully on her futon. They appeared old in style, but not condition. "Whose are these?" she asked.

"My mother's. Your grandmother's."

Kokuchou ran her fingers along the fabric. There were three yukata in total –a green, lavender, and a navy blue. Each had trim work and belts in complementary shades and there was a small silver star embroidered on the back of each collar.

Her mother didn't need to say the words herself, Kokuchou understood. "I can't fight in yukata."

"You may alter them as you need."

Kokuchou paused. "Is that really okay?"

They did belong to her grandmother and although her okaa-san never spoke of the woman, she figured they had to be sentimental if she'd kept them for so long. Something niggled at Kokuchou. Yozora had kept these yukata hidden, safe from her father, but hadn't protected Kokuchou from the Academy?

Yozora only nodded before closing the box and replacing it to where she'd gotten it. Kokuchou glimpsed a few hairpins and a fan inside.

She spent the rest of the afternoon altering the yukata into something in which she could fight. This would allow her to wear her flexible spandex clothing without being 'inappropriate' as Hibari-sensei had said. Plus, because they were large, she could take them in and let them out as needed.

Kokuchou didn't know a thing about her grandmother, but she and her mother had apparently inherited their petite size from the woman. She could tell just by putting it on that she wouldn't had to alter the proportions all that much.

Kokuchou cut the ends all the way to the tops of her shins and then a slit along the sides to allow for movement. She then hemmed them up to the bottom of her thigh. If she grew taller, she could let the hem out. Kokuchou could tell right away that the long sleeves would be cumbersome, so she used the excess fabric from the bottom to create a tasuki which she could use to tie them back.

Sewing had been a necessary skill to learn, though. On her family's budget, she had to constantly patch up clothing and let out hems until the item could be worn no more. Kokuchou's relief at not having had to buy new clothing almost eclipsed her confusion as to why it had been a problem in the first place.

When she was finished, Kokuchou had two ready-to-wear battle yukata. One, the lavender, she kept unaltered as a backup. Plus, lavender did not blend in as well as green or navy.

Kokuchou spent the final hours of the day going through her training routine in the backyard. The yukata was a hindrance, and despite the relief she'd felt earlier, Kokuchou ended her evening as annoyed as she'd started it.

The bottle tree cast its light over her.

"

Kushina shoved a package in her face.

Kokuchou jerked away. She'd stopped wondering how Kushina managed to track her down a long time ago. The girl sat beside her on the riverbank.

"Kushina-san," Kokuchou made sure her tone was as formal and cool as possible. "It is impolite to shove things people's faces. What you could have said was 'Excuse me, Aokigahara-sa-"

"Yeah, yeah. Enougha' that, Kokuchin. We both know ya love me." Love, Kokuchou wasn't sure about that. Kokuchou wasn't sure she loved anyone at all. Was love the same as caring about a person the way she cared about Shou and Itame-sensei? And, she begrudgingly admitted to herself, Kushina.

She had certainly grown fond of the redhead –which was a miracle considering the girl's personality. She was brash and obnoxious, quick to challenge others and often did not think things through. But she also showed Kokuchou the joy in things she had never noticed before.

Like when she challenged Kokuchou to see who could use their chakra to jump the highest. At times, it had felt like they were flying. Or the time Kushina had stolen her dinner and forced Kokuchou to chase her along the rooftops. They hadn't stopped until they reached a small, hidden cliff that overlooked the entire village. The two had shared her food there (as much as Kokuchou tried to keep the redhead from it) and watched the sun cast its final, brilliant rays over Konoha.

That had been the first time Kokuchou thought it beautiful.

There had been lots of little moments like that. Where, when the girl showed up behind Itame-sensei's shop, Kokuchou caught herself feeling glad. As different as they were, somehow she and Kushina just worked.

"Open it," the girl demanded.

Kokuchou set the book she'd been reading for her next session with Itame-sensei to the side but otherwise didn't move. "What is it?"

"A gift?" Kushina looked at her as if it should have been obvious.

"Why?"

Kushina sat up straighter, looking mighty proud of herself. "For your birthday."

Was it really? It had recently become December…

Kokuchou refrained from pushing the package away. As far as she could remember, she'd never gotten one. Not from Shou because birthdays weren't really a thing in Wakuraba and certainly never from her parents. She'd never brought it up to Itame-sensei, but she supposed his reasoning might have been surrounding the sentimentality of gifts.

He was not a sentimental man.

The wrapped, paper package felt impossibly heavy on her thighs. Kokuchou felt more uncomfortable than she had in a long time.

Kushina misinterpreted her narrowed eyes for confusion. "Well, we've been friends for over a year and ya never mentioned a birthday. So, I went to the Third School and found your file."

Kokuchou had the distinct feeling that what she'd done was illegal. "Why didn't you just ask?"

"You wouldn't've told me."

Well, she was right about that. Not because she wanted to keep it from Kushina, but because it was always entertaining to watch the girl grow frustrated over not getting her way.

"I've never gotten you one," she pointed out. Kokuchou didn't even know when the girl's birthday was.

"I didn't get ya one because I expect something in return." Kushina used a kunai to cut the twine. "Now get on with it."

Kokuchou slowly unwrapped the gift. She truly had no idea what to expect. Within was a plain, black band of fabric, made of the same stretchy material as her normal training outfit.

"It's an obi," the girl scratched her cheek before breathing deep and yanking the material from Kokuchou's hands. "I figured it would be easier to wear than that cotton one you got. It's got these pockets sewn on the inside for small weapons or tools or poisons or whatever, you know?"

Kokuchou stood and untied her current obi. She'd long since cut the sleeves from her battle yukata, deciding they were far too cumbersome to even tie back. When she fought at the Academy or trained with Itame-sensei, she'd taken to tying it at the waist.

The whole get-up, even with her modifications, definitely impeded her flexibility but Kokuchou couldn't remove it at the Academy because of Hibari-sensei's rule and Kokuchou found that even outside of school, she opted to wear it. Now, whenever someone looked at her in the spandex, she felt the itch of self-consciousness.

Kokuchou stepped into the band and pulled it up her waist. Kushina helped her make the necessary adjustments. It was a lot less bulky than the cotton obi and when she fell into a backbend, the fabric stretched with her. It certainly wouldn't hold anything like kunai or shuriken well, as Kushina had said.

Perhaps senbon… Itame-sensei would have a suggestion.

"It's..." It really was a nice gift, and a thoughtful one. That Kushina had noticed her annoyance with the obi at all... "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Kokuchou practiced a few stretches and acrobatics while Kushina watched. "When's yours?"

"July tenth." Kushina said, but didn't seem nearly as excited for her own. Then, suddenly, she smiled slyly. Kushina gestured to Kokuchou and her new obi. "Ya know what this means?"

Kokuchou tilted her head.

"We're gonna have to test it out." As was her way, the redhead launched herself at Kokuchou, always ready for a fight.


	20. Making Up the Difference

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

"I would like to try something," Ikkyu says a few days after reading about Kokuchou's ninth winter.

I sit before the small table with a heavy blanket over my shoulders. "What?" I ask, although I'm distracted. I'm not much of an artist, but I try to fill the blank spaces on the pages with drawings of people and places she's seen. It helps when I am having trouble remembering.

"Kokuchou was trained extensively in her chakra control, both with her chakrams and later as a medic-nin." Ikkyu looks excited.

He is always happy about something, but it is usually the calm, peaceful sort. Now, his body, stooped and small, has straightened and he moves with more energy than I've ever seen. "I would like to have you try to use your chakra."

After learning about chakra from her memories, I was able to identify that strange, tingling energy that courses through my body so similar to blood. Although my mind recalls it and all of the theory surrounding how and why chakra works, my soul is a stranger to the sensation.

The best way I can describe it is in regards to something else. Where mine runs like water beneath my skin, Ikkyu's feels heavy. Kind of like moons and tides, I feel my chakra pull towards wherever he is –as if his chakra has a gravity of its own. I wonder if it feels like this for everyone…

My brows knit together. "You want me to use jutsu?"

"No," Ikkyu hurries to correct. "I do not think you could, even if you tried. Not in the state you are in now."

"What do you mean?"

"You learned from her memories that there are two types of chakra, yin and yang. Spiritual and physical." When I nod, he continues. "Your yang chakra remains as it was before you took up residency in this body, perhaps a little less strong for the fact that you have not exercised it as is necessary…"

It feels as if Ikkyu is talking more to himself at this point. I rest my chin in my hand and listen. "However, when Kokuchou's soul vacated the body, I believe your yin chakra was affected greatly. And again, when your soul came into it."

I'm following the explanation, but I don't know where he's going with it. "So, what do you want to do? And how will this help me?" While I have no idea what path I want to take in the future, I certainly know that becoming a shinobi is not one of them –not as Kokuchou was forced to do.

"If you increase the capacity of your yin chakra, get it to a level matching that of your yang chakra, I believe it will help with your 'soul-aches'." Ikkyu concludes with a large smile, his ears wiggling.

I sit up straight. That _is_ tempting. "How do we do it?"

The Cat is watching our exchange from atop the table.

"Meditation, of course!"

Before Ikkyu finishes, I am already sighing. I let my head fall to my journal. "I-kkyu…" I draw out his name in a whine.

He laughs because he knows how I feel about meditating. It is just so _boring_ and more often than not, my mind tends to wander elsewhere. "It will be good for you!"

Ikkyu is pulling me to sit next to him and I scowl at his strength. I feel a wetness on my forehead and itch it. My hand comes away black. Great. The ink had been wet.

"Can I wash this off first?" I ask. Anything to delay the meditation.

Ikkyu grins. "No, it will be fine."

I grumble, knowing I won't win against him. He can be quite tenacious when he wants to.

"Close your eyes," he begins to lead.

I do as he says.

"And breathe in deep…"


	21. Tenth Winter

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter~**

"Which school?"

"Third." Kokuchou held her hands behind her back. The chunin stationed at a table outside of the Academy didn't look at her as he angled towards a pile of papers to his left.

"Name?"

"Aokigahara Kokuchou."

Judging by the amount of forms remaining, Kokuchou was among the latecomers –a fact which made sense when taking into consideration that most of the former students were anxious to begin their genin career.

Kokuchou, however, was not one of them and she'd walked slowly through the streets of Konoha in hopes of delaying the inevitable.

But there she was, standing before the First School of the Academy as a chunin leafed through a stack of papers. When he found her name, his gaze roved over it quickly. "You're in room 5-A. Give this to the teacher outside the door."

Kokuchou accepted the proffered form with a polite bow and made to enter the Academy.

"Wait," the chunin called out, halting her in her tracks. He eyed her, taking in Kokuchou's entire form. "Where's your hitai-ate?"

Kokuchou picked at her nails to keep from frowning but produced the headband from beneath her obi. "Sorry, sir," she did her best to appear apologetic. "The metal plate doesn't fit my forehead quite right."

This was true but it also wasn't the only reason she hadn't been wearing it.

Kokuchou's head was small enough that the hitai-ate didn't sit comfortably on her forehead, something of an easy fix for a blacksmith's apprentice. It was too bad that starting that day, she would no longer be under Kitaeru Itame-sensei's tutelage.

He'd made that abundantly clear.

Don't think about it, Kokuchou told herself for what felt like the hundredth time since leaving Itame-sensei's shop that morning. She mentally grimaced from the sting in her nail beds –at the rate Kokuchou was going, they would be worn to stubs before she even went on her first mission. And she was even wearing her gloves.

The chunin appraised her size once more and nodded in acceptance of her excuse. "Just make sure it's visible somewhere on your body." His stern expression morphed into a smile. "You're a genin now. You should wear it proudly."

The chunin's words were meant to encourage, but all Kokuchou felt was dread churn her stomach like acid. "Thank you, sir."

She didn't know what she'd been thinking. That she could drop out of active duty and join the reserves? Be Itame-sensei's apprentice forever? It had been naïve of her to think things would turn out differently.

Her path had been set in stone the moment her father signed her up for the Academy.

They would never let her go now.

After five years at the Third School, Kokuchou had become a genin. The graduation test hadn't been very difficult. There were three sections –a written exam, an exercise in the Academy-style taijutsu, and the Replacement jutsu. But competency in only a single section was required to become a genin. That explained why so many of her classmates were able to earn their hitai-ate despite only being able to pass the taijutsu section.

As she'd looked around her schoolyard after the graduation exam, watching all of the new genin wear their hitai-ate with pride and excitement, Kokuchou realized that Shou had been right when he'd told her, all those years ago, that the village desired quantity over quality.

Following the War, Konohagakure's numbers as well as the numbers of the other participating nations were decimated. While having powerhouse shinobi within their ranks, such as the Hokage's former students or Hatake Sakumo was a major benefit to the village, a single shinobi could only hold off for so long before numbers trumped skill. For Konoha, training an abundance of loyal shinobi who could follow orders, stab, and dodge was far higher on their to-do list.

It's strange, she thought as she navigated the halls of the First School. How things change.

She'd spent many afternoons in this school's library, perusing the shelves for whatever seemed pertinent to her training and therefore knew the way well. It was there that she'd read about the formation of Konohagakure and how the first Hokage, Senju Hashirama, had created the village with the hopes that children would be able to grow up in a peaceful, happy environment. In a sanctuary from the hostile world outside.

This, obviously, wasn't the case anymore.

4-A. 4-B… Kokuchou read each room number as she passed. Inside, she could hear the excited chatter of students as they waited for the team placements to begin. The teachers stationed outside each door watched her pass. I wonder what the room assignments mean. They could be random…

Kokuchou came to a stop before 5-A and the bored looking chunin stood to attention.

"Paper," he held out his hand for the form and Kokuchou gave it to him. She'd seen him before, but only in passing –at the summer tournaments or during other such Academy-wide assemblies.

Her hands fiddled with the rings on her fingers. The chunin's eyes alternated between something on the form and his clipboard. He ran his finger down the column. "Aokigahara Kokuchou?" he asked.

Kokuchou nodded but when she realized he still hadn't looked up at her, she spoke up. "Yes, sir."

"Registration number."

"Zero-zero-six-five-one-one."

She watched the chunin's eyes read along his clipboard as she recited her identification. He nodded. "Alright. Go on in and have a seat," the man said, leaning back against the wall. "We'll be starting soon."

Kokuchou placed her hand on the door. The hitai-ate tucked into her obi felt like it had a gravity of its own, weighing her down and slowing time. This is it, Kokuchou thought of Ochiba and Kareha and Hama just as she had so many times since entering the Academy.

Had she done enough? Had she tried her best to distance herself from death?

No. My best will never be enough.

Kokuchou took a breath to calm her pounding heart.

Only a moment had passed, but she didn't dare hesitate any longer with so many teachers stationed in the hall.

Kokuchou slid the door open and crossed the threshold.

A few students glanced up at her entrance before returning to their conversations, disinterested.

That is, until a familiar voice shouted her name over the din of the classroom. "Kokuchin! Over here!"

Leave it to Kushina to draw attention. Kokuchou sighed through her nose but managed to maintain her peaceful expression. She'd had a lot of practice in the past year and a half since befriending the girl. The redhead stood on her seat, waving her arms back and forth through the air. When Kokuchou made eye contact with Kushina, she motioned to the seat next to her.

"I saved ya a seat, Kokuchin!" she yelled, for whatever reason. A few people tittered behind their hands at the nickname. The classroom had gone quiet as the students observed Kokuchou and the obnoxious redhead. The teacher slammed the door shut behind her.

She had known of Kushina's reputation; however, because she only ever spent time with the girl outside of school, Kokuchou had never had the chance to see her interact with her classmates.

Kokuchou began to ascend the stairs to a myriad of reactions. Some children rolled their eyes while others sneered at the redhead's actions and murmured to their friends. A few looked on with boredom-induced interest as they waited for the placements to finally begin.

Kushina only sat back in her seat once Kokuchou slid in next to her. "How did you know I'd be assigned to this room?"

Kushina grinned wide. "I checked!" That didn't necessarily mean she'd asked a teacher, the more likely scenario being Kushina sneaking a peek when they weren't paying attention. "What took ya so long to get here?"

Kokuchou fiddled with her rings. "I came from the shop."

The redhead ah-ed in understanding and leaned over to look beneath the desk. "Are those new?" she jerked her head towards Kokuchou's feet.

"Yeah," she lifted her feet a little. The black shoes were heavier than she was used to. "Itame-sensei gave them to me."

"They like your gloves?"

Kokuchou nodded. "He used the last of the Takama-no-Kinzoku to line them."

In the last year she'd managed to work out most of the kinks in her fighting style. The trouble with using a lot of acrobatics in taijutsu and weapons was the fact that her hands were balanced on the ground in a lot of moves. To make up for this, she'd started using her feet to catch and launch the chakrams as well.

Kokuchou never sharpened them during trainings to avoid another amputation mishap and had been trying to think of a way around the problem when the time came to actually use them in battle.

Itame-sensei had presented her with the plated shoes as she left his apartment that morning –a parting gift. Her second gift ever.

Kokuchou adjusted the obi around her waist. Swung her feet, feeling the weight. She'd rather have Itame-sensei.

But they were nice boots, not clunky like other shinobi boots. Instead, they were made of a thin, pliable material that allowed her to execute her acrobatics. The plates he'd had sewn inside were thin and since they only came to just below her knees, she didn't lose any of her mobility.

She picked at her nails and tried not to think about the man who had become such a father figure in her life. Thankfully, Kushina's presence alone was enough to distract Kokuchou from her thoughts.

The redhead shook her shoulder. "Are ya pumped or what?"

Or what, Kokuchou thought but outwardly said, "I'm interested to see who we'll be placed with." A cursory glance about the room told her that there wasn't a single Third School student in the room other than herself. Maybe more will show up… They were still waiting on several other genin to arrive, anyway. "I don't know anyone besides you."

Kushina waved her hand in the space between them. "Don't worry 'bout it, Kokuchin! So long as ya don't get paired with him," the girl pointed to a boy chatting with his friends several rows below, "then you'll be just fine!"

The brunette boy looked up and scowled at Kushina. "I heard that, Tomato!"

"You were meant to, Potato!" she shot right back at him, slamming her hands on the desk.

Kokuchou had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning. It was a stupid comeback. But he is wearing a lot of brown… she mused. A few students chuckled at the exchanged while others just appeared to be exasperated. It probably wasn't the first time the two had verbally, most likely even physically, gotten into it.

"Anyway," Kushina leaned back in her chair and began to chatter about her life since she'd become a genin. She spoke of her aunt and the dinner the old woman had cooked her. "Mito-baa made the best salty ramen I've ever had. You should come over and try it some time. Say, when do ya think we'll be able to spar again? With our new teams and all, I'm sure we'll be super busy. But don't think I won't track ya down-"

Kokuchou listened to her friend chat away, both of them used to the routine. Since becoming friends, Kushina had learned to recognize Kokuchou's moods and when she'd be more willing talk about her own life. If Kushina thought it would be for Kokuchou's own good to share, she'd try to coerce her –usually by means of a spar. This was not one of those times and it was hardly the place to force her to divulge, so the redhead filled the silence with her own words.

Whenever the door slid open, Kokuchou would glance to see if she recognized the newcomer. She never did and pretty soon the room was full of anxious genin.

The teacher poked his head in. "Start taking your seats, kids. It'll be just a few more minutes," he announced and shut the door behind him.

The genin did as they were told, taking any available seat they could. Extra chairs had been brought into the room to accommodate all of them. A quick headcount showed her that there were thirty-six genin in total.

If we're being assigned to three-men teams plus a jonin sensei, there should be twelve teams…

Kokuchou was wondering how teams were chosen when, true to his word, the teacher entered the classroom followed by twelve other adults –their soon-to-be sensei. The genin grew quiet and sat up straight, eyeing the adults at the front of the room. Even Kushina had settled down.

Out of the twelve there were only two kunoichi and each jonin was dressed in varying styles of the Konoha navy-green gear. The jonin observed the genin right back, though their gazes didn't land on any specific student.

The teacher tapped his clipboard on the desk, drawing everyone's attention to himself. "For those of you who don't know me, my name is Motemori Shigeri and I'm a teacher at this school. I'll be announcing your team assignments today." The new genin shifted in their seats. "Once I call your name, come stand with your jonin sensei. After everyone on your team has been called, you will follow your new sensei out of the room. Until then, please remain quiet and respectful so that everyone can hear. Understood?"

"Yes," the class responded in unison.

"Alright. Let's get started. Team One," a jonin with a sword strapped to his back stepped forward. One by one, Shigeri-sensei called out the names of the students on each team and the numbers in the room dwindled.

"Team Five," he announced and one of the kunoichi stepped forward. She reminded Kokuchou of the matron at the Aokigahara Orphanage, not so much in appearance as countenance. The kunoichi gazed sternly into the rows of genin. "Tsunematsu Ueki."

Kokuchou perked up at the name and watched the boy stand up. She had fought him in her first tournament and in the years that had passed, Ueki had grown. The brunette boy bowed and then stood beside his new sensei, face serious.

"Hara Banryoku," Shigeri-sensei recited. Another brunette boy made his way down the stairs to bow stiffly and stand a little behind the kunoichi. His mouth turned down at the sides. "Uzumaki Kushina."

At almost the same time, Kushina and Banryoku groaned. The boy's head had dropped to his chest and Kushina scowled. Even Ueki frowned as some of the genin tittered behind their hands.

I'll definitely be hearing about this, later, Kokuchou thought.

"I'll catch ya later," Kushina grumbled and rose to her feet. The redhead stomped down the stairs to join her team. Team Five made their way from the room with Kushina and Banryoku shouldering each other to get through the door first, followed by an unsmiling Ueki and stern-faced sensei.

Alone in the room of First and Second School students, Kokuchou fiddled with her rings. She had the urge, as she so often did, to expand the chakrams and shrink them back down. It was a practice in her chakra control, but Kokuchou held back. Somewhere along the way, she'd made of point of never revealing her weapons in public. She did, however, pump her chakra into them to feel them warm through the fabric of her gloves.

It was a comforting feeling, like Shou's hugs or the heat of the forge.

"Team Seven," Shigeri-sensei continued. A man with long white hair waved his hand with a grin. He had long red lines trailing from each eye and down his cheeks. She noticed the man didn't wear his hitai-ate.

"Aokigahara Kokuchou." Kokuchou had been so absorbed in her idle thoughts that she almost didn't notice when her name was called. Her stomach dropped –she'd been hoping that they, for whatever reason, would've forgotten to assign her to a team.

She forced herself to stand and descend the stairs. "Wakuraba-" she heard someone whisper before Shigeri-sensei shushed them.

Kokuchou stopped just before her new sensei who crossed his arms and looked down at her. The man was easily the tallest person she'd ever seen –he had at least two feet on her.

It seemed he knew it, too, because he bent to her level and made eye contact. When the man spoke, it wasn't to her but the teacher. "You sure she's a genin? The midge is awfully small."

Kokuchou blinked slowly and tried to calm her simmering blood. Most people were polite enough to not mention her height –or lack thereof. And added to that, the man had called her a fly!

"Of course she is, Jiraiya-san," Shigeri-sensei said. Jiraiya? Jiraiya? As in the Toad Sage, Jiraiya? Kokuchou could not believe that this man was the famed shinobi of Konoha.

Maybe there's another jonin named Jiraiya…

The man grunted before standing to his full height. "Don't worry, midge! Pump those tiny bones full of calcium and you'll be normal in no time!" He clapped Kokuchou hard enough on the shoulder that she would have toppled if her balance wasn't as good as it was. Instead, Kokuchou just moved beside her new sensei, trying her best not to frown all the while.

From her position, she thought she saw Shigeri-sensei's eyebrow twitch. So far, the man had been the only person to disrupt the flow of the team assignments and Kokuchou noticed that the other jonin gave him a wide berth.

Shigeri-sensei turned back to his clipboard. "Chanoki Hibashi," he announced.

There was a beat of silence in which no one moved. "Chanoki Hibashi," the teacher repeated. Still, no one stood.

A boy elbowed another who had been staring out the window. "Dude, they just called your name."

The boy's head whipped to look at his friend and then to the front of the room. He scratched the back of his head when he caught Shigeri-sensei's glare. "Sorry," Chanoki Hibashi said and edged across the row.

"Lucky," she heard his friend whisper.

The boy stopped and looked to his friend, brows knitting together. "What? Why?"

His friend smacked his forehead. "Just go!"

Hibashi apparently didn't need to be told twice. Kokuchou observed her new teammate as he approached. He had tan skin and close-shaven brown hair. His eyes were small, but they widened as he took in their new sensei.

Maybe he really is that Jiraiya…

Hibashi bowed with a tentative grin to both her and their sensei. Kokuchou returned the bow as he took his place next to her.

"Na-"

The white-haired man chose that moment to interrupt Shigeri-sensei. "A midge and a goldfish?" he said, probably in reference to the boy's apparently short attention span. "Who put this team together?"

Was Shigeri-sensei's eyebrow twitching even more? "Many of us. Now, may I continue?" Despite his apparent irritation, he maintained his politeness.

Jiraiya-sensei waved his hand in the air. "Okay, okay."

"Namikaze Minato," Shigeri-sensei called the last member of their team. A blonde boy stood and Kokuchou craned her neck to look up at her sensei. He smiled and winked at the boy as he advanced. When their final teammate was close enough, Jiraiya-sensei clapped him on the shoulder but didn't say anything as he had to both Kokuchou and Hibashi.

The blonde boy smiled up at him, apparently comfortable with the treatment.

They know each other, Kokuchou concluded. She wrung her hands behind her back.

"That's everyone for Team Seven," Shigeri-sensei looked pointedly over his shoulder at the taller man.

Jiraiya-sensei clapped his hands together. "Alright, tadpoles. Let's hop on out of here!" The white-haired man spread his arms and ushered them towards the door.


	22. Tenth Winter: Part II

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

Ikkyu reads my entry once and then again.

"What's wrong?" I ask when he finishes, scratching the Cat behind his ear. He only stares out the window at the snow as it falls, not really seeing it. "Ikkyu?"

He shakes his head and smiles at me. His ears do not move. "I am sorry, child. Is something the matter?"

I raise my brows. "I just asked you the same thing." It's not like Ikkyu to zone out –I do enough of that for the both of us.

Ikkyu pours himself another cup of tea. It steams in the cold air. Even with the fire going to heat the hermitage, it's still chilly. I'm grateful that Ikkyu taught me how to keep myself warm by circulating my chakra.

"Nothing is wrong, child."

Although he isn't lying, I also know that Ikkyu isn't telling me everything. This isn't the first time he's kept something from me. I think back to autumn, when I first began remembering her life. I can't help but trace the jagged scars that run up my wrists. "…Do you recognize someone from the entry?"

Ikkyu is quiet and I can see his gaze shift about the room, looking anywhere but at me. "Possibly."

"You said the same thing about her final memory –the one with Orochimaru. If it'll help me, why can't you tell me more about these people?" I shift, irritated at not being told something if it pertains to my memories. The Cat meows, also irritated at having to vacate his position on my lap.

Ikkyu frowns into his cup. I don't let myself look away from him until he answers. "I do not want to influence your memories, child. This is the reason I have not told you everything."

"So you do know Orochimaru –or you've heard about him, at least. Who do you recognize from this one?"

Once again, Ikkyu takes a long moment to respond. "Continue writing, child. When I believe it is appropriate, I will tell you everything."

It's irrational but I'm so angry with Ikkyu, all I want to do is throw the journal into the fire. Instead, I yank the blanket from my shoulders and stalk outside. My eyes sting, but not from tears. I blink, massage them with the base of my palm. They have done this before but when they do, nothing helps them feel better.

The air is frigid in my lungs and the fine hairs on my arms stand on end. Despite the layer of snow on the ground, I begin to stretch. All I've been doing recently is writing and remembering and even though it has been helping with the soul-ache, I do not feel like myself. It feels as if I am losing myself to _her_ memories and I don't have enough of my own to hold onto.

The Cat meows from the porch as I begin my warm ups.

This feels good. Like this body is becoming mine the more I train it.

My breath turns to mist in the air-

 **~Tenth Winter: Part II~**

-and dissipated. For some reason, Kokuchou thought of her otou-san and thunder and dying.

Or maybe she just _really_ didn't want to become a genin. The Academy made sure to only feed them stories of heroism and adventure and honor but Kokuchou had a feeling the reality was far more grim. The village founders had created it to be a safe haven, after all. Her imagination created nightmares of the unknown horrors she would face in the field. They all ended with her helpless and dying, at the mercy of some faceless enemy.

The towering man's wingspan had been wide enough to wrap his arms around all three genin and shepherd them towards the door. He hadn't stopped until they were outside of the Academy. So early in the new year, even the Land of Fire was chilly.

Kokuchou circulated her chakra to keep herself warm –her yukata and spandex shirt-short combination were not enough to ward off the cold. Next to her, Hibashi fiddled with the rope swing and Minato waited patiently for their sensei to speak.

Kokuchou stared up at him. He had a large nose with a wart on the side and the strange red lines below his eyes didn't _look_ like tattoos… She'd seen jonin in passing, either on the streets of Konoha or when they stopped by the shop to purchase weapons. Other than that, her path did not cross with them.

For the most part, they looked normal and carried themselves with a serious demeanor, much like the other eleven jonin who had been standing at the front of the room. But this man was by far one of the most unusual she had ever met. He was loud of voice and appearance and his comment about her height had rubbed her the wrong way.

Kokuchou didn't know how this boded for their team.

Their sensei crossed his arms and considered the three genin before him with an appraising eye. His gaze didn't land on the blonde boy but for a moment, instead lingering on Kokuchou and Hibashi.

He looked her up and down. Squinted. "How old are you, midge?"

Had he not read her file? It seemed like common sense to learn a bit about one's students before meeting them. "…Ten."

"But you're so puny!" He bent to her level like he'd done before. "You can't be more than a hundred thirty centimeters!"

"…One hundred twenty-one."

"Huh." Jiraiya-sensei rounded on Hibashi. "And you," when the tan boy didn't respond, Jiraiya snapped his fingers in front of his face. Hibashi jerked back. "Are you bored, goldfish?"

Hibashi squinted at him. "No…"

"Did you eat a bowl of sugar for breakfast?"

He shook his head. "I didn't."

"Then why can't you pay attention?"

Hibashi looked away without answering. The way his mouth turned down made Kokuchou think he might have been trying to come up with a response to their sensei's inquiry, but the man must have believed otherwise. "Fine. Don't pay attention, but this next part is important and I won't be repeating myself."

All three genin stood to attention. So far Minato hadn't said a word.

"Okay tadpoles, I have a challenge for you," Jiraiya-sensei brought his hands to his hips. Kokuchou was still holding out hope that he wasn't _that_ Jiraiya. She'd heard of the kind of missions shinobi like him were sent on and, by extension, their teams.

"You all recall each other's names, so there's nothing we can do about that. Consider yourselves lucky that you know that much because in lieu of further introductions, you're going to have to do a little research. Write your names on these," their sensei produced three slips of paper, which he handed to them. "Once you've done that, we'll draw names. The person you pick is the person you'll have to research. Got it?"

The genin of Team Seven wrote their names on the slips and returned them to Jiraiya-sensei. When it was time to pick, they each took a slip. Kokuchou slipped hers into her obi. "Now, if your target catches you, you will then have to fight. The goal of the fight is to take each other's bell."

The man handed them each a small bell.

Hibashi was crossing and uncrossing his fingers but otherwise paying attention. "What happens if our bell gets taken?"

"You go to the Gundan," Jiraiya-sensei stated with finality.

Although her first reaction was surprise, Kokuchou's second was delight. Hibashi, obviously, did not share the sentiment. "What?! But all teams have three people plus a leader!"

"Correct –so you better not get caught. If just one of you gets your bell taken and sent to the Genin Gundan while the other two remain, then you'll fight it out. The genin who wins will become my personal apprentice."

There was a long beat of silence. After a brief moment of disbelief, Kokuchou began to come up with ways to ensure that she got sent to the Genin Gundan. The Gundan was large, much larger than Hidden Villages. She had no idea what the exact numbers were, that information was classified, but she'd once heard the percentage of Gundan to Konoha shinobi was eighty-twenty. Their missions were more along the lines of administrative and monitoring duties and the Gundan ensured that the nation as a whole was safe while the Hidden Villages, due to their more specialized nature and advanced shinobi capabilities, took on the more dangerous missions outside of the Land of Fire.

What luck! She wondered if all of the teams completed similar tests.

"You all got it, then?"

"Yes," the three said in unison.

"Good. You have until this time tomorrow. Meet at training ground twelve." They all stared at him, waiting for more. "Oh, that's all. You can go."

Kokuchou didn't have to be told twice. She and Hibashi both turned on their heels and made their way from the Academy grounds. Kokuchou glanced over her shoulder and saw the blonde boy had hung back. He was talking with Jiraiya-sensei. The man smiled and their postures appeared rather comfortable with one another.

How do they know each other?

"

She'd gotten Namikaze Minato.

Kokuchou sat beneath the gazebo in the park near the Third School. No one was around save for some birds and she let herself relax. Staring at the wooden slats above, Kokuchou thought of their test.

It honestly felt like he was asking them to spy on each other –a fact which went against every bit of training Itame-sensei had given her over the years. Teammates didn't have to share every piece of personal information, save for their skills as those were pertinent to the safe completion of a mission, but it certainly wasn't okay to _spy_ on each other.

Regardless of whether or not it was condoned, Jiraiya-sensei had given them this assignment. If everyone managed to get information on their target without getting caught, they'd remain a team. If someone were caught in the act, they'd have to spar one another and the two losers would go to the Genin Gundan. The whole assignment felt strange to Kokuchou, but she wasn't about to question it.

If I simply don't get information on Minato, will I be disqualified…? The thought was very tempting. Being on the Genin Gundan was exactly what she wanted. She would still be on active duty in the Genin Gundan, of course, but the tasks she would be assigned would be more menial tasks that kept the village running. They would probably send her to the border to patrol and help monitor a specific area within the Land of Fire, too.

She could probably still be Itame-sensei's apprentice, too…

Kokuchou didn't love the idea of a stranger digging up information about her. It wouldn't be hard for them to find out where she lived –her surname gave that away. But the inhabitants of Wakuraba knew how to keep their mouths closed when it mattered.

Everyone within Wakuraba knew each other's business –who'd lost their job, who got into a fight with whom, sometimes even who committed petty crimes. Those sorts of things.

But anyone perceived as an outsider would not be privy to such information.

That's why, although she wasn't thrilled by the assignment, Kokuchou wasn't worried about what her mother or Shou or the other citizens of Wakuraba would reveal. Itame-sensei, despite what he'd said the night before, remained the most private person she knew and would never disclose information about her to a stranger. Kushina, too, would keep her mouth shut. The girl was not afraid to voice her thoughts on others, but she only ever did it in the presence of that person. Kokuchou suspected the redhead had something against saying things behind a person's back.

What sort of information are we supposed to be gathering, anyway? Kokuchou allowed herself to frown in the safety of the solitude. I suppose I can use that as an excuse...

On a real mission, specifics would have been provided about the target and the information that needed to be discovered. It would be both dangerous and foolish to go asking everyone who _might_ know something about the target because word would get around that they were searching.

Decision made, Kokuchou stood and began heading towards a little-used training ground. It was nearly lunchtime, leaving her with a little less than twenty-four hours to kill before she was to meet with her team again.

"

It was dark by the time Kokuchou arrived to her house in Wakuraba. Out of habit, she'd nearly walked all the way to the shop before she realized her mistake and had to turn around. The lights were on within the house and Kokuchou could see her mother sitting in her chair, reading a book.

She was, however, surprised to see Shou perched on the steps of her porch, his figure illuminated by the light streaming through the window. Kokuchou hadn't tried to muffle the sound of her footsteps and so Shou heard her footsteps. He lifted his head from his hands, watching her approach.

Kokuchou saw him sigh, just a little. Is something wrong?

Before she could ask him, Shou jumped to his feet and plastered a smile on his face. "My swan!" He wrapped her in a hug that lasted slightly longer than usual.

Kokuchou pulled away first. "So it's swan now? What changed?"

Shou sat on the steps once more and she joined him. "You're a genin, of course!" He paused. Kokuchou watched his breath puff in the air between them. "Congratulations, by the way."

For some reason, Kokuchou thought his words didn't match how he actually felt. "Thanks, but it's not official yet."

Shou's brows knit together. "What do you mean?"

Kokuchou explained their assignment and he frowned. "So that explains why that boy was asking about you."

Kokuchou nodded, thoroughly unsurprised that the person who had her had already come to Wakuraba. She _was_ curious who had gotten her, however. "What did he look like?"

"Tan skin, short hair. He had these small eyes and he was constantly looking around, couldn't focus on a single thing for long."

"That's Chanoki Hibashi." Kokuchou thought for a moment about what Shou had said. "Did anyone answer his questions?"

The thirteen-year-old fluffed his curls. "No," he said before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She tried to lean away. "Don't reject my affection! It's too cold for that!"

Once Kokuchou had relaxed against the warmth of his side, Shou went on. "Everyone pretended they didn't know who he was talking about. It was pretty funny, actually. Listening to him describe you."

"What did he say?"

"He said that you had these giant blue eyes but a super small body –like a fly, or something." Shou laughed a little at the memory and Kokuchou huffed. She'd had enough of people talking about her height for one day.

"I'm going inside," she said, shoving Shou's arm away from her. As she ascended the steps to her house, the older boy grabbed her hand.

"Do you really think your sensei'll send you to the Genin Gundan?"

Kokuchou shrugged. "That's what he said." She thought for a moment. "Would it be such a bad thing?"

Shou was quiet and he rose to his feet, bouncing a little against the chill of the night. His curls moved with him. "It wouldn't really matter if another war breaks out…"

Kokuchou's brows rose. "Do you really think it'll come to that?"

"War is the only thing a system like this will ever come to… It might be better to have a sensei and a team to back you up."

With him on the ground and her standing on the steps, Kokuchou was almost at eye level with the tall boy. She agreed with what Shou had said, but she'd been so ready to throw the assignment and get sent back. "What if they're like your teammates?"

In the three years since Shou had become a genin, he and his team continued to have their issues. Wakaba and Wakaki simply would not train as hard as they should while Jimei-taichou rarely gave them quality instruction, expecting them to figure it out on their own.

Shou smiled, but it wasn't with good humor. His dimples didn't show themselves. "You said the one kid was from First and Chanoki studied at the Second school. I think you'll be fine. Did you already get info on the other guy?"

Kokuchou shook her head. "I'd been banking on going to the Genin Gundan."

Shou tugged the end of her ponytail. "So what're you gonna do now, little swan?"

She shrugged, circulating her chakra to warm her body while she thought. "I don't know."

"Well," the older boy stuffed his hands in the pocket of his worn out pants, "you have over twelve hours. If you decide to do something, I'll help however I can."

"Even if it's late and you're sleeping?"

Shou nodded. "Even if it's late and I'm sleeping." His dimples appeared, then.

* * *

 **Worldbuilding is one of my favorite parts about writing and although Kishimoto has answered a lot questions, there are also a lot of things left unanswered. Much of this has to do with military structure. During the Fourth Shinobi World War, there were 80,000 shinobi between six nations. To answer this question, I drew parallels between our world and that of Naruto.**

 **It doesn't make a lot of sense for just one Hidden Village to safeguard an entire nation. Konoha is one of the largest and even that, when viewed from above, isn't very large. There simply wouldn't be enough shinobi to protect so much land during times of peace and of war. Thus, the Genin Gundan. Gundan translates to Corps and is akin to the General Army in the militaries we know. They run military bases and outposts throughout the nation. The Hidden Villages equate to our Special Forces and are similar to military cities with about 100,000 residents, though not all are soldiers -or in this case, shinobi. Can you imagine an entire _village_ worth of Green Berets?**

 **Ultimately, this doesn't affect the story very much, but it's a lot of fun to get lost the details of a world!**

 **Below, I have posted the organizational structure of the Genin Gundan.**

 **Genin Gundan Rankings (Ascending order)**

 **o Nitohei – Private**

 **o Ittohei – Private 1st class**

 **o Jotohei – Superior Private**

 **o Heicho – Lance-Corporal**

 **o Gocho Kimmu Jotohei – Second Corporal**

 **o Gocho – Corporal**

 **o Gunso – Sergeant**

 **o Socho – Sergeant Major**

 **o Rikugun-Shoi – Second Lieutenant**

 **o Rikugun-Chui – First Lieutenant**

 **o Rikugun-Tai-i (Taichou) – Captain**

 **o Rikugun-Shosa – Major**

 **o Rikugun-Chusa – Lieutenant Colonel**

 **o Rikugun-Taisa – Colonel**

 **o Rikugun-Shosho – Major General**

 **o Rikugun-Chujo – Lieutenant General**

 **o Rikugun-Taisho – General**

 **Units**

 **o Team – 3-4 genin; led by an Ittohei**

 **o Squad/Section – 2-3 teams; led by a Gunso**

 **o Platoon – 2-3 squads; led by a Rikugun-Chui**

 **o Company – 3-4 platoons; led by a Taichou**

 **o Battalion – 4-6 companies; led by a Chusa**

 **o Brigade: 4-6 battalions; led by a Taisa**

 **o Division – 3-4 brigades; led by a Shosho**

 **o Corps – 2-5 division; led by a Chujo**

 **o Field Army – Hidden Village & Genin Gundan; led by the Hokage**


	23. Tenth Winter: Part III

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part III~**

Despite staying awake throughout the night, Kokuchou had decided not to do anything about the assignment. The Genin Gundan was the safer choice, she felt. One that wouldn't require her to leave the safety of the village or the Land of Fire on high-ranking missions. She could handle guard duty and paper-pushing, even being sent out to respond to natural disasters.

The bell Jiraiya-sensei had given her hung from the bracelet on her right wrist. It tinkled with every step she took on her way to training ground twelve. The training ground was near one of Konoha's four onsen and in the winter the steam that drifted over from the hot springs created a setting similar to that of the Land of Mist.

Well, that's what Itame-sensei had told her.

"Hey!" A voice shouted from behind her. Kokuchou flinched. Catching herself, she played off the involuntary movement by crossing her arms and smoothly turning to the boy as if it had been her intention all along. Her face maintained its tranquil expression.

Barely outside of Wakuraba and Hibashi had decided to make his move. He walked towards her calmly, as if they were old friends and Kokuchou felt her muscles tense of their own volition.

Jiraiya-sensei had said they would have to fight if they crossed paths before the end of the test and while she fully intended to throw her match, she didn't know how good Hibashi was. It put her on edge.

The boy walked past her without stopping. Kokuchou pivoted her body as he went by, gaze calm but body alert. When he was a ways down the street, he looked over his shoulder at her. She hadn't moved.

"Come on, what're you waiting for?"

Confused but unwilling to voice it, she caught up to the tanned boy. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye before becoming distracted by a shinobi hopping from the rooftops. "Are you sure Wakuraba isn't a shinobi district?"

Kokuchou glanced at him. Such a random question… "I'm sure."

"I mean, I know it's mostly civilians who live there, but man can they keep a secret! I asked probably half the district about you," he waved his arms out from his side, "but the ones who didn't ignore me entirely pretended to have never even heard of you."

Kokuchou had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling when Hibashi sighed. He scratched his cheek, the tan skin was slightly discolored and it was hard to tell, but she thought it might even be a little swollen. "I even tracked down that crazy redhead," he grumbled.

Kokuchou imagined he wouldn't have even known they were friends if it hadn't been for Kushina's outburst before the placements began yesterday.

"She tried to fight you?" she asked despite already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. She said this," Hibashi pointed to his cheek, "was because 'Kokuchou won't hit ya for snoopin' but I got no problem with it!'" He even went so far as to mimic Kushina's accent.

Kokuchou bit her cheek even harder, gazing straight ahead. It was so like Kushina –punch first, ask questions later.

When she glanced at Hibashi, he was watching her through squinted eyes. She'd been trying not to walk directly beside him, but Hibashi would slow down every time she fell a little behind.

"What do you think of this test?"

Kokuchou shrugged. She had no problem with it, especially considering its result, but that wasn't something she would ever tell anyone. After studying at the Academy for five years, she'd come to learn that shinobi didn't take well to those who didn't try their utmost for the village.

Where they took pride in sacrifice, Kokuchou valued survival.

She made sure her response was as neutral as her expression. "Most other teams don't take tests like this."

He didn't look at any single thing as she spoke, his gaze darting every which way. "I've got a proposition for you." By his response, it was difficult to tell if he'd even been listening.

Kokuchou waited for him to continue, unsure of what he could be talking about. "We need to get to Minato first –I know you pulled his name. Instead of fighting each other to see who becomes Jiraiya-sensei's apprentice, we should just exchange some personal information and pretend we spied on each other."

Kokuchou's fingers twitched against her thigh. "Why?"

"'Cause spying on your own teammates is weird in the first place and also because we should stick together. My uncle said this is a teamwork test. Probably."

Kokuchou only agreed with the first part of his statement. She was perfectly fine with splitting up. They were nearly to the training ground –a light mist drifted along the ground and she could smell sulfur. She wondered if the quiet blond would already be to the training ground when they arrived.

"What do you think?" Hibashi asked when she didn't respond right away.

She hesitated. Kokuchou couldn't exactly say 'I don't want to be on a team.' "We'll have to ask Namikaze-san," was the best she could come up with.

"Yeah, yeah…" Hibashi trailed off, watching a crow flit between the bare branches of the trees that lined the path.

The next few minutes were spent in silence with Hibashi's attention never focusing on a single thing for more than a couple of seconds. Every little sound and slightest movement caught his attention. Kokuchou tried thinking of a way to get around his suggestion.

I was so close! She groaned internally as they arrived at the training ground. All she could do now was hope the blond wouldn't agree to go against their sensei's instructions.

Namikaze Minato was sitting in the center of the training ground when she and Hibashi emerged from the tree line. He watched them approach but judging by the scroll in his lap, he'd been reading before.

Hibashi ran ahead to the center while Kokuchou trailed behind. The boy was already telling the blond about his idea when she made it to them. "-that way we can stay together!"

Minato's expression mimicked the confusion she'd felt earlier.

Please, Kokuchou internally pleaded with the boy. Don't agree!

Her hopes, however, were dashed when he said, "Okay…" That was probably the first time she'd heard him speak, but it didn't register in her frustration. Kokuchou could only close her eyes and groan internally.

Hibashi must have taken her expression for relief because he turned to her, hand raised for a high five. "Alright!"

She tried not to let her disappointment show in her movements as she clapped her hand against his. The moment her hand touched his, Hibashi turned to Minato for one as well. The boys high-fived and Minato gave a small, tentative smile.

"So you had me, right Minato?" the blond nodded, mouth still turned up at the corners. It was strange, hearing the boy she'd just met refer to them so comfortably. "What did you find out?"

The blond stood a little straighter and his expression grew more serious as if he were actually reporting to a higher up. "Chanoki Hibashi. Age ten. His birthday is the seventh of August. He is the son of Chanoki Haisaji and Chanoki Fukusabai, both civilians. They run the tea shops, Sabi and Wabi respectively. Chanoki Fukusabai is the daughter of Chanoki Roji, the founder of the chain of teahouses by the name of Wa, Kei, Sei, and Jaku –which his uncles run. Hibashi has two older sisters –Haboki, aged seventeen and Sumitori, aged fourteen. All children of the family work in the teashops together when not in school. Besides Hibashi, there is only one other shinobi in the family –his uncle on his father's side, Maki Hotaka. He began attending the Academy at the age of seven. Notes from his teachers throughout the years have been located and copied here," Minato held a manila folder with white papers inside. A copy of Hibashi's shinobi registration form had been taken as well.

Minato' voice was high and smooth even for a ten-year-old boy and if she hadn't been looking at him, she would have thought a girl was speaking. There was a pause in which Minato relaxed his stance and Kokuchou was surprised to see Hibashi's gaze focused on the blond.

He ran his hand along his buzzed hair. "You sure found out a lot. I guess I don't really need to tell you anything else for you to pass…" He frowned at the file. Kokuchou wondered if he wanted to know what his teachers thought of his performance…

She would.

Minato looked to the side and tugged on the long length of hair by his ear.

Is he blushing? His face hadn't changed but she thought she caught a hint of red at the tips of his ears.

"Kokuchou," Hibashi turned to her, squinting in the mid-morning sun. "You had Minato. What did you discover?"

Kokuchou kept her gaze steady. "Nothing," she responded and let them interpret that as she hadn't been able to rather than she hadn't even tried.

"Huh." Hibashi, having apparently taken on the role of facilitator, turned back to the blond. "Can you tell us something that she can report to Jiraiya-sensei?"

Minato took up his reporting stance once more, hands at his side, back straight, gaze locked on a point somewhere above her head. "Namikaze Minato," he began, just as he had with Hibashi. "Age ten. Date of birth, twenty-fifth of January," that was pretty soon, in a week or two. "Guardians, Namikaze Fuugen and Konome –both uncle and aunt are chunin. No siblings. Namikaze was homeschooled in the shinobi arts until the age of nine by his guardians and various tutors."

The blond finished and Kokuchou nodded, satisfied. It was strange listening to the boy talk about himself in the third person, but he'd shared nearly as much about himself as he'd learned about Hibashi.

Hibashi was pulling at the dry brown grass at his sides, not paying attention –probably because it hadn't been directly pertinent to him. Minato looked at her expectantly.

"I suppose it's my turn," she spoke, fiddling with her rings behind her back. Hibashi looked up at the sound of her voice. "My name is Aokigahara Kokuchou. My father's name is Kouzai and my mother's is Yozora, both civilians. I don't have any siblings or extended family members. My birthday is on the seventeenth of December…" she paused, thinking. Kokuchou wanted to reveal as little about herself as possible –a habit she'd picked up from Itame-sensei. "I began attending the Academy when I was five years old."

She needed one more thing to make it seem more personal. Even though Hibashi rolled a small stone between his fingers, she figured he was listening. "I have the most training in tai- and kenjutsu and have been mentored by a medic-nin for the past year and a half."

"How'd you meet that redhead chick?" Hibashi flicked the stone across the clearing. "She's pretty out there…"

Kokuchou rested her chin in her palm. Minato's curious gaze hadn't wandered from her face the entire time. "She wanted to fight me."

Hibashi's small eyes got a little bigger and Minato smiled, just a little, looking to the side. He and Kushina had been in the same class for about a year so it was very likely that he knew what she was like.

"Did you?" the tan boy asked.

"Not at first."

"How do you go from fighting to friends?"

Kokuchou shrugged the shoulder than wasn't being used to prop up her chin. "For Uzumaki-san, it's kind of the same thing." She thought about all of the fights the girl got into.

"You're friends but you refer to her by her last name?"

"Sometimes..." she trailed off realizing that Hibashi's attention had already been drawn elsewhere. He squinted at something to his left. Kokuchou followed his gaze. A rusty orange toad about the size of her fist hopped in their direction.

I didn't realize it was warm enou- is it wearing clothes? Kokuchou struggled to maintain her serene expression, tapping her finger against her cheek in surprise. The closer the toad leapt the more apparent it became that it wasn't just patterns, but actual clothing.

All three genin watched its approach in silence until the toad was within a meter of them. The toad stared at them with unblinking, bulging eyes. Kokuchou glanced at her teammates. Hibashi leaned forward, squinting at the toad while Minato only stared calmly. When his gaze flickered to meet hers, she looked back at the toad.

The flexible skin at its throat expanded and the toad opened its mouth. Kokuchou expected it to croak, so when a hand emerged instead, she barely managed to hide her surprise. Her muscles tensed, fingers digging into the skin of her cheek.

Hibashi, who'd been leaning towards the amphibian, didn't bother to mask his shock at the sudden appearance and flinched backwards with a shriek. He clapped his hand over his mouth to cut the sound short.

Hibashi's small eyes widened and Kokuchou noticed that Minato watched on with an amused smile as a shoulder emerged from the toad's mouth and the hand braced itself on the ground. It was followed by another arm until a tuft of white hair appeared. The arms tensed, pushing against the ground a few times.

Is he stuck? The moment she'd seen the hair, she knew it to be Jiraiya-sensei. Despite knowing this and her best efforts, Kokuchou's eyes widened when the man's head popped free of the mouth with a gasp.

"What the-" Hibashi squeaked.

It was undoubtedly the strangest thing Kokuchou had ever seen. She knew jonin were capable of some pretty crazy things, but a full-grown man emerging from the mouth of a small toad dressed in clothing… It was too much.

Jiraiya-sensei ignored them as he struggled to free himself. "Joyōnaka, mind opening up a little wider?"

Apparently the toad could also understand their language because it did as it had been asked and Jiraiya-sensei pulled himself the rest of the way free, covered in some kind of clear liquid. The moment his entire body had emerged from the toad he shook like a dog, splashing his students.

Kokuchou's eye twitched when the fluid landed on her face, glad that her hand hid her mouth as it turned down in disgust.

"Ugh-" Hibashi scrubbed his face. "Gross!"

Minato calmly wiped his own with his sleeve.

As if he hadn't just arrived via toad, Jiraiya-sensei stood to his full height and crossed his arms, gazing down his large nose at the genin. "What's this I hear?"

"You could hear from inside a frog?" Hibashi stared incredulously.

"Joyōnaka is a toad-" he frowned at the tan boy, "and yes, I can."

"Freaky-" Hibashi drew the word out but didn't look all that weirded out by the events. In fact, he looked quite excited.

"So Minato was the only one to actually gather information on his target?"

"I tried!" the other boy piped in. He threw his arm out to point at Kokuchou, nearly smacking Minato in the jugular. "But her people wouldn't say anything!"

My people? Kokuchou thought. She knew that's how people thought, so tribally even within the bounds of Konoha. First came clan, or in her case, neighborhood. Then came Konoha. The Academy had tried to teach them otherwise –that the village came first. Obviously, it hadn't worked. In the five years she'd spent at the Academy she'd certainly experienced-

"Did you try?" The white-haired man shifted his gaze to her, interrupting her train of thought.

Kokuchou hadn't, but she would never admit that she didn't want to try. Instead, she echoed Hibashi's earlier sentiment. "It felt strange –spying on a comrade."

"Yeah!" Hibashi nodded eagerly.

Jiraiya-sensei rubbed his chin. The way he scrutinized her, it felt as if he didn't believe her claim.

He crossed his arms once more. "Regardless, shinobi must be able to follow orders. If the Hokage gives you a mission to spy on a comrade for the sake of the village, it would have to be done." When none of the genin said anything, the man went on. "Midge, Goldfish. You two will have to spar and the first person to obtain the other's bell will fight Minato. Whoever wins the final spar will become my apprentice."

Kokuchou nearly frowned at his use of nicknames but picked at her nails instead. Hibashi scowled at the grass by his feet. She noticed that Minato didn't look too happy, either.

The jonin was still pushing this? Perhaps Hibashi's uncle had been mistaken. Could all of this really be a test of teamwork?

"Well," Jiraiya-sensei placed his hands on his hips. "Get to it."

Both genin stood and made their way to the center of the clearing while the older man and Minato moved towards the edge. Kokuchou faced her teammate-turned-opponent.

Hibashi looked to be only a moment away from losing focus, his eyes darting between her and their surroundings. The breeze had died down, allowing the mist to settle around their feet and between the trunks of the surrounding trees. Barren in the winter, it gave an eerie feeling –the dark branches gnarled and twisted like the desiccated beech tree behind her house. Only these trees didn't have bottles hanging from them to make them beautiful.

"You can use whatever means necessary –taijutsu, ninjutsu. Doesn't matter," Jiraiya-sensei called from the edge.

She didn't want to fight Hibashi and Kokuchou couldn't help but think of all the times she'd had to compete in the summer taijutsu tournaments. She hadn't been able to get out of those, either. Not knowing how the other boy fought, Kokuchou had no idea whether or not she might have a chance at beating him.

"Be-"

Hibashi moved the moment the first syllable was uttered.

It was on instinct alone that Kokuchou managed to avoid the right hook aimed at her face. She moved with the strike, pivoting on her right foot to rest within the curve of Hibashi's arm. Immediately, Kokuchou dropped into a split and used her arms to push her body through the gap in the boy's spread legs. A bit of leverage with her hands gripping Hibashi's ankles and right leg braced on the ground was all it took to propel her left up and into the boy's back. She pulled his ankles at the same time, knocking him forward onto the ground.

Hibashi caught himself before he face-planted and Kokuchou righted herself, one leg on either side of his body. The boy moved to kick her legs from beneath her –a move she immediately recognized from the Academy style.

Does he know any other- Kokuchou's thought was cut off as she made to cartwheel over the swinging leg. She caught sight of a hand sign and Hibashi was gone. Her bell rolled across the ground, tinkling softly in conjunction with the sounds of the spar.

Replacement! But to use an object other than a random stick or stone? Itame-sensei had never taught her how to do that…

A tan hand gripped the space on her bracelet where the bell had once been. Hibashi tugged harshly at the metal ring and to keep herself from being pulled off balance, Kokuchou pumped chakra into her weapon. The chakram expanded and she slipped her hand away. Hibashi tumbled backwards, not able to compensate for his momentum in time.

She only had to draw the fight out a bit longer to make it seem like she had actually tried. Kokuchou grabbed the bell and held it tight in her hand. Jiraiya-sensei would notice if she left it where it was. Hibashi stared confusedly at the large ring in his hand and Kokuchou took the opportunity to pulse her chakra outwards, shrinking the ring around his appendage.

Hibashi's eyes widened, but he only hesitated for a moment before aiming a punch at her again. Kokuchou went to block the strike but Hibashi aborted strategies mid-movement and landed a spinning kick to her abdomen before she could react.

The next several attacks were largely the same with Kokuchou on the defensive. She could hardly keep up with Hibashi. It wasn't that his techniques were unique or even all that fast, but every time he would go in for an attack, he would change his mind and go for whatever opening he could find.

It wasn't pretty, but it was effective and it seemed the tan boy's inability to focus on anything carried over to his fighting style. Instead of being a hindrance, it only seemed to aid him. Hibashi managed to land several hits on her –although none especially hard. In constantly altering his momentum, he lost a lot of force. Regardless, Kokuchou was forced to bend around his every attack at a moment's notice and wasn't given a single opportunity to go on the offensive.

She saw Hibashi's bell swinging from his obi, it caught the light and tinkled with every movement. Out of her periphery, Kokuchou saw Jiraiya-sensei and Minato watching the spar attentively. All she had to do was make a false-grab for the bell, purposely lose her own in the process, and let Hibashi go for it in order to throw the match.

Kokuchou brought her forearm up to block a hit. A pulse of chakra anchored the ring on Hibashi's wrist to her own. Kokuchou pulled the boy forward, extending her other arm for the bell at his waist.

Hibashi's narrow eyes widened and he quickly grabbed the arm attached to his with his free hand, swinging his leg into her side for a forceful kick to her kidney. Kokuchou didn't try to stop him, keeping their arms locked together at the wrist.

The strike to her side knocked the wind out of her and Kokuchou immediately regretted her decision as she fell to her knees. She'd been hit plenty of times in plenty of different places during her spars with Itame-sensei, Kushina, and Shou, but had always acted in order to minimize the damage.

Realistically, Kokuchou knew she was fine. That the strike hadn't been hard enough to rupture her kidney, but it sure did feel like it. Kokuchou was reminded of the reason she preferred long-range fighting as her body vacillated between wanting to puke and pass out.

She was in so much pain that she barely noticed when Hibashi held onto her arm, scissor kicking his legs around her waist to bring her into an arm bar. It didn't take much for the boy to pry open her fingers and grip the bell in his own.

The moment he did, Hibashi let her go and jumped to his feet. Through pain-narrowed eyes and blurry vision, Kokuchou met his gaze and he stared down at her. He was frowning.

"You let me win." Hibashi tightened his grip on the bell. Distantly, she heard Jiraiya-sensei and Minato approach.

Kokuchou could only shake her head, coughing and unable to talk around the stabbing ache in her side.

"You did," Jiraiya-sensei's disgruntled face popped into her view. Kokuchou only continued to wheeze. "That's what you get, Midge, for throwing the match."

Someone grabbed her arm –Minato, her mind supplied as the other two hadn't moved– and hauled her to her feet.

"You need to breathe," he instructed softly.

Kami, he sounds like a girl, she thought but did as she was told. It was difficult and each breath sent a wave of pain through her abdomen.

"Why'd you do it?" Hibashi asked, still frowning.

I hate this! I hate it! Why?! He should be happy! He has more of chance, Kokuchou reasoned.

When she had returned to the state of mind and body to finally respond, Kokuchou rasped, "I… I have a mentor. I figured if… if only one of us can walk away as his apprentice, it should be someone who doesn't already have a sensei."

Jiraiya-sensei crossed his arms. "Who's your mentor, Midge?

"Kitaeru Itame." Kokuchou coughed.

His brows shot nearly to hairline. A few people had reacted in such a way once discovering just who her mentor was.

"Who's that?" Hibashi had noticed their prospective sensei's reaction.

"A notorious recluse even within the shinobi community of Konoha." The man scratched his cheek and glanced at her rings and bracelets. "That where you got those doo-dads of yours?"

Kokuchou nodded while Minato listened quietly.

"Yeah, can you get this off?" Hibashi shook his wrist in her face.

Kokuchou leaned her head away but reached up. With a pulse of chakra, the chakram became warm in her grip and grew large enough to slip off the boy's wrist. All three watched as she slipped it onto her own. She held her hand behind her back to shrink it down, strangely embarrassed at the attention.

Jiraiya-sensei grunted, gaze meeting hers for only a moment before shifting to Minato and Hibashi. "Alright, since the midge obviously isn't interested in going further, you and the goldfish are up."

Hibashi grumbled under his breath, looking reluctantly between Kokuchou and Minato. It was clear that the tan boy truly desired to be on a team with them. She couldn't bring herself to feel sorry for him. For her, it meant becoming a career genin, joining the Gundan, and continuing to work with Itame-sensei.

Hopefully.

She and the tall man made their way to the edge of the clearing with Kokuchou trailing slightly behind. The moment they arrived at it, Kokuchou leaned against the cold trunk of a bare-branched tree. She figured she could have left; Jiraiya-sensei wasn't paying attention to her either way. His gaze was locked on the blond about to spar.

But it would be impolite to just leave… and they're already annoyed with me for being dishonest. Kokuchou sighed through her nose, face falling into its usual neutral expression. Her eyes rested on the two boys in the center of the clearing.

Hibashi was still frowning and when Minato looked towards them, she thought she saw him frown as well.

"Begin," Jiraiya-sensei didn't have to raise his deep voice as it resonated throughout the clearing.

Chaos.

That's the only way she could think to describe the match that ensued.

Was that what my fight looked like?

Hibashi didn't hesitate before charging at Minato, just as he hadn't with her. He punched and kicked and darted around Minato as quickly as he could. The blond, for his part, defended himself against every single assault but was never given the opportunity to go on the offense. Hibashi would begin an attack on one side and just as Minato made to block, he would apparently change his mind and attack from another.

He threw kunai and shuriken and left a maze of ninja wire between it all. Minato was constantly forced to stay on his toes because Hibashi's style was just too unpredictable. The few times that Minato found an opening in Hibashi's erratic offense, the other boy would simply use the replacement jutsu and begin his assault anew.

Kokuchou wondered if she'd actually been trying how she would've held up against the boy.

However, Hibashi couldn't keep it up forever and apparently had only the training that the Academy had provided. Minato had been privately tutored for the first four years of his education and evidently had more chakra to work with than the other boy. So, the blond was forced to stay alert for the first part of the match, but the moment Hibashi began slowing down, Minato took the opportunity to turn the fight around.

This part of the match was far more orderly. Minato used the same weapons Hibashi had thrown to herd him exactly where he wanted him to go. Hibashi wasn't given the chance take a different route of attack because there were no other paths. That's why, shortly after Minato went on the offense, Hibashi was tied against a tree with his own ninja wire.

His shoulders were hunched together and hands held out.

He can still-

Just as Minato was about to grab the bell at Hibashi's waist, the tan boy used the replacement jutsu once again. Suddenly, the kunai pouch at Minato's thigh was replaced by Hibashi, who gripped his leg and kicked the other out from beneath the blond boy.

Minato fell to the ground with a thump and Kokuchou noticed his swift movements and reaction time had been too slow as Hibashi reached into his jacket pocket for the bell.

Don't tell me- if Kokuchou weren't so self-possessed she would have groaned.

"Stop," Jiraiya-sensei demanded, stomping in the direction of the two boys. Kokuchou trailed awkwardly behind, not knowing what else to do with herself. Jiraiya-sensei stared down at the two boys who were frozen in place on the ground.

His gaze met Minato's and lingered there for a long moment. "You threw your match, too."

"What the hell?!" Hibashi shoved Minato's body away from him and stood, frowning fiercely. "Why?!"

Minato rose to his feet, apparently not tired from his fight in the least, though Hibashi was sweating even in the cold. He had used the replacement jutsu quite a few times and had had to attack Minato for much longer than he'd had to with her.

The blond shrugged. "We were assigned teams for a reason, so I figured this was all a test. Teamwork is critical. It's putting someone else's needs over your own. That's what Kokuchou did."

Nope! Nope! Wrong! She thought as all three glanced at her, holding her hands behind her back and fidgeting with her rings. In fact, she'd done the exact opposite. Kokuchou had thrown the match for her own good. Not theirs. Though she'd led them to believe otherwise.

"Weighing the options and making a call. Sacrifice –for the good of the village," Hibashi said, solemn. Kokuchou was honestly surprised that he'd managed to pay attention for so long.

Jiraiya-sensei looked between the three genin, rubbing at his chin. They way he looked it at her, it didn't at all feel like he believed her supposed motivations. Kokuchou felt her stomach drop, but his eyes rested on Minato the longest. The blond stared back, calm and resolute.

"Fine, you're right," the man clapped his hands, tone belying his smile. "Well done. We'll be remaining, officially, as Team Seven."

Hibashi cheered, pumping his arms into the air. He hooked his arms around Kokuchou and Minato's necks, jostling them. "Alright, you guys! This is awesome! I can already tell we're gonna be great together!"

On the other side of Hibashi, she saw Minato smile gently.


	24. Lingering Effects

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

When I wake, it is not to the light of dawn or the birds heralding its coming. It is to the pounding of my own heart.

I don't move.

If I do, it'll hurt.

If I move, he'll see me.

So, like an animal, I cower.

I do not know where I am.

I do not know who I am.

I do not even know who it is that I am afraid of. All I know is that he will hurt me again.

There is no safety or comfort. Neither is there any escape.

I am helpless.

I am alone.

My eyes sting, but not from tears and my hurried breaths sound impossibly loud in the stillness of the space I'm in.

A weight shifts by my legs, soft and warm. It nudges its way up the blanket to me.

Meows.

The Cat licks my nose.

He pulls me from my waking nightmare. Reminds of where I am. Who I am with.

I can hear Ikkyu breathing evenly from the other futon.

Suddenly, the blanket feels stifling despite the fact that it wards away the cold winter air. I throw it off my body, taking a deep breath of air. It chills my lungs and I watch my breath turn to mist and dissipate with each exhale.

The Cat nudges its head into my hand, demanding to be scratched. I rub at the place just behind his ear and he purrs into the silent room. Using my other hand, I massage my stinging eyes, blinking a few times into the darkness.

The fire has gone out.

I look to Ikkyu. The elderly man appears thin and frail beneath the bulk of the blankets, though I know him to be much sturdier than he appears.

Still. I worry. Strength does not equate to invincibility and perhaps it's my own selfishness but I cannot bear to lose Ikkyu.

Wrapping my own blanket around my shoulders, I make my way to the recessed fire pit. It is cathartic in a way –building the fire. I imagine each log is an aspect of my nightmares.

The scent of bleach and lingering blood.

People, small and big and _different,_ in cages and tubes and chains and with eyes so dead that their bodies are struggling to catch up.

 _He_ is the only one with life in his eyes –the man who leans over us, ripping us open and into pieces and _changing_ us all with a pleased smile on his face. _Orochimaru,_ whose name matches his appearance. He is beauty and cruelty incarnate.

The slice of a scalpel against my skin. His vile, slippery chakra slipping into my pathways.

Even now that I have left the confines of my dreams and am years away from that man, I still cannot help but feel as if he is watching. My skin prickles and it is a challenge to not huddle against the lingering terror- make my body as small as possible.

Perhaps I have made the pile too high, but I do not care. I watch the logs, my memories, catch fire. They char and crackle and turn to embers, glowing bright and red and hot before turning to ash. The smoke carries them up, away from the hermitage and dissipates into the world.

My eyes throb and abdomen aches.

Still, I do not feel safe.

This is how Ikkyu finds me as he stirs awake.

"Good morning?" He yawns.

And because I can hear the question in his words, I say, "I had a nightmare."

Ikkyu hums. "I suppose you need some tea in that case." He stands to his feet, stretching. I hear his joints crack with every movement. "You even have a nice bed of coals prepared. Thank you, child."

The old man sets about making his tea. I do not know how many months we have been together in this hermitage, but at least three seasons have passed. In this time, I still haven't grown used to his terrible tea but I always drink it anyways.

"He did something to me."

"Who did, child?"

"Orochimaru." Ikkyu waits for me to continue, setting the pot above the coals. "Well, he did lot of things –most of them I don't understand. But this feels different…"

"How does it feel different?"

I run my hands through my hair. It has grown long and as the dark strands slip through my fingers, I cannot help but think they are too dark. I am always expecting to see a different color…

The Cat meows from my lap, irritated.

"Child?"

I sigh. "I don't know. I just- I feel wrong. I mean, I always feel wrong –you know? But that's between my soul and this body. This wrongness is… ugh!" I can't find the words. "Like something is missing, I guess. As if Orochimaru took something."

Ikkyu does not say anything. He is as tight lipped as ever about his knowledge of the people in Kokuchou's memories. He believes that anything he reveals will influence my perception of them.

It is silent in the hermitage until Ikkyu hands me a cup of tea. "Wait!" I nearly spill my tea as I jerk in excitement. "You can use your chakra!"

"That I can," Ikkyu agrees.

I lean forward. "Do you know any medical ninjutsu? You could do a diagnostics on my system and see if anything's off!"

Ikkyu's mouth is hidden behind his teacup, but the way his wrinkles pull downwards, I can tell he is frowning. "Unfortunately, my child, healing is not something these hands have ever learned."

His fingers flex around the cup and his numerous scars turn just a shade whiter than the rest of his skin. I've tried asking him about his past but he is even tighter lipped about that than he is about the events of hers.

"The person I was died the moment I took my vows. I was reborn," he'd told me, once.

I take a sip of the tea, grimace at its bitterness. I've been able to let go of so many things once I've remembered them, accept them as part of her past but irrelevant to my present. However, this –the wrongness, the feeling that something is missing.

I cannot let go of it.

My abdomen aches. It does not take anything but a thought to summon Kokuchou's knowledge of the diagnostic jutsu. However, without the use of my chakra I can't perform it.

The hours upon hours of meditation as well as the recording of my memories has helped fill the spaces where my soul does not conform to my mind, but I'm not whole. Not yet –and, in all the months I've been working, I've only made it a fraction of the way through Kokuchou's memories.

I lean back. At this rate, it will take years.

While Ikkyu can't do medical ninjutsu, he can apparently read minds because he says, "If you spend all of your time _thinking_ about doing a thing rather than actually _doing_ it, it will take you years."

This is not the first time the elderly man has known my thoughts just by looking at me, neither will it be the last. I frown at him, hoping he'll read the annoyance on my face.

Nevertheless, I down the rest of my tea and settle myself into my meditation pose.

"No, child," Ikkyu holds my journal out to me. "That will come later. For now, you must write."


	25. Tenth Winter: Part IV

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 9, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part IV~**

Immediately following the announcement of the formation of Team Jiraiya, the jonin had given instructions regarding their training schedule and then dismissed Kokuchou and Hibashi.

He quietly indicated for Minato to stay behind. As she and Hibashi departed from the training ground, Kokuchou had looked over her shoulder and caught Minato's gaze.

The boy smiled thinly and waved at her. Kokuchou only turned away. Jiraiya-sensei had kept him behind the day before, too…

"Hey!" Hibashi shook her shoulder. If Kokuchou wasn't already friends with the most physically affectionate people she'd ever met, she would have been more irritated with him for touching her so casually. "Watcha doing now?"

The boy tried to maintain eye contact while walking, somehow able to avoid all roots and rocks and fallen branches that littered the path. Kokuchou supposed that eye contact helped him concentrate.

He probably wanted to train together or something, but Kokuchou had no desire to be around strangers at the moment.

I was so close! They thought she'd thrown the match for their sakes. A selfless act. But it had been the exact opposite. Self-preservation had driven her actions but now her hopes of being put on reserve were dashed. She would be assigned more dangerous missions and forcefully promoted if they deemed her ready despite her own desires.

Kokuchou blinked slowly, anger simmering her blood and causing her eyes to tingle. "I have to meet with my former sensei," she fiddled with the rings at her fingers. Kokuchou purposely did not meet his gaze, hoping Hibashi would lose focus and wander away.

"That Kitaeru guy, right?"

"Yeah."

"If even Jiraiya-sensei's heard of him, then how come I haven't? He's probably super famous!"

Kokuchou thought her antisocial sensei was probably more infamous than anything else. "He's doesn't really like people all that much."

"Then why'd he take an apprentice?"

Kokuchou shrugged. She'd never been able to figure that out and despite his perpetual crotchetiness, Itame-sensei had been wonderful. He'd taught her so many things that the Academy never touched on. He'd given her skills and knowledge and _hope._ And Itame-sensei had always, in all her years of training with him, _always_ made her feel wanted, in his own way. Like her life was something worth fighting for.

Kokuchou thought of Jiraiya-sensei. The man's motivations behind that… teamwork test, remained a mystery to her. He'd claimed that they'd passed, as if it had been his intention all along. His actions, however, made her believe otherwise. To spy, to challenge, to fight. It was like he was pitting them against each other. And the familiarity with which he regarded Minato –Kokuchou had suspicions. The boy had mentioned having a private tutor...

"That's weird…" Hibashi trailed off after her lack of response. His eyes darted every which way and Kokuchou wondered how much of what he saw, he registered. Maybe all of it –or maybe he forgot about what he'd been observing the moment he moved onto the next.

They crested the hill, one of the higher ones in Konoha, and looked out over the village proper that sprawled before them. Kokuchou saw Hibashi adjust the hitai-ate at his neck with something akin to pride.

Kokuchou's own hitai-ate, still hidden beneath her obi, only felt heavy as she saw the dark speck that was Wakuraba on the opposite side of the village and Itame-sensei's shop near the western training grounds. Well, she couldn't physically see his shop but she knew where it was –almost drawn to the place like a planet to its star.

Kokuchou veered left.

Hibashi followed.

They walked on in silence and she was glad that he wasn't the hyperactive kind of distracted –at the moment at least. She wasn't going to forget his fighting style in a hurry. Hibashi paused at times, bending to inspect something or another before catching up with her. No matter how fast or slow she walked, Hibashi always matched her pace.

Kokuchou, for her part, spent the time thinking about how she could convince Itame-sensei to not send her away the moment she stepped through the door. He'd made it very clear that once she became a genin, it would be a clean break and she'd have to go to her new sensei for guidance.

That is, until Hibashi tugged at her right bracelet. "These are cool."

"Thank you," Kokuchou kept her expression smooth, eyes trained on the path ahead of them.

"Are they all the same?" She looked over to see Hibashi indicate his wrists, fingers, and ankles –where she wore her thirteen chakrams.

"Yeah…" she paused. She'd only ever spoken about her chakrams with a few people. Four, to be precise. However, if they were going to be teammates, she figured she should share with Hibashi. "But they don't all become the same size."

"Why not?"

Kokuchou held her hands out in front of her, wiggling her fingers. "Because I used different amounts of metal when forging them."

"What kind of metal is it?"

Kokuchou dropped her hands to her side once more. "Chakra-conductive. It's called Takama-no-Kinzoku."

"So that's how they grow…" Hibashi's gaze focused on her wrist. "Do they take on the wielder's chakra nature as well?"

Kokuchou's head pivoted to look directly at the boy. She hadn't expected him to jump to such a conclusion so quickly. He was a Second-Schooler and while he received better instruction than those from her own school, it was still nothing like the First School.

Maybe his uncle taught him outside of school… Kokuchou reasoned, thinking back to what she'd learned about Hibashi from Minato's reconnaissance.

Hibashi's head jerked to the side before she could answer and he halted as a body burst from the trees.

"Dammit, Hibashi! Thought I had you that time!" It was the boy from yesterday –the one who'd nudged Hibashi after he'd failed to notice his name being called. "What, did you see me move?"

Hibashi rubbed his buzzed hair. "Nah, just heard you is all."

Kokuchou had slowed, but not stopped completely, so when she realized the boy was thoroughly distracted by his friend, she quietly wandered away. Kokuchou padded her steps with chakra to keep him from hearing. She wondered just how good his senses were.

When she was out of sight, Kokuchou immediately took to the rooftops. She usually preferred to walk wherever she went, but she worried that Hibashi would notice her missing and catch up. Kokuchou didn't want anyone to witness what was sure to be an embarrassing rejection.

"

"Unless you're planning on buyin' something, get out." Itame-sensei wiped his forehead, spreading the black dust even more. He'd emerged from the forge, leather flap swinging behind him and taken one look at Kokuchou before dismissing her.

Despite planning what she'd say before arriving at the shop, Kokuchou found herself entirely unprepared to respond. "Jiraiya –the Toad Sage Jiraiya– he's my sensei," she blurted.

Kokuchou remembered that the man had known of Itame-sensei and figured they'd met in the past. Itame-sensei, who'd been wiping his hands on his apron, paused. He looked at her with icy blue eyes. She knew him well enough to know he was considering what she'd said.

When the man didn't reply, she went on. "He gave us a test. We had to gather information on one of our teammates without getting caught. Spy on them." Itame-sensei busied himself with sweeping the floor as she spoke. "Then we had to spar. The last person remaining would become his apprentice… The other two would go on reserve."

Itame-sensei raised an eyebrow. She understood that as his way of asking the outcome. "I lost my match," on purpose, Kokuchou thought but did not voice. "And the other boy threw his. When Jiraiya-sensei asked why, Namikaze-san convinced him to let us remain as a team."

"Namikaze Minato?"

Kokuchou tapped her fingers against her thigh. He's heard of him? An Academy student?

"…Yeah."

Itame-sensei grunted. "Who's the other?"

"Chanoki Hibashi."

The man shook his head.

So he didn't know who Hibashi was, but he'd heard of Minato. Itame-sensei swept the dust into a pile while Kokuchou watched, waiting for him to say something. She didn't really know why she'd come after the man had been very clear that she was no longer his apprentice.

But that couldn't be it. Kokuchou couldn't just cut ties with him because their days of training together were over. She didn't know what a father was supposed to act like, but she imagined Itame-sensei was the closest she'd ever get to one.

"Have you met him?" Kokuchou didn't clarify whether she meant Jiraiya-sensei or Minato. She'd leave that up to Itame-sensei to answer.

He swept the dust from the floor into a pile. Itame-sensei's brows were furrowed and she could see his frown from beneath his mustache. "Went on a mission with 'im once."

So Jiraiya-sensei, then. Kokuchou wondered what kind of missions Itame-sensei used to take if he'd been on a team with Jiraiya, the Toad Sage.

"Finish cleaning this up." He looked at her and held out the broom. "When you're done with that, you can polish these katana and then deliver them to the Uchiha compound."

Kokuchou accepted the broom, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. If he'd given her tasks, that meant he wasn't entirely done with her! She didn't know what their relationship would look like now that she was a genin on a team, but at least it was _something._

"

Kokuchou was glad that she'd worn her navy yukata that day. When coupled with her dark hair, she could almost blend in with the other Uchiha walking purposefully throughout the compound. If they didn't look at her eyes.

She was getting hungry despite having eaten lunch with Itame-sensei before heading out. The Uchiha compound was on the opposite side of the village, at least an hour's walk either way. Kokuchou could have taken to the rooftops, but had decided against it. Itame-sensei hadn't given her any time constraint and Kokuchou preferred walking like a normal person. It gave her time to think –and she had a lot to think about.

An old woman watched her go by. Kokuchou glanced at her, as regal and poised as every other Uchiha, in a dark yukata and carefully coiffed bun. The woman sat seiza on a cushion on her traditional porch, hands resting on a cane in front of her. A cat dozed at her side, ears twitching as Kokuchou approached.

She quickly glanced away, tapping her thighs nervously but maintaining her calm expression. She was used to receiving suspicious glances from Uchiha during her occasional deliveries.

The katana were carefully wrapped and she had her papers in hand to show to anyone if asked to identify herself. Her yukata was dark enough to hide any smudges she may have gotten while polishing the new katana and Kokuchou always made certain to walk with good posture throughout the compound.

She stared resolutely ahead, destination in sight –it was the house directly next to the old woman's. Kokuchou knocked on the door and stood back, waiting for the owners to answer.

The elder's gaze never left her.

The client greeted Kokuchou without a smile and ushered her into the home. They made quick work of the transaction. He carefully inspected both katana while Kokuchou stood patiently in the entryway. Nodding to himself, he handed her a pouch of ryo, which Kokuchou counted and then handed him a receipt from within her obi.

"Please sign this, Uchiha-san."

The man did so, his signature appearing as graceful as every other Uchiha's. She wondered if they all received calligraphy instruction as part of their education with their clan. Probably.

"Good day," he replied, polite but distant and she bowed to him before exiting the home.

When she glanced to her right, the old woman's porch was vacant.

"

"Why aren't you wearin' your hitai-ate?" Itame-sensei asked around a bite of sweet potato. It was one of the few vegetables both of them enjoyed. In fact, it was probably Kokuchou's favorite food. She always made a point of buying one of those foil-wrapped sweet potatoes from a vendor when she came across them. Itame-sensei knew this, too, and often bought them for their meals.

Kokuchou swallowed the water she'd been sipping. "It fits weird."

"Too bad you haven't been trained in metal working," Itame-sensei's tone was sarcastic as he brought a bite of fish to his mouth. He stared at her pointedly.

She refrained from rolling her eyes. "Why do shinobi wear them anyways? If the whole point is to go unnoticed, advertising your village on your forehead seems counterintuitive."

"There are missions where they aren't worn and missions where they are." He took a sip of coffee. How the man managed to sleep even when drinking coffee in the evening, Kokuchou would never know.

"Like what?"

"That's a question for your new sensei," he replied curtly. "Which brings me to the terms of our new arrangement."

Kokuchou sat up straight in her chair, setting her fork on her plate. This was what she'd been wondering about since Itame-sensei had given her tasks to complete.

"What time will you train with your team?"

Kokuchou thought back to what Jiraiya-sensei had said before dismissing them that morning. "We'll be doing teamwork exercises for the first two weeks and then training everyday with a mission every other day."

Itame-sensei nodded. "Your time with your team comes first from now on. But when you aren't training with them or on missions, you may come to the shop. During work hours, you'll be minding the shop or the forge. But in the evenings, if you have the energy we can work on the things you're struggling with. Understood?"

"Yes, sensei." Kokuchou bit the inside of her cheek.

He eyed her for a long moment. "I'm serious about the team stuff. If it starts to look like you're neglecting them, I'll call this off."

"I understand." She was just so happy to still be part of his life that she could hardly keep her features calm.

Itame-sensei blinked once and glanced to his right. He shoved a chunk of fish into his mouth. "Good."

Kokuchou may not have gotten what she wanted out the day, but she wasn't the only one pleased with the outcome.


	26. Tenth Winter: Part V

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part V~**

Despite leaving for the training ground early, Kokuchou was not the first to arrive. In fact, she wasn't even the second.

Jiraiya-sensei and Minato were bent over a scroll in the center of the clearing with Minato writing something where the older man indicated.

The blond was the only one to glance up at her arrival. "Good morning."

"Pay attention, Minato," Jiraiya-sensei interrupted. He didn't look at Kokuchou as she approached. "Midge, you're gonna get started on some stretches. Once Goldfish arrives we'll hop right into team-building."

She was not in the least taken aback by his curt directions, having worked with Itame-sensei for long enough to be used to it. Kokuchou nodded even though the man couldn't see it. "Yes, sensei."

She walked a little way away from the two and began stretching. Kokuchou bent her body to its limits, never pushing to the point of injury but certainly enough to feel that delicious stretch in her muscles. Every now and then, when she was in the position for it, Kokuchou would watch Jiraiya-sensei and Minato in the center of the clearing. She listened to their conversation. Kokuchou didn't understand most of it, but she knew at the very least that it was about fuinjutsu.

Hibashi arrived several minutes late, but Jiraiya-sensei either didn't notice or didn't care as focused on whatever he was instructing Minato on, so the tan boy joined Kokuchou in her stretching.

Hibashi made his way over to her, whistling slightly at her pose. "Whoa."

"Good morning," Kokuchou greeted.

"Morning," he responded in kind and began to stretch as well. He wasn't nearly as flexible as Kokuchou, but not many of her peers were, and stuck mainly to the Academy calisthenics. Hibashi very quickly became distracted by the extreme give in her muscles.

"That's sick," he said, impressed and tried to copy her shoulder-stand split.

She'd had to name a lot of her stretches herself as there weren't a lot of resources detailing the extreme moves she did. Her shoulders and head rested on the ground with her arms flat behind her. Kokuchou alternated the split, with her feet touching the ground on her left and right sides before pivoting to the front and back of her body.

Hibashi flailed his legs about and fell to his side, failing miserably. He rubbed his neck and made to try again.

"You do the Academy stretches, right?" Kokuchou twisted her head to meet his gaze. Hibashi nodded. "This pose is a little advanced, comparatively."

She brought her hands to the side of her head, pushing up while maintaining her split. "You have to start slow or you risk serious injury." Kokuchou brought her legs together in a steady handstand and held it for several deep breaths before very slowly lowering them to the ground.

"Can you teach me?" Hibashi squinted at Kokuchou as she righted herself, head buzzing in that familiar way after every warm up routine. "I can think of three uses for that kind of flexibility today."

Kokuchou's chin raised a little, confused. "Three?"

"Taijutsu," Hibashi held up his fingers, counting off. "Pranks. Teashop."

Kokuchou figured his frenzied fighting style would benefit from increased flexibility, but the others –she had no idea. And what did he mean by today? Would he think of more uses in the future?

"So, what d'ya say?"

After her discussion with Itame-sensei the night before, Kokuchou knew she had to take her team, and her sensei, seriously. The man had made it abundantly clear. If she neglected them, didn't really try to make it work, he would stop training her. Kokuchou thought of Shou's sensei, Jimei-taichou, and how he barely instructed them. A quick glance at Minato showed how engrossed the two were in whatever it was they were looking at.

She hoped it wouldn't be the same.

Kokuchou nodded. "Yeah, okay. Stand like this."

The next half hour was spent with Kokuchou guiding Hibashi through preliminary stretches. When he struggled to execute or hold certain positions, she would step in to help. Several times she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling at his pained expressions. However, Kokuchou was careful never to push the boy too far. His muscles and tendons weren't able to take the strain just yet and she wasn't confident in her ability to heal more than minor overextensions.

"What happened to you yesterday? I looked everywhere."

"I went to my mentor's shop."

"I know that, but I thought we were going togeth- Ooh! Ouch!" Kokuchou pushed him further into a front fold. That had never been agreed upon –he'd never asked to accompany her but had simply followed.

"Oh," she said for lack of anything else to say.

"I want to meet this guy!" Hibashi exclaimed as Kokuchou led him into the next bend. "Next time we can all go together. You, me, and Minato. And in the future, we can all go to the teashop and you can meet my fam- Ow! Ow!" Hibashi voiced, eyes squinting even smaller against the pain.

A chuckle resounded behind them and a quick glance up showed Minato smiling at the pair. Jiriaya-sensei looked at them for the first time that morning, taking in the sight.

The jonin glanced at Minato. Kokuchou saw his shoulders heave a sigh. "Well, since your focus is wandering elsewhere for now," he addressed the boy. "I guess it's time we begin, tadpoles."

Jiraiya-sensei motioned for her and Hibashi to join them in the center of the clearing while Minato rolled up the scroll and placed it in his bag. The blond moved to stand beside them as they faced their sensei. "Like I said yesterday, we'll be doing team building drills for the foreseeable future."

He took a moment to examine the three genin. His gaze landed on Kokuchou and trailed down to her bracelets and anklets. "Midge, take those off." He nodded to her feet.

To her credit, Kokuchou only hesitated for a moment. She pumped chakra into her weapons, hoping that he wouldn't ask her to give them over. Kokuchou lifted each foot in turn and removed the expanded chakrams in her hands.

When she finished, Jiraiya-sensei continued, "So we're going to do a sort of relay, only you'll all be attached to one another by those rings of hers. You three need to decide who's gonna be in the middle and then we'll get started."

A beat of silence followed his announcement. Kokuchou looked to her left and to her right and when neither Hibashi nor Minato spoke up, she sighed through her nose. "The person in the middle should be the smallest, right? That way if something happens, the other two can work together to carry the weight…"

Hibashi held her gaze and he rubbed his head. "Or the weakest person should be in the middle. What do you think, Minato?"

The blond only shrugged, looking between the two of them. While he qualified as neither the smallest nor, Kokuchou suspected, the weakest, Minato also didn't contribute any ideas to the team.

"Why do you think the weakest should be in between?" Kokuchou was curious to find out who he believed to be the weakest of the three.

"Although you're smaller than us, I feel like you're stronger. Even if you're not, your mentor taught you how to augment your muscles, yeah?"

She nodded and glanced at Jiraiya. He was watching the exchange with his arms crossed over his chest. "He did…"

"And I can already tell your endurance is better than my own. You barely broke a sweat yesterday." Kokuchou had Itame-sensei to thank for that. He'd run her through the gambit over the years. "So I should be in the middle. If I can't keep up, you and Minato will be able to compensate."

Hibashi held out his hands for the rings. Kokuchou looked to Minato one more time. "Do you agree with all of this?"

"Yes," Minato said gently with that high voice of his. She had a feeling he would've agreed with whatever they decided.

"Alright, then." Kokuchou placed the chakrams around Hibashi's wrists and shrunk them down to be snug but not too tight. The boy moved to stand between her and Minato. Kokuchou reached around and placed a chakram from her left wrist onto Minato's and shrunk that down as well. With a pulse of chakra, the ring attached itself to Hibashi's. Kokuchou repeated the process with her own.

"Now," Jiraiya-sensei clapped his hands, "the point of this exercise is to learn each other's limits. Your agility, endurance levels, and speeds –though we'll have to change those each day for the sake of consistency. Today we'll take it easy. Ready?"

"Yes," the responded in unison.

"In that case, let's get movin', tadpoles."

"

When taking into consideration the fact that Kokuchou did not interact with people other than Itame-sensei for extended periods of time, she felt that she was doing quite well. Or, at least, her calm façade hadn't slipped but once in the past three days of being shackled to her teammates.

True to his word, Jiraiya-sensei had them doing all sorts of things. Running through booby-trapped forests, running laps around the village at different speeds, and even a glorified version of hide and seek in which the three of them would have to run around and find Jiraiya-sensei within an allotted amount of time.

Basically, they were running. Lots and lots of running. Kokuchou hated running. Once, he'd even combined all three. That had been the one time she'd lost her cool with her teammates.

Despite Hibashi declaring it a good idea to being in the middle on the first day, Minato and Kokuchou had both taken turns there. She hadn't understood the purpose of having them attached to one another during some of the exercises, especially considering their differing levels. It only ever hindered them.

But then, after a conversation with Itame-sensei, she realized that it was precisely because of their varied capabilities that Jiraiya-sensei had them attached at the wrists. They had to learn where each teammate was weak and strong and plan accordingly, compensating when necessary. In a real-life situation, they would need to be aware of such things.

At least, Kokuchou thought, resting her head on the table in front of her. I've learned more about them.

After training that day, Hibashi had invited her and Minato to his family's tea shop and she was running out of reasons to decline. Kokuchou wished she knew that teleportation jutsu of his as their sensei had disappeared before Hibashi could invite him too.

She sat across from Minato who quietly observed their surroundings. The boy spoke very little and never once took the lead on anything. In fact, she couldn't remember a single opinion he'd voiced in the three days since they began training as a team. If the blond spoke, it was to alert them of one of Jiraiya-sensei's traps or where to turn during agility exercises.

That wasn't to say that Kokuchou doubted his abilities.

Quite the opposite.

She'd learned over the past several days that of the three of them, Minato was easily the strongest with the widest range of abilities. The homeschooling and tutoring he received while not in the Academy must have been excellent because he seemed to excel at everything. That, and he appeared to have a natural talent. He was born to be a shinobi.

The boy's taijutsu and marksmanship were excellent and he was fast to boot. This, when added to his knowledge of ninjutsu, made him a tough opponent during their daily spars.

Every morning, Jiraiya-sensei had them warm up followed by brief spars in taijutsu. Then it was on to team building drills and in the afternoon, they would have free-for-all spars. He told them that at the end of the week, the three of them would work together to try and a defeat him in an all out spar.

Or, all out in their cases, at least.

Where Minato failed in his ability to lead or even contribute, Hibashi compensated. The boy, despite his inability to focus, was creative and a keen observer. Kokuchou had a feeling his tendency towards distractions such as sights and sounds, even smells, only improved his alertness. He was usually the first one to spot a trap and during their spars, and he was hard to predict.

However, what stuck out the most about Hibashi was his eagerness to work together with them. While not necessarily a born leader, he noticed them. Their strengths, weaknesses, even the things they enjoyed. After he'd seen Kokuchou devour her cherry tomatoes, he'd started giving her his at mealtimes.

It made her wonder what else he noticed. Hibashi was honest to the point of over-familiarity at times, but also understood the value of tact.

Without someone like him on their team, Kokuchou wasn't sure how she and Minato would fare. While Kokuchou wasn't quiet like Minato, she was reserved and only spoke up when absolutely necessary.

But she was trying, at least. As Itame-sensei had told her to. She contributed knowledge when it was necessary and wasn't uncomfortable inserting her opinion.

Of the three of them, Minato was faring the best with Kokuchou in second, followed by Hibashi. Kokuchou, for her part, was in better condition than Hibashi but lacked Minato's natural ability and tolerance for physical exercise.

In all her years at the Academy, she'd never learned to love it.

Her ninjutsu was decidedly lacking but after a suggestion from Hibashi, she'd taken to imbuing her chakrams with the numbing jutsu she'd learned from Mokume. By throwing her blunted weapons at her opponent and landing a solid hit, she could numb their limbs to the point where it was difficult for their brains to process what the appendage was doing and give her an opening.

I should pay a visit to Mokume-sensei… Kokuchou gazed out the window. The day was especially cold and she was glad the teashop had kotatsu as part of their design.

And Shou. And Kushina. The only person she'd seen outside of her team was Itame-sensei. She hadn't even gone home to see her mother, opting to sleep on the futon in her mentor's living room instead.

It was her first time being inside a tea shop and Kokuchou was feeling a bit out of place. Thankfully the shop was fairly casual with public seating and simple décor. Even the teacups lacked the perfection she'd expected upon thinking of the other formal tea shops in Konoha.

A comfortable din filled the cozy room and looking around, Kokuchou realized that she and Minato were the only people not talking. That is, until two older girls sat beside both her and the blonde.

Kokuchou's chin tilted up as she looked at the new additions to the table. She noticed that Minato did not appear surprised, he only scooted over to allow the girl more room.

"Hi!" The girl next to Kokuchou greeted, sticking out her hand. "You must be Kokuchou!"

Kokuchou accepted the hand. "Yes-"

"Oh! It's so nice to meet you! Hi-chan was right. You do have some eyes on you." The girl shook it up and down more harshly than she'd expected. "My name's Haboki and that's my younger sister Sumitori!" Haboki jerked her head to the girl sitting beside Minato. If Kokuchou remembered correctly, Haboki was seventeen and the younger sister was fourteen.

Sumitori smiled delicately despite the meaning of her name. In fact, everything about the girl appeared delicate. She had pale, thin skin and curly brown hair that was braided into pigtails down her head. Her eyes, like Hibashi's, were small but beautifully shaped –like the paintings of princesses she'd seen in books at the library.

And Haboki, whose name was more delicate in comparison to Sumitori's, was tan skinned and bright eyed. Her brown hair had been lightened by time spent in the sun. Haboki had a huge smile and even bigger personality. Kokuchou figured that if Hibashi tended towards distraction, his eldest sister leaned towards hyperactivity.

"So," the older girl leaned her elbows on the table with a clang. "How's our cute little brother doing? He says lots of things about you two!"

Kokuchou glanced at Minato, fiddling with her rings below the kotatsu. She hadn't said it was all positive. They definitely had a lot of work to do and two weeks didn't feel like enough before they would begin taking missions. Kokuchou was saved from answering when Hibashi appeared with more tea.

"Leave 'em alone, feather-head," Hibashi demanded with a scowl at his older sister.

The moment he set the tray on the table, Sumitori swatted his forehead with her long sleeve. "Shut up, ash-for-brains. We're just asking them questions."

Kokuchou's fingers drummed against her thigh. She had decidedly not expected such an outburst from the girl. She caught Haboki's eye, who only grinned at her. "Appearances are deceiving! I thought they taught all you shinobi that."

"Yeah," Hibashi agreed, righting himself. He slipped his legs beneath the kotatsu. "Haboki looks crazy, but Sumitori actually is." He leaned back, avoiding both the swatting hands just in time with a laugh.

"Ignore him," Sumitori settled back in.

Haboki poked Kokuchou in the cheek. "He's the crazy one. Say… you want to hear some stories about our littlest brother? We've got plenty," the older girl baited.

"Nope. Nope. None of that."

"Some other time then," Haboki smiled. Across from Kokuchou, Sumitori winked.

Not knowing how to deal with these girls quite yet, Kokuchou reached for a cup of tea. As she took a sip, she saw Sumitori glare at her brother. "You didn't bring any for us."

"I didn't know you'd be here!" the boy defended.

Sumitori scowled. "All you have to do is anticipate our needs! It's not that hard!"

The three bantered on. Kokuchou thought back to other sibling interactions she'd witnessed. The only one she could think of was between Itame-sensei and his own brother and sister. Or strangers at the park.

She glanced at Minato. He was smiling softly, eyes darting back and forth with the volleys of the verbal spar. He'd said he didn't have siblings either, so this interaction was probably just as novel to him as it was to her.

"Anyways," Sumitori turned to Minato. Kokuchou saw the tips of his ears grow red, his eyes shifting around. "You're Minato, then. Hibashi says you're, like, super good at all this shinobi stuff."

"You too, Kokuchou," Haboki piped in, not bothering with honorifics.

"So it shouldn't be a problem for you to keep an eye our little brother for us."

"Right?"

Both sisters looked at her and Minato with pointed gazes. Kokuchou took another sip of tea. If they'd been trained in Killing Intent, Kokuchou had no doubt it would be coming off the two in waves.

To her surprise, Minato spoke up first. "Of course. We're teammates. We look out for each other."

Haboki gasped, reaching across the table to pinch his cheeks. "He is just too cute! And that voice! You sound just like a girl!"

"Can we keep him, Hi-chan?" Sumitori wrapped her arm around his shoulder and tugged him close. Minato's ears were nearly incandescent and his eyes had widened dramatically. He looked almost pleadingly to Kokuchou, who only bit the inside of her cheek.

These girls couldn't be all bad if they managed to get a reaction out of Minato.

"You've always wanted a brother, Chopsticks!" Haboki wiggled her eyebrows at the boy and, whoa. The mobility on those things…

"Say," Sumitori held the blonde away from her, gaze flickering across his form. "You've got a pretty face and your voice is so feminine. How would you feel about-"

"No, no!" Hibashi interrupted his sisters. "We're not doing that to my teammate."

"What are you talking about brother-dearest?"

He only slanted a dry look at Sumitori.

"Fine," she waved her hand in front of her, releasing Minato. Kokuchou noticed he scooted a little further away than before. "But we haven't had fun like that since you joined the Academy."

"It was only fun for you two."

Haboki slammed her hands on the table and leaned forward. The other patrons of the teashop paid their table no mind –they must be regulars and used to the girls' antics. "What are you saying?! You loved it when we dressed you up!"

"I did not!"

"Did too!" Sumitori grinned.

"Dressed him up?" Minato asked.

"Oh yeah," Haboki swiveled to her. "We've even got the pictures to prove it!"

"Ugh! Just leave already!" Hibashi dragged his hands down his face.

Both girls burst out laughing –even Minato chuckled at the scene before them.

Then, Sumitori's mood shifted faster than Kokuchou was prepared for. She stared at Hibashi through even more narrowed eyes. "Is there something embarrassing about female clothing?"

Hibashi looked pleadingly towards his eldest sibling.

"Okay, okay," Haboki laughed. "Now's not the time for a misdirected lecture on the necessity of feminism, Sumi. And I think we've filled our embarrassment quota for one day, anyways!"

"For a lifetime!" Hibashi glared.

"Until next time," Sumitori giggled and followed the other girl to a backroom, both tittering the whole way.

Hibashi sighed once they were out of sight, his chin falling to his chest. "I am so sorry, Minato. I won't let them dress you up as a girl! I promise!"

Kokuchou took a sip to cleanse her mouth of the slight iron taste. She'd really bitten hard to keep from smiling. She considered how hard it was to land a hit on Hibashi. "I'm surprised they were even able to."

The tan boy looked up at her. "It was before I started at the Academy."

"And you liked it," Minato said from behind his cup, eyes bright. "Apparently."

Hibashi stared at the boy, mouth agape. Kokuchou wondered if the blond had made him mad but was proven wrong when Hibashi burst out laughing. He smacked Minato on the shoulder causing the boy to choke on his tea. "I knew you had a sense of humor in there somewhere!" Hibashi jerked his head in her direction. "Now all we've got to do is find hers!"

"

She'd been thinking about what Hibashi had said for nearly two days. She found things funny, but she was coming to realize it was the unexpected, the things that caught her off guard, that she found the funniest. Like when people tripped and fell, or that time Kushina accidentally ate a spoonful mayonnaise because she thought it was yogurt.

So Kokuchou had come up with a plan, but she had to wait for the right timing. She saw her chance during her daily spar with Hibashi. They were working on kenjutsu that day and so he had his kunai clenched tightly in his fist. When Hibashi brought his weapon up to swipe at her hand, she let him take off the empty space above her middle finger and knick the skin.

Kokuchou gave a yelp that she hoped was convincing and clutched her hand to her chest. Both Minato and Jiraiya-sensei, who'd been talking about fuinjutsu off to the side, whipped their heads to look at the center of the clearing.

"What?! What's wrong?!" Hibashi's voice sounded alarmed. Kokuchou struggled to keep up the act.

"My finger!" She maneuvered the fabric around her middle finger down so that only she could see it as she bent over the appendage. Kokuchou squeezed it and smeared the blood around just a little to make it more believable.

Kokucho held up her hand for Hibashi to see and imbued her voice with as much panic as she could. "It's gone!"

Hibashi took one look at the appendage and shrieked. His eyes grew wider than she'd ever seen them and his face became pale. "Oh no! Oh Kami! Jiraiya-sensei!" Hibashi screamed. It was so high and girlish –even more than Minato's speaking voice– that Kokuchou struggled to contain her laughter.

The moment Jiraiya-sensei grabbed her hand and stooped to her level, Kokuchou let it out. Her shouts turned to giggles, which Hibashi apparently didn't register in his horror. He stood before them, bent over and breathing heavily.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no," Hibashi wheezed.

Kokuchou's giggles became outright laughter and Jiraiya-sensei shoved her hand away. "She's fine, you can relax."

She saw Minato peek over her shoulder, eyes wide. Hibashi must not have heard their sensei because he continued to pant heavily. "Oi, Goldfish!" Jiraiya-sensei patted him on the shoulder. "Really, she's fine."

"Wha-?" the boy wheezed, looking up at her finger.

Kokuchou smiled up at him and held her finger closer. He jerked away at the sight, appearing a little green. "It's an old injury. I'm fine." To illustrate, she stood up and wiped the blood on the fabric of her glove. She would have to buy new one and sew the plates in, but it was worth it to prove to her teammates that she had sense of humor. "I got you."

Hibashi stared, mouth hanging open. "That was a joke?"

Kokuchou nodded.

"You thought that would be funny?"

She glanced to Minato. He watched the exchange with wide eyes as Jiraiya-sensei stood to the side with a raised eyebrow.

"…Yes."

Hibashi looked as if he wanted to either pass out or yell at her, but he held it in and collapsed to his knees. "What the hell, man! I thought I amputated your finger!" He took several calming breaths.

Silence reigned in the clearing and Kokuchou's stomach clenched. She couldn't believe her plan had backfired. It was a prank! A joke! And she was fine, so it should've been funny. Right?

Just as she opened her mouth to apologize, a sound came from her right.  
"Pfft," Minato covered his hand with his mouth. She waited to see if it would happen again. "Pf-pfft." The blond seemed to be trying to control himself before he broke into outright laughter. It was, hands down, the loudest she'd ever heard the boy.

"You-" he struggled to breathe. "You made him- pfft. You made him think he'd cut off your finger as a joke!" The blond braced his hands on his knees. "That's a sick sense of humor."

From the ground, she heard sounds of laughter escaping from Hibashi as well. His shoulders shook as he leant back to guffaw, holding his stomach. "Who does that?!"

Kokuchou didn't have to try and hide her emotions because she didn't know what she was feeling.

First they were horrified and now they're laughing?

Hibashi stood to his feet, still chuckling and grabbed her hand. "Let me see this!"

The next several minutes were spent with Minato and Hibashi examining her shortened middle finger in the sort of morbid curiosity she'd only ever seen in boys and asking about how it happened.

Hibashi grinned wide, clapping her on the shoulder. "You got me!"


	27. Hokku

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

The soul-ache is bad today.

I sit on the porch with my blanket wrapped around my shoulders and legs tucked beneath. The pen is poised above a blank page in the journal –my third.

However, I cannot write. I haven't been able to in days.

Instead of recording, I can only stare out at the cardinals perched in boughs like out of season leaves, bringing color to the black and white of winter. The birds remind me of Hibashi –not for his own vibrancy, but my perception of him within Kokuchou's memories. Where the details are often monochromatic and washed out, he is brilliant and in stark contrast with the rest.

I latch onto Hibashi, mouth his name. Maybe the rest will come into focus if I do…

In most of her memories of him, Hibashi's face is stretched in that squinty smile of his. He keeps Kokuchou and Minato engaged with one another even when he is having a hard time concentrating himself. Hibashi, who always brings extra helpings of food for her, who pulls her out of her placid façade. Hibashi, who not only see's but notices her and Minato and Jiraiya and everything else in his life.

Hibashi, who notices and cares.

Hibashi, who never appears older than eleven years old.

Despite the clarity surrounding Kokuchou's memories of him, I cannot find words to write. Perhaps I do not want to. Going deeper, writing it down, would be making it real once again.

The door slides open behind me. I don't glance back. It is only Ikkyu –it is only ever Ikkyu.

"How her words take shape- When breaths puff in winter air- Like her: wondrous. Brief." Ikkyu recites. He does that. Sometimes he comes up with poems of his own, other times I think he is merely reciting them.

My pen scratches against the blank white page. If I can't fill it with her memories, I feel as if I should fill it with something. The margins of my journals are filled with sketches of people and places and moments that stick out to me.

Ikkyu moves beside me but does not sit. He is wearing his warm winter shoes.

"Going somewhere?" I muster the energy to ask.

"Yes, we are."

I look up at the old man, then. He extends a cloak and another pair of shoes to me. "Where?"

"On a walk."

I accept the proffered items, slipping them on as Ikkyu replaces my blanket and journal in the hermitage. The cardinals scatter when we pass, brilliant red leaves defying gravity. The Cat follows, steps hurried in the cold snow. He leaps onto my shoulder and drapes himself around my neck like a scarf.

"You have been troubled," Ikkyu comments after we've travelled in silence for a time, snow crunching beneath our feet.

"It's all…" I struggle for even the word. "Muddled. I can't get a clear enough picture of anything to write it down."

Except for Hibashi. But this I don't want to tell Ikkyu. Like writing it down, it feels as if voicing my thoughts about him will make it real. For some reason, the thought of that sweet little boy not existing in the world is one I can barely entertain, much less reckon with.

Ikkyu holds his hands behind his back as we meander along the path. "Oh, child. Perhaps your troubles are not a symptom."

My brows knit together. Sometimes Ikkyu has a strange way of phrasing things and I struggle to understand what he says. "What?"

"Your troubles are not the symptom but the cause of why you cannot remember. Because you are troubled by something else, your memories are, as you say, muddled."

I scratch the Cat's head. He purrs, whiskers tickling my ear.

I try to think of what could be troubling me but come up with nothing. My life consists of waking, eating, remembering, writing, and sleeping. Occasionally, I take such walks with Ikkyu, but my mind is usually preoccupied with memories of Kokuchou's life and my fingers itch to write them down. My life with Ikkyu in our hermitage in the woods is peaceful, if not a little mundane.

"You are you, child. Not Aokigahara Kokuchou. Your soul knows this but your mind does not. This is partially my fault –to ease the ache between your body and soul, I have urged you to write and remember as much as you can." Ikkyu glances at me, apologetic. "However, because you have been experiencing Kokuchou's life, you haven't had the opportunity to live your own. Tell me, what is your favorite food?"

We only ever eat rice and whatever vegetables are on hand. It is winter, so our stores are running low. "The pickled radishes are tasty."

"But they are not your favorite. What about the things you enjoy doing –apart from journaling," the old man prompts.

I glance at him, expression flat. He knows that's really the only thing I do besides exercise now and then. And meditate. But Ikkyu also knows that I hate meditating.

However, something isn't sitting right. I think back to Kokuchou's lesson with Mokume-sensei and the things he taught her about the mind and how it works. "Doesn't the brain determine likes and dislikes, abilities, personality…? Independently from the soul?"

"Possibly…" he trails off, considering my words. Ikkyu brings a hand up to scratch his eyebrow, something he does every time he is attempting to solve a problem. He is a monk, a fact which is evidenced by his knowledge of spiritual matters. But for some reason he has also guided me many times in matters of the mind.

What sort of monastery practices both the science of the mind and the art of the soul? Not for the first time I wonder what kind of life Ikkyu led before he took his vows.

The old man had obviously heard of Orochimaru and had recognized someone from Kokuchou's team. Part of me wonders if it was Hibashi who Ikkyu was familiar with. If he grew up to make a name for himself, would that explain his vibrancy in her memories? But, no. With increasing certainty, I am coming realize that Hibashi never got the chance.

Again, I feel that wrongness in my abdomen. I idly massage the area with the hand that is not scratching the Cat.

Ikkyu sighs, apparently choosing not to voice whatever it is he was thinking. "I am sorry, child. You do not even have a name..." This is true. Ikkyu has always called me 'child'. While I am glad that he does not call me 'Kokuchou', because I do not even think of myself as her, 'child' is not a name.

"Would you like one?"

For the first time in… well, I can't recall ever feeling this excited. Not since I came into this world. My steps take on a little bounce and the Cat whines into my ear. "Of course!"

But then he asks, "What would you like to be called?" And I have to pause because now that I'm faced with so many options, an entire language's worth of names, I don't know where to begin. "There is no rush, child. Names are important and should be chosen with care."

Only, there is a rush. I am tired of being called 'child'. Although, I suppose, it's not as if I ever have to introduce myself to anyone.

I am saved from answering when I catch the scent of smoke on the breeze and we exit the tree line. I am expecting to have gone in a circle, to see our hermitage at the center of the clearing. Instead, a road stretches out on either side of us.

Ikkyu continues to walk down the road as if he did it every day, but I am frozen in place.

"We have to turn back," I call out to him.

He turns to me, hands held behind his back. "Why?"

My protests are stuck on my tongue. Why do I feel the need to return to the hermitage? The easy answer is that I haven't interacted with anyone other than Ikkyu in –well, since I came to inhabit this body. Naturally, there would be some hesitation, some social anxiety when faced with meeting people for the first time.

Instead of answering his question, I say, "I thought you said we were only going on a walk."

He cocks his bald head to the side. I wonder if it gets cold in this weather. "We had to walk to the village, did we not?"

"So you led me here on purpose," I respond, only it sounds more like a question.

Ikkyu nods.

"Why?" I throw the question back at him. My existence is fragile enough while inhabiting the hermitage, so what makes him believe I'm ready to meet strangers?

"Because it is inevitable, though the choice of when to go forward is entirely up to you." Apparently finished with the conversation, Ikkyu turns and continues walking down the road.

I'm left standing at the roadside, unsure of what to do. To the right, I watch smoke drifting into the sky. A village. I had no idea there was one so close. We'd only been walking for less than an hour. How had no one happened upon our hermitage before?

But if a person recognizes us, will I be taken from Ikkyu –expected to return to Konoha? That, I know for certain, I'm not ready for. I'm only at the point of Kokuchou's tenth year and there are at least twelve more years worth of memories to sort through!

I cannot do it without Ikkyu –make sense of my murky mind and soul.

Ikkyu crests the hill and disappears from my sight, so before I can make a decision, my body begins to follow him. Ikkyu is comfort and Ikkyu is safety. I trust him. Running at top speed, mud splashes up my boots and onto my pants and the Cat digs his claws into my shoulders. I pay it no mind.

Despite the childlike panic of being separated from one's parental figure, it feels good to run straight for such a long distance –the clearing surrounding our hermitage is not very large. The air chills my lungs and my breath clouds with each pound of my legs. I am running so fast that when I catch up to Ikkyu, I struggle to slow down in time, skidding in the mud next to him.

He does not say anything, only grabs my hand and places it in the crook of his arm. Even though I want to stay with Ikkyu, the thrill of running across open space buzzes throughout my blood. I force myself to match Ikkyu's ambling pace.

Still, I cannot see the village except for the columns of smoke rising above the trees.

"Is it Konoha?"

He squeezes my hand. "Oh. No, dear. We are quite far from Konohagakure."

"Are we still in the Land of Fire?"

"No," is his simple reply. "Where do you think we are?"

By the way he's looking at me, I know he is expecting me to use Kokuchou's memories. She studied geography extensively under Itame-sensei as well as the fauna and flora native to each country in her own time.

The road is well traveled –muddy tracks score where the snow has worn away from use. Brown grasses and piles of leaves peak out from beneath the white blanket and I can see the preserved footprints of other travellers who have followed our path as well.

There are no leaves on the trees and I would have to inspect the bark closer to make an identification. Additionally, many bark patterns are nearly indistinguishable from others and there are no flowers growing along the roadside in the midst of winter.

The mountains that emerge, gentle and rolling, from the earth are similar to those of the Land of Fire. However, the Hou-ou mountain range extends through the Land of Fire and at least four other countries as well. Based on Ikkyu's claim, we are either in the Land of Iron, Sound, Rivers, or Hot Springs.

I told him so. "But it would take more information than what I have to narrow it down further."

Ikkyu hums thoughtfully but does not disagree with me; neither does he agree. We walk in silence for a while. The gray columns multiply and grow larger the closer we get to this village.

"You know…" I hesitate. What I want to ask is big and quite personal and I don't even know if Ikkyu has come to view me in this way. Ikkyu squeezes my hand. I breathe deep. "You know, people don't name themselves. Their parents do. Usually…" I think of Shou and the other orphans Kokuchou spent much of her early years with.

I don't understand why I'm so nervous. Ikkyu knows everything there is to know about me. But still my muscles are coiled tight and I can't help but shake a little. Like pulling off a band-aid, I force the words out. "Can you give me one?"

Ikkyu looks at me, the expression in his pupil-less eyes as unfathomable as the sky. "A name?"

While Kokuchou's experience with family is distant at best, I'm able to recall that man who smells like smoke and oil and whose skin looked like leather –my grandfather from a lifetime ago.

I've been able to remember a few other people since then, though nothing especially specific. Like whenever I think of my mother I think of scented candles and clear ocean waters and gardens. They come in bursts like fireworks, rising and rising until they explode in branches of color, only to fizzle out moments later. At the end of every burst about my mother, I'm left with feelings of fondness and frustration.

There is a brother, too. At least, I think there is. Whenever I think of bouncing and stuttering and the shifting colors of leaves in autumn, I'm also reminded of the feelings Kokuchou held towards the younger children at the orphanage.

There is no way to know for sure whether I, whoever I was, had a brother or a mother or a grandfather. And would it even mean anything if I did? They will never be anything more than an amalgamation of borrowed sensations. Like looking for shapes and stories in the stars.

They are myths.

My high of nerves and excitement diminishes at this train of thought. The soul-ache courses through me. I feel sluggish and… dark. As if the spaces between soul and body are black holes, heavy and hungry and despite consuming everything around them. They are never sated.

Slush and mud squelch beneath our feet.

From within the forest, I hear the cry of a fox.

And then Ikkyu's voice like rivers and stones washes over me. "A colorless dark– Dawn severs the horizon– Peace amidst Chaos."

I haven't heard that haiku before. It brings with it images of gray-blue streaked by red and stillness and death and still, somehow, beauty. My gut clenches. I blink quickly as if that will smear the collating shapes away.

Distraction. That's what I need.

Weakly, I manage, "Who wrote that?"

Ikkyu turns his face to me and smiles with the entirety of it. "You."

My own face scrunches of its own volition. Me? Maybe during a soul-ache… Sometimes, they are so bad that they last for days. But I usually can't even eat, much less compose a poem during those episodes.

"Yes, you," the old man laughs and the sound of it pulls me a little closer to the surface. "Though, perhaps, it was in an indirect manner. I may have chosen the words but you are the inspiration, the soul behind the physical manifestation of them."

If anything, I would be the night. My body and soul feel heavy. If I lay on the ground, would the rest of the world be sucked in as well? But Ikkyu is trying to help me, I need only hold on to the rope.

I train my eyes ahead of us. Repeat the poem to myself. Still, I cannot make sense of it. "How?"

"Watching you these past several months has been like experiencing the formation of Life itself, dear one. Chaotic. Brilliant. Beautiful. And peaceful." Ikkyu pauses and I see his gaze lingering on me out of the corner of my eye. He smiles, gently this time.

I am reminded of the parents and their children Kokuchou used to watch at the park in Konoha. They would look at their children just the same. My eyes mist and my throat tightens. I blink at my feet, feel the water freeze on my lashes.

Ikkyu stops walking, turns me so that I face him. "Hokku," he says, forcing me to hold his gaze.

I know what this is –or Kokuchou does. She read about them in one of her mother's books. The hokku was originally the opening verse of a stanza-ed poem and later became known as a standalone haiku.

"Is there more to it?"

Ikkyu shrugs his thin shoulders. "Not yet. Maybe there never will be."

I frown. "But a beginning verse implies that more will follow."

"In some cases. In others, it just becomes a haiku. What sounds more like life to you? A start and an end, or a series of beginnings?"

Ikkyu does not wait for me to answer; he does not have to. My answer is clear. I am living proof that there is no such thing as an end.

"Hokku or haiku, whichever you call it, are one in the same. The only thing that varies is our perceptions of them."

I am confused and my concentration wanes. While the conversation has been engaging enough to distract me from the soul-ache for a moment, it does not last for long.

The familiar pull draws me inward. I feel myself sinking.

Ikkyu's hands squeeze my arms, anchors me to the moment. "Hokku," he says it differently this time. "Hokku. That is what I shall call you."

"Hokku," I repeat, taste the name on my tongue. "Hokku."

It is simple and beautiful and feels like mine.

"Hokku," Ikkyu calls out to me and suddenly, I not only have him to keep me present, to hold me afloat, but a name as well.

My name.

Hokku.


	28. Tenth Winter: Part VI

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part VI~**

Kokuchou held the kunai out to Hibashi handle first, but his eyes were trained on the edge of the forest. "Chanoki-san," she tried to get his attention once, and then again. "Chanoki-san!"

"Wha-?" The tan-skinned boy whipped his head in her direction so quickly he gave himself whiplash.

"Ah," her teammate hissed, rubbing his neck. "Ow. Crap. Just call me Hibashi, already. I've never been called Chanoki-san. Ever."

Kokuchou sighed through her nose and reached up with her free hand, letting it rest on the back of Hibashi's neck. "What were you looking at?"

She circulated her chakra through her system the way Mokume-sensei taught her, the energy exiting from her palm in a simple diagnostic jutsu. Kokuchou paid Minato no mind when he approached and tossed a kunai onto Hibashi's small pile. As simple as the jutsu was, it still required most of her concentration.

"Do you have a cat?"

"No…" Kokuchou trailed off, taken aback by the random question. She felt as if she should be used to Hibashi's scattered train of thought, but apparently it would take longer than a week to adapt to.

She and her mother could barely afford to feed themselves before her father passed away. A majority of both her Academy stipend and Yozora's salary went to his alcohol addiction and expensive liver medication. Although he was gone now, much of their money went to paying off old debts and bills. Even if the feral cats in Wakuraba weren't vicious and flea-ridden, they wouldn't have spared whatever food they could afford to feed the animal.

"It's nothing permanent. Just a crick." But with a pulse of chakra she numbed it –not to the point of not being able to feel the strain, but just so that it wouldn't hurt.

"Thanks," Hibashi continued to massage the muscles, looking at her through squinted eyes.

"Why?"

He blinked at her. "Why, what?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I didn't ask anyth-"

Kokuchou picked at her nail and interrupted the boy. "Why did you ask about a cat?" Minato continued to observe their interaction in silence, though there was a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was how he spent the most of his time with them.

"Oh! That!" Hibashi shrugged and quickly winced when the action pulled at the muscles of his neck. "I've seen that cat hanging around for days." He pointed a finger in the direction he'd been staring.

Kokuchou pivoted just in time to see a gray tail dart into the forest. If it hadn't been for the movement, she probably wouldn't have even seen it. She was, once again, surprised by Hibashi's observational skills. How had he noticed the animal when its fur blended with the blacks and grays of the winter forest so well?

"What about you, Minato?"

"My uncle is allergic," the blond offered by way of an explanation.

"Huh. Weird." And with that Hibashi moved on, mind hopping from one topic to another without any apparent transition. "So how're we gonna beat Jiraiya-sensei?"

"Beat?" Kokuchou was incredulous. For all of his inability to focus, she thought Hibashi had more sense than that. There was no way they could defeat Jiraiya-sensei as they were now. Even in the future, Kokuchou doubted she would ever come close to their jonin-sensei's level.

Minato, though…

He hadn't done anything spectacular, per se. But it was in the way Jiraiya-sensei treated him. And how Itame-sensei had known of him. And nothing seemed to challenge him.

Hibashi rolled his eyes. "Okay. Fine. Not beat. But at least, I don't know, foil him or something."

Kokuchou almost laughed. "Foil?"

"You know what I mean!" the boy threw his arms into the air. "Now are you gonna keep making fun of my word choice or contribute?"

Six days ago, such an admonishment would have curdled Kokuchou's stomach, but being on a team with Hibashi had done her some good, apparently. At the very least, she knew him well enough at this point to know he wasn't actually angry with her.

"Alright, so Jiraiya-sensei said that we'll have to 'defeat' him in a spar and we've been training like this to learn each other's strengths and weaknesses…" Kokuchou paused, thinking. She glanced at Minato who still had not spoken up but once. "The point of this is to see if we're mission-ready. So it's safe to assume that this might not be a fight for the sake of a fight, but there will be some goal other than defeat."

Kokuchou and Hibashi both turned to stare at Minato expectantly. After a bit of badgering, Hibashi had gotten the blond to divulge the fact that he'd been under Jiraiya-sensei's tutelage for a little over a year. Mostly they'd studied fuinjutsu, but there had been a good deal of other areas covered as well.

Minato tugged at the lock of hair by his ear, obviously reluctant. Kokuchou thought that the boy was entirely capable of taking the lead, he just didn't want to. Despite all of her training in leadership by Itame-sensei, she usually let Hibashi take the lead, too. Sometimes Kokuchou felt a little hypocritical for being frustrated with his reluctance.

Sometimes.

Hibashi grabbed Minato by the shoulders and got in his face, forcing him to maintain eye contact. "We need you, Minato. You've worked with Jiraiya-sensei the longest so you must know something about the way he thinks! You're not exploiting your relationship with him by helping us! Think of it more as taking advantage of prior knowledge!" The tan boy shook their teammate for emphasis. "That's what shinobi do in the field all the time!"

Kokuchou didn't think that was the problem at all.

Minato looked at her, expression calculating. Though, to most people it would probably just look nervous. Kokuchou noticed it because she'd practiced at concealing her own tells long enough to recognize them in other people. Minato's lips became a flat line and his jaw clenched whenever he was thinking hard about something. He got the same look when he was practicing fuinjutsu.

Kokuchou maintained her flat expression, not giving her thoughts about the matter away in the least.

Minato looked at his feet and Hibashi's focus wandered to something over the blond's shoulder without the eye contact.

"Okay," Minato said softly.

Hibashi's gaze darted back to the other boy. He blinked a few times and squinted at him, his way of refocusing. "Eh?"

"I think I know what Jiraiya-sensei will have us do."

"Yeah!" Hibashi threw his hands into the air again, this time in excitement. "So, what's it gonna be?"

Minato's eyes wavered between Hibashi, then to Kokuchou, and the ground. "When Jiraiya-sensei first got his team assignment, his sensei had them do a bell test."

Hibashi's brow furrowed. "Like what we did?"

"No," the blond paused. Now he wouldn't even look at her. "They had to work together to take the bell from their sensei."

"From the Hokage?!"

"Well, he wasn't the Hokage then… But yes. The point wasn't necessarily the end, but the means."

"…Huh?" Hibashi scratched his head.

"He's saying that the point isn't to complete the mission, but to do what we can together. Show what we're capable of accomplishing as a unit." Something about this was bothering Kokuchou. Having to take the bell from a target sounded a lot like their own test, only the point of theirs was to defeat one another, not work together…

If the way Minato refused to meet her eyes was any indication, it seemed as if he'd come to the same conclusion. Had Jiraiya-sensei purposely altered the bell test to split them up? Her previous suspicions rose to the surface once more.

Kokuchou's mouth tasted like acid. Though it was subtle, Jiraiya-sensei continued to pay more attention to Minato during their training sessions.

A sense of foreboding coursed through her. She thought back to the way Minato had held back during all of their training sessions. He always had something more up his sleeve.

Either Hibashi didn't notice her change in mood or he interpreted it as nerves in regards to going up against a jonin. He clapped her on the shoulder. "We got this, Kokuchou-chan! We may not have gotten to the good stuff this week, but we do know each other better!"

Kokuchou shook her head but didn't correct the boy. "We need a strategy, then." She determinedly kept her gaze on the uncomfortable blond. Good. If he felt guilty for the indirect role he played in Jiraiya-sensei's hesitance to form a team, he was more likely to compensate in other ways.

"Namikaze-san," the boy brought his gaze up then, but it rested between her eyebrows to fool them into thinking he was actually making an effort. "Will Jiraiya-sensei be on the offensive or defensive during this exercise."

The blond shrugged. "Probably both," but when he noticed her dissatisfaction with the answer, he amended it. "But he'll probably start on the defensive. Give us a chance to attack first."

"That's good!" Hibashi bounced in place, obviously eager to do something more physically engaging. Kokuchou was surprised he'd managed to concentrate even this long. "We just can't give him the chance to go on the offensive, in that case!"

"It won't be that easy," Kokuchou passed Hibashi one of her bracelets to fiddle with. He wouldn't be able to enlarge them, but at least his hands would be occupied. Hibashi took it from her with a brief, grateful smile before concentrating on the chakram. "When you're that skilled, you get to decide the path of the battle."

"Jiraiya-sensei knows more battle strategies than have even been written about," Minato added.

They were all quiet for a long moment, considering their options. Or, she and Minato were. It seemed as if Hibashi had gone onto thinking about other things as his gaze darted all over the training ground.

It seemed.

"Unless he's not expecting it," the boy said quickly.

Kokuchou tapped her thigh. "What do you mean?"

"He knows what to expect from all the strategies we've learned so far, right? And how to fend them off?" Minato nodded and Hibashi went on. "But what about all of them."

"He knows all of them…" Minato repeated slowly. Kokuchou wasn't following him, either.

"But at the same time?" Hibashi spun the chakram around his finger and a little too close to his face for comfort. Kokuchou was glad that she hadn't sharpened them. "Hear me out. If we spam him with all of our techniques at once, we can keep him on his feet."

It was so Hibashi to suggest that kind of strategy. "How do we coordinate something like that? If the point is teamwork, then we have to plan and if we have a plan, it becomes predictable."

"That's not true-" Minato contradicted her and then immediately clicked his mouth shut when she turned to look at him. He tugged at his hair. The tops of his ears were pink. "Not entirely, I mean."

Kokuchou waited for him to go on, expression placid.

Hibashi was the one who elaborated. "It's like variables. There's three of us. One will be the independent variable while another is the dependent. And then the last is the controlled variable. The controlled variable follows a consistent line of attack, probably taijutsu since that's the one thing we're all competent in, while the independent uses a different strategy of their own choosing, like ninjutsu or kenjutsu. The 'dependent' attacker can then use an opposing strategy that requires an entirely different method of defense than the independent attacker. That way Jiraiya-sensei is constantly having to defend himself from three different directions in three different ways."

Kokuchou's eyebrows rose almost imperceptibly. Almost.

"What?" Hibashi narrowed his eyes at her. "I read books."

Kokuchou had never doubted that, Hibashi had demonstrated his creativity on multiple occasions over the past several days –the kind of creativity that could only come from an open mind and a cultivated ability to see from different perspectives. Though, she was a little surprised that he could sit long enough…

Kokuchou shook her head. His plan could work. But… "My point remains. It can become predictable after a certain amount of time."

"Not if we change the variables up," Minato interjected, looking more intrigued than she'd ever seen him. "After a random interval of time, no matter where we are in the fight, the control can indicate a switch and then we all alternate our roles."

Both Hibashi and Minato watched her expectantly. Not for a counter, she realized, but because they valued her opinion.

Kokuchou took a moment, weighing the possibilities in her head. That kind of strategy would require a lot of trust and knowledge in each other's capabilities. Besides, Jiraiya-sensei was aware of what they could do. He had not only their scores from the Academy but had also observed them throughout the week.

She told her teammates as much.

Hibashi twirled the chakram absentmindedly. "So how can we trick him?"

"We use new techniques."

The tan boy perked up at the idea. "You mean learn new jutsu?"

Minato nodded. "Easy techniques. Jutsu that we can learn before the test tomorrow. We can go to our old sensei at the Academy, or your uncle," the blond tilted his head to Hibashi. "My aunt and uncle can help, too."

"That's awesome!" Hibashi grinned at Minato who smiled back, just a little, before whirling to face Kokuchou. "Do you think your sensei would help us?

She very much doubted that, but couldn't say so. Even if she did, Kokuchou had no doubt that Hibashi would still try and ask her mentor. "We can see…"

"Alright!" He tossed the chakram towards Kokuchou who caught it smoothly. "Let's go! We can talk strategy on the way!"

Hibashi took off in the direction of, well, Kokuchou wasn't entirely sure. Minato followed their teammate with a hesitant glance in her direction, leaving Kokuchou to trail behind.

"

As it turned out, Hibashi had been leading them towards his uncle's home. In reality, it wasn't a home, but the chunin dormitory. Some shinobi opted to live on their own, but the ones who took a lot of missions or who simply couldn't be bothered with solo-living quarters usually chose to live in the rent-free dormitories provided by the village.

The building was in pristine condition, but unnervingly uniform for Kokuchou's tastes. It had white cinderblock walls and polished concrete floors and she could tell from a glance at the windows outside that the rooms were arranged in a block style. Hibashi had told them on the way over that there were strict rules in the dorm –cleaning schedules, quiet hours, and a behavioral code of conduct. There was even a no-visitor policy.

Everything looked the same, everyone acted the same. The ideal shinobi lifestyle, as far Kokuchou could tell. It was a wonder Konoha didn't make all of their shinobi live in the dorms.

As broken down as the buildings in Wakuraba were, they at least had personality. Or, the ghost of one. Those who could afford it painted their doors in bright colors or planted flowers out front. Someone, at some point, had apparently started a small business in which they made yard sculptures out of scrap metal and garbage. An industrious few even grew vegetable in order to supplement their meager wages.

But few outside of Wakuraba knew this. And if they did wander into the district, all they ever noticed were the poor people and even poorer conditions. Kokuchou wondered what Hibashi thought of it the one time he'd gone.

While they couldn't go further than the lobby of the dorm, Hibashi sent word to his uncle via another chunin and ten minutes later, a disheveled looking man ambled towards them.

"Hibashi," the man yawned and blinked nearly identical narrow eyes at the boy. "What's up?"

The similarities ended with their eyes, however. Maki Hotaka, Kokuchou recalled his name from Minato's findings on their first day, was pale with dark circles beneath his eyes. His hair was black and even cropped short there was an obvious curl to the locks. He wore the regulation chunin garb despite being off-duty and his hitai-ate was sewn into the fabric of his sleeve. For the life of her, Kokuchou could not determine his age. His skin was wrinkle free, but his hair had streaks of grey.

"We need your help, Ho-ji!" Hibashi bound towards his uncle and began pulling the older man towards the exit.

The chunin did not appear the least bit taken aback by his nephew's request. He rooted himself to the floor and with a quick maneuver he had Hibashi in a gentle headlock, maintaining eye contact with the shorter boy as he spoke. "Why don't you explain first, kiddo? And introduce me to your teammates."

"Oh. Right," Hibashi blinked. He pointed to the blond standing a few paces away from Kokuchou. "That's Namikaze Minato."

The man nodded at the genin with a patient smile, though his eyes lingered on the ink stains on his fingers.

"And Aokigahara Kokuchou. Guys, this is my uncle, Maki Hotaka."

Both she and Minato didn't need to be reminded of his name, but she assumed the man had no idea they were already aware of him. His eyes flickered to her and he did not take pause at her name. He'd likely encountered several people with her last name within the shinobi ranks, though they'd probably been genin.

"Nice to meet you, Maki-san," Kokuchou stood straight, making herself as tall as possible.

"No need for formality, Kokuchou-chan. You two are Hibashi's teammates now and teammates are as good as family. Call me Hotaka."

Kokuchou did not agree.

She thought of Shou and his team and the fact that Itame-sensei never mentioned his. Even Kushina, the one time she'd seen her since team assignments, apparently hadn't been vibing well with them. Team placements were a practicality, a safety measure put into place to increase survival rates. But she couldn't go against the chunin's wishes without being rude so Kokuchou simply nodded.

Although, she could see where Hibashi and his sisters got their openness from. Perhaps it was a family trait…

"Now, can you help us?" Hibashi wiggled within his uncle's grip. "We don't have a lot of time."

Hotaka rolled his eyes but released the boy, allowing himself to be led out the door with Minato and Kokuchou trailing behind. "What exactly do you need help with?"

"We have to fight Jiraiya-sensei tomorrow," Hibashi said from over his shoulder. He pulled Hotaka around the front of the building to a small training ground behind. There were a few other chunin practicing there, so Hotaka continued walking towards the edge even after his nephew had stopped in the middle. "And you know how he is."

Hotaka raised a brow. No doubt he knew of Jiraiya the Toad Sage and the fact that his nephew was one of the jonin's students. "I'm aware. What does that have to do with me?"

Despite his questioning, the man didn't look unwilling to help them, merely curious as to how he could help them.

Minato, surprisingly, spoke up. "Jiraiya-sensei knows what we can do-"

"So," Hibashi interrupted, practically bouncing in place, "we need to learn some new jutsu."

Both brows went up that time. "In less than a day?"

Kokuchou had been thinking about this problem on the way to the dorm. Jutsu took a lot of practice, but if they learned ones that were built off of the single Academy-style jutsu they knew, it wouldn't be impossible. Just unlikely. "Something simple, that doesn't require a lot of practice but that we can use to throw him off."

Hotaka scratched his cheek. "I very much doubt that there's anything I know that could throw off Jiraiya-sama."

Jiraiya-sama. Certainly, that was a bit much. Sure, he was a jonin. But did Hotaka use that honorific with all jonin?

"Our goal isn't to beat him, but to surprise him. He won't be expecting us to have learned anything new between now and tomorrow morning," Minato explained.

The man thought about it, watching the chunin spar at the center of the yard. Another chunin was either throwing her kunai at something very small or just had terrible aim because she kept missing the tree she was apparently aiming at.

Hotaka's expression morphed into a grin. "I can't help you."

"What?! But, Ho-ji!" Hibashi whined.

"Calm down, Hibashi," he laughed, good humor never once leaving him. "I know someone who can, though. Warai-chan!"

The kunoichi who had been throwing her kunai at nothing turned. Hotaka motioned to her. The woman waved her hand in the air, as if dispelling cobwebs, and made her way over.

"Everyone, this is Waraitake," Kokuchou was not only surprised by the strangeness of her name, but also at the fact that Hotaka didn't include a surname. "Warai-chan, this is Team Seven."

The woman appeared nonplussed by this new information. "Jiraiya-sama's Team Seven?"

"The very same. That's the nephew I told you about. And Minato-kun and Kokuchou-chan."

She blinked a few times before humming. "You didn't call me over here for introductions."

"Nope. They were wondering if you could help them with a little task."

Waraitake raised a brow. "What kind of task?"

"Ugh, Ho-ji! We don't have time for this!" Hibashi jumped in, quickly explaining the situation.

When Hibashi was finished, Hotaka elaborated, "And I was thinking you could teach them that genjutsu of yours."

"I have a lot of genjutsu, Maki. You're going to have to be more specific."

"The Inundation genjutsu."

Flooding? Kokuchou thought. She'd come across the word in a book her mother had given her on hydrology. The three genin stared at the older woman. Hibashi, hopefully; Minato was curious, while Kokuchou was carefully maintaining her inscrutable façade.

Waraitake looked at all three of them in turn. "It could work… Maybe a dumbed down version-"

She'd barely gotten the words out when Hibashi interrupted, "What is it?!"

Hotaka grinned fondly at the boy. "Inundation. It means flooding, but not in the way you're thinking."

"It focuses on the somatosensory areas of the brain."

Out of the corner of her eye, Kokuchou saw Minato cock his head to the side while Hibashi gazed at the woman with a thousand-yard stare. "The five senses," she whispered.

"Right. It targets the areas of the brain that processes sensory information and amplifies them. It can be modified to simply be distracting or to the extreme, flooding the target with sensation. Sometimes it induces vomiting. I've even made some opponents pass out from it."

Kokuchou thought it could even be useful when used on oneself in the field, heightening the user's awareness of their surroundings. She thought of Hibashi and how he noticed every little sound and sight around him. But then…

"How is that possible, Waraitake-san? In this amount of time, I mean. Each sense is processed in different areas of the brain. It would take too much practice to first learn to locate those areas of the brain with our chakra and then enact the genjutsu."

Although Kokuchou hadn't spent enough time around Waraitake to discern her tells, she thought the chunin might have been impressed. The woman turned to Hotaka, "Medical training?"

"A little," Kokuchou answered for the man, considering the question was about her. She was a little annoyed that it hadn't been directed at her to begin with. How would the chunin even know the answer to that?

"Well," Waraitake crossed her arms, gaze trailing down Kokuchou's form from head to toe. Assessing. "How much have you learned, shrimp?"

What was it with adults and nicknames? Kokuchou gripped her hands behind her back. She twirled her rings. "Anatomy and physiology as well as the diagnostic and numbing jutsu."

After a beat, Minato added, "And the basics of Mystical Palm."

Kokuchou shot a glance at him. Why had he said that? She wasn't upset or anything, simply surprised. It was out of character for him, or –she was beginning to realize, what little she knew of it.

Before her, Hotaka whistled. "That's not a little, Kokuchou-chan."

"At the very least, it'll be enough," Waraitake ceded.

"Really?" Hibashi, who'd been so quiet, jumped in. "You mean we'll be able to learn it?"

Waraitake shook her head. "No. Only the little one."

Shrimp?

Little one?

Hotaka had said her name! Twice! Couldn't the woman use it!?

Hibashi visibly deflated.

"Not to worry, Hibashi-kun. You can still learn it," Hotaka planted his hand on the boy's head and moved it about. "Just not today. Not the full technique. I can teach you a variation of it."

"Variation?" Waraitake snorted. "More like bastardization." She looked at Minato, then. "What about you, pretty boy? Know your way around a brain?"

The blond shook his head. "That's fine. More time for this one, then." The woman indicated Kokuchou with a nod of her head. "Follow me."

"Don't listen to her, you two. My version is still cool-" Kokuchou heard Hotaka tell the boys before following Waraitake as she was told.


	29. Tenth Winter: Part VII

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part VII~**

"Kokuchou-cha-"

She shushed him, gaze never once wavering away from Waraitake. Three sets of footsteps came to a halt a ways behind her.

"Make sure you pay attention, Hibashi-kun," the man instructed.

"Why?" he asked in what was probably supposed to be a whisper.

"It will be useful to you when you face your sensei tomorrow."

Obviously. Kokuchou had no idea how the boy could be so intuitive and oblivious at the same time.

Kokuchou had enlarged her rings just enough for them to slip off her fingers and was currently hovering all nine chakrams over her palms with chakra. She hadn't sharpened them because the point wasn't to injure Waraitake but to use the weapons to capture the woman in her technique.

The Inundation genjutsu was, in reality, not as difficult as she'd thought it would be. Though, this was due largely to the fact that Kokuchou had done most of the hard work during her years of training with Itame and Mokume-sensei.

She already knew how to insert her chakra into another person's system by means of the Diagnostic and Mystical Palm jutsu, though it was slightly more challenging when learning how to do that from a distance. The brain perceived the world through the senses, so the trick was deciding which sense to attack when using the genjutsu.

Most genjutsu users did it through sight, one of the subtlest methods, by imbuing chakra into various aspects of their surroundings. Others did it with sound, while some have chosen scent. Touch was another one, but that also meant getting up close and personal with the target.

Following a brief discussion with Waraitake, Kokuchou decided that the most effective method would be imbuing her chakrams with the genjutsu, thus appealing to either Jiraiya-sensei's sense of sight, sound, or touch.

Her sensei knew she fought with her personalized weapons but hadn't yet witnessed the full scope of their versatility. Kokuchou herself hadn't realized how useful the chakra-conducting metal could be in a fight. She knew her chakra nature was fire. Mokume-sensei had given her chakra paper when they'd begun training together claiming that, in order to treat someone, she would have to siphon her chakra to be neutral. It didn't do to mix chakra natures. But she hadn't yet gotten around to practicing using her chakrams with the element. Learning that she could use them to cast genjutsu was an unforeseen bonus.

Unforeseen on her part, that is. Kokuchou would have to ask her mentor about the special techniques he'd come up with for his urumi. It was just like him to make her figure something like that out on her own, though.

After coming up with a way to cast the genjutsu, Kokuchou had to make sure it would latch onto the correct areas of the brain, yet another difficult feat when done from a distance. Thankfully, she could already control her chakrams remotely with pulses of chakra and since she began studying with Mokume-sensei, she learned to identify parts of the human body by chakra feel alone. It was a distant sensation, like hearing sound through water, but she could vaguely feel when the genjutsu latched through her chakrams.

In the two hours she'd spent training with Waraitake, Kokuchou had discovered that the whole genjutsu thing was easy. Well, maybe not easy, but certainly not difficult. Like stretching an unused muscle, it felt nearly as natural as going through her stretching routine.

As if her body was made for it.

At this point in their session, Kokuchou could effectively cast and hold the genjutsu for at least ten seconds in which the chunin was so overcome by sensation that she could hardly function. Jiraiya-sensei would undoubtedly be able to break the jutsu in less time, but hopefully it would give her teammates an opportunity to get close to the bell.

With a pulse of chakra, Kokuchou launched her chakrams at Waraitake. The woman had closed her eyes beforehand, forcing Kokuchou to practice the somatosensory and auditory aspects of her technique. Some of the rings whizzed around the chunin's head over and over, creating a low whistling sound while others bounced harmlessly off her skin. Overall, the effect appeared much like that of flies buzzing around a horse.

It was difficult, controlling this many of her chakrams at once, but she could see this technique expanding in use in the future. At that moment, though, she had to concentrate on keeping the chakrams going. Thankfully, the genjutsu was already imbued within each weapon, and she did not need to maintain that.

"Now, boys," Hotaka whispered. "Clap your hands."

Hibashi and Minato did as they were told, clapping once. Waraitake shook her head, bringing her hands to her ears.

"Okay, that is uncomfortable."

"What she really means is, she wants to puke." Hotaka stage-whispered.

"Try making it stronger," Waraitake bid Kokuchou, ignoring the other chunin. Her skin was looking a little pale…

She needed to be able to adjust the strength of the genjutsu imbued within the chakrams while retaining a few around her target to keep them distracted. That would mean circulating them and calling them back one at a time.

Ugh. Kokuchou could already tell that she would be exhausted for the fight tomorrow. She would have to take it easy during their next session, whoever they chose to go to.

But Kokuchou, slowly and one by one, managed to call back each chakram, strengthen the Inundation genjutsu within it and send it back to the swarm. It wasn't the smoothest execution, but she was sure she'd get that part down with time. Now, all that mattered was its effectiveness.

"Good," the kunoichi said with a grimace, eyes still closed as the chakrams swirled around her. She tried to bat some away, make it harder for Kokuchou. But her senses were simply too overwhelmed to accurately pin the weapons down.

"What she means is, 'ow'."

"Stop speaking for me- oh. Ugh."

Hotaka laughed. "You can tell that even the sound of her own voice is overwhelming her now. Perhaps her taste buds feel like sandpaper in her mouth, and the sun is burning her eyes, even closed as they are. That means the technique is effective. Very good, Kokuchou-chan."

Had Kokuchou not been concentrating so hard, she would have mentally preened at the compliment. She so rarely got them from her mentors. Except Mokume-sensei. But she'd also come to appreciate the withholding compliments of Itame-sensei more than anything. They felt more special, in a way.

"So, you see what simple sensations do to a person with this technique. That's where you two come in." Hotaka indicated the pile of sticks, stones, and miscellany they'd accumulated at their feet. "You can really use anything that's available on which to cast the genjutsu, but for now these will do. Go ahead."

Out of her periphery, Kokuchou could see her teammates pick out an item from the pile and go through a series of hand seals while concentrating on it.

Then Hibashi held up his branch, a stick really, and broke it over his knee. Even to Kokuchou's ears, it was loud.

Waraitake's knees began to shake.

Hotaka nodded to Minato, who, with a glance at Kokuchou, made his way closer to Waraitake. Every footstep, even on the grass, must have sounded like thunderous booms to her. Booms which grew louder with every step he took.

Minato halted a few feet away from the kunoichi, a signal of trust in Kokuchou as she had to divert the path of her chakrams to make space for him. Frankly, Kokuchou was a bit surprised that he trusted her so much. Granted, her weapons hadn't been sharpened.

But, still. They had gotten on well enough over the past week, at least Hibashi got on well with the two of them separately. But she and Minato barely spoke. She'd seen what he was capable of and had her suspicions about his additional, hidden prowess.

Perhaps it wasn't his abilities that she didn't trust, but him.

Minato pulled a kunai which had been polished to a near mirror-finish from his pocket. He looked at the sun behind Waraitake and adjusted the weapon accordingly.

Waraitake, who had been clutching her ears, collapsed with a stifled shriek. Minato had cast the genjutsu to make the light reflecting from the kunai even brighter. In conjunction with Kokuchou's technique…

Immediately, Kokuchou cancelled it and ran over.

She was about to cast the Diagnostic jutsu when Minato grabbed her hand.

"She's okay."

Kokuchou ripped her hand from his grip in surprise. She did not like being touched. Especially by those she didn't trust. And why did it matter, anyway? What was wrong with checking on a person, even if it was just a genjutsu.

Kokuchou felt not for the first time that Namikaze Minato, for all his quiet demeanor and soft appearance, was a born shinobi. He could, as the village had tried to teach her, make entirely objective observations when it came to his or another's performance. And, she assumed, in the field he would be able to make similarly cold, objective decisions.

It was a struggle to keep these accusing thoughts from writing themselves in her expression.

Minato appeared taken aback.

Hotaka and Hibashi approached then and Kokuchou turned her attention back to Waraitake who had managed to sit up.

"Are you okay?"

Waraitake bobbed her head, then groaned.

"He's right," Hotaka said, having noticed the interaction. "She's fine. It just takes a moment for the technique to wear off. Their Amplified Sensation technique along with the Inundation genjutsu just took her for a ride."

That didn't make Kokuchou feel any better. Yes, Waraitake had agreed to help them. She had even volunteered to let them practice on her. But something still irked her. "But you said that, sometimes, the genjutsu can cause a person to have a seizure."

Waraitake had explained that, with enough sensory input, the electrical currents in the brain could be disrupted enough to cause an attack.

"They can," Waraitake blinked. She rubbed her eyes against the light. "But even if the both you performed the technique at your strongest, it still wouldn't be enough to cause one."

Yet.

It felt like an unspoken word, the way the kunoichi eyed them.

"Well," Hotaka clapped. "I think that's enough for our impromptu session. Hibashi told me you were going to try and learn one or two more."

Kokuchou glanced at the sun. Mid-afternoon. Realistically, they would only have time for one more technique. Maybe.

"Thanks, Ho-ji!" Hibashi shouted. He grinned sheepishly and rubbed his head when Waraitake winced. "You too, Waraitake-san," he whispered that time.

She smiled with the corner of her mouth and brought her knees to her chest. "You're welcome, kids. Come back some other time if you want more practice. Especially, you," she looked at Kokuchou. "You picked it up fast, considering. You from a clan?"

"No," Kokuchou shook her head. "I just have that training in medical ninjutsu."

Waraitake hummed.

Hotaka yawned. "Best be off, kids. We've got some sleeping to do."

Suddenly, Kokuchou felt even more grateful. They'd clearly taken him from some much-needed rest.

She bowed deeply to the chunin. "Thank you very much!"

They both laughed. "Glad to help," Waraitake ambled to her feet.

"Nevertheless, we appreciate it." Minato gave a shallow bow as well.

"You guys," Hibashi pulled them up by the arms. "Come on, they said it was fine! That's what comrades do! Now let's go! We have more jutsu to learn!"

"

Hibashi had dragged them both from training ground behind the dorm before Kokuchou shook him off.

She was tired and hungry. Maintaining the chakrams and genjutsu at once had been taxing not just on her chakra, but on her mind as well. A quick glance at Minato told her he wasn't feeling the effects of the day at all. Granted, the genjutsu he'd learned had been a lot simpler.

At least Hibashi appeared a little worse for wear. Dirt stained his cheek and he did not walk as fast as he normally did.

Kokuchou let her thoughts drift as they ambled in what she assumed was the direction of Minato's home. She thought of the strategies and techniques she could employ as the independent variable and what responses she could use to her teammates' techniques as the dependent.

She thought of Minato and how he'd stopped her from helping Waraitake.

It is for this reason, that when they rounded the corner of a familiar street, Kokuchou was surprised.

"I know Kitaeru-sama's shop is in this part of the village, but you'll have to lead us the rest of the way."

Kokuchou immediately halted. "What?"

Hibashi looked as confused as she felt. "What do you mean, what? We've been heading to the shop this entire time. Where have you been?" He waved his hand in front of her face.

Kokuchou barely refrained from glowering at him in her exhausted state. There was no way they could go to Itame-sensei's.

Well, they could. But he hated new people. Itame-sensei hated people in general. And she doubted he would agree. Every time Kushina had come by to train over the past year and a half, he'd altered the direction of their private session and let the two have a self-directed spar while he watched from the side. It wasn't until Kushina left that he ever gave feedback.

Nothing had changed. In fact, she thought he might even berate them for not going to Jiraiya-sensei for new techniques in the first place.

Ugh. Kokuchou could feel a headache coming on.

So, when Hibashi pulled at her arm, she didn't dig in her heels like she wanted to. She was too tired to explain it.

Itame-sensei would just send them away with a glare and good-riddance and then they'd have to find someone else. At least Hibashi would stop pestering Kokuchou about meeting her mentor.

She led them through the now familiar streets and down the nearly hidden alley.

Hibashi eyes widened when he noticed the red door at the end of the narrow passage. "Whoa. Now, when I think of shinobi weapons shop, this is the kind of place that comes to mind. All hidden and secret and only the cool shinobi know how to find it."

Wait until you see the inside, Kokuchou thought with a twitch of her brows.

Indeed, Hibashi was impressed when the bell dinged above them and the floor creaked comfortingly. Kokuchou took a deep breath as she did every time she entered the shop and closed the door behind her, making sure to give it that extra shove it needed near the loose plank.

"Whoa-a." Hibashi's eyes grew wider than she'd ever seen them before. "Forget the outside! This is awesome!"

He flitted from shelf to shelf, examining each weapon, some closer than others. Even Minato looked interested in the displays.

They'd better, she thought. I spent enough time polishing the things. Kokuchou made no move to summon her mentor. Going by the sounds in the forge, she knew he'd be out in a moment.

"What do you want?" Itame-sensei burst from the forge exactly as she'd expected him to. He was gruff and dirty and sweaty and probably smelled to the boys who hadn't gone nose-blind to the scent long ago. Itame-sensei, bear of a man that he was, glared at Hibashi, who had lifted a pair of sai from a shelf.

Hibashi smiled nervously and gently replaced the weapons. He fidgeted under the weight of the man's glare. Itame-sensei then turned to Minato.

"You got a voice, boy? Speak up. Answer my question."

Kokuchou grinned happily by the door, aware that only Itame-sensei would notice her uncharacteristic expression. She'd never before seen someone call the blond out.

"Are you Kokuchou's mentor, Kitaeru Itame-sama?"

"Ain't no 'sama' here, kid. What the hell are you doing wasting my time, Kokuchou?" He glared at her then.

She only shrugged and looked to her teammates. If they wanted his help, they'd have to ask for it. She'd told them how private he was, but they hadn't listened.

"Uhm, sir- Kitaeru-san," Hibashi hurriedly corrected. "We were wondering if you could help us."

Here it comes…

Itame-sensei glowered for a long moment. "Depends."

Kokuchou gaped. What?!

Sure, he hadn't outright agreed. But she had expected him to turn them away the moment Hibashi or Minato mentioned anything requiring his involvement.

Hibashi appeared to gain a little more confidence, standing straighter and opened his mouth to launch into an explanation. But it was Minato who spoke first, surprising Kokuchou.

"Kitaeru-san, Jiraiya-sensei has prepared another test for us tomorrow –one which will likely require us to retrieve a bell from his person. Jiraiya-sensei already knows what we have each learned up to this point, so today we decided to pick up a few minor jutsu, ones which are easy to learn. This way, we will have a few surprises under our belts."

"Let me stop you there," Itame-sensei dug his pinky into his ear. "Anything I teach you would require time to learn and even the best techniques I know wouldn't phase your sensei. You're gonna have to do better than this."

"Which is why we came up with the Infinite Chaos Variability approach," Hibashi replied seriously.

All three of them just stared.

Minato was the first to voice his confusion. "The what?"

Hibashi rubbed his head. He mumbled, "We had to come up with a name for our strategy."

"So, you named it the Infinite Chaos Variability approach?" Kokuchou asked incredulously.

"Well," Minato giggled. "It does sound cool."

"Right?" the tanned boy grinned.

A quick glance at her sensei told her that he was growing irritated with this waste of his time, so she quickly explained. "We'll each take on the role of a variable. The constant, independent, and dependent."

Itame-sensei listened and when she was finished with her succinct explanation, he nodded. "Well, you might touch a bell if you do something like that. How has it gone in practice?"

All three teammates avoided looking at each other.

"You haven't even practiced it yet? Well?" He demanded when no one answered.

Kokuchou was either the bravest, or she just knew the man the best, because she responded, "We spent the morning learning a genjutsu."

"Fat lot of good that'll do ya without actual practice. Come on, kid. I taught you better than that."

Kokuchou felt ashamed, though she wasn't quite sure why.

"That's it, then." Itame-sensei hung his dirty apron on the hook by the entrance to the forge. "Kokuchou, make sure the forge is secure and then meet us outside. You two. Follow me."

Kokuchou stepped aside as her sensei led her teammates outside, eyes trained on the floor. Once the bell indicated the door was shut behind them, she allowed herself to breathe.

Itame-sensei was right. He had taught her better than that.

Kokuchou thought she'd been trying, convinced herself she had. But when it came down to it, she remained secretive and selective about what she revealed to her teammates? Was she any better than Minato, like this? Her mentor had trained her to lead, even if she didn't want to. She was, if not purposefully, then indirectly sabotaging their team's success by not pointing out the need for practicing such things beforehand. Perhaps, subconsciously, she hoped that their team would get disbanded if it performed poorly enough.

Really, though, she knew it would lead to something much more dire.

Her eyes burned.

Kokuchou looked at the ceiling and took several calming breaths, gathering herself.

She did not want this.

"

Twenty minutes later, Kokuchou found the three in the field behind the shop. She could have secured the forge faster, but her mind warred between doing well, as she was trained to do, and mentally dragging her feet. She was afraid to face her sensei.

Itame-sensei looked at her knowingly. "Nice of you to join us."

"Yeah!" Hibashi slapped her shoulder. "Thanks for doing… whatever it was you were doing! It gave us some extra time with Kitaeru-san! He told us about his urumi and that weapon I was lookin' at earlier and- Hey! There's that cat again!"

They all turned to look at the spot Hibashi pointed to but there was nothing.

"It ran away…"

"Stop wasting time, kid. You need to focus," he pointed at Hibashi, then rested his glower on Minato, who stood up a little straighter. "You need to speak up more. And you," Itame-sensei didn't have to say a word. His gaze was icy.

She knew that he knew that she knew what she was doing.

"And Kokuchou, what?" Hibashi stage whispered to Minato, who only shrugged. She did not enlighten them.

"Okay." If Itame-sensei expected her to use her training, that's what she'd do. "We explained our approach-"

"The Infinite Chaos Variability…"  
"Fine. The Infinite Chaos Varia- No, it's just too long, Hibashi. We'll think of something else. So, our approach. We can decide who will be the first constant, but from there on out, we'll have to wing it. The dependent and independent variables will have to be aware of the constant's moves and alter accordingly."

Hibashi scratched his ear. "We can't alternate roles in order because that will become predictable. Already, I'm sure Jiraiya-sensei will catch on quickly."

"But we already knew that. The goal isn't to fool him, but to overwhelm, distract, and retrieve. As fast as we can." Itame-sensei had taught her that stalling was for the powerful, those who could afford to toy with their opponents.

"So, the constant only engages Jiraiya-sensei in taijutsu. Minato," she considered him. He'd yet to say anything. And she was sure he'd held back during their training sessions. Matched his abilities to theirs, for whatever reason. Itame-sensei was right when he'd taught her to be honest about one's abilities. It was hard to plan when you weren't sure of what your teammates were capable.

Kokuchou made a decision. "Minato, you should be the first dependent variable. Jiraiya-sensei knows all of our capabilities, but he is most familiar with yours. He'll be distracted, wondering why you're choosing to go with certain attacks."

Minato took a moment before nodding. Still, he had not voiced a single opinion about the matter. Kokuchou held in a sigh.

She would have assigned Minato as the independent variable to start off with, but she had no idea what he was really able to do. He could stick with what he'd revealed already, but in an all-out fight with a jonin, she figured he may show his hand a bit more. That way, when it came time for her and Hibashi to follow him as the dependent variables, they would at least have witnessed more of his abilities.

Kokuchou had, after all, been taught not to rely on weapons she didn't know how to use.

"Kokuchou, you have the best taijutsu of the three of us," she very much doubted with that, but let Hibashi go on believing it until Minato revealed otherwise. "Rather, you're the most bendy. And you are the hardest to read. When you decide to change up the variables, Jiraiya-sensei may not notice right away."

That was fine. She could weave around their sensei, lead the dance, until she had a good feel for Minato's strengths. "And you'll be the independent," Kokuchou nodded her head to Hibashi.

"You've had enough time to plan." Itame-sensei dropped into a ready stance. Kokuchou noticed that he'd tied his bandana at his belt. "Let's begin."

"

They practiced until nearly midnight and midnight in the midst of winter was cold. She was glad she'd been taught to circulate her chakra for warmth, as she'd suspected Minato had as well. Hibashi, however, began shivering every time they took a brief pause, the sweat chilling his skin further.

Unless Jiraiya-sensei decided to finally teach them something outside of teamwork exercises, she'd have to show Hibashi the technique soon.

"Mmm. Warm," Hibashi collapsed to the floor inside the shop. Weapons jiggled in their displays at the movement.

"Up," Itame-sensei grumbled. She could tell he was tired, too.

It had been sloppy at first. Very sloppy. But they'd eventually gotten to the point where the independent and dependent variables took only a few seconds to notice the constant's switch. From there, they were able to decide their new role based on each other's positioning and current mode of attack. It wasn't perfect, but it was something.

"This ain't a hotel."

Hibashi groaned but stood. He grumbled under his breath and followed Minato to the door. "You coming?"

Kokuchou shook her head, already going through the motions of closing the shop up for the night.

"'Kay. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," Minato said softly.

Kokuchou only waved them off. The bell jingled as it shut behind them.

Itame-sensei appeared from the nearby water closet. His face and hands had been washed from the grime of the day. She probably needed to do the same.

"That Chanoki kid sure is observant."

"Huh?" she grunted and brushed past him.

"Took you months to notice my urumi. The kid took only minutes."

Kokuchou hummed in agreement. Instead of hindering him, his attention span ensured that he missed almost nothing. Honed further, it could be an even greater tool in the field.

"And he understands the importance of a team. Better than Namikaze. Even better than you."

She'd been waiting for him to bring it up. Would he go through with his promise to stop training her if she didn't take her team seriously.

"I understand the imp-"

"You know it's important because I've taught you so. But you don't understand."

Kokuchou flinched from within the closet and focused on brushing her teeth. She knew she would obsess about that comment when she tried to fall asleep. She spat into the sink. "What do you think of Minato?"

"Doesn't matter what I think." Kokuchou heard her mentor lock the door to the shop.

"But you knew his name. That night I told you about my teammates. You'd heard of him."

"Word gets around."

"Yeah, but you have to actually talk to people in order for it to get to you."

Itame-sensei cuffed her on the head as she exited the water closet. "I miss the days when you respected me."

"That wasn't respect. It was fear." Kokuchou made her way to the stairs.

"Even better," her mentor grumbled, stomping behind her.

But as she made her futon that night and lay down to sleep, she realized that he hadn't answered the question.


	30. Tenth Winter: Part VIII

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part VIII~**

Ouch.

Groggily, Kokuchou turned onto her stomach and burrowed further under the blankets.

Then, there came a sharper pain at her hip. Kokuchou yelped and bolted to her knees, head whipping around for the source. Her chakrams warmed at her wrists. She squinted in the pre-dawn darkness of the room. Itame-sensei stood over her futon.

"Get up." He grumbled.

"Huh?" Kokuchou watched the man walk to his tiny kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. She'd remained awake for at least three hours, overthinking the events of the day. Kokuchou rested her head in her hands and sighed.

Why was Minato keeping things from them? She had been taught that good shinobi were transparent with their teammates, as far as abilities went.

Did they realize that she still hadn't warmed to the idea of being on a team? While she'd always known that graduation would mean being put on a team, the reality of relying on people like this was causing her to hesitate.

Why was Jiraiya-sensei neglecting her and Hibashi? Certainly a jonin, who had been trained by the Hokage no less, understood teamwork.

Okay, so maybe that last one was a little hypocritical and it was the self-loathing induced by her own hypocrisy that had kept her up so late. As much as she hated to admit, she sympathized with their aloof sensei. She hadn't wanted a team, either. But if she was going to stop beating herself up, Kokuchou would actually have to try with this team.

Really try, the way Itame-sensei taught her. They way Shou-nii always encouraged her to. If something happened to them while on a mission and she hadn't made an effort, she would be just as to blame. Her shoulders dipped under the weight of it all.

And maybe she was wrong. Maybe she was misreading the signs Jiraiya-sensei put out there. Her upbringing wasn't exactly conducive to the nurturing of emotional intelligence. Perhaps he was just used to Minato because, although neither had admitted it, she suspected that Jiraiya-sensei had been Minato's private tutor.

"Get up!" Itame-sensei yelled then. He was not an animal to be messed with so soon after waking. And he'd probably only woken earlier than usual to make sure she was up. "You've got fifteen minutes."

Fifteen minutes? Kokuchou looked at the clock. Five-forty-five!

"Shit!" She threw off her blankets and hurriedly folded her futon. Even though Itame-sensei was a bit of slob himself, she never wanted to impose her own messiness on the man who practically let her live with him.

Kokuchou was grateful she'd slept in the clothes from the day before, despite how they probably smelled. All she had to do was throw her yukata on top and cinch it at the waist with her obi. She'd sown the metal plate of her hitai-ate onto the obi rather than mess with it around her forehead. That way, if she ever needed to hide the evidence of her allegiance to Konoha, she could just turn the obi the other way.

Itame-sensei had a mug of coffee and breakfast bar waiting for her on the table. She should have packed a lunch the night before, but. Sleep. She might kick herself for it later, but there was no time now.

Kokuchou took a long sip of coffee and sputtered. "Hot! Hot!"

"Yes, it is." Itame-sensei's eyes positively twinkled. Kokuchou glared at the man. "Constant vigilance."

Kokuchou downed the rest, if only to spite him, maintaining eye contact the entire time. It burned the whole way down and Kokuchou was sure she wouldn't be able to taste anything for a few days. Which, really, was fine considering that all she'd been eating were ration bars due to her busy schedule.

She grabbed a ration bar and stuffed it in her bag. "Gotta go."

"You're welcome."

Kokuchou's slammed the apartment door behind her.

"

Kokuchou had expected to be the last to arrive, even having taken to the rooftops –something she rarely did. But when she dropped onto the training field, no one else was around. Paranoia and anxiety clawed at her nerves. Had she gone to the wrong place? They always met here… but maybe something had changed?

Kokuchou racked her brain, remembering as much as she could about the previous day's conversations. She took a moment to sense her surroundings.

Kokuchou watched the birds flit about the branches, heard a few patrons as they splashed quietly in the nearby onsen. Approaching footsteps, to her left. She trained her gaze in the direction of the sound. A few seconds later, Minato entered the field.

He hesitated for just a moment when he saw her, "Good morning."

Kokuchou nodded in greeting. Her palms felt clammy. Why was she so nervous?

No. Not nervous. He didn't make her nervous.

Uncomfortable; that's it. Namikaze Minato made her uncomfortable. Was this the first time she'd ever been alone with him?

"You're early," he placed his bag on the ground and began stretching.

"Barely."

Minato looked up at her through his bushy hair, his voice was high and soft. "It's five o'clock."

Huh? Kokuchou barely managed to keep her face still. She shouldered her bag off and checked her watch. He was right. That meant that Itame-sensei had changed the clock, for some reason. Perhaps to teach her a lesson about slacking off.

Kokuchou sighed through her nose. She could have slept that much longer.

When she looked back up at Minato, he ducked his head but Kokuchou could still see his smile.

What? She wanted to demand. Instead she made to move to the other side of the field. When the blonde tilted his face to watch her go, Kokuchou froze. He looked… resigned?

Ugh. She thought back to that morning. She had told herself she'd try. Kokuchou didn't really know what that looked like with him, but she'd play it by ear.

Kokuchou dropped her bag back onto the ground as if that had been her plan all along and began her own warm up. Silence covered the field as its nearly perpetual veil of mist, with only the sound of their breaths to fill the wide space.

Kokuchou bent backwards and walked her hands until they gripped her ankles. She took a deep breath. Stretching was one of favorite exercises –that delicious burn in her muscles and the rush of blood throughout her body.

She should say something… "Wh-"

"I didn-"

An awkward pause.

"Excuse me," Minato said. He smiled tentatively.

Kokuchou shook her head. "No, you go."

Minato looked at where his hands were braced on the ground. "I didn't know you were good at genjutsu."

"I'm not."

"But you learned that technique yesterday."

Oh, yeah. She had learned that. She would need to practice it further. Perhaps without the use of her chakrams… As much as she loved them, Itame-sensei had made sure to teach her not to rely so much on a single weapon. It hadn't worked, but the ideal was still there.

"Right. I don't think it's that I'm good at it. Like I told Waraitake-san, it was probably just my background in medical ninjutsu that helped."

She didn't want to explain just how natural it had felt. Kokuchou didn't even like to admit to herself how good it felt to do some things as a shinobi. It was why she always walked instead of jumped the rooftops, and why she never allowed herself to enjoy the rush of power she felt whenever she used her chakra.

Kokuchou did not want to be a shinobi, but she feared that, like Minato, she was meant to. Could those not from clans really be meant to be a shinobi? The village said otherwise. Sure, a rare few civilian-born shinobi gained notoriety, but the vast majority were –no matter how much the village denied it– cannon fodder. Pawns in their game. It was why they didn't waste resources on their education.

Kokuchou let go of her ankles, remaining in her extreme backbend, and slowly brought her legs up into a steady handstand. Time to change she subject.

She wanted to ask him why he didn't attend the Academy until his final year of training, but that would probably come across as suspicion. She also wanted to ask the question that had been nagging her for the past week: Why did Jiraiya-sensei begin training you?

Instead, she settled for, "That technique you used last night, it was…" Kokuchou searched for a word.

"Interesting."

She didn't really find it interesting so much as annoying that he had kept it from them in the first place. At one point during their spar with Itame-sensei, Minato, as the independent, had boosted his punches and kicks with a burst of wind. He nearly caused Itame-sensei to topple over a few times.

"My chakra nature is wind… Do you know yours?"

Kokuchou had guessed as much. "It's fire. But I haven't learned any jutsu." Yet. Since beginning her lessons with Mokume-sensei, most of her free time had gone to learning medical jutsu. "This is all I've got."

Kokuchou removed her right glove –she'd lost the ability to snap with her left hand following the amputation– and let the chakra well at her middle finger and thumb. When she snapped, a brief showering of sparks flew out. Kokuchou hissed when some landed on her hand.

Ouch.

Stupid. She hadn't thought to use her chakra disperse the heat as Itame-sensei had taught her in the forge. That was the main reason she didn't like being a fire type. Sure, each element came with its own risks, but fire was by far the most difficult to control. Even with Itame-sensei's technique, it would be difficult to protect herself from, well, her own chakra.

"Whoa!" Kokuchou nearly jumped in surprise when Hibashi's face appeared beside her hand. "Do it again!"

She absolutely would not, for reasons other than the fact that she didn't like to. "I need to conserve chakra for the spar."

Hibashi accepted that and squinted at Minato who was doing pushups. "And you're a wind-type, right?" Minato's head bobbed. "Neat! We've almost got all the elements, then! Ho-ji gave me chakra paper as a birthday gift last year! That's how I found out I was water-natured. But Ho-ji is earth, so he couldn't teach me anything."

"Jiraiya-sensei knows a lot of elemental jutsu. I'm sure he could teach us each some." Minato began squatting.

Only if he manages to leave your side for a minute, Kokuchou thought uncharitably. She bit her tongue. Was she being fair to the man? He'd had them focusing on teamwork exercises for the past week and as far as she knew, hadn't taught Minato anything new, either.

Between one blink and the next, Jiraiya-sensei appeared in the space between the teammates, mist dispersing in a circle around them at the sudden displacement of air. On instinct, Kokuchou jumped away with a pump of chakra. Her chakrams grew warm around her fingers, wrists, and ankles. Hibashi flinched back with a yelp while Minato fell into a ready stance.

A bell dangled from his hip.

"Looks like only one of you came ready to fight," Jiraiya-sensei said, eyes on Minato. "Begin."

Thank goodness Minato had been aware of the nature of the test, otherwise they would have begun attacking him without aim and the jonin hadn't bothered explaining it to them himself.

Now, at least, they had a goal. Overwhelm, distract, retrieve.

For the first time in her life, Kokuchou initiated an attack.

With a burst of chakra, she bound forward, landing on her feet before their sensei. When the man reacted with an intentionally aimed fist, she ducked beneath it, arm reaching for the bell on his hip.

Jiraiya-sensei was too fast. He brought his right leg back and pivoted on the other to nail her with a powerful roundhouse. Had Kokuchou not had faster reflexes, she would have been knocked out by such a kick. As it was, she dropped to her stomach and felt the air rush over her.

Then, Hibashi was there to catch Jiraiya-sensei's momentum. As the independent variable, Hibashi set about a volley of kunai, which Minato then began to slap paper seals on. They hadn't planned anything. Not really. She was interested in seeing where he was going with this.

Jiraiya-sensei flipped away in a surprising show of acrobatics. Along the path of his flip, he kicked some of the kunai and shuriken their way.

Kokuchou was glad she had years of practice in avoiding projectiles with Itame-sensei, otherwise she would have been skewered by more than a few of them. The kunoichi popped up, grabbing one of the kunai out of the air and resumed her taijutsu assault.

As with most of her fights, her moves were not intentional. She was not an actor so much as a reactor. Still, she had been able to anticipate Jiraiya-sensei's vice-like grip on her wrist as she aimed a stab at his back.

The man swung her around to his front. He used her body as someone would a staff and took out Hibashi. Kokuchou grunted and when he didn't let go, she realized that he intended to throw her… somewhere. Probably at a tree. On instinct, Kokuchou enlarged the chakram on her captured arm and let it slide down. The moment Jiraiya-sensei noticed, he let her go in an attempt to avoid it.

And then she was flying. She didn't know if the chakram had made it around his wrist, but she pulsed her chakra nonetheless, hoping it tightened around his arm. He wouldn't, well, shouldn't be able to break it. That's what she hoped, at least. Her chakrams were her most valuable possessions.

The world flew by in a blur of color and Kokuchou could not tell in which direction the jonin had thrown her. If she had not been trained as a shinobi, Kokuchou doubted she would have been able to tell up from down. But she was a kunoichi and she pivoted midair, like a cat, and padded her feet with chakra.

Kokuchou had no idea where she would land, but hopefully that would help break the fall. It turned out, she would have been fine either way.

A series of shrieks echoed around her and Kokuchou's vision was occluded by mist. Her feet skidded across the water of the hot spring like a skipping stone and Kokuchou was grateful her momentum was enough to finish her slide on land. The moment water gave way to ground she channeled chakra into her legs and bound forwards once again.

"Watch it!" Someone screeched.

"Sorry!" Kokuchou soared over the tall fence and thin line of trees that edged the field. It took her a moment, but she noticed that both Minato and Hibashi had carried on with their roles without her. The ground was scattered with paper and various weaponry.

Hibashi was avoiding Jiraiya-sensei with the replacement jutsu, just barely. That is, until the jonin puffed up his chest. A jet of water burst from his lips. It slammed into Hibashi, the boy's limbs flailing like a rag doll. He was propelled backward into the forest, where Kokuchou assumed he slammed into a tree. She could see the top of one sway from her position.

The entire time, Jiraiya-sensei had kept his sight on Minato who hadn't ceased in his role as the dependent variable. Minato continued to weave around the field, dropping paper seals on every available space he could find. She noticed the chakram from before laying on the ground.

He believed Minato was the real threat. And he probably was. Kokuchou wasn't sure when, or if, Hibashi would be back in the fight. He'd yet to emerge from the forest. Regardless, they would continue on.

Time to change things up.

Kokuchou once again channeled chakra to her legs and leapt into the fray, now acting as the independent variable. This time, she had her chakrams enlarged and imbued with a weak version of the Inundation genjutsu. She didn't want to assault him with it at full strength, but would slowly increase the potency as they went along.

Her rings buzzed around them like flies and Kokuchou hoped Minato had the presence of mind to dispel the effects before the genjutsu could get to him too. The jonin's eyes narrowed at her swarming chakrams and Kokuchou felt her hair stand on end. Did he notice?

Minato, noticing her change in tactics, engaged Jiraiya-sensei in taijutsu for the first time since the fight began. Minato was fast. Faster than she'd seen him move before. Jiraiya-sensei blocked every move, but Minato forced him to remain on the defensive. The pair flipped around the field. Kokuchou, for her part, managed to keep her chakrams away from Minato.

Then, in a puff of smoke, Jiraiya-sensei was on her.

She reacted.

Kokuchou bent backward, thankful that she'd stretched before the fight began. The kunoichi pulsed her chakra, calling her chakrams to swarm around them.

She managed to remotely sharpen a few of them. Jiraiya-sensei's jonin garb was designed to deflect shinobi weapons to a point, but not weapons made from Takama-no-Kinzoku. They sliced through his clothing and vest. Thin trails of blood seeped through.

It was difficult, impossibly so, to concentrate on both her chakrams and Jiraiya-sensei. Just as she folded to the ground and leapt through the jonin's legs, Minato was there to distract him.

The kunoichi ducked around Jiraiya-sensei's side, bringing her chakram along the path of the fist aimed for Minato. The moment it passed through, she pulsed her chakra and it shrank. Kokuchou hopped away before the man could retaliate.

The jonin did not pause in his attack, but he did pluck kunai and shuriken from the ground. He tossed them at her chakrams. A few zoomed away, while several were pinned to trees and branches around the field. A quick pulse of chakra told Kokuchou that it would require too much concentration to free them remotely.

The kunoichi frowned. She was now down seven chakrams. Kokuchou executed a front walkover, launching enlarged chakrams by each foot.

The weapons sailed towards him, imbued with the a slightly stronger version of the genjutsu. Jiraiya-sensei leapt to the side to avoid them.

Good.

With a pulse of chakra, she yanked her forgotten chakram along the ground, directly under his foot.

The jonin landed and before he could dash away once more, Kokuchou shrank the chakram around his ankle. Another pulse brought his right wrist and ankle together. Somehow, the man maintained his balance. She could see his muscles straining in an attempt to pull the chakrams apart.

Minato flipped over their sensei and trailed a finger along his back. He hopped to her, falling in to a ready stance to execute whatever plan it was that he had.

She hadn't really expected this to wor-

Kokuchou gasped when, suddenly, their sensei practically exploded with chakra. Her hair stood on end and her muscles shivered involuntarily, trying to shake off the feeling. Whatever it was, it worked because the chakrams separated.

How-

And then Jiraiya-sensei pivoted, eyes trained on her. She could still sense the chakrams at his wrist and ankle and she pulsed her chakra in alarm, trying to attach them once more.

It didn't work.

Minato pushed her out of the way before disappearing in a puff of smoke, just as their sensei had. A long white mass shot across the area she'd been standing and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jiraiya-sensei whip his head. The mass changed direction.

She wasn't fast enough.

The white coil slammed into her, wrapping around her limbs and torso. It squeezed her, forcing the breath from her lungs. The mass wasn't solid, but made of thousands of tendrils of… hair? It was attached to the man's head. Each strand poked through her clothing and threatened to puncture her skin. Kokuchou didn't dare move. She had no idea how sharp they could be.

The jonin whipped his head again and then she was airborne. The hair brought her high, high, higher, until she could just see over the trees and into the village proper. Minato was a blond speck bellow her, never ceasing in his attack on Jiraiya-sensei.

Kokuchou didn't want to wait to see what the jonin would do next. She couldn't move, but her remaining chakrams warmed at her ankles. She pumped chakra into one of them. Somehow, her other leg had been trapped just high enough to avoid amputating it. Then, with a sharpening pulse it enlarged, easily severing through the chakra-imbued hair.

Below, she saw Jiraiya-sensei look up.

Then she was falling.

The remaining strands of the jonin's hair falling from her body in the wind as she plummeted to the ground. She approached it much faster than she expected and panic, rather than adrenaline, made her heart pound and stomach flip.

She circulated chakra, reinforcing her body. What if it wasn't enough?

Kokuchou's mind raced in time with her heart, throwing out random numbers, variables, and formulas that didn't make sense in class, much less in that moment. She would need a precise amount and some advanced calculations factoring height, speed, and weight and Kokuchou had rarely paid attention in those classes.

Shou-nii would be so disappointed with her.

She thought of all the hypothetical –and actual– cases of high-velocity impact she'd come across under Mokume-sensei's tutelage. The situation did not bode well. If she reinforced too little, well, that was self-explanatory. If she reinforced too much, she still risked blowing off a limb –or worse.

Both options resulted in maiming or death.

The numbers were forced from Kokuchou's mind with a breath-stealing impact.

Her vision blacked out.

Had she already hit the ground? She didn't feel any pain.

And she was still moving. In a parabola, her body told her as they reached the vertex.

Someone was holding her and they were going to land headfirst. Thankfully, the person's opposing force and direction had managed to slow the descent, if only slightly.

Kokuchou stuck out an arm which she instinctively knew would turn them in a better position to land. They pivoted midair. The arms at her middle tightened as they spun.

She glimpsed tanned skin.

Kokuchou padded her feet with chakra as she had when Jiraiya-sensei had thrown her into the hot springs. She hoped whoever caught her would as well. When they landed, feet skidding along the ground, Kokuchou felt the shock reverberate up her bones.

They lost their balance, the force and their tangled feet causing them to roll through the dead grass. When she finally came to a stop, Kokuchou couldn't muster the energy to get up. She just laid there, gazing at the sky. A lone, wispy cloud floated by.

I can't believe I fell all that way, she mused more than a little delirious. Okay, maybe not as high as the cloud, but it had felt that way. Maybe there had been a better way to escape. But Kokuchou had been panicking at the time; not thinking clearly. It's what made her such a poor fighter.

She didn't plan. She reacted. And while she had skipped from the rooftops to the ground and leapt from trees, Itame-sensei had never prepared her for a fall from such a height. Perhaps that's what he would have taught had she not taken the apprenticeship with Mokume-sensei…

Maybe it's my own fault. I didn't pay attention in math class…

Kokuchou sighed; she would have to study more. Perhaps Shou-nii would help. He was good at math-

"Get up." Someone nudged her shoulder with their foot for the second time that day.

The cloud was gone.

Wow.

How long had she just laid there, in the middle of a fight no less?

"Come on!" A hand yanked her to her feet. "If I'm okay, so are you."

It was Hibashi. He blinked heavily and appeared unsteady on his feet. Though she couldn't see a wound from that angle, a trail of blood ran from the back of head around his neck. It stained his collar.

Kokuchou immediately reached up, the diagnostic jutsu ready at her palm. Hibashi swatted it away. He missed and shook his head, blinking slowly. "Later. Minato's alone."

And then he was gone. She glimpsed a wad of green stuck to the back of his head where the wound originated. A coagulating plant? Plantain, maybe. It was certainly ubiquitous in the area-

"Kokuchou!" He yelled at her, already jumping into the of the role constant. His taijutsu, already the weakest of the three of them, was even slower from what she assumed to be a concussion. But he somehow managed to disappear and reappear with the replacement jutsu anytime Jiraiya-sensei made to hit him. With Minato as the independent and now attacking him in whichever way he wanted, the jonin was kept busy.

Kokuchou decided, because her chakrams were her greatest strength, to retrieve them before joining her teammates. As connected as she was to them, it wasn't difficult. Kokuchou's eyes roved the field, freeing the chakrams which had been pinned by their sensei's kunai with a pulse of chakra and a pull.

Jiraiya-sensei still had two of them; one at the wrist and another around his ankle. When she stretched her senses, Kokuchou only got a faint buzzing back. What had he done to them?

Kokuchou flared her chakra, imbuing each chakram with the strongest version of the Inundation genjutsu that she could manage. Then, with a cartwheel, she launched the largest chakrams from her ankles. Several more acrobatics sent the other enlarged chakrams soaring towards the jonin. She didn't sharpen them.

The kunoichi had never controlled all of her weapons at once like that. Yet another thing she'd have to practice. And there she'd been, thinking she'd mastered her weapons.

They buzzed around Jiraiya-sensei. Whenever he pivoted or ducked or avoided an attack by one of the boys, she would come after his openings. He easily avoided them, but didn't seem to notice the auditory and visual cues of the genjutsu in her chakrams.

The man blinked heavily.

It wasn't much, but Minato noticed.

He signaled to Hibashi, who approached a pair of kunai on the ground, hands racing through the signs of the Sensory Amplification jutsu. He picked them up just as Minato went through his own seals, though not the same ones.

"Kokuchou!" He shouted. She sent her final, small chakram which had been circling around them the whole time, sailing towards their sensei. It was the strongest one yet.

Hibashi and Minato, who'd kept him engaged, jumped away then. Kokuchou sent all of her chakrams toward the man at once. He avoided all but one. It bounced harmlessly off the skin of his neck.

Hopefully it was enough.

"Activate!" Minato sounded just as Jiraiya-sensei disappeared in a puff of smoke. Hibashi scraped his kunai together.

Wha-

The word went white.

Silence.

No. Not silence because her brain pounded under the pressure of the sound.

Her eyes seared behind her lids.

Kami, when would it be-


	31. Here and There

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

Kokuchou has many memories of many villages. The sharpest ones, of course, are those of Konoha and the Wakuraba district within it. There are others, too. She has shapes and shades of memories of villages by the sea and built into cliff sides. Villages which balance along terraced rice patties. Massive cities thrumming with life. Ghettos and shanty towns. Refugee camps. Military bases.

It is difficult; being in this village so teeming with joy and vibrancy despite the dismal winter. Not just because it overwhelms me with the sensation and anxiety of it all, but because every sight, each sound –they all remind me of another village in another time from another life.

Apparently, it is New Years.

I had no idea.

Time has meant so little to me, lost in it as I am.

Whereas Konoha resembled something more along the lines of a large town, this village is exactly that –a village. A few hundred people inhabit it at most; although, the way some greet each other, it appears as if many have traveled in to celebrate.

The festival explains a little of why Ikkyu brought me here on this day. Laughter echoes around the streets and stalls and buildings. The air clamors with a hundred conversations.

I catch bits and pieces. But mostly, I try not to let the vines creep up the chasm. Try not to let them pull me down. Were it not winter, I would take my shoes off. Feel the earth beneath my toes. That usually helps. I pinch the bridge of my nose.

Ikkyu is beside me. My arm still rests in his. And he calls my name.

"Hokku, let's stop here." We appraise crafts at a stall.

"Hokku, shall we try some manju?" It is delicious. Sweet and warm and steam rises within when I break it open.

"Look at that, Hokku." Ikkyu points to a troupe of actors on a stage. They are elaborately dressed as beasts who battle men under an enormous moon.

We have arrived late, just as it is ending. "What story is this?"

"One for another time." He pulls me to a stand, purchases a cup of tea. It is better than anything he has ever made. Like honey and ginger.

We don't talk to anyone. And for the most part, I am overlooked. I don't mind. It allows me to observe and learn and frankly, I don't know that I would have anything to say to someone who isn't Ikkyu. The thought makes my palms sweat and heart beat faster.

Every now and then, someone will bow to Ikkyu.

"Why do they do that?"

"Because I am a monk."

Oh. Right. "For their temple?"

"No." And he will say no more.

I often forget that Ikkyu is a monk. Kokuchou's experience, what I remember of it at least, does not include many things spiritual in nature.

Ikkyu hands me a cup of noodles. "Enjoy," he winks.

I have enjoyed everything so far. As anxious as the crowd makes me, it would not be the same were it just Ikkyu and I alone in the village.

I cannot decide what I have liked best. The noodles are delicious with some kind of sweet and salty broth. I wonder what they're ca-

Toshikoshi, Kokuchou tells me. I frown, but continue slurping. Sometimes, it is helpful. Her knowledge. Whereas other times, like now –when I am in this new village with Ikkyu, I wish I could just discover it for myself.

The cat follows us wherever we go, weaving between legs and beneath feet.

Ikkyu leads me to another stall.

It is getting dark. They have lit the paper lanterns. The colors reflect on the faces of the villagers and onto the snowy streets, like painting the world in watercolors. Try as I might to stop, I find myself scanning the streets for familiar faces.

I pinch my nose. Stomp my feet a little. I try not to think of fathers and mothers and dead trees with leaves of glass.

I take in everything. Slowly. Apprehensively. But still, I take it in. Because these moments are mine.

A child burns his tongue on some kind of dumpling and I watch as he impulsively takes a handful of snow from the street and shoves it in his mouth. His friends laugh but the boy's mother rushes over. She fusses at him.

We meet eyes. She rolls her eyes with a shake of her head; hides her smile from her son because as gross as it was, it's also funny. Together, the woman and I share this brief, joyful moment.

Maybe it won't be as hard as I thought.

Ikkyu is calling me. Even over the din of the crowd I hear my name.

"Hokku."


	32. Tenth Winter: Part IX

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

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 **~Tenth Winter: Part IX~**

Shou's palm was sweaty in her own, but Kokuchou didn't try to disentangle their fingers, no matter how much she wanted to wipe it clean.

He'd gotten taller. Kokuchou had to crane her head back further than ever to look at him.

She had never seen him make a face like that before.

Everything about it appeared to be tense –his jaw clenched and his mouth pressed in a flat line. Even his eyes were narrowed. He hadn't said a word the entire walk from the Hokage Tower. Shou only clenched her hand tighter and tighter the closer they got to the location the chunin had described.

Kokuchou was just glad he wasn't crying; she was already uncomfortable enough. Wakaki shuffled a short way behind them. She heard him sniff.

She didn't know what to say.

She hadn't known what to say to him in the whole day since he'd shown up at their training ground.

"

For the third time that day, someone woke her up. Only, this time, it was with a gentle hand and even gentler, "Wake up, Little Swan."

Shou smiled down at her, but it was wrong. Kokuchou could only stare. Something was different about him. Or the world. She didn't know.

"Release," Kokuchou attempted to disperse whatever genjutsu had been cast on her. Nothing happened.

Shou's mouth twisted, still in a smile, but also not. "Nope. Lucky for you, I'm actually here."

Kokuchou did not reply sarcastically as she normally would have. She only stared at him, eyes locked on his expression as he heaved her to her feet. She felt slightly unsteady, head pounding.

"Kokuchou, are you awake ye-" Hibashi burst from the tree line and came to a skidding halt. His eyes narrowed at Shou. "Liar! I remember you! You said you'd never even heard of her!"

Kokuchou knew she should remember to what the boy was referring, but her mind still swam and her eyes drifted to the only rock she'd ever had. However, Shou didn't feel like one right then.

He still gripped her arm tight.

Like he was the one holding on.

Unwise, really, because they both would surely drift away like that. One of them had to be stable for the other. It was why they worked. And Kokuchou had never been a rock. She'd never had to be because she'd always had Shou.

"Wakuraba protects its own," Shou stated simply, for the fact that it was. Oh. Right. Hibashi had shown up in the district asking after her when they first got their team assignment.

The smaller boy tilted his head up, "I wasn't gonna do anything. It was for Jiraiya-sensei's test."

"I didn't know that."

"But we're both Konoha shinobi. We can trust each other."

"It would seem so."

Kokuchou couldn't keep the surprise from her expression. Shou's gaze leveled with her own. Strangely, her tongue tasted bitter.

Hibashi opened his mouth to reply, but whipped his head to the side at some unheard cue. She saw Minato and Jiraiya-sensei staring in their direction through the winter-black trees. Distracted, he clapped a hand on her shoulder and pulled her arm up and around his.

"We gotta go."

Shou released her hand. His smile still a stranger to her.

"I'll wait here until you're done."

Kokuchou let Hibashi lead her away. He was also unsteady on his feet, that wad of green had partially fallen off and another thin trickle of blood rolled down his neck. Kokuchou brought her hand to the back of his head.

The Diagnostic jutsu told her what she'd suspected. Closed head injury; no fracturing of the skull, though enlarged pupils and lack of balance indicated possible concussion. The splitting of the scalp, small as the wound was, required a healing ability that she didn't have. Additionally, the jutsu told her there were small debris in the wound. It would have to be treated by a professional.

"That tickles." Hibashi disentangled their arms and bent to the ground. He picked up one of Minato's seals. "What's this?"

"I can't heal this. And you'll have to ask Namikaze-san."

"Who?"

"Minato."

Hibashi dropped it to the ground. "It'd be so cool if you could. Maybe someday. Do you still study with that medic-nin?"

As close as Jiraiya-sensei and Minato were, the walk was taking a long time. Kokuchou's energy and chakra levels were lower than they had ever been since she began training. Did all fights take this much out of a person?

She'd hardly done anything.

Both Minato and Hibashi had to come to her aid.

And the fact that she'd blacked out. Three. Times. Itame-sensei would try to kill her when he found out. Just to make sure she learned a lesson. That, and make her practice other skills when he discovered why. She hadn't realized how much she relied on her chakrams until that fight.

Perhaps that was why he'd suggested training in ninjutsu with some other shinobi rather than encouraging her to study under Mokume-sensei.

"Not since team assignme-"

"You should. Ho-ji tried to explain healing techniques to me once. It's so cool. Hey, who's that guy!" Hibashi swiveled to point at Shou.

Yep. Definite concussion. Though Hibashi always had trouble concentrating, his memory had always been good. He showed signs of short-term memory loss.

Kokuchou sighed. She was not great at taking care of others. It was why the matrons of Aokigahara Orphanage never left the kids with her. Shou was the one who always made sure everyone was okay.

"Medical ninjutsu is so cool. Do you still study with that medic-nin?"

"Yes." She grabbed Hibashi's arm and began pulling him towards the two waiting shinobi. Jiraiya-sensei appeared to be studying Minato's seal while the blond pointed to different squiggles.

Hibashi suddenly veered off without explanation.

"Hurry it up," the jonin shouted.

Kokuchou barely refrained from rolling her eyes. Ugh. She hated this. The kunoichi chased him down and held on tighter this time.

Hibashi didn't explain what had caught his attention, just let her lead him to the remainder of their team in a daze. "Hey, is the fight over already? Did we win?"

Kokuchou spied the bell at the jonin's hip. "I don't think so…"

He put the seal in his pocket as they approached, face stern.

Minato sidled up to them, helping to support Hibashi. Kokuchou thought they should be going to the hospital. Hibashi's symptoms were becoming worse. She watched his eyelids grow heavier. She didn't want to have him sit down and risk him falling asleep.

The jonin held out his wrist to Kokuchou. "Take these off."

The kunoichi approached her sensei. An experimental pulse of chakra. Still, closer than she had been before, she could not enlarge them remotely. What had he done? Kokuchou touched them, felt even more chakra drain from her system. When they buzzed with more familiarity, Kokuchou made them big enough to slip from the man's wrist and ankle.

As she returned to her place next to Hibashi, his eyes lingered on the boy. "We'll make this quick. That was chaos."

"The Infinite Chaos Variability Approach," Hibashi slurred.

Kokuchou grumbled. "I thought we weren't calling it tha-"

"Don't interrupt," Jiraiya-sensei glared at her. He was usually so jovial, a characteristic she was not used to in a sensei. Now that it was gone, though… "Where did all those teamwork exercises go?"

No one said anything.

"Well?" And the look he sent her said that he expected her to answer.

"Oh. That wasn't rhetorical?" Kokuchou replied, uncharacteristically sarcastic with the man.

It was something she never did. Ever. Not unless she was comfortable with the person. Which, really, she was only like that with three people. And had to Kushina forced it out of her.

It wasn't that she was comfortable with Jiraiya-sensei. Rather, her anger and frustration and resentment –everything was getting harder to trap behind an impassive face. Ever since her father died, it had been becoming increasingly difficult. Maybe it was the fact that he was gone that made her feel safer. Perhaps she was just older; or, she leaned more towards this explanation, she was just getting angrier.

She was angry with him for subtly neglecting her and Hibashi. She resented him for keeping them a team when he clearly only had eyes for Minato. She was frustrated that, even after all the effort she'd put into making the team work, into getting along with Minato, their plan still hadn't worked.

No one had even touched the bell.

She had actually expected to, but the hope had been there. Just as she hoped to survive their future missions. But if they couldn't even touch a bell…

Minato stepped in before the situation could escalate. "We were working together."

Jiraiya-sensei cooled a little bit, but did raise a brow. "You call this," he gestured to the field and three genin, "working together?"

The blond succinctly described how they had planned on not having a plan.

"The Infinite Variability Chaos Approach." Hibashi's head bobbed. Kokuchou slapped a hand to his forehead to stop the movement. He didn't need more head trauma.

"Well, it was certainly chaos. One thing you didn't realize is that only the powerful or the highly intelligent know how to properly harness it in a figh-"

"Hey, who's that!" Hibashi pointed at Shou again.  
Jiraiya-sensei continued to ignore the concussed boy's rambling. "You'll have to do this again. Only, next time, there will be three of me."

"Are you a triplet?" Hibashi sounded stunned, his eyes widened comically.

Everyone ignored him that time. His head fell to his chest. Kokuchou pinched the boy hard enough to wake him.

"Did we win?"

"I suggest you come up with a better plan. Midge," he pointed to Hibashi. "Take him to the hospital."

Did that mean he wanted Minato to hang back? Kokuchou grit her teeth. It was like he was purposefully keeping them apart. But why? He'd just berated them for what he thought was their lack of teamwork.

Kokuchou really hated mixed messages.

From the Academy; you're a shinobi, but some more than others.

From Jiraiya-sensei; you're a team, only Minato needs more attention than you.

From the village; you're comrades, but only sometimes and only if you're not from Wakuraba.

Minato didn't let go of Hibashi as she began to turn them in the direction of the hospital. It was about half the village away, but she was nearly out of chakra and too short to carry him on her own. His feet would drag along the ground.

"Minato."

Kokuchou saw the blond look over his shoulder at his mentor. "I'll find you after."

Whatever was in the boy's expression, it kept the jonin quiet.

"

As promised, Shou had stuck around until they were done, even going so far as to carry Hibashi to the hospital on his back. Despite what he'd said earlier, the way he'd alluded to the lack of trust between 'comrades', Shou was still as much of a caregiver as he'd always been.

The walk was mostly quiet, with them only speaking to keep Hibashi awake. She and Minato alternated between humoring his random observations and questions, and creating distractions to wake the boy up.

They were silent the entire time Hibashi was being treated by a haggard looking medic-nin. Kokuchou had checked with the front desk to see if Mokume-sensei was around. He hadn't been.

No one said a word as they dropped Hibashi off at his home with instructions for his family on how to take care of him.

"See you tomorrow," Minato said tentatively, even though Jiraiya-sensei hadn't given them directions on when to meet again.

Kokuchou waved him off, though it could pass as a goodbye. Her main concern was Shou, who'd been the quietest of them all.

She took off her gloves and stuffed them into her obi. Kokuchou slid her hand into Shou's. His grip had been painful.

He hadn't let go since.

Not on the walk to the morgue.

Not when they'd given Wakaki his sister's ashes.

Neither had he let go when they went to sleep that night, Shou sleeping on a futon next to hers. It was the first time she'd been to her house in Wakuraba in weeks. Her mother made them soup.

Shou had squeezed her hand tightly when they'd gone with Wakaki to retrieve Wakaba's death certificate and belongings.

Now, as they approached the cemetery, his grip was bruising. She could swear she felt her bones grind together. His face was tense and breathing, heavy.

Still, Kokuchou did not say anything.

They called it a cemetery, but it was really a potter's field. In an out-of-the-way grove with no signs or roads except for the gently-tread path, there was a small, weathered tomb. The top had already been slid off by the solemn looking chunin who stood beside it.

She recognized him from Wakuraba.

He was the first chunin she'd ever seen from their district and apparently one of the oldest. He had grey streaks of hair on his head and in his scruffy beard. It was a mystery how he'd survived so long, not just a shinobi, but as one from their district.

As they approached, Kokuchou noticed names carved into the rough stone. Some appearing older, more worn than others. Many of them were familiar; not because she knew them personally but because many were the surnames of Wakuraba.

Saiko.

Yamanashi.

Narusawa.

Misaka.

Jukai.

Aokigahara.

Many were just first names –those of the shinobi who had cast off their surnames once becoming genin, just as Shou had. It was a shame really, and felt so, so futile. Why discard your name, try to rise above Wakuraba, when the village made sure you never could –not even in death?

Shinyoju.

Yohei.

Koke.

Shiyo.

Noboru.

Hama. Kareha. Ochiba.

And on the list went. Not all were from Wakuraba, certainly. But so, so many were.

They had apparently run out of space on the tomb long ago because the newer looking names were carved onto random boulders and stones surrounding the structure.

The chunin introduced himself as Yamanashi Rakuyoju and slowly, respectfully placed a paper seal on Wakaba's urn. Wakaki hugged it tight, sharp edges digging into his chest, before letting Rakuyoju take it.

The older man held up a hand sign and activated the seal. The urn disappeared in a puff of smoke. Apparently, they had to use seals to place the urns in the tomb. As the chunin went through a series of signs to close the lid of the sepulcher, Kokuchou glimpsed jar after jar reflecting the slanted sunlight.

How far did it go under their feet? There were certainly hundreds of names in the grove.

To Kokuchou, it felt less like a sacred space for the dead to rest and more like a mass grave, reminiscent of the illustrations she'd seen in her history textbooks. Those of plagues and wars and genocide.

Shou let go of her hand for the first time in over twenty-four hours. He, along with Rakuyoju, Wakaki, and Jimei-taichou clapped their hands. His curls bounced as he bowed his head.

Kokuchou followed suit a moment behind them. She had never gone to a funeral before. Her father's had been just her and her mother in their backyard because they could afford nothing more. He'd deserved nothing more.

Kokuchou peeked up, intrigued. No one in Wakuraba ever prayed.

The chunin recited a prayer.

Wakaki cried.

Shou was so tense he trembled.

When it was over, Rakuyoju held out a stone and a piece of paper. "Her name," he stated simply. Wakaki didn't move to accept them, only sobbed harder (Kokuchou squirmed internally). Shou took it instead and she remembered that Wakaki had barely learned to read or write.

With careful strokes, the bushy-haired genin wrote his teammate's name on what would be the only testament of her short, sorry life. Wakaba had been a big-talker. She'd said that the village would respect her. That she'd become stronger than those 'snobs' from the First School. That she'd be remembered.

Kokuchou thought about her death. She still didn't know how the older kunoichi had died. She'd only even realized what had happened when Shou led her to the morgue the day before. Had it been immediate? Painless? Or did she suffer? Did Wakaba lay dying, realizing she would never be respected, strong, or remembered?

What would be worse? The pain of dying, or the despair of death?

The chunin completed the ceremony by sealing her name to the stone with a single hand sign. He removed the paper to reveal 'Jukai Wakaba' carved in the stone.

Shou stood.

Jimei-taichou observed.

Wakaki placed it at the base of the tomb.

Kokuchou watched.

"

Kokuchou wondered at the strange emotions coursing through her as they trod slowly from the cemetery. She'd seen the other ones in passing. They were bright and well-placed so that people passed it regularly as they went about their days. So that it would always be seen and their sacrifices always remembered.

But what about this one? Did it not matter that they were shinobi, too?

When Aokigahara Kokuchou died, she would surely be burned and buried here as well.

Forgotten.

Insignificant.

And why?

What did she owe a village that had given her nothing but it's apathy? Certainly not her life.

Logically, she knew there wasn't enough space or resources to accommodate every shinobi in those cemeteries and on the memorial stones. But couldn't they do something, anything more? Everything the village did indicated that it didn't care about them, about Wakuraba and those who became shinobi in an attempt to escape it.

To this day, she did not even know why the village regarded them so? What had Wakuraba done to deserve such treatment? Or was it true? Were they really just born rotten, a blight on the village. Her father had been. Perhaps, if things were different-

Shou halted, but Kokuchou didn't notice until his hand tugged her back. She looked at him, then followed the nod of his head.

Hibashi and Minato stood at the entrance of the cemetery. Minato watched her carefully while Hibashi's eyes roved the clearing, not missing a thing. Kokuchou could only stare blankly, surprised that they had found this place, never mind why.

Shou let go of her hand. "Do me a favor."

It was the first thing he'd said all day. His breath came out in a puff of mist.

Kokuchou waited.

"Make it work with them. Let it work with them." Then he walked past her, past her teammates with a shallow bow. The boys returned it.

Kokuchou hadn't moved, so Hibashi made his way toward her. Minato stuck out an arm to stop the boy. "Not here," he nodded to Wakaki who knelt in mourning with Jimei-taichou standing at his back.

Minato led Hibashi away. Kokuchou didn't want to follow even though they clearly expected her to. If they had found her here, they could find her anywhere else she went.

Kokuchou's feet dragged along the frozen ground.

When Hibashi deemed them far enough away, he sidled up to her. "I had no idea there was a cemetery here."

And although his words were meant to be good-natured, a way to get her talking, all it did was piss her off.

"You aren't the only one." She spoke generally, but her tone was accusing. Perhaps it was meant for Minato, too. And Jiraiya-sensei. Their peers. The village. It was purely out of habit that she managed to remain straight faced as her tongued lashed the words into the air between them –thrown as she would a kunai.

To cut.

To wound.

Hibashi froze, not having expected such a reaction. Minato waited for him. "What do you mean?"

Kokuchou kept walking, to where, she didn't know. She was just going. She wanted to keep going. Past Wakuraba, the Third School, the cemeteries, and on until she went through those gates and the faces carved above the mountain of Konoha could look down on her no longer.

She was tired. Her chakra was nearly gone. Most of all, she was just done with it all. She did not want to die. Not like Wakaba or Hama or Kareha or Otou-san.

She recalled the one time she'd left with Itame-sensei. How free she'd felt; unburdened.

Unattached.

Hibashi appeared before her in a puff of smoke. The Replacement jutsu. He got in her face, eyes meeting hers. "What do you mean?"

Kokuchou easily bent back. "It doesn't matter."

She tried to twist her way around him but Minato grabbed her arm. "It does."

Kokuchou immediately tore her arm from his grip. Or tried to. Minato held on. Kokuchou tried again. She only succeeded in yanking her shoulder. His hand didn't hold her arm with strength, but she found it impossible to move him.

Like he was stone.

Fine.

Kokuchou pivoted on her right foot and brought her other up in a roundhouse kick aimed for his head. Her arm remained held firmly, even as he ducked his head away. She used that against him. Kokuchou flipped backwards over his arm, forcing it to turn at what was surely an uncomfortable angle. She then used her still-captured arm to push his contorted body to the ground.

Well, she would have if he hadn't flipped with the motion until he was standing upright, in exactly the same position they had begun.

Kokuchou saw red, felt her face move.

Let me go! She wanted to scream. I don't want to talk to you! I don't want to be touched by you! I don't want anything from you! So stop asking it of me!

Minato's eyes widened. Was he seeing in her expression that same intensity that her father had? As the other children from Wakuraba had before she learned to train her face into one of impassivity, so like her mother's?

"Guys!" Hibashi shouted and made to intervene.

"No." Minato stopped him with a look. He wanted this to remain between the two of them? She could do that.

Kokuchou pulsed her chakra.

Minato moved. Fast. He jumped away before the chakram could slide onto his arm from where he held her. That was fine. Kokuchou launched that chakram towards him with a flick of her newly-freed arm.

Minato already held his kunai up in defense.

Her chakram cut right through. Apparently, he had not been expecting it to do that. She hadn't either, to be honest. But evidently, in her fury, she had filed the chakram to its sharpest.

Minato tilted his head back at the last moment.

But the second it passed, Kokuchou tugged it back.

"Are you trying to kill him?" Hibashi sounded positively shrill.

No, she wasn't.

Because she did want to destroy the village. Not really. But she did want to hurt it and right then, that looked a lot like hurting Minato.

Namikaze Minato was privilege.

Namikaze Minato was talent.

Namikaze Minato was a born shinobi.

He was Konohagakure.

She blunted the weapon, but Minato didn't have to know that.

Head tilted back as it was, Minato saw it coming. He dropped to his back, knees bent and in the fraction of a second it took to pass over him, the blond was up again.

She blinked and he was there.

Shades of blue met, held.

Then black.

Pain. Sharp. It blossomed along her cheek.

Kokuchou stumbled but maintained her footing. She stared at Minato. Even though she'd been hit before, even though they'd been fighting, she hadn't expected it. Not from him –the quiet, inscrutable boy. She hadn't expected him to take her anger seriously.

Minato stared back.

Then he hit her again. Fast –before she could avoid it. Minato hit her in quick succession. Some of them, Kokuchou managed to avoid. Flipping and twisting and bending around the attacks he aimed at her. She sent chakrams his way, but she could not be on the defense and offense at the same time. He avoided most of her poorly aimed weapons, punches, and kicks.

Kokuchou enlarged one around her finger. Except, she didn't throw it. Minato's kunai slipped inside and she twisted her chakram, forcing the weapon from his grip.

Kokuchou caught it at the handle with her free hand, the chakram sliding onto her wrist. She stabbed at Minato but he already had another kunai in hand. Kunai were not meant for defense, she'd learned from Itame-sensei.

Not ones of that design, anyway.

Hers slid down the length of Minato's and sliced his wrist.

She did not have time to feel satisfaction because her teammate punched her in the side with his other fist.

Kokuchou gasped. Breathless. Shit. Shit. He'd hit her so hard. And bent over as she was, she watched his leg come up for another assault.

Kokuchou took a note from Hibashi's playbook and used the Replacement jutsu. Only, instead of a random item appearing where she stood, Kokuchou replaced her body with one of her discarded chakrams.

Minato's leg slipped right on through and with a pulse of chakra from the other side of the clearing, it shrank onto his ankle. Her reserves, already low from the fight with Jiraiya-sensei the day before, took another significant blow.

How did Hibashi use it so often? It was like his signature move.

Then, Kokuchou's hair stood on end. It felt like it had yesterday, when the jonin had nullified the charge in her chakrams. Only, this time, it wasn't as strong. Kokuchou could still sense her weapon at his ankle. She tightened it experimentally.

No, it had not worked.

Minato realized it at the same time as her. He observed her, for just a moment. Then the blond surged forwards.

Kokuchou launched two more chakrams towards him, imbued with the Inundation genjutsu. They buzzed around him, never once touching him. Minato threw a kunai at one. It had a paper seal attached to the handle.

"Activate," he held his hands up in a hand sign. Then, in a puff of smoke, both her chakram and the kunai were gone. The paper seal floated through the air. Minato caught it and stuffed it into his pocket.

No. No. What did he do?

Kokuchou had never felt such fury. How dare he? Punch her, kick her, whatever. But her chakrams, she'd designed them herself. Mined and forged them with Itame-sensei. Trained with them. Put her hopes into them. They were supposed to be her means of survival.

And Namikaze Minato had just destroyed one. The only thing that had ever really belonged to her.

Kokuchou snarled. Her eyes stung. She felt wild, not even able to control herself. It was that rage, always running below the surface –through her veins with every beat of her heart that she had tamped down for so long.

She flared her chakra and sent them all towards Minato. Some were sharpened. Not fully. But enough. Others had the Inundation genjutsu within them. They spun around the boy almost like a twister.

The smaller, faster ones cut through his clothes and skin. The bigger ones attacked his senses.

"Release," Minato said, shaking his head against the overwhelming sensations. But still, the chakrams circled him, casting the genjutsu. He threw more kunai at the weapons, "Activate."

Two more chakrams disappeared.

The twister around him got tighter. It contained his movements.

"Kokuchou!" She heard Hibashi exclaim. But still, he did not interfere.

And then, Minato made a mistake. It was so, so difficult, she imagined –avoiding all of her weapons at once while they constantly flooded his system with genjutsu. He extended his arm to throw a kunai and one slipped right over it.

Kokuchou tightened it immediately and then, with a pulse, brought it and the one around his ankle together. He fell to his stomach with a grunt.

Her cyclone slowed but did not cease, continuing to inundate his senses.

"Release," Minato ground his teeth together.

He flared his chakra again, trying to nullify the weapons. Again, it didn't work.

Kokuchou stood over Minato.

Instead of satisfaction, Kokuchou felt… blank. It wasn't enough to see him like that. He was hogtied on the ground and bleeding from one wrist. Several other cuts littered his body and his eyes were glassy from the effects of the genjutsu.

She could kick him.

Hit him.

Beat him until she ran out of chakra.

But it wouldn't be enough. She knew it wouldn't douse the flames of her rage. What could? Minato writhed on the ground, struggling against his bindings. She saw the veins at his neck bulging with the effort. He turned his head, met her eyes out of the corner of his.

He hadn't won.

Neither had she.

It had been too fast, too easy, even though he hadn't held back. She'd only tricked him –her chakrams more like waiting fighters than the tools they were.

Kokuchou deflated. Her face mimicked her mother and moon once again.

The kunoichi released Minato from his bindings and ended the genjutsu.

He sat up. Blinked heavily.

Hibashi waited along the edge.

She called her chakrams back one by one, slipping them back to their rightful places. Her heart dropped when she realized she was still missing three. Minato had done something with them.

He watched her carefully, then dug into his pocket.

Kokuchou didn't even have the energy to tense up. The blond pulled out three seals from within. With a silent hand sign and a puff of smoke, her chakrams appeared in his hand. He stared at them for a moment. Turned them over.

Kokuchou felt their comforting buzz from where she stood. "You didn't destroy them?"

Obviously not, but she had no idea what he'd done. All she'd known was that they were gone.

Minato shook his head and rose to his feet. He held them out to her. "Of course not."

His voice was gentle, but firm. Except Kokuchou didn't really feel there was any 'of course' about it. How could she have known? She still had no idea what the boy was capable of.

Well, maybe she did. Then. After their fight. He'd shown her a little more. Proved that he took her seriously. And yesterday, when they fought Jiraiya-sensei, he'd tried to push her out of the way.

Minato and Hibashi waited for her to say something. Anything.

"No one knows we're here," Kokuchou offered. She looked at Hibashi. "No one cares. That's what I meant."

They both looked towards the cemetery. She wondered if Jimei-taichou or Wakaki had heard them. She hoped not. It made her feel guilty and then angry because she'd been so insensitive.

Kokuchou was tired of being angry.

She began to walk once more. "But it still doesn't matter."


	33. Tenth Winter: Part X

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part X~**

"For the record, I did not hit you that hard." Jiraiya-sensei eyed Kokuchou's form. Indeed, she could imagine how bad she probably looked. She'd tried to wipe away the blood which leaked from her brow but couldn't bear the pain that radiated across her cheek. She could have numbed it, but her chakra was just too low.

Minato really hadn't pulled his punches.

Kokuchou was, however, confused as to what record the jonin referred because, really, she felt there wasn't much the village wouldn't condone in the pursuit of strength.

His gaze flitted between the three of them. Kokuchou's did, too.

Hibashi was completely fine. She couldn't even tell he'd suffered from a concussion the day before. If she ever had time with Mokume-sensei, that would be the first thing she endeavored to learn. External wounds could be bandaged but internal injuries were another story. Hibashi wore fresh clothes and had washed away the evidence of their spar. The boy stared at the ground with distant eyes, his brow knit tight together.

As team-oriented as he was, she knew their fight must really be bothering him.

Minato had a gash on his arm which he'd bandaged along the way to the training ground. She could tell with a glance that it wouldn't need stitches, but that didn't stifle the urge she had to use the diagnostic jutsu and check. Just to be sure. Kokuchou supposed her guilt at having caused it in the first place was what stopped her from doing so. Or her anger that she felt guilty at all. He'd started it. Minato also had small cuts littering his body, and bruises too. Probably. Her chakrams had been going pretty fast.

Kokuchou appeared no better off. She hadn't bathed in days. Which, gross. But she hadn't had a chance other than a quick wipe down –not with training and the fight and Shou and the funeral.

And then more fighting.

"So..." Jiraiya-sensei sing-songed amusedly. His eyes lingered on her and Minato. "Everything all cleared up?"

She was surprised he didn't make them tell him what happened. Or why. Kokuchou glanced at Minato. Was she still angry with him?

Yes. But Kokuchou was angry with everything.

It still flowed in time with each pump of her heart. That, she was coming to realize, was her normal. Her father's anger, like a star, had occluded hers with its own brightness. However, now that he was nearly two years dead in the ground, her own rage was beginning to grow brighter –taking up the whole of her sky and coloring everything around her. She'd often wondered if her father had been born angry or if life had made him that way.

Now, she wondered the same thing about herself.

Minato caught her eye and held it with uncharacteristic conviction. He shook his head. "Not yet."

Jiraiya-sensei grunted, smacking their shoulders. Kokuchou grimaced. "That's the spirit!" He bent to their level. "Teammates fight. It's expected. We're people, after all. So long as it doesn't affect your teamwork."

His hand tightened ever so slightly on her shoulder. Jiraiya-sensei's gaze was firm. "Like yesterday. For all its problems and chaos-"

"It was meant to be chaotic! The Infinite Chaos Variability App-" Hibashi started.

"Yeah, yeah. That. Whatever it was, you had each other's backs. Minato, when you pushed Midge out of the way. And how Goldfish managed to catch her. Your method was a disaster, but the intention was there. Your plan also breached the surface of what is typically used in battle; that's a good thing."

The jonin hadn't mentioned how Kokuchou had helped them, because had she actually? From start to finish, she'd struggled to hold her own and even after all the times Hibashi and Minato had saved her, Jiraiya-sensei still managed to debilitate her again. With the distraction of Shou's crisis gone for the moment, she was left to bear the gravity of her own helplessness.

It didn't matter how good she became with her chakrams, or to what degree she mastered her body, Kokuchou was not a fighter. She was weak. Cannon fodder. Was she any better off than Wakaba?

It didn't feel that way.

Kokuchou closed her eyes. Stilled her face. When she opened them again, the jonin righted himself. He towered over them, propping his fists on his hips. "That, tadpoles, brings me to my next point. We'll be doing that exercise again, only this time, you'll be fighting three of me."

"You-" Hibashi began.

"No, I'm not a triplet."

"Why would anyone think you're a triplet?" Obviously, the boy didn't remember his incoherent exclamation from the day before. Jiraiya-sensei's mouth quirked up, but he didn't respond. He shrugged and motioned for Hibashi to continue. "You can make two shadow clones?"

Jiraiya-sensei's chest puffed up and he struck a pose. "Why yes, I can! What did you expect from one of Konoha's greatest shinobi?!"

A crow cawed from the trees. Someone splashed in the hot spring behind the fence.

"Don't answer all at once," the man rose and scratched his nose, appearing put out. "I'll take your silence for… Astonishment? No, no. Dumbfoundedness?"

"That's not a wor-"

"Shh- an adult is thinking."

Are you, though? Kokuchou resisted voicing the thought.

The man continued to mutter to himself. He brought out a notebook which he began to scribble in. She'd seen him with it before. At first, she'd assumed it had to do with fuinjutsu. Now she wasn't so sure. "Bewildered. Beguiled."

"At a los-" Hibashi whispered.

"At a loss! You're all at a loss for words when faced with my accomplishments!" The jonin tucked his notepad away with a flourish. Minato smiled, apparently amused. "Moving along! You three will have to fight against an entire team of me."

"We couldn't even fight against one of you..." Hibashi tilted his head to the sky. Kokuchou did, too. What is he looking at?

"Well, if you would stop interrupting, I would be able to explain. You three understand each other's capabilities a little better now, but we have to find ways to put those abilities together. So that they can work in conjunction. That's one thing we'll be practicing this week. For as long as we're a team, really. Also, we'll have to address our individual weaknesses. What do you think those are?" The man squatted to their level, hands braced on the ground. He looked each of them in the eye.

There was a long beat of silence.

"Hibashi," Minato spoke up. The aforementioned boy startled to attention.

"Huh?"

"-Hibashi is very good at the Replacement jutsu, but that's the extent of his ninjutsu capabilities and his taijutsu is limited to the Academy style. Kokuchou, you rely too much on your chakrams. Your taijutsu is good, but you don't plan your moves so you're nearly always on the defensive. It's as if you're stalling until someone else can come along."

And only the powerful have the luxury of stalling, she was reminded of what Itame-sensei had once told her.

"And you?" Jiraiya-sensei challenged Minato.

The boy, for his blunt assessment of them –which frankly, Kokuchou was surprised he'd expressed– was just as direct in regards to himself. "My focus up to this point has primarily been in fuinjutsu with some minor ninjutsu studies. I only know a few fuinjutsu which are suitable for combat purposes and the ones I am in the process of creating are untested and unsafe. I'm fast but my taijutsu is fairly predictable."

It sounded like a report. As if he were giving a recount of events, clear and concise, to some upper level shinobi. She wouldn't call the wind jutsu he used 'basic'. Neither was he deficient when it came to his use of common shinobi weaponry or the Replacement jutsu. During one of their spars, he'd even used the Transformation jutsu to disguise himself as a kunai on the ground. Hibashi had gone down quickly after that.

"And your weaknesses?" Jiraiya-sensei rocked on his heels idly, but he was clearly quite focused on what the boy had to say.

"I… I'm not entirely open with my teammates… And- and I don't want to lead."

Kokuchou almost raised her brows. She hadn't expected him to be so forthright. And it was true. She'd known Minato was smart and had good ideas, but rarely voiced them. He'd never lied to them, but neither did he tell her and Hibashi everything he was capable of, or show them in some way. She noticed that he said he didn't want to lead, not that he couldn't.

Jiraiya-sensei regarded him with a tilted head, his gaze curious. "Why is that?"

Minato just shrugged, tugging at the lock of hair by his ear.

"Usually, most missions you're assigned to will have an appointed leader. But unexpected things happen, so often that you'd think they would be anticipated. There will be many instances in which you are split apart from your team, or worse. When that happens, you'll have to take the lead and know how to do it well." The man nodded. He watched the three of them carefully. For some reason, it felt like his speech was directed at Minato.

He stood. "Midge, Goldfish-"

Her jaw tensed.

Kokuchou.

Jiraiya-sensei looked at her. Had she said that aloud? The way the boys were staring at her told her that she had.

"Kokuchou," the girl repeated. She almost hadn't said it. Really, she didn't know what made her. Maybe it was the exhaustion or the anger which had yet to settle from her fight with Minato. Or maybe it had just happened. "My name is Aokigahara Kokuchou. Call me by my family name or first name. I don't care… But use my name."

There was a heavy silence. Jiraiya-sensei's smile was jovial, but his gaze sharp. "It's a nickname, Midge. They're endearing."

They're meant to be, at least. Kokuchou didn't say so, but she determinedly held his gaze. It was uncomfortable and the boys fidgeted next to her. She barely resisted twirling her rings.

Is this one?

Jiraiya-sensei blinked first and waved his hand in the air between them. Dismissive. "Whatever you say. No offense, but your name is a mouthful, kid." Itame-sensei called her kid, too. This didn't feel the same. "So, we've got some ideas of things to work on. Let's hop to it!"

"

While the man had made it seem as if he was going to lead them elsewhere, Jiraiya-sensei led them just a few steps away before he suddenly turned and folded his arms.

Another crow cawed from the trees.

"Is that it?" Hibashi squinted at him.

Jiraiya-sensei tilted his head. "Is what it?"

"You just made it seem like we were going somewhere el- you know what, it doesn't matter."

"That's the attitude!" Jiraiya-sensei pulled the smaller boy to him. "And that's why you're going to be teaching today!"

"Because I asked a question?"

"Because you're good at the Replacement jutsu."

"How does those two things conne-"

"As I was saying!" Jiraiya-sensei was definitely just messing with them. She supposed even jonin had to get their kicks somehow. "Goldfish will be teaching you two how to do the Replacement jutsu!"

Minato raised his hand but the man continued on. "And yes, I know that you already know how to do it. But not as well as Goldfish."

It was true. Somehow, Hibashi had managed to not only use the technique multiple times in a fight, but from various distances and even when it involved locked objects.

"Aokigahara, could you have landed safely from your fall yesterday?" Kokuchou shook her head. It had been a crap shoot and as she'd neared the ground, she'd only been guessing at the math needed to land without blowing herself up.

"That's where the Replacement jutsu would have come in handy. It's easy to do while standing still, but to switch positions with something while it's moving or when you are moving, that's a whole other story. Ranges and frequencies also vary depending on the person's mastery of it." Jiraiya-sensei joined her and Minato, squatting between the two. He placed his chin in his hands. "So, Goldfish. How'd you get so good at it? What's the story?"

Hibashi scratched his head. "Well, uh. I guess Ho-ji-"

"Who?"

"My uncle, Hotaka. He taught it to me a year ago. Ho-ji said if I got really good at a single jutsu, even if it's common, that it could save my life on a mission..." Hibashi trailed off as if he didn't know what else to say.

Kokuchou took pity on him for being put so on the spot. "How far and how often can you go?" She'd seen him in spars, but he'd never seemed to fail in its execution.

Hibashi's gaze roved the field. "Well, I'm not really sure. I've gotten close to my limit with you guys before. The farthest I've ever gone was like thirty meters. What was the other question?" He scratched his head.

"How often-"

"Right! How often, I think it's..." he trailed off once more, gaze distant. For a long moment, Kokuchou thought his attention had wandered once again but then he snapped his fingers at his side with a shake of his head. "It's like long distance running. The further you go and the faster you do it, the more energy -or chakra- it takes. So you have to pace yourself. I choose the when and the where based on how much chakra I have left and how much longer I anticipate the fight-"

His gaze suddenly darted to the forest, and just as suddenly back to them. He seemed to be finished. She supposed that made sense and as with running, the more a person did it, the greater the increase in their endurance. One's body acclimated to it, got better at adjusting energy output... Kokuchou was a little surprised that he used so much forethought with the technique. His fighting style was just so all over the place.

Minato raised his hand again. "What about objects that are connected to other things. Like Kokuchou-san's bells or my kunai pouch?"

"Yeah, that. It's harder to explain," Hibashi bounced on the balls of his feet. He snapped his fingers at his side. She'd learned during their brief time together that it was one way he kept himself focused. Kokuchou enlarged a chakram and handed it to him so the boy could focus better. He immediately began twirling it around his finger.

"When you do the jutsu normally, you know how it feels? Like you stretch out and grab onto something else. Like a big, heavy thing and your muscles are all strained. And then you pull on that thing and the rest of your body moves. You just do the same thing but you pull harder until whatever is holding it in place snaps." Hibashi grabbed Minato's arm and pulled hard enough that, even with resistance, they switched places.

It wasn't the most eloquent explanation of the Replacement jutsu, but it was accurate. He must have practiced the technique every day, who knew how many times until he got good enough to do that.

Jiraiya-sensei had mentioned moving objects... She could see how that would be useful, especially considering her weapons. Or any moving weapon, really. "What about non-stationary things? Have you tried it with those? Or if you're the one moving?"

Hibashi shook his head. His gaze was distant. He could have been thinking about the question but he also could have been thinking about… whatever else it was that he stared at from one blink to the next. He twirled the chakram so fast that it launched towards them. Kokuchou pulsed her chakra and directed it to her hand without even having to think about it. Jiraiya-sensei's own hand was held up, ready to catch the chakram that never came.

"Well, we'll start there then," Jiraiya-sensei grabbed a handful of stones from the ground before he jumped to his full height. "Show us how it's done, Goldfish."

"

Naturally, Hibashi was the first of them to figure out the trick to replacing himself with a moving stone.

It took about three of them for him to get it, but when he did, the boy stumbled backwards on the opposite side of the field with a grunt.

"Oh!" Minato, who'd thrown the stone, hissed. He held his forehead protector and the stone fell to his feet.

Jiraiya-sensei chortled at nothing and clapped Minato on the shoulder. "I could'a told you that would happen!"

"So why didn't you?" Kokuchou grumbled. She couldn't help it. She was just. So. Tired. And she was not looking forward to when it would be her turn.

Jiraiya-sensei appeared in front of her, bending down to squint at her face. "What was that?"

"So why did that happen?"

The jonin considered her through narrowed eyes. He humph-ed before whipping around. His ponytail hit her in the face. "I don't know, Goldfish. Why do you think it happened?"

"Well, it was moving away from me so when I pulled on it, that kinetic energy was just redirected." He hopped to his feet.

"Very good!" Jiraiya-sensei exclaimed. He shoved a handful of stones at her. "Put those away, Minato. It's Aokigahara's turn to throw."

"

Kokuchou was glad for her speed and flexibility, because it took Minato longer than she had expected to reliably replace himself with a thrown stone. Her face would have certainly been a mess of bruises, otherwise.

Jiraiya-sensei jostled her shoulder. "Alright. It's all you, kid."

"

She was going to die of chakra exhaustion. She was sure of it.

She'd gotten the hang of switching with objects that were moving away from her, but now Jiraiya-sensei had them replacing with objects thrown at them. And he did not pull his throws. A few stones had hit her when she failed to execute the technique in time.

Hibashi and Minato had already gotten both methods down and were practicing with one another. They'd made sure to aim their throws towards the forest because, as it turned out, replacing oneself with objects thrown at you increased the speed of it, not the direction. There were splintered gouges in the trees to prove it.

"Again," Jiraiya-sensei demanded. When she didn't right herself from her crouched position, he yelled it louder. "Get up, kid! You're not finished until you've got this down!"

Kokuchou's stomach rolled with nausea. It was a common symptom of chakra exhaustion.

Fine. Have it your way. She forced herself to stand. Her stomach cramped in protest.

The jonin brought his arm back to throw the stone. The moment, the very moment it left his hand, she pulled.

Then, Kokuchou was throwing up on his sandaled feet.

The kunoichi righted herself and wiped her mouth. She stared serenely up at the man. Internally, she grinned with satisfaction. "Got it."

Jiraiya-sensei's eye twitched.

"

Then he started throwing them.

Well, Jiraiya-sensei let them rest for the evening, but when Kokuchou arrived at the training ground the next morning, she didn't feel as if she had rested at all. She'd made sure to eat an energizing dinner and breakfast but still felt her reserves were low.

Annoyingly, Hibashi appeared to be totally fine. "Don't worry, Kokuchou-chan! You'll get used to it, too!"

She grunted in response.

When Jiraiya-sensei meandered along with Minato, he motioned them to the center. Kokuchou dragged her feet. Based on their conversation from the previous day, she had a feeling about the direction of their training session and she was not looking forward to it.

Jiraiya-sensei directed the team through a warm up, yelling at them all the while. "Yesterday," he stood in the center, hands on his hips. There was a pile of stones at his feet. "You practiced with moving objects. Today, you are the moving object."

She knew it. They were still running laps. Kokuchou hated running.

"Hair Binding jutsu!" Without warning, Jiraiya-sensei whipped his head, long white ponytail darting towards the unsuspecting genin. "Up you go, Goldfish!"

Hibashi screeched. Despite Minato having such a high voice, Hibashi was the one with the highest pitch scream. While usually funny, Kokuchou vividly recalled the feeling of plummeting herself.

Surprisingly, Jiraiya-sensei offered the boy advice on his way up. "Make sure you reinforce your body with chakra! You won't be able to halt your momentum entirely when you do the jutsu!"

Then, just as Hibashi reached climax of his ascent, he disappeared in a puff of smoke. The boy tumbled onto his back, safely on the ground.

"I'm okay!" He shouted with raised arms.

Jiraiya-sensei grinned. "That you are! Quick thinking, Goldfish. But that wasn't the challenge. You have to practice replacing yourself as you're in motion. Again!"

The jonin tossed his head.

That time, Hibashi managed just a small squeak.

"

It had taken Hibashi six tosses of the Hair Binding jutsu to finally land on his feet. Once he had, Jiraiya-sensei declared it to be her turn with a passing, "Let's see what you got," and a whip of his head.

With her chakra reserves slightly replenished, she'd found herself having an easier time of sticking the landing, though the first attempt had been rather unsuccessful. Faced with the promise of the hard ground beneath her, Kokuchou had panicked and replaced herself with a stone in the hot springs on accident.

One moment air filled her lungs and in the next, water had surrounded her. It coursed up her nostrils and she gasped in shock. That was a mistake. Thankfully, the spring was shallow and she instinctively kicked off the floor, surging from the water with a hacking cough.

Distantly, she could hear the exclamations of the patrons. Thank goodness she'd landed on the female side.

As she forced herself to breathe normally, she'd listened to a woman complaining to her friend. "I told you this was a bad idea! It's impossible to relax with shinobi nearby!"

"But this one is the least crowded!"

"For a reason!"

The water was actually rather nice, Kokuchou had sunk into it just a little, feeling her muscles relax. She'd never been able to afford an onsen before. Even fully clothed, staying there had seemed like a better option than being forced to repeat the exercise until she got it. Plus, her clothes would be wet and it was cold out there…

"Don't think I won't come get you!" Jiraiya-sensei had called over the fence.

"Do you think it's that peeper?" one of the women whispered.

What? She'd been coming to this training ground for over a week and never noticed anyone…

"I don't know," the other responded. To Kokuchou, she said, "Could you leave, please, Shinobi-san? We don't want any more trouble."

Kokuchou had sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't want to leave.

"Here I come!" the jonin yelled with a strange giggle. Ew. Maybe it just came out weird.

The friend was not so polite. "Shinobi-san, it's time for you to go or I will be forced to get the attendant."

Kokuchou had dragged herself from the water with a groan and mumbled apology. "Sorry for the intrusion."

The cold air had assaulted her the moment she stepped from the water and she flushed her system with chakra. When Kokuchou had jumped the fence and found Jiraiya-sensei just on the other side, held back by Minato and Hibashi on each arm, she'd rolled her eyes –absolutely done with that day.

"Let's get this over with."

Jiraiya-sensei shook off the boys as if it was nothing. "Happy to oblige."

And she'd been airborne once again.

After that, it had taken her just two more tries to stick the landing. The trick, she'd discovered, was to keep the same amount of chakra needed for the Replacement jutsu at the ready and when one's feet made contact with the earth, let the chakra out in a burst to transfer the energy. It was a little wasteful, but would do until she found an alternative.

Instead of keeping it to herself, Kokuchou decided to share this information with her teammates. She rose to her feet, shook off the excess energy she felt resonating to her bones, and walked to Minato. Kokuchou met his eyes. "Don't try to roll your body with the energy or reinforce anything with chakra. Just let the chakra do the work of converting the excess energy."

Kokuchou wondered as she watched Minato managed the technique after just two tries if her advice had helped, or if he would have been fine either way. Regardless, he walked over with a tentative smile.

"Thank you."

Kokuchou nodded. She noticed Hibashi give a little sigh off the side. He'd been rather quiet the past two days, though they had been pretty busy. She still didn't trust Minato, but wouldn't let it affect the operation of their team. Kokuchou was a kunoichi, now. A professional. So that's how she would treat him.

"Alright, now that you've got that down, follow me, tadpoles!"

"

He wasn't just messing with them that time.

Jiraiya-sensei had led them to the main area of the village and made them jump from progressively taller structures until, finally, all that was left was the mountain. Rather than climb it by foot, Jiraiya-sensei had them throwing stones in the air and replacing themselves with it as they went up. As draining as it was, the Replacement technique was becoming rather fun.

They'd gotten into an undeclared race to the top. Hibashi won, of course and although it was close, Kokuchou arrived just a second before Minato. She had cheated just a little, though.

Kokuchou had figured out that replacing with her chakrams was easier than other objects due to that the fact that they contained some of her own chakra. And she didn't have to retrieve it herself. She found that she could throw her chakram, replace herself with it, and then with a simple pulse of chakra she could call it to her and push it away again. It made the whole jutsu less taxing on her reserves and more efficient.

Jiraiya-sensei indicated a large rock, the highest point jutting from the mountaintop. The team wordlessly replaced themselves to the top. They all knew what was coming next, but nothing could have prepared Kokuchou for the dizzying view of Konoha stretched below. She'd been on that small cliff to the side of the mountain with Kushina, but never to the top. It was an entirely new angle of Konoha.

Kokuchou's eyes were immediately drawn to where Wakuraba stood out, much like its reputation. Where the rest of the rooftops in Konoha were painted bright colors and sported interesting architecture, Wakuraba's buildings were small, mostly one story tall, some of them two –and all of the buildings were an old, dark brown. Her neighborhood smeared across the village like a smudge of dirt.

A blight, as so many people called it. No wonder.

Hibashi's roved similarly. "Ooh! There's the shop!" He pointed excitedly. "And that's my uncle's! It's called Wa! And there's my other uncle's shop, Kei! And Jaku and Sei! I can see the Second School and-"

"Yeah, yeah. The whole village. We see the same thing, Goldfish."

Did they really, though? Kokuchou had no idea what shops Hibashi was talking about and she doubted they would be able to point out certain, less reputable spots around Konoha as she could.

The wind whipped her hair and still damp clothing. She caught Minato following her line of sight. What? She wanted to demand. He quickly looked away, ears turning red before she could think of something to say.

Someone must have sensed, or heard, them arrive because a shinobi shouted at them from below. He wore the same jonin flak jacket as their sensei. "Jiraiya-san you can't bring them up here!"

There were a few places that were off limits in the village, she knew. No one ever explained why and no one ever asked. It was just understood.

"We won't be long!" Jiraiya-sensei shouted down dismissively. He turned and considered the area below them. The man squinted one eye shut, adjusting the line of his finger. It was in the direction of the First School. She could see the specks of the students in the yard below. He nodded.

"Alright, got it." Jiraiya-sensei clapped her and Hibashi on the shoulder. "Wouldn't want to impale you on that pole."

He gestured to the lightning rod sticking up from a building near the First School.  
Hibashi squinted. Kokuchou had a bad feeling. He still hadn't let go of their shoulders. "We wouldn't be able to jump that far anyw-ahhh!"

The boys sentence turned to a high-pitched shriek when their jonin sensei picked him up as if he were a small stone and chucked him from the mountaintop.

"Experience is the best teacher!" Their sensei's laugh joined in chorus with Hibashi's screech.

Kokuchou immediately gripped his hand at the back of her neck. She shook her head, tried to shrink away. No. Nope. They'd only been practicing for a few hours and he wanted to throw them from the mountain! And before they'd always made sure to have an object placed on the ground for the specific purpose of the Replacement jutsu. They hadn't done so this time.

Kokuchou looked at the waiting shinobi below. She tried not to stare pleadingly.

"Don't worry, kid. You'll be fine!"

"I can do it myself. I will," she struggled in his hold. She wasn't sure if she was being entirely honest. Her knees shook and stomach dropped just looking at the distance between her and the ground. "I'll jump."

Maybe Jiraiya-sensei sensed her lie, or just felt her trembling because he held on tighter. She could probably still contort herself out of it, but that would mean lifting her feet from the ground and that would make her easier to throw.

Hibashi's whoop drew her gaze back to where the boy was just reaching the crest of his trajectory before he began to plummet towards the ground. She could see his limbs waving wildly, but he'd managed to flip midair, feet downward. That would make his landing easier.

Hibashi fell for three solid seconds, to the point where the remainder of Team Seven had to lean forward to watch him. Then he was gone. From so far away, it was difficult to make out his appearance on the ground, but the scattering of the students below told them that he'd at least landed in the yard.

His cheer echoed up to them.

"Not too shabby! That was easily one hundred twenty meters up." The jonin exclaimed, motioning for Minato to approach. Kokuchou watched him walk hesitantly into the older man's hand. He then gripped the back of Minato's shirt as well. With Hibashi landed, it meant one of them would be next.

Kokuchou jerked in his grip but Jiraiya-sensei held tight. "There, there, kid. You'll be fine. You've got your do-dads and Goldfish is already down there, so he'll think of something if you can't manage it."

That did not make her feel one bit better. A few other jonin had gathered below. She doubted what they were doing was all that interesting to them, but they must have been bored. She heard some of them making bets.

Kokuchou thought about simply replacing herself with a nearby stone and taking off but she didn't think she could manage a pull strong enough with him holding her so tightly. Her eyes darted around, looking for anything she could use.

Jiraiya-sensei shook her by the back of her yukata.

"Oh no, you don't!" And before Kokuchou could respond, she was airborne.

Distantly, she heard Minato grunt from beside her and his shaggy hair blond hair blew about in her periphery. The wind whipped tears from her eyes. At some point, just after Jiraiya-sensei had thrown them, Minato had managed to grab her sleeve. As they neared the crest of the toss, he dropped his hand to her upper arm and pulled her in close.

"Flip us! I'll look!"

Kokuchou almost didn't hear him through the wind. She knew he meant that he'd look for something with which to replace. Kokuchou did as she was told and wrapped her arms around him. Her body, instinctually and almost like a cat, knew which way was up and they twisted in the air as she aimed their feet for the ground.

"There!" He let go of her and pointed to a large circle in the yard that was created by the bodies of the students watching their descent. In the center, she saw a small speck which must have been Hibashi. He waved his arms dramatically, gesturing towards something on the ground.

"Wait 'til you see it!"

Strangely, the fall took longer than she'd thought. She'd read somewhere that the summit of Hokage Mountain from which they'd just been thrown was about one hundred fifty meters from base to peak. Her eyes couldn't make out enough detail to safely land until she was nearly level with the Hokage Tower.

She thought about throwing her chakrams into the air, but then the jonin would probably make her do it again.

"Almost!"

Kokuchou ran through the hand signs with shaking fingers. "Replacement Jutsu!"

Somehow, even in her panic, she maintained enough of her capacity to think and the moment she felt her feet meet ground, her chakra burst out of her and all of the momentum she'd been falling with exploded out of her.

"Whoa!" A cloud of dust rose around her. Then, Minato was there, too.

A cheer broke out in the school yard. Kokuchou hopped up to relieve a little of the extra energy and walked off the jitters in her bones. Her limbs felt gelatinous.

"You did it! Oh- watch out, Minato!" The boy side-stepped the falling stone.

"It's Namikaze!" someone yelled.

"Is that his team?"

"They look so cool!" If only they knew. It was a wonder some of them didn't recognize her from the summer tournaments. She recalled a few of the faces herself. They were younger than her, but still.

Hibashi slapped her on the back and Kokuchou had to play off her shaky jerk forward. "You did it! See what I did with the rocks?"

"Obviously," she hissed.

Hibashi scratched his head with a squinty grin. "You're welcome!" Their third teammate coughed behind them. "You okay, Minato?"

The boy delicately gagged behind his hand. "I think- I swallowed a fly."

"Pfft-" Kokuchou slapped her own hand to her mouth. That was it. She was hysterical. The girl struggled to contain her expression. She had to slap both hands to her face.

Hibashi didn't make a stink of it, though. He only smiled knowingly. "You got the weirdest sense of humor, Kokuchou-chan."

Minato gagged again.

The students continued to congregate around them. Some of the teachers had observed what happened, but another burst from the double doors and began stalking towards them. "You! What makes you think-"

"Go! Go! Go!" Hibashi, pupils still blown wide with adrenaline, grabbed their arms and began tugging them towards the fence. "Let's do it again!"


	34. Tenth Winter: Part XI

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part XI~**

"Your arms're lookin' like soggy noodles, Hara-me! Tighten up!"

Kokuchou halted along the path. That sounded a lot like Kushina. She waited and listened, just to be sure.

"Kokuchin?" Kushina's nickname for her wove through the trees. "That you, Kokuchin? Ya better not just walk by without saying hello!"

She was pretty sure that Kushina had some sort of sensing ability because how else did she always know Kokuchou's location? Alone as she was, Kokuchou let her head loll back. She gazed at the gray sky through the barren branches. Her breath condensed into a cloud and rose to join its kin above. Her prevailing state as of late was 'exhausted' –like mind-body-soul level exhausted.

Jiraiya-sensei had only had them repeat the exercise of jumping off the mountain once more, but that was because some high up jonin had come and kicked them off.

"It's time to go, Jiraiya." The haggard looking woman had appeared next to them at the peak of Hokage Mountain.

They'd all startled, nerves still fried from their fall. Without missing a beat, the jonin had turned to the kunoichi with a look that Shou would probably disapprove of. "Well, hell-o Honoka."

She hadn't even blinked her large, pupil-less eyes. Kokuchou knew of a few people with eyes like that, but it always unnerved her. It seemed unnatural, almost, despite it being a genetic trait. Eyes like Honoka's or those of Hyuuga clan were specific to families with kekkei genkai. It wasn't to be confused with a dojutsu, however because not all kekkei genkai manifested in the eyes. The Yamanaka clan seal was emblazoned on her sleeve, just above the Konoha symbol.

"You know this area is restricted." The woman had yet to address Kokuchou or her teammates directly, and even though it was their sensei's fault for bringing them up there, she felt as if they would be the ones punished for it. All three had made to follow their orders, but somehow Jiraiya-sensei managed to grab the backs of their shirts in a single swipe. He held tight.

"Where are you swimming off to, tadpoles?"

Oh, no. Kokuchou had hoped her expression wasn't as pleading as she felt. Not again. Beside her, Hibashi bounced on his toes, looking down below with barely contained anticipation. His grin was wide. Even Minato had appeared almost excited for what was coming. He'd pursed his lips and his pupils were blown wide.

"I know we've got this whole love-hate thing going, Honoka-chan, but let's not allow our little game to take away from my students' education."

The woman may have rolled her eyes a little. It was hard to tell without pupils. "Go," her voice held a promise. She moved ever so slightly and Jiraiya-sensei flinched away, dragging them back. Kokuchou coughed.

He'd held his free hand up and chuck almost nervously. "Fine. Okay, we'll go. No need to drag the kids into our foreplay."

Kokuchou hadn't heard the kunoichi's response because they were airborne once again. Jiraiya-sensei hadn't been as careful that time and they'd collided mid air. The rest of the fall was a blur of tangled limbs and rushed exclamations.

"See you tomorrow, tadpoles!" He'd called down.

The next several days had been just as exhausting in preparation for their next fight with the jonin. He had Minato teach them the Transformation jutsu, which Kokuchou had found to be rather easy. But she'd had a lot of practice molding her chakra with her weapons and medical training.

It was still challenging to mimic the size and shape of inanimate objects, but people were there simplest to copy –especially those who were similar in size to her. The jonin had sat them on an out of the way bench in the town marketplace and pointed out random passersby to transform into. Some of the attempts had been rather funny, with Hibashi butchering most of them. One woman had even gotten angry, berating them with her arms full of groceries.

"That is identity theft and don't think I won't report you to the police." She'd stalked away muttering about shinobi privilege.

They'd practiced cloning, too. So far, no one had done all that well. Even Minato. But as he got closer to successfully replicating himself, he'd explained, "It's like drawing a picture with chakra. Feel the way it fills your body, how it fits the shape of you. Then hold that feeling and push it out."

Still, the most she'd managed was a sickly looking distant cousin.

Their team had been working better, but that was because Jiraiya-sensei had been working them so hard that they didn't have extra energy for anything else. It was nice, in a way. A brief reprieve from her anger.

"Come on over, Kokuchin!" Kushina beckoned her. "I wanna see your face!"

Kokuchou dragged her feet. She shivered against the cold. Her chakra felt like sludge below her skin, making it difficult to circulate for warmth.

Kokuchou halted at the edge of the training ground. It was always a toss-up as to whether or not Kushina would be doing something normal. Once, she'd found her friend hanging upside down from a branch, squawking chickens in either hand. Her explanation had made so little sense that Kokuchou couldn't even remember it.

This, by comparison, wasn't all that bad. Kushina and the teammate to whom she'd reacted so violently during placements stood on their hands in the center of the grove. Their sensei and third teammate –Tsunematsu Ueki, she remembered– were nowhere to be seen. The teammate's elbow wobbled. He grunted but kept his legs determinedly in the air.

"Heya! Hara-me said I couldn't balance on my hands even if I had eight of them. So, now I have to stay like this until we're both dead."

Kokuchou hummed. Typical. At least she had an excuse to leave. "Well, come find me in the afterlife."

Her friend gasped. "No, don't go! Was that a joke?"

She teetered and quickly righted herself. Kushina had trained with Kokuchou often. Well, the girl had shown up to Kokuchou's trainings and just copied what she was doing. Or she'd tried to; Kokuchou's level of flexibility was hard to mimic. Regardless, the redhead had increased her flexibility and balance considerably since she forcibly befriended her.

"It was sarcasm."

The girl cackled, but Kokuchou didn't see what was so funny. "I've missed ya! I haven't seen ya in forever! How are ya? How's the team? I don't even know who ya got placed with! How long has it been? A month?"

"It's only been two weeks."

"Three, actually. Too long!"

It had been, but Kokuchou would never admit it. During the Academy, they saw each other nearly every day at lunch and then Kushina often walked with her after school since her great aunt lived in the same area as the shop. She would also randomly show up at her trainings with Itame-sensei.

Kushina walked over to Kokuchou on her hands. Her hair dragged along the ground and when Kushina turned so she could see her round face, it was dragged comically down by gravity. Kokuchou bit her cheek. "Laugh all ya want but I'm winning this thing."

"You wish, hick." His words, meant to be defiant, lost some of their punch as weak and strained as his voice was.

Kokuchou's brows almost rose. The last time someone called Kushina a hick, she'd beat them up. Kushina rolled her eyes for Kokuchou to see. By contrast, the girl spoke almost entirely normally. "Then I hope you're ready to die here, you chauvinistic wad of gum!"

Wow. "Good word," Kokuchou complimented. Not the gum part; that didn't make sense, but baby steps. Kushina's accent had gotten a lot less thick over the years, though her choice insults were still strange.

"Thanks," the girl grinned. "I got some good ones. Now, stop avoidin' my questions, Kokuchin."

Honestly, she was a little worried about the girl. Her face was awfully red. Nearly the same shade as her hair. And she could see Hara's veins popping out along his forehead. Medically speaking, one of them would probably pass out soon.

"How long have you been at this?"

"I don't know, uhh. What time is it?"

"Three."

"Ikari-sensei left with Tsunematsu at like, two. So an hour, you know?"

Oh yeah, it wouldn't be long now. The body could only handle blood flowing towards the brain for so long. She was curious, from a purely objective and medically-oriented standpoint, who would last the longest and why.

"Ugh!" The girl kicked her legs in frustration and nearly fell over. "Stop doin' that! Who're your teammates? And your sensei."

"Chanoki Hibashi."

"Nuh-uh." So, she didn't know him.

"Namikaze Minato-"

Kushina made a weird sound.

"You know him?"

"Same class. He looked at me funny, once."

That meant Kushina may have tried to fight him. She didn't know if she liked him now, though. Their friendship had begun similarly, after all.

"And Jiraiya... Jiraiya." Kokuchou trailed off. She wasn't even sure her sensei had a last name.

"Ooh, a big'un."

"Yeah."

Hara, she couldn't remember his first name, wavered. Kushina chortled. "Oh, ho! Who needs eight hands now, Hara-me?!" Though how she knew that with her back to him was a mystery. "So how do ya like 'em?"

"We haven't known each other that long."

Kushina hummed. As comical as she appeared, her eyes were steady. Kokuchou wondered what she saw in her expression. Or lack thereof. Her gaze lingered on the healing cut on her brow and the fading bruise on her cheek.

"Well it couldn't be as bad a-" Hara fell to the ground with a thump. Kushina immediately dropped to her feet and jumped up. "Hah! Suck on that Hara-me!"

Then, she too tumbled to the ground. Kokuchou walked past her friend's crumpled and groaning form. She would be fine. Kokuchou was more concerned about whether or not the boy had landed on his head or turned his neck weird. A quick diagnostic jutsu showed her that he had indeed strained a muscle in his neck.

"He'll be fine." Kokuchou dragged Hara to a tree and propped him up, then numbed the pain he would feel with another jutsu.

Kushina watched her from where she remained sprawled on the ground. "You're so kind."

Kokuchou rolled her eyes but wandered over and joined the girl on the ground. She very much doubted that. "Ha-ha."

Kushina dead-legged her in the thigh. "I'm serious."

"Bitch," Kokuchou swore.

"Who taught ya to speak like that?"

"You…" Kokuchou concentrated on numbing the pain. Kind was not a word she would use to describe herself. "And what makes you think I'm not pretending."

Kushina grinned, already knowing that would be her answer. She nodded. "Yeah, sometimes ya do pretend. Like when you're speakin' to a teacher or a customer or somethin'. Lots'a people do stuff like that 'cause they think it's what they're supposed to do. But not always when it counts. That's why I like ya so much. You're kind without ever really tryin' to be."

Kokuchou didn't have anything to say to that, her mind conjured all the reasons Kushina was wrong. She fiddled with her rings. "Don't worry, Kokuchin. I know ya!"

But did she know Kushina just as well? There was a long stretch of silence. Kokuchou felt the urge to fill it. "How's yours? Your team?"

"Ughh!" Kushina let her change the subject and chucked a lump of dead grass in Hara's direction. He still hadn't woken up. "That one's a sexist piece of garbage and Tsunematsu is a ginormous snob."

She hadn't known that. He was from the Second School, but she wasn't sure if he had come from a clan or long line of shinobi. Tsunematsu wasn't a famous name around the village… "I fought him once."

"Hara-me?"

"Tsunematsu Ueki."

"Wha-at?" Kushina jostled her. "When?! He didn't mention that!"

"Really?" She was surprised that he hadn't. Or maybe it just hadn't been that significant of an event for him.

"No! What happened?"

Kokuchou shrugged. She laid on her back, idly enlarging a ring and tossing it up with a flick of her wrist. "It was just for the summer tournament. Back in my second year."

"Did ya win?" Kushina rolled onto her stomach and began picking debris from her hair.

"No."

She grunted. "Betcha' could now. Anyway, I like Ikari-sensei. She's nice and good at teachin'. Not as good as Mito-baa, but no one really is."

Hara made a sound behind them. Both girls turned to see if he'd woken up, but the boy remained motionless.

"Shouldn't you try to wake him up?" Kokuchou was tired and wanted an excuse to go back to Itame-sensei's. Or Wakuraba. She hadn't decided if she would check on Shou yet. She hadn't been to the shop in a few days, either. Their trainings had been finishing late and Shou had been staying at her house every night.

"Nah. He looks kinda peaceful, actually." The boy's mouth had lolled open and drool was beginning to dribble out. Kokuchou's nose scrunched just a little. Kushina sniggered.

"So, what has your team been up to? Any missions yet?"

"No. Just training."

"Huh." She picked a leaf from a lock of hair.

"What?"

Kushina was silent for a moment. "Nothin'. Not really, I guess. I assumed everyone started missions right away."

Kokuchou considered it. She'd have to ask Shou if he'd done the same. "So you've had some?"

"Just D-ranks, but Ikari-sensei makes them fun 'cause we have'ta do cool shinobi stuff to complete them. Like the first one we had-" Kushina spent rest of the afternoon describing their missions and training sessions. She regaled Kokuchou with tales of her team's foibles and how Ikari-sensei always made them make up for them during intense training sessions afterwards.

"So Tsunematsu started yelling at us to get our shit together, but that pissed Hara-me off even more. He started tossing the persimmons we'd just collected at his head and Tsunematsu fended them off with his kunai. By the time Ikari-sensei noticed, one of the trees had fallen. She made us clean everything up, like all the persimmons and cut up the old tree and plant a new one and promise that we'd pay for the lost revenue with our first paycheck."

Kokuchou hummed. Yikes. That was actually pretty bad. Not the punishment, but what they'd done. She was honestly surprised that they didn't receive a more formal punishment from the village. It wouldn't do to have shinobi fight amongst themselves on a mission, much more sabotage that mission in the process. Perhaps there were allowances for genin…

Kokuchou was glad that the girl had opted to fill the silence with her anecdotes while they waited for Hara to wake. Kushina could tell there was more, Kokuchou was sure. But she didn't push her on it. Not yet, anyway. She would, eventually and Kokuchou would resist, but the redhead always managed to get whatever was bothering her out some way or another.

For the time being, she wouldn't ask anything too personal.

Kushina glanced towards her passed out teammate and then watched as Kokuchou idly juggled a few of her chakrams. "Have you ever thought about what you would be if you weren't a shinobi?"

It was an odd question coming from a fellow shinobi, and even more so considering it came from Kushina. The girl loved being a shinobi. At least, what she knew of it.

"Still in school, I guess. Civilian kids stay in it forever." Her tone and words were flippant but really, Kokuchou wished she was still in school. It seemed to be a much safer way to grow and held a far less grim future. Maybe not, though. She was from Wakuraba, after all.

"Ya know what I meant. Like, what would ya want to be?"

Kokuchou thought for a moment. Her father had signed her up for the Academy at five years old and ever since, her primary focus had been on getting strong enough to avoid death. So, no. She had never even had the chance to consider other options. She didn't have any hobbies or interests outside of shinobi arts. Not for a lack of desire, but out of necessity.

"I don't know. You?"

Kushina raised a brow and rolled onto her back. "Me neither. I like cookin' with Mito-baa but I would hate bein' stuck in some kitchen all day, and I'm good at drawin' stuff I see 'cause of the fuinjutsu, you know?"

Kokuchou did. The girl's school notebook had been filled with doodles rather than notes and when they sat around talking, she usually drew on whatever surface was around her. She thought of Minato, then, and his own studies in sealing. She wondered if they knew about their shared interest.

"Hey! I know! Ya could'a been a circus freak!" Kushina mimicked her juggling and awkwardly tried to contort her body with a laugh.

Kokuchou grabbed one of her chakrams and brought it down towards Kushina with force. The redhead squawked and rolled away. Her chakram left a dent in the ground where her friend had been.

"I meant that in the best way possible. It's good to see you're not pulling your punches though!" She sat up and traced a dirty nail in the dust. "But we'll have to keep an eye out for things that interest us. Like hobbies or something! Ooh, Kokuchin! Maybe we could take a workshop or somethin'! That would be so fun!"

Kokuchou doubted they would ever have time to sit through a civilian special-interest class, but humored her friend anyway. "Maybe…"

She glanced back at Hara and rolled her eyes. "Okay, so he's definitely not unconscious anymore. Your teammate's probably just sleeping. I need to head out."

"Freakin' typical." Kushina nodded but stalked over to the boy. She crouched before him and clapped her hands in time with her words. "Wake-up-Ha-ra-me!"

Still, he did not move.

She sat back on her heels and turned to Kokuchou when the boy didn't rouse. "You know, he's probably just scared to face me after he lost."

"Hara Banryoku is scared of no girl!" the boy immediately surged awake.

Kushina, still facing her, winked. Then she rounded on him. "Big talk comin' from a boy who knocked himself out during his own challenge."

Kokuchou turned to leave while her friend was occupied. She didn't want to get caught up in a drawn-out goodbye. Kushina had a way of lingering as if she had nowhere else to be.

"Bye, Kokuchin! I'll find ya soon!"

Good. That would save her some energy. Kokuchou waved over her shoulder and began meandering towards Wakuraba.

"

Shou wasn't waiting for her at her house as he had been the past few nights.

Dinner had been a much quieter affair.

"

Kokuchou would almost rather be dead than feel the way she did then. Neither Minato and Hibashi were any better off. The boys sat in the center of the training field as Jiraiya-sensei had instructed them to do the previous night. Minato stared at the sky with glassy eyes and Hibashi was hunched over, head held in his hands. She was pretty sure he was asleep.

Or maybe not. "How are you standing?" He mumbled.

Kokuchou refused to sit down, no matter what her body told her it needed. Even the cold, hard ground looked like an appealing bed. "If I sit down, I won't get back up."

It was best to remain on her feet.

The morning after she met Kushina, Jiraiya-sensei had them assemble as they always did. But instead of their jonin appearing before them, it was a toad the size of her head. The creature croaked and then opened its mouth. Minato had been the first to realize what it wanted. He reached his hand into the toad's gullet and pulled forth a scroll. He'd had to shake off the excess slime.

Gross.

Kokuchou and Hibashi had read over his shoulder as Minato announced the contents of the scroll. "Assigned Team: Seven; Namikaze Minato, Chanoki Hibashi, Aokigahara Kokuchou. Team Lead: Chanoki Hibashi. Mission Rank: XXX."

"Ugh!" Hibashi had stomped his foot. "I thought this was for real."

But Kokuchou could only sigh through her nose in relief. At first she'd thought it was a real mission assignment, too. The obnoxiously upped rank told them otherwise. She didn't even think an 'XXX' mission existed; S rank, yes… She hoped she never got one of those.

This wasn't a mission; it was another training exercise. Minato kept reading, his opinion on the matter unknown. "Mission Location: Konohagakure. Target: Jiraiya, Jiraiya, Jiraiya." As their sensei had warned, they would be fighting him along with two of his Shadow Clones. "Mission Parameters: Retrieve the target's bell and return it to Gamae."

The toad croaked.

"Does it give a time limit?"

Minato's eyes scanned the document. "No…" The blond had then rolled the scroll and held it out for Hibashi to take. "Reporting for duty, Chanoki-taichou."

"Uhh-"

"

The 'mission' had gone as well as could have been expected considering who their target was. Even if it had taken them a full thirty-eight hours to complete it. She knew there were many missions in which shinobi were pushed to the edge, but Kokuchou hadn't been ready for it. Neither had her teammates.

After chasing Jiraiya-sensei around the village for more than a day and a half straight, they'd finally managed to get the bell. She supposed it was their desperation that had made it possible because the few times they'd gotten close, no one had been willing to do anything too crazy.

It had taken a hastily created seal placed on her chakrams by Minato and a clever use of the Replacement and Transformation jutsu to finally get the bell. If they hadn't dispelled the jonin's clones earlier in the 'mission', success would not have been possible.

They'd managed to locate Jiraiya-sensei in one of the village's hot springs. Well, not in it. But outside of it.

What is he doing? She wanted to ask Minato who'd led them there, but didn't want to risk being overheard. The jonin had kept looking down at his notebook and then up again to press his face against the fence.

She recalled the rumored peeper the women in the hot spring had mentioned a few days prior. But there was no way. He had to be doing something else. She could hear the jonin muttering to himself.

They'd waited, tense and as silent as possible. If they didn't manage it that time, Kokuchou would… She wasn't really sure what she'd do but whatever decisions made at that point wouldn't be made in her right mind. Jiraiya-sensei's hands relaxed on his knees, notepad held loosely in his fingers.

Hibashi took the opportunity. She heard the jonin's surprised exclamation as Hibashi puffed into existence where his notebook had once been. He stumbled under the boy's weight. Kokuchou snatched the notepad from the ground and stuffed it in her obi without trying to read it.

Jiraiya-sensei held Hibashi up by the arm and he. Looked. Pissed.

"Sorry, sensei!" The boy then replaced himself with her waiting chakram and she immediately shrunk it over the man's hand. He whirled, flaring his chakra in an attempt to short it out as he had the first time. It hadn't worked. Minato's seal made sure of that. Kokuchou experimentally pulsed her chakra, feeling the weapon tighten around his hand.

The jonin's eyes narrowed at her chakram and the seal on it. Minato had explained that it was meant to scatter chakra. Some would still get through, but not enough to short out her weapons.

He glared at them and his eyes zeroed in on where the notepad was tucked in her obi. They did not run. The teammates had fallen into the familiar formation of the Infinite Chaos Variability Approach with Minato as the constant, Hibashi as the dependent, and Kokuchou as the independent variable.

"This again!" Jiraiya-sensei had yelled, simultaneously avoiding Minato's punches, a kick from Hibashi, and one of Kokuchou's chakrams. He appeared in front of her, grabbing for her obi but Kokuchou twirled out of the way. Again and again, he avoided the attacks of her teammates while reaching for her but she managed to twist away each time.

Then the jonin, apparently having grown irritated with the direction of the fight, had grabbed both of her teammates by the neck and their assault came to a sudden halt. He addressed her directly. "Thank you for the dance, but you're really not my type."

If Kokuchou hadn't been so tired, maybe she would have thought of a sarcastic reply. As it was, her focus remained singular. Kokuchou flipped backwards, launching a chakram from her foot and then ran in the opposite direction. She'd heard the moment Minato replaced himself with the chakram and pulsed her chakra so that the weapon tightened on the man's other hand.

Minato joined her in her retreat and when she pulsed her chakra another time, joining the two chakrams as if they were magnets, so did Hibashi. "I thought he almost had us there!"

Even with his hands bound behind his back, Jiraiya-sensei was able to catch up to them. Her chakrams did not prevent him from doing hand signs. "Hair Binding jutsu!"

"Eek!" His elongated ponytail had wrapped around Hibashi and tossed him into the air.

Kokuchou retrieved the chakram which had been transformed to look like his notebook from her obi. "Hibashi!"

The boy managed to catch it before he soared through the branches and up over the treetops.

"Dammit!" The jonin made to follow but Minato launched a kunai in his direction.

"Activate!"

It exploded mid air, forcing the jonin backwards. Kokuchou had a chakram waiting to wrap around his feet, but the man twisted away midair. Kokuchou did not let her pursuit of the man end there. She assaulted him with a barrage of weaponry. Some had the Inundation genjutsu imbued within, hoping it would slow him down even if only a little.

"Earth Release: Swamp of the Underworld!"

Minato launched himself into air. "Up!" Kokuchou didn't question it. The earth beneath them liquefied, turning to a vile smelling sludge. She wondered if Minato had seen the jutsu in action before, or if he'd read about it. Maybe she should do more research on jutsu. If all shinobi announced their technique as it was being executed, as foolish as that seemed to her, she could act to mitigate its effects.

"Don't touch the ground!"

It was harder to control her chakrams in the branches and continue to avoid the pursuing jonin. One of her larger ones cut straight through a trunk and with a deep groan, the tree top fell to the forest floor.

"Ah-hah! That's where you hopped off to!" Jiraiya-sensei whipped his head, hair extending to pull Hibashi from behind a tree. "I think you have something that belongs to me."

The man held Hibashi aloft and shook him upside down until the 'notepad' fell out of his kunai pouch. The man caught it between his sandal and toes. Jiraiya-sensei's eyes widened. He brought his leg back to kick it away.

"Release!" Kokuchou had shouted and the chakram revealed its true form. It attached to his foot and she immediately connected it to the other two behind his back. Miraculously, the jonin remained balanced on one leg. Hibashi darted forward to grab the bell but the jonin flipped forward.

"Spiked Jizo!" His hair wrapped around his body, forming a barrier. The forest fell quiet.  
"Don't touch it!" Minato advised.

"Do you know what it does?" She asked and the blond shook his head. They all stared at the unmoving bundle of hair.

"What now?" Hibashi scratched his head.

The jonin's voice "Needle Hell!"

Kokuchou only had time to drop backwards off the branch. As she fell, she heard Minato shout. "Wind Release: Wind Wave!"

A portion of the needles which had been aimed for them were caught in his jutsu and redirected. A sharp pain had burst in her arm. He hadn't gotten all of them. Kokuchou instinctually righted herself to land on her feet, but instead of meeting hard ground, her legs sank into sludge.

"Crap!" Hibashi peeked down from the trees. "Kokuchou fell in!"

She struggled against the sticky mud only to be pulled further in, all the way to her knees.

"Stop moving!" Hibashi shouted.

Kokuchou did, heart beating fast. Panic filled her. She was helpless, once again.

"Let her out, Jiraiya-sensei!" The boy demanded.

The jonin emerged from his cocoon. "Give me the notebook."

"We can't do that," Minato sounded calm.

"Then she'll just suffocate," the man nodded flippantly. She didn't think Jiraiya-sensei would actually let her die. They were just training. But she did feel herself gradually sinking lower. Already, the sludge was to mid-thigh. He would probably scare her a bit, though.

"Then your notebook will be destroyed."

That had given Jiraiya-sensei pause, still perfectly balanced on one foot. That's right! She did have it. Kokuchou felt like slapping herself in the head. She patted her obi, felt the notebook beneath. The man glared at the spot.

"So you want to trade?" The jonin deduced.

Seriously? What was in there that was so important?

"The bell for the notebook." Minato bargained.

Jiraiya-sensei considered the offer. He worked his jaw, then grinned. "No."

What? Kokuchou was already up to her hips. In another minute, her obi would be covered and their leverage gone, even though it was apparently useless.

"Why not?!" Hibashi had shouted.

"My research is personal in nature, but protecting the bell is my mission."

They were all quiet. At a loss for what to do next. Kokuchou slowly brought the notepad out. He'd said it was research? Let's see.

She flipped to a random page. "I wouldn't do that, kid," the jonin warned but his voice was amused.

Kokuchou began reading aloud. "'Nao-chan lifted her heavy br-'" she paused. What? Her eyes scanned the page. She flipped to the next one. Was this- no way. For some reason, she began blushing.

The jonin chortled, wobbling ever so slightly on his single foot. "Ahh, yes. The escapades of Nao-chan are quite sensual, indeed. Did you know your sensei was an aspiring auth-"

Kokuchou's dropped the notepad and pulled the small chakram that she'd sent behind him. It cut the string holding the bell at his waist. Hibashi replaced himself with the target and Minato grabbed the bell before taking off. Jiraiya-sensei made to pursue, but Hibashi cut him off.

"I don't have time for you!" The jonin shouted, hopping away on one foot.

Kokuchou pulsed her chakra, sharpening the insides of them. "Stop. Let me out."

He froze and considered her as Hibashi waited on the sidelines, ready to attack if the jonin made after Minato once again. "Why should I?"

Kokuchou had tightened the chakrams. The jonin's eyebrow rose. "You won't."

Would she? Kokuchou had never really hurt anyone, not permanently. And although the threat of her chakrams cutting off his hands at the wrists was real, she didn't know if she had it in her. She just wanted him to stop and though the swamp was up to her ribcage, she didn't believe he would let her suffocate. She was tired and desperately wanted the 'mission' to be over, but Kokuchou was not desperate enough to actually hurt the man. This wasn't real.

The chakrams tightened again. His eyes narrowed. She saw a drop of blood drip to the ground behind him.

And then a toad appeared. It croaked.

"You have it, Gamae?" Hibashi asked hesitantly. She imagined felt weird asking a toad a question and expecting an answer.

The creature's tongue extended. On it was the bell. Minato had made it. Kokuchou didn't doubt that the jonin could have come up with other ways to stop them so the victory felt hollow.

"Alright!" Hibashi collapsed to the branch on which he stood. "Finally!"

"Remove them." Jiraiya-sensei demanded. Kokuchou did. She let chakrams float just off the ground. The jonin had made a hand sign and the swamp disappeared. She sat on the solid ground, exhausted and still covered in sludge. She hoped that it was, indeed, finally over. The jonin had approached and looked down his nose at her.

Kokuchou stared up at him. She didn't know what the expression on his face and didn't like the scrutiny. "You have a booger in your left nostril," she said, face carefully blank.

Instead of becoming embarrassed, as she'd hoped, the man pushed his other nostril closed and shot the booger at her with a burst of air.

"Yu-ugh!" she shouted, disgusted. Kokuchou hopped to her feet, eyes looking for the mucus. "Where is it?!"

"That's nasty," Hibashi said from above, sounding amused.

"It's karma." The jonin appeared satisfied with himself. He had bent down and retrieved his forgotten notepad, using chakra at his fingertips to remove the mud. She noticed his wrists were bloody and a thin, shallow line encircled them.

Could she have done it?

"

Minato had appeared shortly after and the teammates gathered. Their sensei had announced their 'mission' complete and ordered them to meet the next morning.

They were just as dead on their feet as they had been when their sensei made the declaration. Kokuchou had laid awake that night, unable to sleep as thoughts of the fight raced through her mind. Minato had offered the notebook in exchange for the bell. Not her freedom from the swamp. And when the bell was freed, he'd left her there.

Yes, the bell had been their mission and she'd had back up in the form of Hibashi. It was how they were trained. Mission first; always. He had come to her aid before, though. During the first fight and training and he'd tried to help with his wind jutsu. Despite this, Kokuchou felt the strain in the tentative comradery she'd felt for him.

"Good morning tadpoles!" Jiraiya-sensei called from a tree on the edge of the field, appearing entirely too awake without the sun even having risen. He waved for them to follow. "Don't just sit there! The early toad gets the fly!"


	35. Tenth Winter: Part XII

**A great, big THANK YOU! to my Beta-reader, Kibo Oto!**

 **Updated March 10, 2019.**

* * *

 **~Tenth Winter: Part XII~**

I can't swim.

That's what she wanted to tell them but Kokuchou kept her mouth shut as Jiraiya-sensei set about slapping seals on each of their hands, feet, and foreheads. "Minato, care to share what these babies will do with your teammates?"

The blond examined the design inked on his skin. "It's a gravity seal. Atypical."

"What do you mean, 'atypical'?" Hibashi moved his body experimentally. "I don't feel any different."

"They're not activated yet. And these are atypical because they don't just increase the gravity on a person's body. This symbol here is called the kajo and it's in the fourth quadrant. That means it requires a certain amount of chakra to be cancelled. This one, the enkei, is a timer. It's positioning around the kajo indicates that the chakra will have to be channeled in the correct amount for a specific amount of time. It's really quite interesting and the alternative applications could-"

He looked up and paused. Hibashi's attention had drifted off and Kokuchou was used to filtering out extraneous details because of Kushina's own ramblings. Quantity. Timing. Got it.

Minato tugged at the lock of hair by his ear.

"Hope you both got all that," the jonin slapped the final seal on Kokuchou's forehead. It tingled at the intrusion of the man's chakra and the hair on her arm stood on end. "In you go, tadpoles."

Minato hopped onto the railing of the bridge, drawing Hibashi's attention. "Awesome! Our first mission!"

Kokuchou hesitantly climbed up, too. She was going to drown. The girl wondered how many genin died during training accidents. Certainly not that many. She'd never heard of any... At least a person from Wakuraba would be the first in _something_... "What's the point of this?"

He'd chosen the mission for them. It hadn't even been one of the options but Jiraiya-sensei had gone to the missions desk and pulled it off himself. He read a few scrolls and then brightened. "We'll take this one!"

The chunin had eyed them. "Are you sure? This one is meant for more… experienced genin."

"Nothing prepares you like a challenge!" He'd said and dragged them to the Naka River.

Their jonin sensei appeared on the railing beside them. Kokuchou held the post beside her tightly. She didn't trust him not to push her in.

"I told you already, you're better off being challenged by a mission, even a D-rank. The seals are just an extra boost. We'll be learning to walk on vertical surfaces, like trees or stone, and on water soon, but to do that you'll have to get good at channeling your chakra to specific parts of your body. Plus, the seals will make it easier to retrieve the garbage from the riverbed." He looked at them. "So, we'll be doing a thirty meter stretch today."

Jiraiya-sensei indicated with his finger the area in which they'd be cleaning. "Who wants what?"

"I'll take the first ten," Hibashi offered.

She and Minato were silent. He was probably trying to be polite by letting her choose first, but she wanted the spot closest to the bridge –and to help– if it came to it. She'd practiced channeling to her hands of course, and to her feet a little, but the added challenge of her forehead and having to complete a mission while underwater made a big difference.

Kokuchou was not a multitasker.

Finally, Minato decided. "I've got the next ten."

The kunoichi waved her hand at the area just before the bridge. "And this'll be mine."

"Excellent!" Jiraiya-sensei brought his hands up in seal. "Deep breath, tadpoles! Activate!"

All three genin immediately buckled under the added gravity, plummeting into the water.

"

"Wow," Shou laughed, walking into the waiting area. "You look awful."

"What are you doing here?" Kokuchou demanded, but she already knew. She'd gone looking for Shou after their mission. Really, she'd wanted to bathe and sleep and then sleep some more. Maybe she would wake up to eat, but that was it.

However, it was the third night in a row in which Kokuchou had not seen Shou and after staying with her for the past week, she felt his absence acutely. So she'd gone to the orphanage and nearly panicked when she noticed his bed undone and some of the children playing with his belongings.

"Where's Shou-nii?" she'd asked Kozue when she noticed the girl wearing Shou's old kunai pouch over her hips. It was impossibly worn and had a familiar patch on it, one she'd sewn on herself.

"Gone." The girl had stated simply, turning to run back to her friends. Kokuchou grabbed the back of her thin shirt. She must have been freezing. It was pretty cold out and Kokuchou felt the chill even with her chakra circulating.

She yanked the girl back. "What do you mean 'gone'?"

Kozue scratched her hand, a typical reaction from the little girl. She was scrappy. "Gone! What else does it mea-"

Futaba, a knob-kneed, serious girl who Kokuchou had found tolerable throughout the years, approached before knocking the younger girl in the head. "Don't be an asshole, Kozue. You know what she's thinkin'." To Kokuchou, she said, "He's fine. Probably. Packed his stuff yesterday and moved to the dorm."

Kokuchou dropped Kozue who immediately ran off, but not before turning around and making a face at them. Futaba moved towards her and Kozue flinched away, bolting. Futaba shook her head. "Shou-nii left his old shinobi stuff for the kids who want to attend the Academy." The girl had eyed them with a frown. "Idiots."

In not a little bit of shock, Kokuchou had thanked Futaba and left for the shinobi dormitory. It was all the way near the Academy, at least two miles from Wakuraba. Her feet had dragged along the road in exhaustion. She could have expedited the matter by taking to the rooftops, but she'd used a lot of chakra dispelling Jiraiya-sensei's stupid seals.

If I see anyone littering near the river, I'll… do something about it. Kokuchou had finished the thought lamely.

Shou stopped before her, forcing Kokuchou to crane her neck back. She glared at him when he rubbed her wind-pinkened cheeks. His eyes lingered on the scab along her brow and the mottled bruise. The colors would fade, but she knew the cut would scar. "There's that face. I missed it."

Kokuchou slapped his hands away. Kushina always complained about her avoiding questions, but she'd learned the habit from Shou. "Why?"

Shou looked around the barren entryway. The walls were some bland shade of white or beige or grey. It was hard to tell; and nothing hung from the walls except the Konoha shinobi creed.

"It was time."

"To leave Wakuraba?" Kokuchou's mind jumped to conclusions. She never, _never,_ thought he would leave it. He'd dropped his last name, yes, but he loved the kids at the Aokigahara Orphanage and had a lot of friends in the neighborhood, shinobi and civilian alike. He, like her, knew what the rest of the village thought of them, but also saw the good in it. The resilience and their small rebellions against people's assumptions. "Leaving won't make a difference."

Shou nodded, eyeing who she assumed was the on-duty monitor. He watched them idly, clearly bored. Shou wrapped an arm around her shoulder and guided her outside. Ugh. Her clothes were still damp. "Yes, it was time to leave Wakuraba, but not for the reason you're thinking. I came because it's time to get stronger. Jimei-taichou… I need to learn more. So does Wakaki. We're- We don't stand a chance."

For the first time in as long as she'd known Shou, he looked scared. "What happened?"

She didn't need to clarify. Shou pulled out a kunai and idly cut a thread from his pants. He, even more than her, was so careful with his things. His smile was bitter. "What always happens."

"Yeah, but wha-"

"They told me it was classified. I can't tell anyone." His jaw clenched. Kokuchou didn't know what else to say. He couldn't tell anyone what happened on the mission that had led to the death of his teammate. But she already knew it was supposed to be a simple delivery mission to the Genin Gundan near the border of the Land of Rain. He'd told her that much before leaving.

"We weren't ready," Shou whispered, twirling the thread around his finger. She could see his eyes go glassy.

"Then why were you on a mission like that anyway? You're still a genin."

Shou shrugged, was silent for a long moment. "We've been genin for a long time…"

"But they can't just-"

"They can," his whisper was urgent. Sure. Shou grabbed her arm. His eyes were wide. "They do. They will."

Kokuchou didn't know what to say to his desperate words. It felt like a warning. Shou let go of her.

"How's your team?"

"They're fine." Their first mission had gone well and Kokuchou had obviously managed to not drown. Her teammates and sensei had quickly noticed her struggling to swim after the first time she dispelled the seals.

"What do you mean you can't swim, kid?" Jiraiya-sensei had called down. He'd stood on the bridge, studying the seal Minato had made for her chakrams the day before. "We swim for the first nine months of our lives."

He'd spoken of the cushioning amniotic fluid that surrounded them during gestation. It was true, in way.

"Seems to me swimming should be our first nature and walking, second. Down you go!"

Shou nodded. "I'm glad you have them. You'll be better off."

He'd said that, from the very beginning. Pushed her to be Itame-sensei's apprentice. Encouraged her to study and learn and _try_. "Better off from what, Shou-nii?"

She almost thought he wouldn't answer, but then he looked around, leaned close. "People whisper of war."

"

 _War_.

Kokuchou couldn't stop thinking about it.

Not through the night even though she desperately needed sleep.

Not during their second D-rank in which they'd been tasked with cleaning up a training ground after some jonin had trashed it.

She couldn't stop thinking of Shou's face as she sparred with Hibashi. He'd almost won that fight, as distracted as Kokuchou had been. Almost. Hibashi had aimed a punch at her face.

" _War."_ Shou's voice whispered in her ear. Kokuchou had dodged the punch and kicked Hibashi's kidney so hard he'd thrown up.

"You really didn't hold back, Kokuchou-chan." Hibashi rubbed his stomach as she followed him and Minato to Wabi, the teahouse his family owned and operated. It was in a nicer part of the village, but not so nice that Kokuchou felt uncomfortable in her own skin.

"Thank you for this," Minato tugged at a lock of hair. "You really didn't have to."

"We know," Hibashi spoke for her. "We want to. It's your birthday!"

To be honest, she'd forgotten both of their birthdays. Even though Kushina had gotten her a gift for the past two years, Kokuchou only remembered her friend's birthday when she reminded her.

"It's July tenth," she'd poked Kokuchou's cheek. "I know you'll feel bad if ya forget."

Kokuchou just hoped that Minato would remind her when it got close to Hibashi's.

They entered the teahouse and Sumitori bowed gracefully at the entrance. "We're honored to have you- Oh. It's you." Her serene face morphed into a scowl.

Hibashi got in her face and whisper-screamed. "Yeah and I'm you're guest!"

"Whatever, ash-for-brains." Sumitori pushed his face away. To them, she smiled brightly and waved. "Hi, Kokuchou-chan! Minato-kun!"

Hibashi huffed. "It's Minato-kun's birthday and he likes mochi. Thought I'd bring him here to try our kuzomochi."

She had no idea how or when the boy had noticed that. But Hibashi tended to notice things other people missed.

"Ooh!" Sumitori grabbed his hands, pulling the blond behind her. "Follow me! You're gonna love it!"

The girl led them to a dining area. The tea room was filled with soft chatter as patrons dined beneath kotatsu. It wasn't a formal teahouse, not like she'd been expecting.

"If you want formal, go to my uncles' places." He'd told her on the way over after she expressed concern about their attire. Kokuchou highly doubted she ever would.

Everyone flinched when a loud bang echoed from the entryway.

"Kokuchin!"

Oh no. Kokuchou braced herself for what was coming.

"Kokuchin!" Kushina shouted again. "Hurry up! She's this way!"

The redhead bound into the room, feet pounding on the tatami mats. Her teammates Hara –she still didn't know his first name– and Tsunematsu Ueki followed behind her. When he caught sight of Kokuchou he glared. She noticed Ueki watching her with appraising eyes.

"What's your crazy friend doing here," Hibashi stage-whispered to her.

Kokuchou shrugged. It was impossible to know with Kushina.

The redhead rounded on him. "Crazy?! What's crazy about me-"

"Kushina-san," Kokuchou silenced the girl. "What's up?"

Her friend rolled her eyes, slight forgotten. "It's so weird when you call me that."

"No weirder than calling me 'Kokuchin'."

"It's not weir-"

"Get on with it, Uzumaki." Hara demanded rudely behind her. He still glared at Kokuchou.

"Eager to be beat, I see. Kokuchin," Kushina grabbed the opening of her yukata. "Take off your clothes."

Kokuchou immediately held her friend's hands as they tugged at her clothes. "No."

All of the patrons watched the interaction. Some were curious and others looked amused.

"Come on!"

"No- Kushina. Stop that," she struggled to get away. The girl had a grip of steel.

"I can't. I have to prove Hara-me wrong!"

"About what?" Kokuchou tried not to sound agitated as the girl continued to tug at her yukata.

"He said women are just naturally weaker than men. That we're born that way. But you're more ripped than he is, so I need you to take off your clothes to show him he's wrong."

She froze, incredulous. That was so stupid. Not Kushina's reasoning. Well, actually. Yeah. Barging into a teahouse, as relaxed as it was, and demanding Kokuchou strip was pretty dumb; although no dumber than what Hara had said.

"Yikes," Hibashi whistled. Sumitori had plastered on a polite smile for the guests, but her hands were held tight in front of her. She probably would have made them go somewhere else if she weren't clearly so mad about it. Kokuchou remembered that their older sister had mentioned Sumitori's feminist streak.

Minato watched quietly, eyes darting between everyone. She could tell he was amused.

Kushina tugged rather hard and Kokuchou twisted away, holding her yukata together.

"It's true. Scientific research has been done on the strength of men and women and the men always come out on top." Hara crossed his arms haughtily.

Not necessarily true, her medical training told her. But Hara seemed pretty convinced of this 'fact'. Even if they compared their muscles, he still wouldn't change his mind.

"I won't do it."

"Plea-se, Kokuchin!" Kushina's groaned deeply and dropped to her knees, still holding onto the clothing. "Do ya know how much face I'll lose if ya don't do this for me?"

Kokuchou let herself appear to consider the plea, her friend's face growing hopeful. She even brought her hands to Kushina's face. "Kushina…" she began gently. Then she pinched the redhead's round cheeks. "You could stand to lose some."

Kokuchou forcefully pushed her away and turned to leave even though they'd yet to celebrate Minato's birthday. I'm doing them a favor. Kushina will never give up.

The redhead tackled her from behind. "Just take it off!"

"No!"

"I'm not askin' ya to get naked, ya weirdo. Ya used to walk around without it anyways!" She yanked rather hard on the yukata.

"Dammit Kushina! Read the room!"

That made her stop. Kushina, still pinning Kokuchou on the tatami mats, looked around. The entire teahouse watched them.

Kushina chuckled and stood. She pulled Kokuchou with her. Kokuchou, for her part, went completely boneless. She knew she wouldn't be able to shake off the girl's grip, but refused to make it easier, either.

"Excuse me," the girl gave an awkward bow while holding a limp and sagging Kokuchou by the arms. "I apologize for the scene, ya know? Girl power…" She lamely pumped her fist and dragged Kokuchou from the teahouse followed by her teammates.

Sumitori pumped her own discretely in front of her, eyes alight.

Kokuchou caught Hibashi and Minato's gaze. "I'll see you later… Happy Birthday."

"

"What happened to you?" Hibashi leaned close to her as they waited for Jiraiya-sensei and Minato to arrive outside of the Hokage Tower.

Kokuchou sighed heavily through her nose, eyes staring up at the looming façade of past Hokage. "Nothing important."

Kushina had indeed wrestled her out of the yukata and, just as she suspected, Hara dismissed her well-defined muscles.

"Doesn't mean you're strong. You're so shrimpy," he'd scoffed.

Then Kushina made her fight him. At least she'd won. Kokuchou had almost thrown the match but knew Kushina would _never_ let her live it down. Tsunematsu Ueki had only watched, silent and sharp-eyed as Kushina cheered her on. She was a little surprised at how easy it had been. Granted, the boy drastically underestimated her but, still. It would have taken more effort on her part to lose than it had to win.

Hibashi flicked a rock across the road. "She's almost as crazy as Sumitori. She wouldn't shut up about the whole thing the rest of the night. Oh! And I saved you some kuzomochi."

He retrieved a small parcel from his pouch. Kokuchou thanked him and took a small bite. She had to keep her face from screwing up. It was way too sweet. Fortunately, his attention was drawn to the road ahead. The rest of Team Jiraiya arrived a moment later.

She put it in her bag with a mumbled, "I'll finish it later."

"Let's go, tadpoles!" Jiraiya-sensei burst into the Tower. "There are missions to be had and things to be learned!"

Hibashi followed close behind the jonin. "Can we get something that doesn't involve cleaning, today?"

Kokuchou held back, walking alongside Minato. She pulled a package from her bag and offered it to him as they walked. "For you."

The blond took it with hesitant eyes. She felt uncomfortable as he carefully opened it, so Kokuchou filled the silence. "Itame-sensei is the only person in Konoha who makes those."

She grabbed one of the three-pronged kunai from his hand. She'd gone to her mentor's place the night before; with Shou now living in the dorm, she didn't see much of a point in going to Wakuraba. Her okaa-san didn't need her. Kokuchou had decided to give the two to him several days before when he'd cut his wrist while blocking an attack with a kunai. Again. She didn't know what it was, but he just couldn't seem to keep it from happening.

"They're like sai. They'll keep the weapon from slipping down to your arm." She held it out on a finger. "And they're perfectly balanced, so your throws will be more accurate."

Than they already were, at least.

"Ooh! Cool! Is that a birthday gift?!" Hibashi fell back to join them. It wasn't but she was the idiot who gave something to a teammate the day after his birthday. Anything she said would seem like a deflection.

Kokuchou shrugged.

"I've never seen a kunai like this before." Minato admitted.

Not surprising. They were used more widely in other countries, Itame-sensei had told her. She shared the information with them. "Bulkier or more elaborate weapons are less suited for the trees of Konoha. The smaller or thinner they are without losing their efficacy, the better. Otherwise, they're more like to catch on the trees and underbrush."

Minato was silent. He held the two kunai in his hands, tested their weight and flipped them around. "Thank you."

Kokuchou only nodded, not meeting his eyes. She caught Jiraiya-sensei as he looked back at them from the corner of his eye.

"Keep up the pace, tadpoles! It's gonna be another long day."


	36. If

It is noon when I finally stop writing. The sun is directly overhead and the icicles on the eaves of the veranda drip with water. The varied crashes of snow falling from branches somewhere in the forest add to the tempo of the steady dribble.

This is not what pulls me from Kokuchou's memories. It is the Cat pawing at my notebook. I push him away once, twice –the Cat meows both times. Apparently fed up, he bites my hand.

"Ow!" I hiss. "What?"

The Cat complains again, running into the hermitage. When I don't immediately follow he stops, looks back, and whines. Through the door, I see a bundle of blankets.

It is noon and Ikkyu is still not awake.

I can only stare.

What if?

What _if?_

 _What if?_

The air is too thin. Ikkyu, the Cat, this hermitage, the notebooks; they are my life. Outside of them I have nothing else and if-

Shadows claw at the edges of my vision. I can't feel this body-

But then he shivers beneath the heavy futon and I know that he is, at least, alive. I gasp, rise slowly, and approach even more so. The Cat bounds ahead. I don't know what I will find and I don't know what I will do _if-_

Ikkyu coughs and the sound is deep, racking. The type that comes from his lungs and shakes his whole body. I kneel at his side and run a fingertip down his wrinkled cheek, more to know that this is real, to feel the give of his crepe paper skin beneath my own. It is so strangely cool.

"Ikkyu?" I whisper and it is reedy, as thin as I feel. As if Ikkyu's coughs, like a maelstrom, could blow me away.

The old man rolls onto his back; or tries to. The futon gets tangled in his limbs. I have to help him. Ikkyu is old, I know. However, this is the first time he has ever actually appeared his age. I can tell that he has never been tall, but there exists the ghost of strength in the way he moves through even the most menial of tasks. It is because his energy, the way he _glows,_ makes it so that I barely notice the numerous scars that crisscross the visible swaths of skin.

Ikkyu's soul has always outshined his body.

Until now.

Kokuchou's medical training kicks in, her body moving through well-practiced steps. I prop him up, letting the memories guide me as I fold my own futon beneath his head to prop him up and run outside. The snow reddens my hands when I scoop it into the pot and blood burns beneath the skin as I stoke the fire. I make sure to close the door to ensure the steam fills the room.

I do everything I can with our limited resources and my half-lived recollections, but still Ikkyu's coughing does not cease. Not through the night, nor into the next morning and when dawn splits the dark horizon in two, he grabs my arm in a feeble grip.

"Doctor," he wheezes, eyes glassy.

I run.

I don't stop. Not once through the forest, or to catch my breath along the road. Not when Ikkyu is alone in the hermitage unable to catch his own. Not when his body is failing him.

I run all the way to Nashimura. The sun is too warm and the air, too cold. Villagers watch as I race by, perhaps recognizing me as the monk's ward; perhaps wondering if they should be afraid of what the small woman is running from, as well.

The infirmary door is jarred from its track when I slam it open and everyone looks up. A young man stands up, maybe a little older than I. "What's wrong?"

"My- my-" I struggle to get the word out; it is more than breathlessness. I don't know what to call him. I have never before had to label what he is to me. He has simply been _mine_ and that was always enough. "Ikkyu."

I pull on his sleeve, try make him follow. My feet do not stop moving for even a moment. "Come! My guardian. He's sick!"

Maybe he hears it in my voice or the beating of my heart that I'm sure everyone can hear, because he does not hesitate. Neither does the small man who'd been standing off to the side of the room; he darts behind a curtain as the younger one goes to the entryway and slips on his boots. They look familiar-

"Sukuna-sensei! I'm going ahead!" He yells out. To me, he asks, "Where do you live?"

I barely know how to describe it. I point in the direction of the hermitage helplessly. "A ways down the road- I don't know how far. You might see my footprints coming from the forest on the left."

The Cat meows at our feet, rubs himself against the man's leg. I gasp. "The Cat! He can show you the way!"

To his credit, the younger man only looks a little confused but then nods and follows the Cat out the door.  
"This way," the doctor pulls my hand. He is short, not much taller than my meager height. He leads me down a hallway and out the backdoor. There is a stable and a horse looks up from where it has been eating. Sukuna-sensei's movements are hasty, but he appears calm as he tacks the large animal.

"This is Saruta," he pats her large cheek. She whinnies. "And don't worry, I'm sure Yuuto-kun is nearly there. You don't live far, right?"

I shrug. I don't know. It had felt far the first time I came to Nashimura and another world away on this mad race to get Ikkyu help. The other times, however… "Yuuto-kun is a fast boy," he promises. "Let's go."

Sukuna-sensei moves to give me a boost so that I can more easily mount the horse, but I am already jumping. This body knows what to do, of what it is capable. My foot lands in the stirrup and I swing my leg over in a single, smooth motion.

The doctor pauses for only a moment. "Limber little thing, aren't you?" Then he mounts as well, and we are off.

"Tell me when," he shouts over the wind as we take a back road out of the village.

My hands tremble around his waist.

* * *

"Excuse me," Sukuna-sensei appears behind me on the veranda. I do not turn. "You do not look well. May I? I want to make sure you have not caught it, as well…"

My hair stands on end at the feel of chakra at my back. I nod, do not fight the intrusion of his chakra into my own. I hear him gasp and withdraw. My gaze is on a point in the sky, like I am looking in Ikkyu's eyes.

A moment later, the doctor returns to his task. The silence is broken by Ikkyu's coughs and the melting snow.

"Has she contracted it, too?" Yuuto asks.

Sukuna-sensei doesn't answer aloud and I cannot see him move as he kneels behind me. "What is your name?"

I smell autumn leaves even though it is that strange between-time, the period that is not yet spring but has moved on from winter. The Cat meows and I remember when he was just a kitten and how Hibashi always used to see cats around the village and Kushina runs towards me and there is Shou and we are eating dinner together and he is making me laugh and my soul doesn't fi-

"Miss?" Sukuna-sensei does something with his chakra and I snap back into focus. The soul-ache is creeping up between the gaps of Kokuchou and I, fast. I hold onto the moment the way Ikkyu taught me.

I touch the boards, feel their texture. I feel the way they go up and down over the bumps and ridges. The doctor is kneeling at my side now, and he appears very concerned. So like Ikkyu looks at me. Ikkyu who continues to cough behind us.

He needs me.

Needs me to be here, in the moment. I have to hold on and help him the way he has helped me every day since he pulled me from the rubble.

"Hokku." The doctor tilts his head. "My name is Hokku."

Yuuto speaks, then. "That's a nice name."

"Thank you," I pet the Cat.

"And his?"

I shrug. I haven't gotten to him yet. "This is the Cat."

Sukuna-sensei nods. "Are you ready to hear about your guardian? Ikkyu? That's his name, correct?"

"Yes," my voice is hoarse from disuse. Ikkyu and I rarely speak. We don't have to.

"How long has he been coughing?"

"I'm not sure…" Because I have been so absorbed by Kokuchou's memories. The past several weeks are a blur, almost as if I didn't live them at all.

"It's pneumonia. A rather advanced case of it. It developed as a result of an untreated case of the flu. Do you know his age?" Again, I can only shake my head. "In that case, I believe we should take him to Nashimura for-"

"No." The sound is so weak that I almost don't hear it. Inside the hermitage, Ikkyu is sitting up. He begins coughing in earnest and I nearly knock the doctor over in my haste to get to him.

"You need to lay down."

"No," he says again, but does not resist my gently pushing hands. He lays back, grabs my hand. "No- I don-"

"You don't want to lay down?"

He shakes his head.

"The village? You don't want to go there?"

He nods and he looks so _small_ as his body shakes with the coughs.

"Here," Sukuna-sensei hands me a cup of tea. "He needs to drink a lot of fluids. Preferably warm fluids to keep him warm. You did the right thing by humidifying the room and laying him up. If he'd been left on his side, he could have cracked a rib-"

"If- if I am to die of this," Ikkyu wheezes. He looks at me with glassy eyes. "I want it to be here. In this place. With you."

If-

 _If-_

"But Ikkyu-"

"Here," Ikkyu coughs.

My face crumples. The tears are hot on my cheeks. "But I don't want you go."

I let my head fall onto his chest. I can hear the coughs better now, the infection in his lungs. How he struggles to breath. Ikkyu pats my head and I understand what he cannot tell me. 'I will try. I am here with you.'

I take a deep breath. Wipe my face.

Ikkyu is still here. And unless I don't pull it together, force myself to be the caretaker for once, then he soon may not be.

The doctor and his apprentice have been silent during our interaction, moving to the side of the hermitage to give us a sense of privacy. Sukuna-sensei stands up from his medical kit, vials in hand. "These are antibiotics, cough medicine, and this will help with his temperature."

Ikkyu shakes his head. Gestures to the wallet he keeps under the floorboards. I know how much is in it and almost start sobbing again. "We- uh, we can't afford medicine."

Sukuna-sensei kneels beside us. He pats our clasped hands with a smile. "Not to worry. I wouldn't charge a monk, Ikkyu-sama. You have dedicated your life to others. I suppose this is my way of giving back to the universe."

Ikkyu smiles and coughs. He glances to the side.

"Thank you," I say for him even though, for some reason, Ikkyu's gratitude felt strained.

"I'm happy to help," the chatty doctor rises. "You're lucky you caught me when you did, Hokku-san. This has been a slow day in terms of emergencies."

I cannot imagine what I would have done had he been elsewhere. I don't know that there is even another doctor in the small village. I don't even know where the next village is because my whole world exists in this hermitage and within the pages of my notebooks.

"I'm afraid I must be off, but Yuuto-kun will return to check on you tomorrow." He claps the tall young man on the shoulder and winks. "I told you he was a fast boy."

Yuuto blushes.

The doctor and his apprentice leave with instructions for treatment and a promise from Yuuto to visit tomorrow.

I give Ikkyu his medicine and make him some soup, and in the solitude of the night, I meditate to keep myself grounded.

I cannot slip away. I will not slip away.

Ikkyu needs me.


	37. Roots from Which We Grow

Spring has long since come and still, Ikkyu is not well.

There have been times over the past several weeks during which, had it not been for Kokuchou's medical training, the Cat, and Yuuto, that dreaded 'if'would have become a 'when' _._ Sukuna-sensei has stopped by several times, but usually sends his apprentice along to check on us every other day.

Since Ikkyu pulled me from the rubble, this is the longest period of time that I have remained lucid or not immersed in Kokuchou's memories. Each day, immediately after waking, I meditate. It is how I hold on and it always looks different as the world, which has been holding its breath all winter, gasps with life.

Some mornings, I climb the basswood tree in which the birds love to perch and just observe them flit about. Others, I sink my toes into the cool soil and feel the grass pushing its way up, the worms wiggling below. My favorite way of grounding myself, though, is going to the small creek which runs through the forest. This is where the most life happens, and I watch it thrive in all its various forms –the animals who come and go, and the plants which drink along the bank.

The earth fills those spaces between Kokuchou and I; it keeps me balanced, grounded. Present.

I make a lot of memories, too. Like speaking with Ikkyu of things we have never had the chance to before, or fostering a tentative friendship with Yuuto. He is so, so funny and has the kind of laugh that pulls me along with him. The Cat and I are getting along better now that I have time to play with him and he seems to enjoy exploring the forest around the hermitage with me. I never go far, of course, so that I can hear Ikkyu call out if he needs me.

I cannot remember ever feeling so whole.

I have barely recorded Kokuchou's memories these ten, long weeks. At first, it was out of desperation to keep Ikkyu alive during such an uncertain time. Then, it was because I had grown so fond of the life I nurtured along with the spring.

But some memories come unbidden and it is like being in two places at once.

I am Hokku, laughing with Yuuto as we play with the Cat, and Ikkyu watches from the veranda.

I am Kokuchou, surrounded by friends and teammates, yet always so alone. Training so hard to avoid death that I barely take the time live.

I hate it.

Regardless, I write the memories down in my journal, or share them with Ikkyu when he asks.

"Perhaps her story wants to be told," he tells me one afternoon as I help him take a walk. Yuuto told us it was important to move around each day.

"But her soul has passed on to…"

Ikkyu nods, knowing where I am going with this. "Her soul has indeed-" he pauses every now and again to cough. "It has indeed passed on to whatever is next- but stories are strange things and have a way of growing within us. They want to be known."

I do not understand how such a thing as a story can almost take on a life as Ikkyu is claiming, but do not fight the memories as they form.

"How- are her teammates?" He asks as we meander along. Ikkyu talks about them like that, as if the memories and the people within them aren't figments of the past shaded by Kokuchou's jaded mind and heart. As if they are current. As if they are here.

In a way, I suppose they are.

As I foster my own relationships with Ikkyu, Yuuto, the Cat, and even Sukuna-sensei, I remember a lot of little moments between Kokuchou and her teammates. Moments that made her feel much as I do now.

"

Minato shook his head for the fourth time that spar. His bangs were clearly getting in the way. In fact, all of his hair was becoming rather long.

When they were finished –Minato had won, of course– Hibashi helped her up. "Dude, you need a haircut. You're looking more girly than ever. Not that being girly is a bad thing-" Hibashi corrected quickly, looking at Kokuchou. It was probably out of habit, considering Sumitori's disposition.

The blond blushed at his ears. He tugged a lock of hair. The longest pieces nearly brushed the middle of his neck. "My aunt and uncle are on a mission."

"I'll take care of it," Jiraiya-sensei popped up next to them. He presented a kunai with a huge grin.

Minato flinched away and shook his head. He covered his hair with his hands. "Not again."

The jonin pouted and sniffed. "It wasn't that bad."

Minato's look told them it had been _that bad_.

"I can do it." Kokuchou hadn't intended on offering, but it had just... Happened. She was unwittingly becoming so comfortable with them that she was blurting things more often.

They all looked at her, surprised. While Minato had started off as the quietest, and he remained quite reserved, the boy had opened up considerably. He was serious, but cheerful and seemed to really like them. On the other hand, Kokuchou tended to stay on the sidelines during conversations, never really sharing anything too personal.

Minato scratched his head, considering it. "Have you cut hair before?"

"I cut Shou-nii's-"

"That guy with the curls?!" Hibashi mimed Shou's bushy hair with his hands. Kokuchou nodded. She'd been afraid to ruin the shape of his hair or make it lopsided, so she'd cut it curl by curl. Neither of them had minded at the time though. It had been an excuse to spend a brief two hours together.

"Okay," Minato pulled a pair of shears from his backpack.

Hibashi squinted at him. "Why do you have those?"

The blond shrugged and sat on the ground in front of Kokuchou. Sitting down like that, he was just the right height for her to cut his hair. While Kokuchou had gained some height over the past few months, nearing one hundred twenty-six centimeters, she'd given up any hope she'd once held of growing past one hundred fifty. Mokume-sensei told her she would probably reach the forty-five mark, if she got lucky.

"While you're busy with that..." Jiraiya-sensei trailed off with that weird giggle of his and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Where does he-" she began.

Minato shook his head. "You don't want to know."

Their third teammate had busied himself with going through Minato's bag, claiming he wanted to see what other 'treasures' the boy had.

"Why do you have a deflated balloon in here?"

"You never know," Minato shrugged but froze once more when Kokuchou ordered him to remain still.

"And this pack of toothbrushes?"

The boys spent the rest of haircut going back and forth about mission preparedness and what Hibashi had declared as Minato's pack-rat nature.

"How is this not heavier?" He experimentally lifted the bag.

As absorbed in conversation as they were, the two missed the smile which tugged at the corners of Kokuchou's mouth.

"

"Whoa, whoa! Stop!" Hibashi demanded with a wide-eyed laugh, hands held out in front of him.

Kokuchou paused putting on her boots. "What?"

"That's what I should be asking! Dude, _what_ is up with your toes!?" He dropped on all fours to get a closer look at them.

Kokuchou flexed her digits. They looked just as they always did. "...Nothing?"

"Those things are so _long_!"

Minato, who'd been pulled aside at the beginning of training by their jonin sensei, glanced up. He craned his neck to try to see from across the field but the man slapped him upside the head.

"Pay attention, Minato."

The blond looked back at his work, a slight frown on his lips.

Hibashi delicately pinched one between his fingers. "Eww. They're so weird, like fingers almost."

"They're not weird."

"They're like a monkey's." Hibashi's tone was very matter-of-fact.

Kokuchou felt uncharacteristically self-conscious. No one had said anything about them before. "I'm sure yours aren't much better."

Hibashi laughed. "O-kay. Let's compare, then." He plopped onto the ground and tore off his sandal, shoving his foot next to hers. "See?"

Indeed, despite their difference in size, Kokuchou's toes looked strangely long beside her teammates. Almost disproportionate with the rest of her body.

"Hey, Minato-kun!" Hibashi called, still chortling at his victory. "You gotta come see Kokuchou-chan's monkey toes. They're gnarly."

The blond bolted over, pretending to not hear the jonin's irritated summons.

"No," she tried to put her boots back on but Hibashi grabbed them first.

"Hey," he said. "Stand up. I wanna see what kind of air you can get with those babies. Can you pick things up with them?"

"

Hibashi stopped suddenly, nearly causing her and Minato to bowl him over. He'd done that a few times, his short attention span and hyper-awareness always alerting him to something they didn't notice. Sometimes it was insignificant, like what he deemed to be a cool looking bug, but other times, his attention span showed him traps their sensei had set for them.

"What?" She looked over his shoulder.

He leaned forward, squinting his already small eyes at a spot on the branch he occupied.

"Do you see something?" Minato asked.

Hibashi's only answer was to lean in further, crouching then. She and Minato joined him.

"Do you... You two gotta get closer." He waved them down until their faces were just a few centimeters from the branch.

"There's..." he trailed off.

Kokuchou waited, eyes scanning the bark.

"I don't-" Minato started.

Then Hibashi grabbed the back of both of their heads and forced them to bang into the branch.

"There's nothing!" The boy cackled. "You morons fell for it!"

Minato was up like a flash but Hibashi had already replaced himself with a branch from the ground. The blond laughed, jumping down after him. Kokuchou threw a chakram.

Try to outrun that, she thought.

"

Kokuchou's food had grown cold as she watched her teammate eat. There were so many people walking around the park that Hibashi only just noticed her staring.

"What is it?" Hibashi stage-whispered, eyeing Minato as well.

Jiraiya-sensei looked up from his notebook. She'd never seen him eat. He always scribbled away in that notepad during mealtimes, smiling to himself.

Minato, as absorbed in his lunch as he was, didn't notice their attention. Kokuchou didn't want to draw it, so she pointed to her mouth and mimicked his chewing.

It was incredibly slow. Like, one chew each second.

Hibashi laughed at him and then Minato looked up and around, trying to find what was so funny. He knit his brow. Minato swallowed slowly, too. "What is it?"

"Do you like your food?" Kokuchou asked, trying not to smile.

He nodded.

"Then why the hell are you chewing so slow?" Hibashi motioned with his chopsticks.

"It's not slow."

"Take a bite, then. Go on." The other boy encouraged.

Minato did and she could tell he was thinking too hard about the typically mindless act.

He sped up.

Then the blond groaned when he bit his tongue.

Kokuchou spit water out her nose.

Hibashi fell over and onto their lunches, laughing even harder.

Minato didn't seem to mind the teasing.

"

Except when it came to his 'treasures'.

"Hibashi-kun? Kokuchou-chan? What are you doing here?" He'd started calling them that after Hibashi had insisted. Without her consent. Kokuchou preferred the more formal 'san' but it was too late now and would have been awkward to request in the first place.

Kokuchou froze, remarkably uncomfortable. She could have said no, stayed behind. Really, she should have because she had no good excuse for why they had snuck into Minato's room. Somehow, Hibashi had known his aunt and uncle were on some mission.

"I've got a sense about these things," Hibashi had claimed as he dragged her to the apartment in a nice part of town. "I'm sure there's more to his whole bag situation."

"Hey Minato-kun," Hibashi said casually, as if it were completely normal to be in a teammate's locked apartment before they arrived home themselves. "What's up?"

"... I just went to get some more ink." He held up the bag of his purchases and moved to set it on his cluttered desk. A scroll fell to the messy floor. When Minato went to pick it up, he knocked over a pile of... junk, that was the only word she could think of to describe the chaos that was stacked around his room. "Sorry for the mess, I haven't had the chance to-"

"Get rid of your hoard?" Hibashi finished for him.

Minato's brow furrowed heavily beneath his bangs. "My hoard?"

"Yeah, you're obviously a hoarder," Hibashi said with delighted eyes. "I mean look at all this crap! You're a lot of things, Minato-kun. But I never expected this!"

Minato looked around at the piles of books, newspapers, and rocks. There were several birdhouses, a shelf of snow globes, even a stack of lampshades. Kokuchou thought she saw a box of lawn decorations, which was made weirder because he lived in an apartment.

He frowned at Hibashi. "It's not crap."

And wow. Kokuchou had never heard him sound so defensive.

"What's this?" Hibashi held up a random item from the floor.

"It's a doll from the Land of Iron. I'm studying it because it reflects the nation's cultural-"

"Okay. And this?" He presented a bag of cat food. "Do you have a cat in here somewhere?"

"It's not for anything." Minato grabbed the bag and put it on a random, or what seemed random to them, box. "It's part of my collection. I'm a collector."

"You're a collector of cat food?"

"No!"

"So you're a collector of useless junk, then?"

"It's not junk!" The blond asserted. His voice broke a little in his vehemence. Kokuchou sputtered off to the side. He rounded on her. "What do you think, Kokuchou-chan? I'm not a hoarder, right?"

He looked at her so pleadingly, blue eyes wide, that she almost wanted to lie and tell him that no, he didn't have a problem. Almost. "Well... there is a lot of stuff in here..."

"Yeah, because it's all useful! This-" the blond held up a compact mirror, "can be used for disguises in the Land of Wind. And this stone can be utilized to-"

"Yeah, yeah. We got it. But really, everything is a tool if you put your mind to it. You're just using that as an excuse."

They argued over it the rest of the afternoon.

And when no one had won by dinner, the teammates ended up having it there, debating the matter the entire time.

"

"Ahh! Demo-" Hibashi flinched backward, holding his chest. "Dammit, Kokuchou-chan! I thought you were a demon or something!"

Kokuchou raised a brow. Well, brows. One day she would be able to do just the one…

"Sorry?" She hadn't been doing anything out of the ordinary, just stretching as she waited for her teammates to arrive. When she'd heard Hibashi's approach, Kokuchou had twisted her torso around, keeping her lower body planted. Apparently, her appearance had startled the boy.

"You should be. Say, can you do the thing?" It was almost part of their routine by that point. Whenever she warmed up, Hibashi requested her to bend her body in seemingly impossible ways. Then, as usual, Minato and Jiraiya-sensei had arrived together and they proceeded to their D-rank mission.

Later, when they were cooling down from training, Hibashi called her over. Kokuchou, who had been mid-stretch, simply maintained the position and hobbled to him in her contorted position. She tapped his foot. "What is it?"

Hibashi turned and startled. "Ugh! Kokuchou-chan stop that!"

"Stop what?" Minato asked curiously.

The other boy gestured wildly to her. "Just look at her! She looks possessed!"

The blond tilted his head. "I don't- Oh! You mean like from one of those classic kaidan novels?"

"You read classic kaidan novels?" Kokuchou asked. She never had the stomach for it, never mind the fact that they were impossibly dry, but she always read the books her mother passed along. She considered it the woman's form of communication. Kokuchou unfolded herself and blinked away the blood rush.

Minato nodded.

Hibashi made a face. "You keep getting weirder, Minato-kun."

After that, if things got boring between missions and training, Kokuchou made a point of seeing how badly she could scare her teammate.

"

"Not everything was great, though," I tell Ikkyu.

He nods, as if he expected as much. "For example?"

I think about. "Like how Jiraiya-sensei usually pulled Minato aside during training. He would teach them all together, of course. But Minato got the most attention, as if Jiraiya believed he needed it the most."

That used to make Kokuchou so angry. She didn't understand why the jonin couldn't see that of the three of them, Minato needed the least amount of help. She had a lot of work to do on her offensive techniques and Hibashi needed help all across the board. But the man had apparently deemed their progress as less pressing.

Shou's whispered ' _War'_ was a near constant in her mind.

"I can see how that would alienate the boy from the rest of his team. Anything else?"

I nod. "Yeah. She and Jiraiya were pretty antagonistic towards each other. She didn't respect him. I think she saw… I don't know. Kokuchou saw something in Jiraiya that made her act out… Minato was constantly avoiding responsibility within the team. Not in the sense that he wasn't there to help them during a spar or mission, but he avoided any sort of leadership role."

Kokuchou hated it because, the way she saw it, she hadn't even wanted to be a shinobi but wasn't avoiding her role the way Minato so often did.

"Then, this one time, Hibashi said something unkind about Wakuraba."

I don't think it had been on purpose, but the village had just conditioned them to react to certain things in specific ways. When Hibashi saw the Wakuraban boy being arrested for painting graffiti on a wall, he'd frowned and said to them, "It's because they're raised that way."

Kokuchou, out of habit, had maintained her straight face. Beneath her calm exterior, however, she was completely taken aback. She was raised in Wakuraba. Everyone she grew up with and nearly everyone she attended the Third School with was from Wakuraba. Perhaps it was something he'd heard his parents say or one of the many villagers who held similar sentiments,

Then Hibashi had realized to whom he was speaking. "I don't mean you, Kokuchou-chan! Or your friend, Shou-san. I just meant-"

"Forget it," she'd said to get him to drop it. She didn't want to hear his excuses. "It doesn't matter."

Hibashi looked remorseful and Minato, thoughtful. He hadn't voiced his own opinion, whatever that may have been. As usual.

Kokuchou's eyes had lingered as they passed the main cemetery with its gleaming monument, clean headstones, flowers, and kempt grounds.

"But, they made up for it, I think." I pause to let Ikkyu rest a moment. Despite the heavy topic, he appeared untroubled. At peace, almost, as the sun shone through the branches tipped with budding leaves.

"

"I miscalculated."

Kokuchou stood beside her teammates as a room full of angry public officials and administrative shinobi berated them. Well, they berated Minato and Hibashi to be specific. Kokuchou was just guilty by association. She hadn't even been there.

"And you," the leader of their platoon, the Rikugun-Chui, Fujino Hansei, whirled on Jiraiya-sensei. "What have you been teaching him all this time? Namikaze has been your student for over two years and he still doesn't understand the importance of not playing with fuinjutsu?"

"A bigger miscalculation could have blown up the entire village!" Another official ground out, his voice nearly hysterical.

A member of the Shinobi Police Force stepped forward, the Uchiha symbol emblazoned on his sleeve. "Should further action be necessary-"

Jiraiya-sensei cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Let's not get hasty. No one was hurt and no major property was damaged."

"They burned down an entire forest!"

The jonin rolled his eyes. Kokuchou worried he would make the whole thing worse with his blasé attitude. "Okay, cool it with the dramatics. It was a small grove and to repeat myself, nothing but trees were damaged."

Hibashi was uncharacteristically focused and Minato, as collected as usual. Neither appeared the least bit repentant. Something was up. Kokuchou couldn't believe that they hadn't realized they were near the unknown cemetery, not after they'd gone to find her there on the day of Wakaba's funeral.

A missions dispatcher who'd been scribbling on a scroll the whole time looked up. "Whatever the case may be, your actions will be put under review and you will be notified of further action to be taken. In the meantime, Team Jiraiya will repair the lot that was destroyed. That means uprooting the trees and moving them to the designated area, ensuring that no graves were damaged, et cetera. The details are in here." He shook the scroll out to Jiraiya-sensei.

"Next time," another random bureaucrat spoke up, "keep your spars contained to a training ground. That's what they're there for."

Some chunin were whispering to themselves in the back of the room. "What neighborhood is it near anyways?"

"Just Wakuraba." Kokuchou's gaze shot to the man who spoke. "It wouldn't be a great loss, but the Aburame compound is so close to it…"

Rage.

They don't know, she forced herself to calm down. They don't know that I'm from Wakuraba. They've never met Shou. Or Okaa-san, Futaba, Kozue, Kareha, Ochiba, Hama, Wakaba, Wakaki. Her neighbors. Hundreds of people's homes, their lives, deemed as 'no great loss'.

What was the opinion of a single man?

Except it wasn't just him. How many times had she or other Wakurabans been called rot, a blight? How often were they glared at for 'loitering' in the village or watched like a hawk because shopkeepers caught just a bit of their Wakuraban accent and thought they would steal?

What thoughts did her team secretly harbor about where she came from? About who she was as a result of having been born and raised there.

It was not just this man.

The worker beside him nodded. "How much shit would they be in if that place got blown up?"

Kokuchou breathed heavily through her nose, eyes glaring holes in on the floor. It felt like they were on fire. She blinked.

Beside her, Hibashi stood a little taller and Minato shifted on his feet.

"Save your gossip for another time," the chunin dispatcher grumbled. "I swear, you two are worse than a couple of bored housewives." To them he said, "Because of the destruction caused to public property, you'll be paying for the damage out of your paychecks."

Minato's hand shot up. "Sir? Aokigahara Kokuchou was not present for the spar."

 _Aokigahara,_ someone whispered.

The chunin's eyes roved the report and he nodded. "Fine. She'll still have to help you two because this does qualify as a mission. But your record will not reflect the incident and you will be paid for the work. Team Jiraiya, dismissed."

The glares and stern looks did not leave them as they moved to exit the office. Some of them went back to discussing how to go forward with the issue.

As they were departing, Hibashi's eyes zeroed in on something on the neck of the man who'd insulted Wakuraba. Kokuchou couldn't tell what it was that he saw.

The man touched his neck self-consciously. "What?"

Hibashi strode towards him and leaned in, eyes narrowed at a spot. Then he made a face. "Huh."

The boy rejoined them without another word.

"What?" The man asked his coworker. He tilted his head back to get a better look. "Is something there?"

The door closed behind them with a click.

"What the hell was that, Goldfish?" Jiraiya-sensei asked. He jostled the boy's head.

"Nothing." Hibashi ducked away. "But that asshole will be paranoid for days."

She listened to the jonin admonish her teammates as they made their way to the plot of land that had been destroyed. "You could have tried harder to look sorry."

"You could have tried harder not to antagonize them." Hibashi shot back.

"They know me, though. You guys are just genin-"

Minato caught her eye. "It matters."

What? Kokuchou's brow knit as she followed behind them. What was he talking about?

It had taken three days to clean up the small forest. Minato and Hibashi had certainly done a number on it. A large part of the reason it had taken so long was because they had to chop the remaining trees into logs that would fit on a cart and then lug that cart across the village. It would be sold as firewood or used for training resources.

Thankfully (strangely), just the surrounding trees had been burned. The grave stones and tomb were left untouched.

When they were done, the once concealed cemetery was noticeable from the road and weeks later, Kokuchou could still overhear people talking about it.

"I didn't even know it was there," some said.

Others, "They're mostly Wakurabans."

"It's kind of sad," she'd heard someone say.

From that time onwards, more flowers were left on the graves and genin teams were assigned to maintain the cemetery. Minato and Hibashi continued to assert that it had been a mere miscalculation. An accident.

Kokuchou suspected otherwise.

"

"Do you believe it was an accident?" Ikkyu asks as I help him back onto his futon. He tries to contain a grunt when the movement jostles his cracked ribs. He'd coughed so much, so hard, that they had given way a few days ago.

I make sure to shut the door and begin humidifying the room. "No."

Minato, I have come to realize, was outstanding amongst his peers. So much so that he was basically competing against himself by the time he graduated from the Academy. For him, learning fuinjutsu –one of the most difficult shinobi arts– was like a foal learning to walk just after it was born. It was instinct, an innate ability.

"It was not a miscalculation."

Ikkyu hums and watches me go about our evening routine.


	38. Unearthed

The petals of the crocus flower are colored by the patterns of shade and light which play across them and when I run my finger down the length of one, it is impossibly soft. Ikkyu is sleeping inside the hermitage and the Cat twitches with dreams on the grass beside me.

"You have a nice voice."

Idle hums morph into a startled yelp and I whip my head up to see Yuuto standing behind me. Then I'm clutching my stomach with laughter. The Cat glares at me and even Yuuto's eyes are wide as he watches me, perhaps taken aback by the dramatic shift in mood.

"Sorry! You scared me!" I'm still snickering at myself. "I didn't hear you come up."

Yuuto rubs his head.

I see Hibashi.

No. I focus on the things that are different, the way Ikkyu told me to.

His skin is darker and eyes, larger. Yuuto's smile is different too, bracketed by dimples. His features are not as thin, but more pronounced. The young man sits beside me, entirely comfortable after coming by for so long.

"I saw that Ikkyu was asleep. Do you mind if I wait here until I can check him?"

I look around and then at an invisible watch on my wrist. "I kind of do… I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty busy today."

"Clearly," he laughs with me. "You practicing for the show?"

"What show?" I ask, even though I know he was being sarcastic.

"Oh, right. I meant to tell you the other day. I forgot, I guess. There's a Flower Festival every May. Members of the community put on shows-"

"Can I-" _go_? I'm leaning into his space in excitement, but then I look to where Ikkyu is resting. He coughs lightly in his sleep. I can't leave him.

Yuuto nods with a sad, understanding smile. "Maybe we can work something out."

"Yeah… Maybe." I roll onto my back once more, watch the clouds drift above. The breeze fills my nose, winding down to my lungs –as if the earth is helping me breathe.

It is utterly inspiriting.

"What song was it?"

I shrug. "Just something I made up."

This is only a partial truth. The tune came from my soul and the past life which it can only recall in borrowed sensations.

"Will you do it again?"

I'm silent for a long moment, both trying to remember the tune and if Kokuchou ever hummed.

No. Not so far as I have gone. I don't think Kokuchou was ever at peace enough to sing, much less hum. It makes me sad for her, that she lived in such a constant state of stress and anxiety. And it makes me happy, because even if it is her talent, this fanciful, fleeting tune is mine.

It may be flawed, not wholly correct, but it is a comfort from a life long since lost.

I look over at the crocus once more. The shadow of an ant crawls up the inside of the flower.

I hum.

* * *

Something tickles my toes and I kick out at it.

"Ow," Yuuto complains. I squint up at him against the sunlight. He shakes out his hand. "My own fault, I suppose. I should have known better."

I must have drifted off from the warmth of the sunshine, the gentle wind, and my own song. "How long have I been out?"

"Just a few minutes. I couldn't help myself when I saw your toes."

I don't sit up, but bring my legs above me. I flex my toes. Hibashi had been right -they are rather long. I laugh at them. "You wouldn't be the first."

I grab Yuuto's hand between my feet, using the toes as if I'm examining it. "Did I kick you hard?"

"Gross," he pulls it away with a laugh. "Only enough to crack the bone."

I sit up then. "Seriously."

Yuuto nods and his smile thins. My hair stands on end as he uses his chakra to heal the damage. "Yeah. You got a mean set of legs on you." The man pauses, eyes raking down my body. It doesn't feel intrusive; rather, it is assessing. Like the doctor he aspires to be. "Hokku?"

I like hearing my name from another person's mouth. It makes me want to form other friendships. "Hm?"

Yuuto hesitates, then takes a breath. "I've been meaning to ask… What happened to you?"

My body warms as my heart beats faster. I don't know why I had assumed people would never ask about my past, or lack thereof, or the signs of the life Kokuchou endured. I look at the missing fingertip on my left hand, the vertical scars which run jagged and pink up to my elbows. Various burns and scar tissue litter nearly every inch of her skin.

Yuuto's finger points to the dots on my face. "These aren't freckles. They're burn scars." He runs it up to my bisected eyebrow. It was the scar Kokuchou had gotten in her fight with Minato. There is a large, puckered one on my left thigh and in the middle of my right palm, straight through the hand. "And this. All of it… Are you a shinobi?"

I wasn't, I want to tell him. Hokku has never been anything besides the girl in the grove with her friends Ikkyu and the Cat. But I don't. Ikkyu warned me to be careful during one of our few outings to the village.

"You don't have to lie," he'd told me. "Just be vague. Until we know more about Kokuchou's life." I think of Orochimaru and how, if he is still alive, he will probably want his experiment back.

I shudder even in the warmth and turn my face away. "My body was a tool," I say. And it is not a lie. I did not say, 'Yes, I was a shinobi', neither did I dispute the evidence of it on my skin.

Yuuto nods. I know that he was, too. That's why his sandals had looked so familiar and why he could arrive at the hermitage so quickly. He'd told me weeks ago about how he'd quit being a shinobi the previous year to practice medicine with Sukuna-sensei.

He'd never told me why.

I never asked.

"And your-" he seems to steel himself. "And your ovary?"

It is a very, very personal question even for a healer. But I see it for what it is: a form of release. A way to connect over shared traumas. A desire to be understood by another person. I do not blame him for it.

My hand immediately falls to the space in my abdomen as it so often does. I have suspected, but never wanted to know. Not for certain. Not with what connotations it would have for Kokuchou, for me.

What do you mean? I do not dare ask it, because who cannot remember such a thing happening? Instead, I say, "How bad is it?"

I'm sure his mentor told Yuuto what he'd found the one time he'd used the diagnostic jutsu on me.

"Sukuna-sensei said it was a clean oophorectomy, everything healed almost perfectly. There are no signs of past infection or any complications. I just… I don't- Was there a problem with it?"

He is hopeful, for my sake. That there was a tumor perhaps, or cysts or any number of biological reasons as to why the ovary had been removed.

I can only shrug. That man, Orochimaru- Kokuchou hates him. It makes me want to hate him, too. For the horrors to which he'd subjected her and the atrocities to which he'd made her a witness. But I don't know that I do. Not yet. Not until I experience them firsthand and not just in our nightmares.

Yuuto frowns at his hands. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry. That, whatever happened… It couldn't have been easy."

I don't have anything to say to that and I can feel the tug of memories start to pull me under, so I start humming again and play with my toes. I need to ground myself.

Yuuto misunderstands my silence. "They did things to me, too. My village. Other villages. To my teammates, and to my friends. It's why I quit after the War."

The War? As far as Kokuchou is aware, the Third had been ongoing. Could it still be happening?

"You fought in the Third War?"

Yuuto's brow furrows. Then he laughs. "No, that ended almost two decades ago! Are you telling me you fought in that as a five-year-old?"

"Of course not," I laugh, too. But it is not as free as usual.

Ikkyu told me during my first days of lucidity that this body appears to be in its early twenties. Appears. But if the Third War _ended_ nearly twenty years ago, that would mean Orochimaru did something to keep her from aging. He'd kept Kokuchou in that tube, in stasis for _twenty_ years.

I feel faint.

To think such a thing is possible. To know that someone out there is capable of it…

What does that mean for when, _if_ I ever meet them? Kokuchou's friends? Itame-sensei? Shou? Kushina and Minato? I've come to know them the way Kokuchou did because I have experienced everything alongside her and I love them even better because my soul remains untarnished by life the way hers had been.

I breathe deep. Dig my toes into the soil. My words feel thin enough to be carried away on the breeze. "Ikkyu and I, we've been here for a while. We aren't really aware of what has been happening outside of this forest."

Yuuto whistles. "There was a Fourth Shinobi World War, Hokku."

He tells me of the Five Great Nations uniting with the samurai of the Land of Iron to fight against Madara Uchiha, of resurrected shinobi, an army of strange plant clones, and enormous chakra monsters. He tells me of the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but skips over what he'd dreamed his life being like. Yuuto tells me of its heroes and villains and the tentative peace and the underlying chaos that has risen in the wake of the Fourth Shinobi World War.

Then, Ikkyu coughs from within the hermitage. "Yuuto-kun? Is- that you?"

"Yes!" the young man hops up. I trail slowly behind, taking it all in. I do as Yuuto asks of me as we tend to Ikkyu and he prepares to leave for the evening. We eat a dinner of noodles and vegetables together with Yuuto- he has always made sure to bring some fresh produce along.

That night, I struggle to meditate beside Ikkyu's sleeping form. His chest rattles with each breath and the _if_ feels more like a _when_ once again.

One day, maybe not soon, but one day Ikkyu will die and when that happens, I will be alone. Perhaps I will make more friends like Yuuto and Sukuna-sensei. I could travel, see the world with unjaded eyes or return to Konoha… But no one will understand my situation as Ikkyu does.

I do not know what I will do when that happens, because I do not know her story. Not in its entirety. Ikkyu seemed worried when he'd asked me not to divulge the details of her past to anyone.

I don't know if he is right to be.

So, before he goes, or I go, or before anything else can happen, I need to be finished with Kokuchou's story.

I _want_ to be finished with it. With Kokuchou.

I want to be Hokku, free to experience everything for myself without her memories to hold me back.

I must keep writing.


End file.
